True Sacrifice

by Amanda Mackey

  Dad straightened from under the hood and faced me, a wistful expression on his face. “Son, I knew your mother would end up my wife for life the day I saw her, picking flowers in her parents’ front garden as I rode home from my after school job. I nearly ran off the road and into a parked car. She took my breath away. As I passed, she turned to me and smiled. I swear the sun shone even brighter in that moment. My heart expanded. Nothing has changed to this day. She still lights up the room when I walk in. I still find myself catching my breath when she smiles.”

  Shaking off his lucid reverie, he moved to the work bench to grab a rag, wiping his hands on it.

  “I just want you to experience that, son. ’Cause I’m telling you, when you find it, you’ll know.”

  He didn’t speak any more about my marriage. He’d said what he needed to. After that, he’d grabbed a beer out of the small fridge and we’d sat on two crates in the garage, in quiet contemplation.

  “You have another memory? Man, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Letting my eyes adjust, I turned to Viper, half-expecting to see my father, but finding my worried friend instead.

  “Yep. Just shooting the breeze with my old man in this very garage.”

  “Well, that’s twice today I’ve seen you shed tears.”

  “What?”

  “Dude, you’re crying.”

  Lifting my hand to my eyes, I found them wet again. Christ! I never cried. The memory had felt so damn real. All it had taken was a visit to my parents’ house and a lucid memory of my dad. I guess visiting had affected me more than I thought it would.

  Attempting to shake it off, I spun and eyed the very car I’d just been daydreaming about. She stood sleek and proud, exactly the way Dad had left her. My fingers reached out to touch the paint, fragments of my memory lingering as I walked around her to the driver’s side. Opening the door, I sat behind the wheel, failing at keeping the tears at bay. It was all too much. The emotion. The loss. I’d never get to share this space with my father ever again. Never hear his advice born out of love. Share a beer or two or take her for a drive after fine-tuning the engine.

  I let my hand travel to the glove compartment, flicking the button to open it. Focusing on the interior and its contents, my eyes landed on Dad’s favorite pair of aviator shades, sitting atop the original owner’s manual. Picking them up, my gut overturned and my shoulders sagged as incredible grief swamped me further. I couldn’t keep in my wretched sobs as I broke down. Not even at the funeral had I let go because I’d been determined to stay strong for Mom.

  Now in the quiet and solitude of Dad’s favorite possession, his passing came crashing down and there wasn’t a thing I could do to stop it. Twelve months of locked away anger at him being taken so soon. Twelve months of still expecting to see him or hear from him. Twelve months of wondering if there was anything we could have done to avoid his heart attack. Not being with him before he died. All of it compounded and crashed into me.

  I barely heard the passenger door open and close as Viper got in. A hand went to my shoulder and squeezed, but no words were uttered as he let me mourn.

  My body weighed a ton under the burden of sorrow.

  Like a shark, it tore strips off me, letting me bleed out with no mercy. I sat crying like a girl for ages, Viper at my side as always. I’m surprised he hadn’t shot out a sarcastic remark to lighten the mood, but then, he’d always known when to keep his mouth shut. I don’t know what I would have done without him over the years and I was glad he shared this moment with me.

  Feeling the last of my heaving gasps ease, I placed the sunglasses back in the glove compartment where they belonged and closed it, not knowing what the hell to do from here.

  “You want to go grab a beer? A final goodbye to your dad?” Viper quietly asked.

  Nodding, we got out. I pulled myself together enough to hopefully hide my breakdown from Mom and went to take a step toward the door when I halted. My mother was already inside, tears in her own eyes. She’d heard everything.

  Stalking to her, I wrenched her small body into mine, squeezing her tightly, letting her shed her own grief over mine.

  “He was so proud of you,” she whispered.

  Hearing it made me grip her even harder. “I know, Ma. I know.”

  I couldn’t imagine what she’d been through and how she managed to continue on so well. They’d been perfect together, complementing each other so well, it just didn’t seem fair that fate had stepped in.

