by Max Hudson
“This is where I’ll be.” Jake pointed to the unmarked door. “I’m having a fitting done for a waterproof limb.”
He turned to look Dave in the eye and waited for the question.
“Which limb?” The shock on Dave’s face warred with the admiration in his eyes.
“My right leg, below the knee.”
He held Dave’s gaze a moment longer, and when Dave nodded dumbly and settled against his back again, Jake let the warmth from his body soak into his back as he moved off again. He relished the feeling of closeness, though Dave held himself stiffly. Baby steps. He had just dropped a bombshell on the guy, who was already having to come to terms with his feelings for Jake. A missing limb might be the last straw. At least he hadn’t ended the ride there.
When they got to his place, Jake didn't accept Dave’s invitation to go in with him, though it took everything in him to refuse. He wanted to give them both time to think, and he wanted Dave to be sure he had made the right decision. And if you’re gonna be honest, you want him to miss you just a little bit.
“See you Monday,” he said instead, when Dave swung himself off the Harley.
Later, as he slipped his prosthetic off before bed, he wondered how Dave would react to seeing him with half a leg. Memories of his own disbelief and terror washed over him…the shock of seeing nothing below the knee, the empty feel on the right side of his body, the times when he would wake up sweating in pain from a leg that wasn’t there. Worrying about it wouldn’t make things any easier for Dave, if the time ever came for the final revelation. It sure as hell hadn't worked for Jake.
Setting the artificial limb aside, he slid into bed, lying awake for far too long thinking about how his life would change if he and Dave made a go of things. Mike had been around when he was whole, and on active duty. They saw each other far less than was probably healthy, especially for a couple who had to withstand so much grief for their sexual orientation. How would Dave, who didn’t know what he was, fare when the haters came out of the woodwork? Would he have the support of his family? At least Jake’s parents would welcome Dave with open arms. They’d be glad that Jake was “making progress,” as they liked to call it every time he made a step back into the world. Finally forcing himself to stop thinking, he fell into a troubled sleep and woke before the birds.
Halfway through Sunday, as he was working with a new set of nature shots for a magazine, his cell phone rang. He picked it up without checking the caller ID.
“Jake Pratt.”
“Hey. What time should I be there tomorrow?”
The husky sound of Dave’s voice snaked its way down inside to where Jake’s desires lived and woke them to startled life. He steadied his hand on the phone and cleared his throat.
“Appointment’s at 9:00. You can get there about 11:00.”
“I’ll be there at 9:00.”
“You don’t have to…”
“I’ll be there at 9:00. Unless you have some compelling reason for me not to be.”
The hard note in his voice, the stubborn determination to have his way, turned Jake on even more. Brave. As. Fuck.
“It’s your time.”
“Yeah, it is. See you.”
Jake smiled as he went back to work. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad, after all. Maybe this time, he’d met his equal. He couldn’t wait to find out.
Dave was waiting for him when he walked over from the parking garage. He stood nonchalantly by the door, and when he saw Jake, his eyes lit up, even though he didn’t smile. Something lit up inside Jake at the sight, and he couldn’t restrain his own smile.
“Morning. You’re eager.”
“I’m curious. You knew I would be.”
“Hope you can handle the shock.”
“I’m a big boy. I’ll deal.”
Famous last words. “We’ll see how well in a few minutes.”
Jake led the way into the offices where he was greeted by the young man responsible for making his prosthetic. He made quick introductions and then was led back to the room where his new leg was waiting to be fitted. Dave sat quietly while Jake removed his limb and set it aside. Jake could feel his eyes on the stub and wondered that he wasn’t more uncomfortable with Dave’s invasion of his privacy. Then he forgot to think about anything except the fitting. By the time he was allowed to put his old leg back on, he was ready to be done for the day. He had walked, run, hopped, skipped, jumped, climbed stairs, turned, sat down, and stood up in it. A few more adjustments needed to be made, and one more fitting, which he hoped would be his last.
