My Life as a Rhombus

by Varian Johnson

  “So when am I going to meet Justice Gamble?” I asked as I peered over Sarah’s shoulder. “I’ve been tutoring you for over two weeks, and I’ve yet to see her.”

  “You wouldn’t be in such a rush if you knew the woman.” Sarah’s gaze alternated between her textbook and a calculator. “You’re better off not knowing her.”

  David frowned at his sister, but didn’t say anything.

  I sat beside Sarah and glanced at the essay I was working on for the Georgia Tech scholarship. “It’s just that this application is due in two weeks …”

  “Don’t worry,” David said. “She’ll write the recommendation for you. I won’t let her forget.”

  “We won’t let her forget.” She slid her homework toward me. “Take a look. What do you think?”

  Sarah’s big make-up exam was tomorrow. If she passed, she’d be back in the C-range, and I’d be one step closer to attending Georgia Tech.

  I was beaming by the time I finished checking her homework. “You’re gonna ace your make-up exam tomorrow. You only missed one problem.”

  Sarah yanked her paper away from me. “I missed one?”

  “Missing one out of twenty isn’t that bad,” I said. “That’s still ninety-five percent you got correct.”

  Sarah grabbed her calculator and began reworking the problem. “I was sure I got this one right … ”

  David looked up from his pile of homework and winked at me. “Congratulations. You’ve turned my sister into a math junkie.”

  I was finally at the point where I didn’t try to hide my extra folds of flab when I was around David. Unlike Sarah, he would at least speak to me when he saw me at school (which was much too infrequently, as far as I was concerned). Other than the trust fund, the big house, and the high-profile parents, he and Sarah were just like any other teenagers. Of course, if Gail were here, she would have reminded me that Christopher possessed all of these things as well.

  Sarah was still punching numbers into her calculator when we heard someone unlock the front door. I glanced up from my essay. David and Sarah had stopped working on their homework long enough to share an intense, silent look.

  David must have noticed the bewildered expression on my face. “It looks like you’re gonna get your wish,” he said. “Mom’s home.”

  I could hear the loud, distinct tap of her heels as she made her way to the kitchen. Each footstep reminded me of a clock ticking down to oblivion. I glanced at Sarah out of the corner of my eye. Her face was glued to her midsection. She fidgeted with her clothes and sat up in her chair, no doubt to make her stomach look smaller. I looked down at my belly and considered doing the same thing.

  Justice Gamble finally entered the kitchen. Her sandy-brown hair was long enough to be fashionable yet short enough to be manageable. She was supposed to be in her late forties, but the wrinkles made her look much older.

  “Hey, Mom.” David rose from his seat and pecked his mother on the cheek. “How was your trip?”

  “It was wonderful,” she said. “I love Washington at this time of the year.” She quickly eyed Sarah and me before turning to her son. “David, be a dear and get my bags out of the sedan.”

  David nodded, took the keys from his mother, and left. As soon as he exited, the room began to feel chilly.

  Justice Gamble stared at Sarah. Sarah looked at her textbook. Justice Gamble cleared her throat. Sarah turned the page.

  “Hello, Sarah,” her mother finally said, after removing her coat.

  Sarah looked up from the table. “What are you doing home so early? I didn’t think you’d show up until tomorrow.” Sarah was firmly planted in her chair, and it didn’t look like she had any intention of getting up and greeting her mother as David had.

  “My meeting ended ahead of schedule,” she replied to Sarah, although she wasn’t looking at her daughter. She was looking at me.

  Justice Gamble walked to the kitchen table, where I was frozen in place. “You must be the tutor.”

  “Her name is Rhonda,” Sarah said.

  “It’s an honor to meet you, Justice Gamble,” I forced from my lips while trying to flash Sarah a “cool off” look.

  As she shook my hand, I swore I could feel my index finger snapping in half. “I’m supposed to be writing you a recommendation, aren’t I?”

  I nodded. “My scholarship application is due in two weeks. I’m actually working on one of the essays right now.”

