The Secrets We Keep

by Ella Jade

  “I don’t think so.” My head pounded hard against my temples. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

  “Stay the day with me. We’ll work it out.”

  “No.”

  “Kara, please don’t walk out on me.”

  “You’re going to have to give me space so that I can figure this out.”

  “X,” Zoey called for him. “Are you coming back?”

  “I’ll be right there, sweetie.” When he stared into my eyes, I saw the conflict in his. “I’m not giving up on us.”

  “Go have breakfast with your daughter.” The word stuck in my mind. Was this my new reality? “We’re leaving soon.”

  “I’ll give you your space but I won’t walk out of her life. Don’t ask me to do that.”

  “Don’t ask me to make decisions I’m not prepared to make. I realize you were wronged but what you did to me…” I held back a sob because emotionally I couldn’t deal with him. “Please, leave me alone.”

  “I’m sorry.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “I’m never giving up.”

  I turned and gazed out the window. As the tears dampened my cheeks, he left me alone to ponder the secret he had kept from me. As many times as I wished he could be Zoey’s father, I never imagined he actually was. The man he made me believe he was didn’t exist. He’d shattered me. How could I come back from that?

  Xavier

  “It’s been three days.” I paced John’s office. “I haven’t heard from her in three fucking days. She won’t answer my texts or return my calls.”

  “Do you blame her?”

  “I thought she’d realize I was coming from a good place.”

  “When you deceived her?”

  “Whose side are you on?”

  “I’m not your attorney,” John said. “I’m here to help you.”

  “You’re not helping.”

  “I suggest you give Kara the space she needs to get over your betrayal. Once she calms down, she’ll reach out to you.”

  “If she doesn’t? What am I supposed to do about my daughter?”

  “You’re going to have to accept that you can’t control this situation.”

  “That’s the problem. I haven’t had control from the beginning. Lanie made sure of that.”

  “Do you want to talk about Lanie?”

  “No!” I shouted. “She’s the last person I want to discuss.”

  “It’s okay to blame her for this. She had her reasons for what she did but that doesn’t mean that you weren’t hurt in all of this. Just because she isn’t here to explain herself doesn’t mean you’re not entitled to your feelings.”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “Xavier, we should talk about your feelings.”

  “They don’t matter.”

  “That’s not true. You’ve been motivated by your anger for months. You’re careful not to mention Lanie. You’re cautious when I ask what would have happened if she had told you the truth before she died.”

  “Things would have been a lot different.” Would I have ended up with Lanie? I didn’t know but she robbed me of that chance to make my own choice.

  “After Lanie’s death, you blamed yourself.”

  “We worked through that.”

  “I thought we had but then Zoey surfaced and our sessions have been concentrated on your plan to insert yourself into their lives. How you could step in and be her father without them knowing your true identity.”

  “Look how that turned out.”

  “I think we both knew it wouldn’t end well.”

  “For years, I devoted so much energy to hating my father. I swore I would never be like him.”

  “You’re not him.” John came around to the front of his desk to face me. “You have a lot to resolve.”

  “I’m too distracted to focus on me. I have to get Kara to understand that I belong in Zoey’s life. I was cheated out of her first four years. I never would’ve walked away if I knew she existed. Haven’t I proven that these past few months?”

  “We’re going to deal with your pain. You’ve been so distracted over how you were going to get your way that you’ve neglected the issues that came along with finding out you have a child.”

  “I thought I was resolving them but all I’ve done was create a catastrophe.”

  “Let’s get you on track and then you’ll be better equipped to deal with the future.”

  “You think that shrinking me is the answer.”

  “I do. You’ve been so fixated on what your father did to you that you transferred the circumstances to your situation with Zoey.” He grabbed his tablet from his desk. “I need you to see you are not your father. The circumstances between you and your child are completely different.”

  “I thought we were over this. I came to terms with what happened in my childhood. I don’t want to rehash it.”

  “You may have to.” He removed his glasses. “For Zoey.”

  “I’d do anything for her.”

  “Are you ready to do the work?”

  “For now.”

  “You have to be all in, X or it won’t work. You know that.”

  “We can talk about my feelings all you want but the longer I’m separated from Zoey, the crazier I’m going to go.”

  16

  Kara

  It had been several days since Xavier ripped our world apart. I’d been going through the motions ever since he was forced to reveal his horrible secret. How could I have let a stranger into our lives? How could I have fallen so hard for him? Because he played me. That’s how! He’d set out to infiltrate our lives and I opened the door and invited him in.

  How could I have been so stupid? He’d been so careful in the beginning not to get too close to me but I pushed. I threw myself at him because I was so sure he was the one. And now, my heart wasn’t the only one he’d broken.

  “Hey.” Carla tapped on my bedroom door. “I brought you some tea and soup.” She set the tray down on my nightstand. “When was the last time you ate?”

  “Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” I sat up, squinting when she opened the blinds. “How’s Zoey?”