“Thanks, Nick.” He shook his prosthetist’s hand and walked with Dave out into the midmorning sunshine.
“Is there somewhere specific you want to go for lunch?”
Jake heard intention in Dave’s question, and he turned to look at him sharply. “No. Why? Do you have some place in mind?”
“Yes. My place. My mother sent over dinner for me yesterday, and as usual, it was way too much for one person. If you don’t mind leftovers for lunch, we can eat there.”
“Did you take the train again?”
Dave smiled, and Jake chuckled. “Why do you even have a car when you live in the city?”
“The people I care about don’t, and it’s cheaper to drive to visit them.”
Does that include me? They walked to the parking garage, and Jake handed in his ticket and paid the bill. Instead of voicing the question, he said, “Tell me about the people you care about.”
“My mom lives in the house we grew up in. There are five of us kids. I’m the only boy, and the firstborn. She wants grandkids.”
The attendant drove the SUV up to where they were, and Jake drove off before asking, “None of your sisters have kids?”
“Yes, but they won’t carry on the family name.”
Something in his voice made Jake glance at him. Clearly, this was a part of the torment he was facing. “Many same sex couples adopt children,” he reminded him.
“But it’s not the same, is it? They don’t have their adoptive parents’ genes.”
“Are you looking to have kids soon?”
“Haven’t really thought much about it…until recently.”
Jake heard the hesitation and wondered about it. He himself wanted kids in some future where he wasn’t as broken as he had been feeling until a month ago. He looked over at his companion again as realization hit him…he’d been so messed up over Dave that he hadn’t felt like a total fuck-up in anything else for the first time in two years. Failing to get the guy…definitely. Failing to be alive, to live fully? Not so much anymore.
Thank you, Dave. And it looked like his luck was about to turn there, too. He gripped the steering wheel with a renewed sense of purpose. He could do this. He could survive another person in his space, in his head… maybe even in his heart.
Chapter Eight
The shock of seeing Jake's stump, coupled with awe at his prowess on the artificial leg and a deep respect and admiration for who Jake was turning out to be, still had Dave reeling. His heart had almost popped out of his chest when Jake had slipped off the prosthetic, and something like pain had seared him as he watched Jake massage the stump. How the hell had he not noticed? Was Jake that good at disguising his limp? Did he limp? How hard did he have to work not to limp?
Dave cast an eye over Jake as he walked ahead of him into the foyer of his apartment. There was no sign of anything wrong. Nothing gave away the missing limb. He stopped himself from staring with great effort.
"Come through. Have a seat. I'll go ahead and warm up lunch."
"Do you mind if I hang out in the kitchen?"
"No." Dave led the way back to the kitchen, and watched as Jake pulled himself up onto the bar stool at the island. The fluid movement astonished Dave, who couldn't resist saying, "You're pretty good at this, aren't you?"
"Best way I could think of to keep myself from going crazy was to get back in shape."
Dave got the food out of the fridge and set it in t
he cold wall oven, setting the temperature to start it. By the time the oven was hot enough, the food would have begun to warm, and they'd have less time to wait. He wanted to spend time with Jake, but his need went beyond that. He wanted to feel Jake's hard body pressed up against his own, to feel the rapid beating of Jake's heart. He wanted to feel Jake's hot breaths on his neck. He wanted Jake to kiss him and wrap his arms around him. He wanted more than kisses. All the desires he thought he had conquered years ago had come rushing back the first time he saw Jake, and now they were overwhelming him in a tidal wave of feelings he didn’t know what to do with.
"Beer?" He had to distract himself from that need before he did something stupid. He and Jake hadn't managed to make it through any alone time together without problems so far, and he didn't want to fuck this up.
Jake didn't answer but looked at him, and the knowledge in his eyes heated Dave from the inside.
"Beer?" He repeated the question, and Jake's smile twisted him in knots. “What?"