  She released her death grip on my hand. “You’re working on your application now? I thought you were supposed to be tutoring my daughter?”

  Tiny drops of sweat popped up all over my forehead. “I’m only half-working on my application—”

  “So you’re half-working on your application, and half-tutoring my daughter,” she said. “Keep that up, and you’ll end up doing a half-assed job on both projects.”

  At this point, I just stared at the woman, my mouth wired shut. It was a lot easier not to stick a foot in my mouth if I didn’t speak.

  Then she broke into a roaring cackle. “I’m only kidding with you, Rhonda.” She slapped me on the shoulder. “You’ll find that all of us Yellow Jackets have a good sense of humor. And please, call me Ms. Gamble. I only like to be called ‘Justice’ when I’m in chambers.”

  I eked out a laugh. “Right. Of course.”

  Ms. Gamble proceeded toward Sarah. “And just how is my daughter doing?”

  “Sarah’s doing very well. She should have her average pulled up to passing after this next test.”

  Ms. Gamble shook her head. “I know she’s smart. She’s just not focused. She doesn’t have the drive to succeed.”

  “You know, I am in the room,” Sarah said. “You could talk to me like I was in here.”

  Ms. Gamble seemed immune to Sarah’s complaints. “You could learn a lot from Rhonda,” she said. “She’s a straight-A student and is projected to graduate in the top two percent of her class. She’s already amassed enough credit hours through her Advanced Placement courses that she could enter college as a sophomore. And she still finds time to tutor those less fortunate than her.”

  My mouth dropped open as Ms. Gamble named a few honors I had been awarded. My own father didn’t know as much about me as it seemed she did.

  She turned to me. “Don’t be offended, but I couldn’t just hire you without doing some checking up on you.” Ms. Gamble smiled smugly at me. “I must say, I was very impressed with what I learned about you. You remind me a lot of myself.”

  I smiled. “Thank you for the compliment.”

  “I hear that you plan to major in engineering,” she continued. “You know, I got my undergraduate degree in mechanical engineering. I figured an engineering degree and a law degree would be an unbeatable combination.”

  I nodded quickly. “I read that you graduated number two in your class at Harvard.”

  It was Ms. Gamble’s turn to look surprised. “I see that you’ve been doing your homework as well.” She sighed and glanced at her watch. “Well, it’s been a long day, so I think I will retire for the evening.” She shook my hand again. “Rhonda, it was a pleasure meeting you. I look forward to writing your recommendation.”

  I grinned as she pumped my arm. As she released my hand, she looked down at her daughter. Sarah was still frozen in her chair, her gaze glued to the top of the table.

  She zoomed in on Sarah’s face. “Are you gaining weight? Your cheeks are getting fat.”

  Sarah sunk lower into her chair and draped her arms across her stomach.

  Ms. Gamble shrugged and headed toward the hallway. “Just don’t come complaining to me when you can’t fit into your cheerleading outfit. If you’re not responsible enough to keep your weight down, you can pay to get your own outfit altered.”

  Ms. Gamble disappeared out of the room, the t
ap of her heels finally muffled by the thick hallway carpeting.

  “If she bothered to talk to me, she’d know how much I fucking hate cheerleading,” Sarah mumbled, still looking down at the table. She sniffled and ran the back of her hand across her nose. “She’s going to find out, isn’t she?”

  I paused from gathering my application papers. “You’re nine weeks pregnant,” I whispered. “Someone is eventually going to notice.”

  “I know it sounds crazy, but I figured if I ignored it, it would just go away.” She laughed. “Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard of?”

  “Don’t worry, I used to believe the same thing.” I finished gathering my application and slipped it into a folder. “Are you gonna be okay?”

  “I’ll be fine. I just have a lot of thinking to do.” She swiped a cookie from the table and stuffed it into her mouth as she rose from her seat. “Mom has been the same size for my entire life,” she muttered. “God, I hate her.”