  Gathering herself and pushing off me, she lifted her hand. Dangling from her fingers were a set of keys I instantly recognized.

  “He wanted you to have the car. I wanted to make sure you were ready before I handed the keys over. I think you are now.” She smiled warmly, her wet cheeks crinkling.

  Overcome with shock and delight that she was gifting me with something Dad had treasured, knowing I too would look after it, I gently took the keys from her.

  “Are you sure? I have nowhere to store her.”

  “I’m positive, and you can keep her here and drive her whenever you wish.”

  Wow. I truly didn’t have any words other than, “Thank you.”

  “You can keep her at my place if you want, bro. I’ve got a double lock-up garage. It’s up to you.”

  Glancing at my mother and then at Viper, I digressed. On one hand it would be great having it at Viper’s house because his place was closer to mine. And on the other hand, every time I wanted to drive it, I could visit Mom if it remained here. Tracing her bloodshot eyes and tear-stained face with my fingers, I knew my answer.

  “Nah, man. Thanks for the offer, but I’m going to leave her here.”

  My mother’s eyes lit up. She knew why I’d refused my friend over her. Giving my hand a squeeze, she began to walk away, calling over her shoulder, “Take her for a spin.”

  I planned on it and I knew just where I wanted to take her. Checking the time on my watch, I smiled.

  “Can I take a raincheck on that beer, bro?”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Mac

  With my face back to normal and my permanent day shift in full-swing, life had resumed some sort of routine. I’d switched from ICU to the Emergency ward and had been run off my feet all morning with a head-trauma victim, a teen with broken ribs and fractured pelvis from a motorbike accident, and a child with a fish hook in his finger.

  It was great having Char in the ward with me. Although she had her own patients to tend to, we’d caught five minutes in between casualties to catch a breather and chat.

  My feet ached and fatigue gripped me, all before three o’clock in the afternoon. My sleep had dwindled to just a few hours a night at best since Harley had gone. I still thought of him, wondering how he coped. I couldn’t help it. The nurse in me would never leave. Plus, I still cared about him. Really cared. I missed him a lot and wished he would make contact. I hadn’t called Viper to ask, giving Harley the space he requested.

  Nick, my ex-boyfriend, hadn’t made contact either, which didn’t bother me. I knew it was over long before he packed up all his belongings.

  Still, with no male presence around, it had been lonely. Char had done her best to help me move on, taking me out and attempting to hook me up with male nurses or doctors, but I turned her down each time. The only man I kept picturing had endless dark brown eyes that captured me every time. A tipped up mouth soft enough to eat, and molded arms strong enough to hold me through the night.

  “Earth to Mac. You zoning out again?”

  “Just thinking.”

  “About Harley?”

  “I…uh…” She could read me well enough to tell if I lied, so I opted for the truth. “Is it that obvious?”

  “Girl, you’ve been off your game for weeks. I see that faraway look you get in your eyes when you think no one’s watching. It’s not a, ‘I have been to hell and back’ look either, it’s more of a ‘I miss him so damn much’ kind of expression.”

  Laughing at her p
recise observation, I checked my watch, knowing I needed to get back to work. “Yeah ,well, it’s obvious he’s got no intention of making contact, so I need to forget about him and get on with things. I’ve been trying. It’s just hard, you know?”

  “Yeah, I do. You really liked the guy. Give yourself more time. I’m sure in another month or so you’ll be asking, “Harley who?”

  Hmmm. I couldn’t be so sure, but I did need to focus on my work for a change. It wasn’t healthy to obsess over something I couldn’t have.

  Placing one foot in front of the other, I left the break room and headed back to the nurses’ station. When I rounded the corner, and saw who stood at the desk, all breath left me. My legs weakened and I had to place a hand on the wall to steady myself.

  Leaning with his back to the reception area, with his arms folded, wearing a leather jacket and dark blue jeans with his black work boots, he looked every bit as good as my memory served.

