My Life as a Rhombus

by Varian Johnson

  “Gail, that’s not nice.”

  “The bad thing about all of this is that after she dumps him, we’re going to be the ones that have to piece him back together,” she said. “Come on, Rhonda. You know this isn’t going to end nicely for Xavier.”

  “According to Xavier, Michelle is a really nice girl. And as you like to remind us, she’s exactly the type of girl he should be dating. In other words, she’s not part of the popular clique.”

  “But she’s into artists,” Gail said. “Xavier will be lucky if he lasts until spring break.”

  I sighed. “You know, you don’t ever hear me or Xavier complaining about your boyfriend.”

  “Lewis is smart, safe, and dependable. What’s there to complain about?”

  “But you’re not attracted to him.”

  “Of course I am. He’s a genius.”

  “Okay, let me rephrase that. You’re not physically attracted to him.”

  “For your information, I find him to be very handsome,” she said. “Just today, I was complimenting him on his smile.”

  “You’ve been dating him for over a year, and you haven’t done anything more than kiss him—if you’ve done that.”

  “Lewis and I are intellectuals. We don’t need to clutter our relationship with petty, non-necessary physical contact.”

  “Gail …”

  “He likes me for my brains, not my body,” Gail said, her voice somewhat softer. “He isn’t caught up with my looks.”

  “But you’re pretty.”

  “That depends on whom you ask,” she said, before clearing her throat. “Now enough talk about Lewis. Are you coming over or not?”

  Gail and I talked for fifteen more minutes before finally deciding to go to the movies. After I hung up the phone, I went to my room and pulled an assortment of clothing from the closet. I grabbed my favorite pair of jeans. They were the ones that hugged my butt just the right way, so I looked more on the voluptuous side and less on the chubby side. As I changed clothes, I did my best to ignore my reflection in the dresser mirror. After slipping on my jeans, I finally succumbed to the temptation and looked at the mirror.

  Not too bad. Maybe those extra sit-ups were paying off after all.

  I looked at the turtleneck I planned to wear, before tossing it back on the bed and pulling a low-cut crimson blouse from the closet. Just because I wasn’t into dating didn’t mean I had to dress like it.

  So much for watching a movie. By the time Gail and Lewis picked me up, we were already running late. We got to the theater to find the movie was sold out. After being out of the house for a grand total of twenty-five minutes, I ended up right back at home, with a few slices of leftover pizza to greet me.

  As I made a beeline to the refrigerator, I noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. I pressed the message button, expecting to hear Dad’s voice, but instead, Sarah’s voice slipped out of the machine.

  “Rhonda, this is Sarah. Please call me when you get a chance.”

  I looked at the wall clock. She had only called a few minutes ago. I picked up the phone, and just as quickly I put it back down. Why should I call her? Sarah was nothing but a spoiled rich kid, and I was much better off not being her tutor. I was better off not knowing any of the Gambles. The mother was a tyrant, the daughter was a brat, and the son was a mistake waiting to happen.

  That being said, I had been miserable all week. I didn’t want to admit it at first, but maybe Sarah was right when she called me her friend. And as mad as I was, was I willing to destroy a growing friendship over a petty argument?

  I picked up the phone and dialed the number. Sarah answered on the first ring.

  “Hey, it’s Rhonda.”

  There were a few seconds of silent agony on the phone.

  “You called?” I asked.

  “Um, yeah,” Sarah said. “I just figured you’d want to know, I aced my test. I am officially passing trig.”

  I felt myself beaming and forced myself to frown. “Great.” I made my voice as flat as a sheet of paper.

  “That’s it? I thought you’d be happy.”

  “What more do you want to hear? You passed. I’m happy.”

  Sarah huffed. “Fine. Be that way.”

  “Whatever.”

  Silence was the only thing flowing between us for a few seconds. Each breath seemed to hover on the receiver an extra second, as if it were deciding whether to become a word or stay a puff of air. I coughed a few times, but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

  “This is stupid,” Sarah finally said. “Can you get out of the house tonight? Let’s do something.”

  “Like what? Study?”

  Sarah laughed so loudly, I had to move the phone away from my ear. “Rhonda Lee, it is eight o’clock on a Saturday night, and all you can do is think about studying?”

  Technically, with Dad out all night, I could have walked in and out of that house as many times as I wanted. And I did say that I might be going out tonight. However, I was sure Sarah Gamble wasn’t the type of girl he expected me to be hanging out with.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Dad is out for the evening, and I don’t think he would approve—”

  “You’re saying you’ve never snuck out before?”

  I winced. She had me on that one.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I just can’t leave the house. I don’t sneak out anymore.”

  Sarah paused for a second. “Well, then I’m coming to you.”

  My eyes widened. “What?”

  “What’s your address? I’ll be over there in twenty minutes.”

  “Sarah, there is no way I’m letting you—”

  “I’ll bring David.”

  I opened my mouth to object, but my voice was caught in my throat.

  “I miss hanging out with you,” she said. “We miss hanging out with you. Can we come over? We won’t stay long. Plus, we’ll bring your recommendation letter.”