  “She’s fine.” She sat on the end of the bed. “Kendra and her friend are taking good care of her. They’re doing her nails and curling her hair. She’s having a blast.”

  “It’s Thursday.”

  “She did tell us she goes to the library with X on Thursdays. We told her we’d take her to dinner but she’s worried he’ll be looking for her.”

  “I told her he was away on business this week.”

  “What are you going to tell her next week?”

  “I haven’t thought that far ahead.”

  “You’re going to have to.” She pushed the hair from my face. “This isn’t your average breakup. He’s her father.”

  “He says he is but he hasn’t proven that.”

  “You can arrange for a DNA test but that will only further his case.”

  “He lied to me.”

  “That makes him an asshole.”

  “I don’t ever want to see him again.”

  “That’s not going to happen. He has money, resources, and a shit ton of influential people behind him. He’s equipped to fight. His legal team is a bunch of sharks.”

  “What are you saying? I should just give in and let him take my daughter?”

  “He doesn’t want to take her.” She glanced around the room. “You need to get up and form a plan. Zoey loves him.”

  “She’ll forget him.”

  “He’ll never forget her. Is that what you want? Another Josh? A man who will walk out on you and her?”

  “He’s worse than Josh.”

  My ex-husband was a cheater and immature but he wasn’t ruthless enough to pull something like this off. That was what scared me about X. He worked his way into our lives, knowing he was deceiving us. If Kate hadn’t blown his secret, he would have continued to lie to me.

  “Do you really believe that?”

  “Ar
e you taking his side?”

  “I’m always on your side,” she assured me. “Keith and I will do whatever you need.”

  “But?” I saw it in her eyes. There was a but coming.

  “You can feel however you want about him. What he did was shitty but…”

  “See?”

  “At least you’re smiling. I haven’t seen you do that in days.” She tugged on my hair. “He’s her father. He was deceived and lied to. Do I think he could have handled this whole situation better? Absolutely. When I see him, I’ll slap him.”

  She would too.

  “What he did to you was inexcusable but I don’t think it’s unforgivable.”

  “You don’t?”

  “Once you get over the shock and hurt, I think you’ll realize he needs to be in your daughter’s life. She adores him and it’s obvious he would do anything for her.”

  “I don’t know.” How could I forgive him for deceiving me? “I thought…” The tears poured out of my eyes. “he wanted me.”

  “For the record, I believe he did and still does.” She took out her phone and showed me a picture of X and I from her holiday party. It was a candid shot. I was laughing at something someone said and X was gazing at me with those charming eyes and that kissable grin. “A man can’t fake that look. He may have lied but he was doing it for the right reasons.”

  “How can you say that?”

  “Because I believe it. I’m not excusing his behavior but I have tried to put myself in his position.”

  I turned away from the picture. I couldn’t stand the memories.

  “I don’t believe him.” I wiped my face. “He could have confessed at any time.”

  “You’re right but don’t shut him out. You don’t have to have a relationship with him but give it some time. You’ll realize how much happier your child will be with both of her parents in her world. She’s an amazing kid. Give her father a chance to make up for his mistakes.”

  “I’ll think about it but it’s going to take time.”

  “You’re entitled to that.”

  Xavier

  “What the hell is this?” Kara stormed into my office, waving papers as Adrian followed close behind her.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Trapp.” My assistant looked as if she might vomit. “I couldn’t stop her.”

  “It’s okay, Adrian. I expected Kara this morning.” I did what I had to do to draw her out. “Please close the door behind you.” No need for my entire staff to hear this argument.

  As soon as Adrian left us alone, Kara came toward me. Standing so, I wasn’t sure what she wanted. She appeared drained, tired. It was never my intention to hurt her.

  “Kara, my love, I…”

  “Don’t!” She raised her hand and connected with my face before I even saw it coming. The sting in my cheek gave me a reality check. Hell! I didn’t expect that.

  I took a breath, closed my eyes, and composed myself. I deserved that.

  “How could you do this?”

  “You won’t talk to me.” I’d given her two weeks. Two weeks of her ignoring my calls and texts. “What was I supposed to do?”

  “You petitioned the court for a DNA test?”

  “It’s the first step in a process.”

  “What process?”

  “I want to prove she’s my daughter.” I knew she was but my lawyer insisted we do everything by the book. This time.

  “Then what? You can’t take her from me.”

  “I would never do that. Do you honestly think that’s my intention?”

  “I don’t know what your intentions are, I thought I did but we know I was wrong.”

  “I want to be part of her life.” Why was that so difficult to comprehend?

  “The adoption was legal. You don’t have any claim to her.”

  “Maybe not legally but morally I do.”

  “Morally.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “Are you kidding me?”

  “What I did was wrong but I want to make sure Zoey has everything she’s entitled to.”

  “I don’t want your money. I don’t want your lies.” She pointed at me with rage in her tired expression. “I don’t want anything to do with you.”

  “I’m her father,” I shouted. “Whether you like it or not.”