  Better even. His hair had grown slightly longer, his face clean-shaven. Even in profile, he oozed authority and presence.

  I stood and gaped, letting myself take him all in, wondering why he had come.

  Did I quietly walk away or did I go to him and ask what he wanted?

  I didn’t have to wait to decide. He made the decision for me, turning and zeroing in on me with all the intensity of a starved man during a famine.

  My body wouldn’t move. I should have walked away. The rational part of me screamed to go back the way I had come but with his utmost focus on only me, I just couldn’t do it.

  People moved all around us but they were nothing more than abstract shapes as I took in all his gloriousness. He appeared less angry and more in control. Calmer.

  I stood still to see what he’d do, not wanting to go to him, but not wanting to move. His lips lifted slightly as he took the first step. He hadn’t looked away and neither had I. I didn’t want to miss a thing. The last three weeks had been torture. I thought I’d never see him again. Especially not in my place of work. Speaking of which, how did he get into the Emergency Ward?

  As he neared, my breathing changed, almost coming to a complete stop. His essence reached out to touch me, wrapping its tentacles around me. His scent came next, coating my nostrils, sparking a hormonal reaction. My body sold out my rationality. Traitor.

  He filled the space in front of me until my eyes leveled with his neck. He swallowed hard, the tight muscles bulging with the effort, as if he too struggled to remain composed.

  “Angel.”

  His name for me. He hadn’t called me Mac. Did that mean…? No. It didn’t mean a thing. Old habit.

  “What are you doing here?” I attempted to keep the hope out of my voice as I finally looked up and into his absorbing stare.

  “Waiting for you to finish.”

  “What? Why? I don’t finish for another two and a half hours.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  “But you can’t just hang around in here. As you can see…” I swept my hand around us. “We’re busy. Speaking of which, I need to get back to work.”

  Knowing I still had rounds to do, I moved to shuffle past him, unable to soak in his beauty any longer. I sucked in a sharp breath when his large hand seized my arm. Not hard, but with enough pressure to let me know he needed to tell me something.

  “Wait. Please. We need to talk.”

  Not sure what he wanted, I didn’t want to make things easy for him. He’d pushed me away when I needed him and now he just waltzed in here expecting me to concede to his request.

  “How did you get in here, anyway?”

  Looking away for a second, he focused again. “I have my ways.”

  “Of course you do. You have military clearance, right?” It came out a little snarkier than I intended.

  “Look. I’ll stay here all Goddamn night if I need to, but I’m not leaving until we’ve talked.”

  Hearing my name paged, I had no choice but to agree. I didn’t have time to stand and tell him all the reasons why talking would be a bad idea.

  “Fine. Stay out of the way and don’t interrupt me again while I’m working.” I didn’t wait for an answer. I took off to the room I’d been called to, happy for some breathing space, yet nervous about being alone with him. Had he come to tell me he was shutting me out completely? That he’d decided to work things out with Trudy after all?

  Gah! Now my brain ran at the speed of sound, overthinking everything. Damn him showing up. I had been on the cusp of accepting his decision to shut me out and move on. Now, after seeing him again, I clung to the slight possibility that maybe, just maybe he’d want to work things out. It didn’t bode well for the rest of my shift.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Harley

  I knew she’d arrived before I turned and saw her stunning face. My body came alive and all my senses were on high alert. I gave her a moment before I focused everything I had on her. I’d be the last person she expected to see at her work. Especially in the area reserved for emergencies only. I was hardly that, although the favor I’d called in from her friend Charlotte had paid off handsomely. At first she’d given me an earful about what an asshole I’d been, but after explaining why I needed to see Mac and what my intentions were, she’d conceded, albeit, begrudgingly.