  We headed toward the front door. “Try not to take it too hard. I’m sure she means well.”

  Sarah frowned. “How can you say some bullshit like that?”

  I had to take a step back, I was so surprised by Sarah’s outburst. The scowl on her face eerily reminded me of the look her mother had had on her face moments before.

  “I can’t believe you’re siding with her,” Sarah continued. “Didn’t you hear the way she spoke to me?”

  “Ms. Gamble just wants what’s best for you,” I said. “She’s a little callous, but she’s still your mother.”

  “Why am I not surprised to hear you say that? My mother’s known you for five minutes, and she’s already named you her protégé.”

  “Sarah, that’s not fair—”

  “You’re not supposed to take her side. You’re my friend, remember.”

  Laughter sputtered out of me. “Your friend?” I rolled my eyes. “Let’s be serious. I’m your tutor, not your friend. Other than when I’m tutoring you, we don’t hang out together. You don’t speak to me at school.” I shook my head. “You’ve never even asked about my mom.”

  “What about her? She can’t be as bad as my mother.”

  “Of course she isn’t,” I replied. “She’s dead.”

  Sarah’s mouth dropped open.

  I opened the door. “I don’t think you’ll be needing my services anymore,” I said over my shoulder as I headed toward my car. “And let your mother know I’ll come by next week to pick up that recommendation.”

  I left Sarah, dumbfounded and pregnant, standing on her front doorstep. I didn’t bother looking behind me as I started the car and sped off. There wasn’t anything worth looking back at.

  My mother died when I was eleven years old. It was a normal Saturday morning, just like any other Saturday morning in Columbia. She was cooking breakfast when she realized she had run out of eggs. So, wearing a pair of faded sweatpants and with her hair stuffed into one of Dad’s old baseball caps, she ran off to the store.

  It wasn’t until two hours or so later that Dad and I started to get worried. Mom usually got sidetracked when she went shopping—she never saw a sale she didn’t like. But to be gone for so long was unusual. Just as Dad was walking out the door to hunt her down, the police showed up.

  There had been a car accident. There were no survivors.

  I remembered feeling very hateful. Sometimes I wished she had died from cancer or some disease like that. That way, we would have at least known she was going to die, so we could have said goodbye. Maybe that was mean, but it was the way I felt. Was it too much to ask for a daughter to be able to say a final goodbye to her mother?

  As bad off as I was, Dad was infinitely worse. He fell into a deep depression. He didn’t neglect the “important” stuff—he paid all the bills, went to all of the parent-teacher conferences, and even found time to punish me every now and then. But most of the time, he just floated through the day, struggling to get from one hour to the next. There were some days when he wouldn’t say five words to me.

  I ended up spending a lot of time with Helen during those first few months. If it weren’t for her, I would still be trying to gather the courage to buy my first bra.

  Dad finally got over his depression, and about a year ago, he started dating again. Of course, I hated all the women he brought home. Jackie, his latest girlfriend, was just as bad as the other women. And if I were lucky, she would exit our lives just like the rest of them.

  Jackie and Dad had another date tonight. They had been seeing each other for six months, eight days, and fourteen hours (not that I was counting). Jackie was an elementary school teacher—her lone good feature.

  Dad stood in front of the hallway mirror, picking microscopic pieces of lint from his coat. I was almost ten feet away from him, but I could still smell the aftershave radiating from his body.

  I must have had a really nasty look on my face, because Dad just sighed and shook his head. “Jackie really isn’t that bad, once you give her a chance.”

  “Where are y’all going?”

  Dad turned away from me so I couldn’t see his face. “Nowhere in particular,” he mumbled.

  In Dad-talk, that meant he and Jackie were going to have a quick dinner, followed by a night at her place.

  “I’m going to finish getting ready,” he said. “Let Jackie in when she arrives.”

  I nodded. Jackie hadn’t even gotten here yet and I was already feeling horrible. I would have killed to be doing anything other than staying in the house. I hadn’t spoken to Sarah for almost a week, but I would have rather been tutoring her than spending the night alone. And now that school was out for the next two weeks because of Christmas vacation, I felt more depressed than usual.