  “I don’t care.” She wouldn’t look at me. Could I blame her?

  “I know you don’t believe me but,” I lowered my tone. It wasn’t my wish to fight with her. “I swear my feelings for you are genuine.”

  “They can’t be.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because they were built on a lie. One you could have stopped at any time. You could have told me the truth and maybe, we could have worked through it. I trusted you with my heart. I thought you were the real deal.” She waved the documents in front of me. “What kind of man does this?”

  “One who loves his daughter very much. I’ll stop at nothing to make sure she knows how much she means to me.”

  “You’ve already proven that.” She clenched her hands at her sides, probably resisting the urge to hit me again. “Look what you did to me to get to her.”

  “No.”

  “You didn’t lie to me for months? Sleep with me? Get me to trust you? Make me believe…” She tossed the papers on my desk. “I don’t care what you want. I’ll fight you every step of the way.”

  “I don’t want to fight.” I admired her determination but she would lose.

  “You have a strange way of showing it.”

  “Kara.” When I reached for her, she backed away, disgusted by my actions. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be. Zoey and I have a relationship. If you don’t want to tell her who I am now, I understand but I still want to be there. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for what I did. We’ll do it on your terms. Please, let me in. Consider forgiving me.”

  She thought about my offer, her eyes softer than a moment ago. Maybe there was hope. Before she had time to answer, my office door flew open and in walked Jamie Montgomery, my attorney. Not my shady attorney who would cross any line for me. Ms. Montgomery was the attorney who was going to secure my rights when it came to Zoey. She was probably the last person I needed to see right now.

  “Xavier.” She closed the door. “Your assistant told me you were with Mrs. Cartwright.”

  “It’s Ms. Cartwright.” Kara turned to me. “Who is she?”

  “Kara, this is Jamie Montgomery, my attorney.” I glanced between the two women. “Jamie, this is Kara.”

  “I’m leaving,” Kara said.

  “That’s a good idea.” Jamie nodded at me. “Going forward, the two of you shouldn’t have any contact with one another. It’s best to let the lawyers handle things.”

  “Things?” Kara asked. “We’re talking about my child.”

  “This must be difficult for you, Kara,” Jamie said. “But you have to understand that Xavier was a victim here too. Zoey was given up for adoption and he didn’t even know she existed. I’m certain he wouldn’t have agreed to that if Lanie had been forthcoming.”

  “I’m sorry that happened to him but he didn’t have to lie to me for months. He didn’t have to pretend he was some random stranger we met in the park. He’s not a victim.” Kara glared at me. “You’re far from it.”

  “You’re right.” I was an absolute asshole and I deserve whatever she threw my way. Zoey didn’t and that was why I had to fight Kara on this.

  “X,” Jamie warned. “Don’t say anything else.”

  “Kara.” I ignored my attorney. “It isn’t too late to stop this. I only sent the papers to get your attention. I don’t like to be ignored and sometimes I lash out.”

  Jamie sighed as she took a seat in the chair across from my desk. I was certain she would give me a piece of her mind when we were alone. But my gut told me I could get to Kara with my heart.

  “We can forget about the DNA test?” Kara asked.

  “Absolutely not,” Jamie interjected. “X, stop this right now.”
/>   “If that’s what you need.” Please, trust me.

  “I need you to leave me alone.” Kara headed for the door. “I don’t want anything to do with you.” She left my office without another word, leaving her frustration and anger toward me in her path.

  “That went well.” Jamie took out her laptop. “I’ve been researching other cases like this. We have to establish your paternity before we can do anything else. Are you ready to fight for what you want?”

  Listen to your heart. I tried to convince myself that Kara would eventually let me back in.

  “The charade you pulled off might work in our favor. I’ll argue that you were trying not to disrupt Zoey’s life. You didn’t want to be a stranger to her. Your intentions were good. You were just a father trying to do the right thing.”

  As Jamie talked legal strategy, paternity, and my rights, I focused on the only outcome that mattered. Being with my girls. I had to make that happen.

  17

  Xavier

  Walking through the halls of the pediatric floor of the hospital, my anxiety hit an all-time high. I was known for my calm demeanor and take action attitude in any situation. When Kara called forty minutes ago to tell me Zoey had been admitted, my whole world came to a halt.

  “X.” Kara hurried toward me. She wore a pair of ratty sweats and her hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in days. “I didn’t know what to do. Her fever is so high. They want to run some tests and they’re asking for family history and I…”

  “I can help with that.” I rubbed the sides of her arms because she looked cold. “Where is Zoey?”

  “In there.” She pointed to the room across from us. “My mom is with her. She told me to step out and get some air.”

  “That’s a good idea.”

  “I can’t leave her.”

  “What are the doctors saying?”

  “It could be a virus, maybe the flu. She’s dehydrated.” She started to cry. “She’s been brave but she’s so sick. I called you because I wanted you to be with us.”

  “I’m here.” I brought her to me, kissing the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay.”