  I thought about how angry I was supposed to be at Sarah. I thought about how cute David looked. I thought about how much I wanted that recommendation.

  I thought about how lonely I felt.

  So after all of that thinking, I said the only reasonable thing.

  “Come on over.”

  Sarah said she and David would be at my house in twenty minutes. Twenty minutes wasn’t a long time when you were sweating over a calculus problem. But when you were waiting for your friends to sneak over to your house, twenty minutes was an eternity. By the time they got here, I would have second-guessed myself enough times to give myself heartburn.

  I got so nervous, I began gnawing on my toenails (I’m limber for a big girl). It was a habit I reserved for the most nerve-wracking times—waiting for my SAT results, hoping for a negative pregnancy test, etc. When the doorbell finally rang, I almost swallowed my big toenail.

  I opened the door to see Sarah huddled on the porch. She smiled the most authentic smile I had ever seen and stepped inside the house.

  “I’m so sorry,” she blurted out, as her eyes began to tear up. “I didn’t mean—”

  “No, I’m the one that should be apologizing.” I looked away from her, so I wouldn’t start crying as well. “Wait—where’s David?”

  “That idiot was about to park in your driveway,” she said. “Obviously, he’s never snuck over to a girl’s house before. I had him park farther down the street, along the road.”

  I made myself laugh, but in the back of my mind, I wondered if he was parking in the same spot Christopher used to park in.

  Sarah stepped back and looked at me. “You look amazing.”

  I glanced down at myself. I hadn’t realized I still had on my clothes from when I planned to go to the movies with Gail and Lewis. I felt myself blushing.


  “Why don’t you wear stuff like that more often?” Sarah asked. “You have a great body.”

  “My body’s not great.”

  “Well, your breasts are great. I’d kill for a chest like that.”

  I brought my hands to my chest. As flattered as I was, I didn’t want Sarah Gamble giving commentary on my chest.

  Just then, David came to the door. “Wow,” he said.

  Sarah yanked him inside and slammed the door shut. “If you’re going to gawk, at least do it after you’re inside the house.”

  David didn’t respond. Maybe he was too busy staring at me.

  “Doesn’t she look good?” Sarah asked.

  “She looks better than good.” His eyes were on my face, as if he was trying to soak in every curve, every detail of my skin. The way David was looking at me, I did feel great. A look like that made all the sit-ups in the world worthwhile.

  “This is for you.” Sarah pushed an envelope into my hands. “Signed and sealed by the Judge herself.”

  I flipped the recommendation letter over and over in my hands, like it would magically disappear if I took my eyes off of it. I could already picture myself walking across the Georgia Tech campus.

  “So now what?” Sarah asked, breaking me out of my trance. She pushed by me and sat on the couch. “Is anything on TV?”

  “Just some mindless, run-of-the mill music videos,” I said.

  Sarah smiled. “My favorite.”

  I pulled myself away from David’s gaze and sat down beside her. David hovered for a few seconds. There was just enough space on the couch for him to sit beside me, but we would have been pressed pretty close together. He instead sat across from us in the recliner.

  Maybe I wasn’t so “wow” after all.

  “Where’s your Dad?” Sarah asked, flipping through the same devoid channels I had perused earlier.

  “Out on a date.”

  David looked at his watch. “When is he coming home?”

  “Not until six or so in the morning.”

  Sarah laughed. “Oh, he’s on one of those dates. Mom seems to have one of those every other weekend, doesn’t she, David.”

  David didn’t seem too pleased at Sarah’s comment. “She’s lonely.”

  “Aren’t we all,” she muttered, her face turned to the television.

  “Is your mother out tonight?” I asked.

  “No, she’s at home,” Sarah said. “She fell victim to too many martinis. When she stays in, that’s what usually happens.”

  David’s mouth was contorted into a long frown by now. “You shouldn’t talk about her like that.”

  I sighed. I would be in enough trouble if Dad came home and found Sarah and David (especially David) here. He would be even madder if they had begun World War III in his living room.

  I turned to David. “How is the basketball team doing?”

  The deep furrows on his brow softened a little. “We’re undefeated,” he said. “Between me, Johnnie Chang, and Christopher, we’ve got a killer squad.”

  Just hearing that name slip from David’s lips made me want to strangle him. I shoved my hands under my arms and balled them into fists.

  “We should give Christopher and Johnnie a call,” Sarah said, finally settling on one of the music channels. “Maybe we can swing by one of their houses once we leave here.”

  Just when I thought the furrows had disappeared from David’s face, they returned, deeper than before. “There’s no way I’m taking you to Christopher’s house. He’s not as nice as he appears.”

  “How do you know?” Sarah replied. “I know your teammates better than you think. Johnnie and I shared a class together, and Christopher—”

  “Let’s be clear about one thing: Christopher McCullough is the last person you need to be hanging out with,” David boomed. “And I’m definitely not taking you over to Johnnie’s house—not at this time of night. It’s too dangerous.”