  I had thought about calling Sarah a few times. But why couldn’t she call me, I rationalized. She was the one that needed help. I was fine by myself.

  During lunch, I had forced myself not to look in her direction. She probably wasn’t giving me a second thought, so why should I worry about her? But worrying was the one thing I couldn’t help but do. How did she do on her re-test? Did she remember the difference between the cosine and cotangent functions? Did she tell her mother about the baby?

  I also thought about David. Did he miss me? I hated to admit it, but I missed him a lot. I had only really known him for a few weeks, but I was already addicted to that goofy smile and deep voice. Not that I didn’t like hanging out with Gail and Xavier, but there was something about David that made my skin tingle, and I missed that feeling terribly.

  The doorbell rang, bringing me out of the misery of my subconscious.

  I opened the door. With her auburn highlights and stylish eyeglasses, Jackie looked much too hip to be dating my father.

  “Hello, Rhonda.” Her full, plum lips were a stark contrast to her light brown skin. “Is your father almost ready?”

  “He’ll be ready in a few minutes.” I moved out of the way so she could enter the house.

  Jackie sauntered through the kitchen and sat at the table. She wasn’t a big woman, but she was very … sturdy. “What are you doing here on a Saturday night? Young, attractive girls like you should be out dating.”

  “I don’t date.”

  “Why not?”

  What was with Jackie? She wasn’t supposed to be asking questions like that. (Plus, between her and Helen, they made it sound like I was the most pathetic person in the world for not dating.)

  “I don’t have time,” I said. “I’m too busy with my studies.”

  “Is that so?” Her glasses slipped ever so slightly along the bridge of her nose. “Remember, there’s more to school than books.”

  “Not for my daughter,” Dad said as he walked into the room. “She’s got to stay on top of her grades, especially if she wants to get into one of the top math and scien
ce schools.”

  Jackie stood up, and Dad walked over to her and pecked her lightly on the cheek. “You look nice,” he said, barely above a whisper.

  “Thank you.” She brought her hand to her mouth and softly giggled.

  After staring into Jackie’s eyes for way too long (remind me to throw up later), Dad turned to me. “I left some money on my dresser if you want to order a pizza.”

  “I may hang out with Gail, if she calls me back.” I would have called Xavier, but even he had a date tonight. He had finally summoned up the courage to ask Michelle Jacobs out, and surprisingly, she said yes.

  Dad walked over to me. “If you do go out, be home by eleven,” he said. Then Dad leaned over, and for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me on the cheek. Instead, he awkwardly twisted his body to the side and gave me a lame, lukewarm hug.

  Of course, I wasn’t surprised. Another part of my “punishment” was that Dad no longer showed me any real affection. His hugs were horrible, his kisses nonexistent. I didn’t miss the cheek kisses, though. It was the ones he used to plant on my forehead, right before I’d catch the bus to school, or right after he tucked me into bed, that I really missed. Those were the ones he started giving me after Mom died.

  After a few difficult moments, he straightened himself. “See you later.”

  “Goodnight, Rhonda,” Jackie chimed in, before they left.

  I listened as Jackie’s car started up, and as they pulled out of the driveway. And then, there was silence.

  I wanted to cut a back flip when Gail finally called.

  “Finally, another human voice,” I said after picking up the phone. “What are you doing? I’ve been calling you all night.” Gail could have been picking fuzz from between her toes and still have had a more interesting evening than I was having.

  “Sorry, I was out with Lewis. We plan on hanging out at my house for the rest of the night if you want to come over.”

  I groaned. The last time I hung out with Gail and Lewis, I wasted two hours watching a documentary about phytoplankton.

  “I would have suggested that you call Xavier,” Gail continued, “but I’m sure he’s too busy making a fool of himself.” She snorted. “Maybe Michelle felt sorry for him.”