"You gotta learn to relax, Dave. Trust your gut. Take what you want and don't apologize for wanting it."
Easy for you to say, big guy. You're not the one wanting to jump your bones and not even knowing how that works.
"I can see the wheels turning in your head. It's written all over your face." Jake's amusement irritated him, but the sound of his voice made Dave's body tighten.
"I have a poker face." Christ! What a ridiculous thing to say!
Jake chuckled. "Not today, you don't. But you do keep trying, don't you? Give it up already."
A reluctant grin loosened Dave’s features as he acknowledged that Jake was right.
"You should do that more often."
Dave turned puzzled eyes to Jake. "Do what?"
"Smile. You light up when you do." He paused, as if considering, then added, "So fucking hot!"
The blush heated Dave's cheeks and he turned away to check on the food in the oven. He had barely closed the oven door when he felt Jake behind him.
"Still running scared, eh?" Jake’s hands cupped his shoulder, and Dave turned to face him.
“Not sure I’d call what I’m feeling ‘scared.’ More like ‘what the hell am I even doing?’ I have no frame of reference for any of this. I was never interested in my gay friends’ love lives. They were my friends, they had lovers, it was cool.”
“D’you think we love differently from other people?” When Dave cut his eye at him, Jake laughed. “Aside from that. Do you think we’re different in how we feel and how we show it?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem. I messed up the first two times. I don’t wanna mess up again.”
The feel of Jake’s hands cupping his cheeks soothed the panic beginning to build inside him.
“How about this? Let’s plan some alone time to get to know each other better. To build trust. Familiarity. We’ll do what feels right, and nothing more. When the time is right, we’ll take the next step. No rush. We have all the time in the world.”
Dave had no answer for that, but he didn’t deny himself the kiss he stole, leaving his soft thank you on Jake’s lips. Lunch was easy after that. He restrained his childish curiosity about Jake’s leg because it was so clearly not an issue for Jake. Instead, they talked about the virtues of growing up an only child versus being the first and only boy of five children. They talked about music, food, women—Dave raised a brow when Jake said he thought Mariska Hargitay was attractive—and Jake laughed at his shock.
“What? You think only straight guys can appreciate female beauty? I may not want to be with a woman, but I can still see why other guys would. I’m gay, not blind.”
Jake would be away on business until Friday, and they decided to wait until he got back to make plans for their first official date. Then he was cupping Dave’s face again and lowering his lips.
“I had a good time. The food was good, the company was better. This,” he brushed Dave’s lips with his own, “is the best of all.”
He licked his way across Dave’s lips, and when he opened them to draw air into his starving lungs, Jake swept in and kissed him deeply. Once. And then he drew away.
“Have a great week. I’ll see myself out.”
Between Monday and Friday, Dave worked on the first story in the new series. He lost himself in the drama of the opening scenes, forgetting to eat, ignoring his cell phone, barely remembering to shower and sleep. It had always been this way with him when he started a new project. Thursday afternoon found him at his dining table pondering the wisdom of deleting the chapter he had just written. He didn’t like it and wasn’t sure whether it belonged elsewhere or even in the story at all. As he weighed the pros and cons, his belly rumbled loudly at the same time that the doorbell rang.
Sighing in frustration, he went to answer it without checking to see who was there, oblivious to his state of undress. He blinked when he saw Jake standing there, looking tired and not a little irritated. He stepped aside, his belly fluttering in unease. Why was Jake so pissed? What had happened?
“Is this how you normally answer your door?”
Dave looked down and saw what Jake saw…rumpled black boxers, a coffee-stained wife-beater half in and half out of the waistband, bare feet. He dragged a hand over his head and face and stepped back so Jake could enter.
“I was working. No need to dress up to write.”
Jake closed the door with his foot and dropped the small suitcase he was holding. Dave registered that fact while Jake dragged him up against his chest and said, “At least you don’t smell like a dump.”