  So here I stood, the slow pivot of my legs bringing me in line with my lifeline. My breathing apparatus. The gorgeous woman who’d unwittingly burrowed into the thick walls of my heart and found me when I’d been lost. The weeks that had passed and the medication helping me settle, had brought about a new clarity. Life sucked without Mac in it. She shined light in the darkness. I wanted what she had to offer. I never should have pushed her away, but I didn’t know any other way. I still didn’t know if I’d hurt her, but with each day, my resolve strengthened. I needed to fight for the good. What had transpired in my past needed to stay there and not own me. It would be a new kind of battle I’d be fighting for years to come but for Mac, I’d try. I owed her that. If she still wanted me. I couldn’t blame her if she hated me and didn’t want anything to do with me.

  Her gaze, when I found it, told me all I needed to know. Mixed with the initial shock of my appearance, like some ghost from the dark, I saw a flicker of hope. That little spark was all I needed. My feet moved before my brain could catch up. Her pull led me.

  Christ, she epitomized the perfect woman in her scrubs, and I wanted nothing more than to push her up against the wall and take that mouth. Oh, how I’d missed that mouth. It tried to smile but didn’t quite get there, and I knew I shouldn’t expect her quick forgiveness, but damn, if I didn’t want to see the way it upturned and dimpled when she showed me her pearly whites.

  Mixed amongst the sliver of hope I could see anger. Perfectly justified. Surprised she hadn’t shunned me completely, I noted the way she shone under the fluorescent lights as if otherworldly.

  “Angel.” My angel. I needed her alone to plead my case but I knew it wouldn’t happen at her place of employment.

  Asking what I was doing here, I explained I was waiting for her to finish.

  She appeared to put her shutters back up again, straightening her spine. When she agreed to talk after her shift, my shoulders and anxiety eased somewhat. I’d hang out in a hard chair if I had to, but I wasn’t leaving without her.

  Watching her walk off after she’d been paged, I followed the sway of her hips, hoping like hell I’d get to feel them beneath me again. I had some serious groveling to do, something which I had never needed to do before. If that’s what it took, I’d do it. I’d kiss the ground she walked on.

  When she’d asked me how I’d come to be in the Emergency section, I’d dodged giving her a proper answer. I wouldn’t sell her friend out. I’d promised.

  With chaos unfolding around me, I slid into my own head, filling my time with images and thoughts of Mac. From the moment I’d found consciousness after the shooting, it had been her. Only her. And I’d all but blown it with my own selfishness.

&n
bsp; To think of all she’d been through since knowing me. The demise of her relationship with Nick, which in all fairness had already begun to crumble before I appeared on the scene but still, maybe they could have worked it out.

  Her apartment being ransacked. The abduction and beatings, feeling like she would die in that dank, warehouse. And to top it all off, I’d been a total ass and set her aside as if she were nothing more than a passing thought.

  Through it all, she’d survived. The way her demeanor had shifted into that of a battle-hardened woman had raised my respect for her even more. She had returned to work to continue her destiny of helping others, even when she’d needed help herself. That’s the type of woman I wanted. One who would carry me to my own salvation.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Mac

  “Hello? Nurse? I asked for an update on Brock Henderson in room five. Have we got his bloods back from the lab yet?”

  Snapping out of a head full of Harley, I answered swiftly, “Sorry, doctor. I’ll get on it.”

  Scurrying down the hallway toward room five, where seven-year-old Brock had been brought in with a high fever and rash, I mentally berated myself for letting my work suffer.

  I’d been standing with the boy’s file in my hand at reception when Dr. Bennett had caught me. Feeling like an idiot, I pushed the curtain aside to assess Brock, his worried parents hovering.

  “Any news yet, Nurse?”

  “I’m sorry. I’m going to check the computer now to see if they’ve sent the results. Shouldn’t take too long.” Unless I lost my mind to one hot, thick-headed soldier again. Not happening while I was on the clock.

  Each holding bay had a computer for easy access to information. I checked to see if the bloods were back, glad to see they’d been sent through.

  Scanning the screen, I couldn’t find any obvious signs of the youngster’s illness. Full blood count—normal. Kidney and liver function—normal. Nothing stood out in red. A good sign but frustrating for the parents, who wanted answers.