  Sarah rolled her eyes. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “East Columbia isn’t safe.” David shook his head. “Not that it matters. You wouldn’t like Johnnie anyway. He isn’t the type of person you’d hang around.”

  “Why? Because he’s Asian?”

  David responded with a dark, sarcastic, sinister laugh. “No, because he’s poor. Aren’t you the one who said if a guy didn’t drive a Mercedes, he was beneath you?”

  “Screw you, David.” Sarah’s eyes narrowed to two hazel buttons on her face. “That is so mean. It sounds like something Mom would say.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that it’s true.”

  Sarah stood up so fast, I thought she was going to lose her balance. “Maybe I did say stuff like that, but that’s in the past.”

  “You probably said that six months ago.”

  “A lot can happen in six months,” she said.

  “Enough!” I stood up and walked between them. “We’re supposed to be having fun. If all y’all are going to do is argue, y’all can go back home.”

  David looked down at his feet. “Sorry.”

  “Yeah, me too,” Sarah chimed in.

  Even though they both apologized, I didn’t believe either one of them. I headed toward the hallway. “Sarah and I are going to my room for a little while to talk,” I said. “If you’re hungry, there’s some leftover pizza in the fridge.”

  David’s mouth finally curved up a little. I smiled, and Sarah and I walked out of the room. I fully expected the pizza to be gone by the time we returned.

  “Your bedroom is so cute,” Sarah said as she followed me into the room. She immediately focused on the plush toys on my bed. “And your stuffed animals are adorable.”

  “They keep me company.” I sat on the bed, tucking my legs underneath me. “What’s going on with you and David? I’ve never seen y’all so mean toward each other.”

  Sarah sat on the bed and wrapped her arms around one of my pillows. “Things have been pretty strained between me and David for the past week. He blames me for you quitting.”

  “Technically, he’s right.”

  “Don’t remind me,” she said. “I must sound like such a spoiled bitch sometimes. Why didn’t you tell me about your mother? I would have never been so insensitive if you had said something.”

  I shrugged. “It’s private.”

  “But we’re friends,” she said. “At least, I thought we were.”

  “We are, sometimes.” I took off my glasses and placed them on my nightstand. “When we’re at your house, everything is great. But when we get to school, you act like you don’t know me. It’s like it’s beneath you to come over and say hello.”

  “What? You’re the one who doesn’t talk to me.” Sarah repositioned the pillow behind her back and placed her hands on her stomach. “You’re one of the smart kids. Don’t you know how much you guys intimidate us? The way you sit in your corner, eyeing everyone like they’re too dumb to even breathe the same air as you.” She shook her head. “I was always waiting for you to come over and speak to me. I thought you were ashamed to socialize with your students.”

  I’m not sure if she noticed it or not, but Sarah had begun rubbing her stomach in small, circular motions.

  “The girls I sit with aren’t my friends,” she said. “At least, not my real friends. If they were, I would have told them about this.” She patted her stomach.

  “Then why do you hang out with them?”

  “Because my father is wealthy and my mother is a Supreme Court Justice. Their parents are wealthy and powerful people as well. It’s just the way it’s supposed to be, I guess.”

  As I looked at Sarah, my loneliness seemed to pale in comparison to hers. While Gail and Xavier were far from perfect, they were still my friends. I could count on them for almost anything.
/>   Sarah grinned at me. “David was really excited about seeing you tonight.”

  I quickly stifled the smile forming on my lips. “Don’t get me wrong—David’s a nice guy. It’s just that most guys are only interested in getting in your pants.”

  “That’s not true,” Sarah huffed.

  “Oh, really.” I pointed to her stomach. “And just how do you explain that?”

  “That’s different. I was in love.”

  “So was I,” I replied. “That didn’t stop Christopher from—”

  I snapped my mouth shut, but it was too late.

  Sarah frowned. “Is he the one that …”

  “Yeah. He’s the one.” I thought back to our conversation earlier in the living room. “David’s right about Christopher. You should leave him alone.”

  “He seems nice.”

  “He’s an asshole.”

  Sarah shook her head. “If Christopher’s really as bad as you and David say, why’d you even date him?”

  I shrugged. “He made me feel important. He listened to me when no one else would.” I tugged at the skin on my palm. “I know it’s a stupid reason to date a guy, much less sleep with him, but—”

  “It’s not stupid,” she said. “I probably fell for my guy for the same reason.” Sarah glanced down at my bedspread. “And before you even think about it, please don’t ask me who the father is. It’s not something I want to talk about. I haven’t even told him yet.”

  I nodded. While I was hoping she’d tell me who the father was, part of me really didn’t want to know. Whoever’s name she said, I would hate him for the rest of my life. Not that the guy did anything to me personally—I probably didn’t even know him. But I would hate him nevertheless. It was just the way I was made, now.

  Sarah cleared her throat and looked back up at me. “I’ve made my decision about the pregnancy.”

  I didn’t have to ask what she had decided. I could already see the answer in her eyes.

  “You’ll need to pick a clinic,” I said. “There are some good ones in-state, as well as in Georgia.”