The kiss he laid on Dave woke up the other hunger that had lain dormant for the last three days. He felt defensive and hungry and turned on all at the same time. Had Jake come straight to see him, instead of going home first? Did he have anything to feed him? Maybe he should go take a shower. His distraction did not go unnoticed.
“I’ve had better welcome home kisses from my dog!”
Jake’s sharp tone and cutting words riled Dave, and he dragged Jake’s head down, whispering, “Asshole!” even as he plunged into his mouth, taking over the kiss, showing him with every lick and suck how much he had missed him. And when they both broke for air, he realized that he had missed Jake, though he hadn’t noted it because he had had the distraction of writing.
“That’s better.” Jake’s smile was smug. “We’ll have to work on your love language, next. ‘Asshole’ is not a term of endearment, no matter what you’ve been told.”
Relief swept through him, and Dave laughed so hard his chest hurt. “You deserved it,” he said finally, when he could talk. “Comparing me to your dog was a low blow.”
“It worked, didn’t it? I got what I wanted.” Another smirk earned Jake a slap on the chest.
“Welcome home, soldier. It’s good to see you. But, aren’t you a little early? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until tomorrow. And I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to see you. Did your trip go well?”
“Well enough. I have some shots I want to show you, so you can help me decide which to send to the magazine I did the work for. You have a good eye.”
“Yeah…some artist guy I barely knew told me that once.”
Jake chuckled. “You should trust him. He knows what he’s talking about.”
“Wise ass!”
“That’s not acceptable love talk either, buddy.”
Dave chuckled as he walked away. “I’m gonna grab a shower. Are you hungry? I can order pizza or Chinese.”
“I’m fine.”
The look in Jake’s eyes shot lust through Dave like a fiery dart. He walked away, stripping as he entered the bathroom and stepping into the shower, letting the cold water cool his ardor. He closed his eyes and stood there for a full thirty seconds before setting it to the temperature he wanted. Then he lathered himself up with shower gel, wishing he could linger on his half-hard cock and his balls. But Jake was waiting. Dave would seek satisfaction later, after he was gone.
A warm hand push
ed his own away and stroked up and down his belly, taking his cock in hand and sliding around it slowly, achingly slowly.
“Need some help with this?” Jake breathed the question into his ear as he stepped in behind him, pulling Dave’s back up against his front.
Dave groaned, trying to stay still as Jake worked him over with his hand. They hadn’t talked about this, but it felt right, and Jake had told him to go with his gut.
“Couldn’t do it better if I tried,” he managed to say.
Jake refused to let him do more than stand there and enjoy the feel of another man’s hands on his cock. Scorching heat raced up his spine, a fierce arousal lengthening and hardening his dick as Jake licked his earlobe and kissed him in the warm space behind it. Dave gave himself over to the sensations coursing through him. Jerking off by himself had never felt this good. And when Jake slicked up his finger with more shower gel and breached his ass, Dave’s groans of pleasure were ripped from him, increasing as his fear decreased. Then Jake touched that spot inside that lit him up like a Christmas tree, making him quake.
“Oh fuck me!” His words seemed to turn Jake on, and he introduced a second finger into Dave’s throbbing ass, making him scream when both touched him in that special place.
“Oh shit! I’m gonna come.”
Dave couldn’t stop the tide, and shuddered as he spilled his seed. Jake held him up, and when he shot the last of his load, he made a satisfied sound and turned to face Jake, thanking him with a slow kiss.
“I thought I was supposed to be the one welcoming you home.” His cheeks ached from the width of his smile as he reached for Jake’s hard cock.
Jake avoided his hands. “I’ll take a rain check.”
Surprised to see Jake was as naked as he was, he glanced down, past his rigid dick, and saw the space where a leg ought to be. He spoke without thinking. “How do you…?”
Jake smiled. “If there’s no shower chair, you mean? Very, very carefully.”