Reborn as a Vending Machine, I Now Wander the Dungeon, Vol. 2

by Hirukuma

  “Welcome.”

  Lammis and Hulemy are on either side of me; they’ve finished eating the food they bought, and now they’re looking at me closely.

  “Yes, you two may listen as well. Our first objective of this mission was to search for you, Boxxo. Today, we accomplished that objective.”

  You did me a big favor. Please, take any product you want for free after this.

  “We have the option of returning now, but we actually have a second objective in coming to this maze stratum. It’s both an obligation of the Hunters Association director and a request from the Menagerie of Fools.”

  It being a request from the Menagerie of Fools is within expectations, but what on earth does he mean it’s the obligation of the Hunters Association director?

  “First, the request from the Menagerie of Fools is to put down the maze stratum’s lord, the Flame Skeletitan. My own obligation as director is to investigate abnormal occurrences on the strata. The lord of the Clearflow Lake stratum already appeared—the Octo Croc—and we now have reports of the Flame Skeletitan being spotted on this stratum as well.”

  I was right—the Flame Skeletitan is the stratum lord here. I witnessed the brunt of its intimidation and overwhelming strength firsthand, so it makes sense to me. I also understand why the Hunters Association would make an investigation. But the Menagerie of Fools are the ones thinking of taking it down?

  “The Hunters Association hadn’t considered killing it, but the fact remains that the stratum lord’s presence ruins the labyrinth’s balance and greatly escalates the death rate among hunters. Truth be told, I would personally like to defeat it, if possible.”

  I get it. Typically, if you ran into that thing, your only choices would be to run or to die. Director Bear’s logic in taking action out of consideration for hunters’ safety makes sense. I even think it’s quite noble for a higher-up to act that way.

  But with how the Menagerie of Fools does things—safety first—I don’t think we’ll be in for a foolhardy battle.

  “I believe allowing the Menagerie of Fools to tell you of their objective personally would be for the best,” says Director Bear, turning around. The captain and vice captain are standing behind him.

  Captain Kerioyl gives me a quick hand wave with his usual lax attitude, and Vice Captain Filmina bows deeply.

  “Great, I’m gonna have a seat.”

  “Excuse us.”

  Director Bear slides to the side and the two of them sit down directly in front of me. Their usual antics take a back seat to their unusually serious gazes upon me.

  “I’m sure you heard from the director, but we want to slay the stratum lord. And we want to borrow your power to help.”

  You say that, but I don’t understand why you would go into such a reckless fight, nor what you expect out of a vending machine in the first place.

  “Right, that probably sounded sudden. Well, you know how we call ourselves the Menagerie of Fools? We didn’t just come up with that on a whim or anything. We really are a group of fools, an odd bunch you could call reckless.”

  The edges of his mouth are twisted upward as he talks; it might be my imagination, but his wry grin looked like it was crying for a moment. Vice Captain Filmina, sitting next to him, has her eyes lowered in silence.

  “The people in our group have a goal. We already have the mental resolve to do anything for that goal. You may make fun of us and call us fools, or scorn us as eccentrics, but do you know the legend of the labyrinth, Boxxo?”

  I’ve just come to this alternate world, so I would have no way of knowing. I can only respond with an immediate “Too bad.”

  “The labyrinth… This dungeon, in other words. There are more like it all across the world. It’s said that if a group reaches a dungeon’s lowest stratum and fulfills the conditions, each of the members will be granted one wish of their choosing. That’s what we’re after. And to do that, we apparently need the coins that drop when stratum lords are slain.”

  Really… Wait, there’s no need to guess—they are talking about the Octo Croc coin in my inventory. I guess that means it’s fairly valuable. I wonder how much I could sell it for.

  “Rumor has it that you only need some of those coins to have your wish granted. There are eight people in the Menagerie of Fools in all. The twins have the same wish, as do the vice captain and I. Therefore, we have six wishes we’d like to be granted. Right now, we have three coins. Still not enough. And nobody’s actually gotten down to the lowest stratum yet, either.”

  If I use the coin I’m hiding inside me, could I have any wish granted that I want? My dream of a super-high-tech vending machine could be— No, that’s wrong. The discomfort of this body has worn off recently, so I’d completely forgotten about it, but it would be possible to go back to being human, too.

  “We asked Hulemy, and she said you’ve got a human soul in there. If you come with us, we can revive you as a human.”

  I thought he’d suggest that. But it wasn’t I who gave an exaggerated reaction to it—but Lammis and Hulemy.

  “I-is that true?!”

  “I remember seeing something like that in an old document, but Boxxo revived as a person…”

  Lammis grabs the captain by the collar, and I see afterimages of his head shaking back and forth madly. Filmina, don’t just watch, stop her! His head will come off.

  “Get one free with a winner,” I say at a loud volume.

  Lammis stops. The captain seems exhausted, but he’s alive, at least.

  Getting any wish granted sounds fake to me, but maybe it’s possible in this alternate world. If that’s the last hope someone can cling to, then…I can see how attractive the temptation would be.

  “Th-thanks, Boxxo. Anyway, calm down. In either case, we have to reach the lowest stratum or it won’t mean anything. Right now, we’ve been traveling the strata to hone our abilities, and when we learn the conditions for stratum lords to appear, we head to their strata to slay them. By the way, Boxxo. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. Did you see a coin when you beat the Octo Croc?”

  I could lie here, but I’d like to answer Captain Kerioyl truthfully as thanks for the valuable information. “Welcome.”

  “So you did. Do you know where the coin is now?”

  “Welcome.”

  His eyes sharpen and a light seems to glow from them. Now that he’s revealed his goals, I think I can trust him more than before. He wouldn’t betray me while I still had a use to him.

  “Can I ask…if you have that coin right now?”

  “Welcome.”

  “I see. That’s convenient. Boxxo, Lammis, would you join the Menagerie of Fools—? Well, I’m not telling you to come with us all the time. But when we want to borrow you for your strength or for expeditions, we’d like you to help us.”

  I’m fine with accepting, for my part, but the problem is Lammis. She’s been silent ever since then. When all eyes turn to her, she quickly stands and places a hand on my body.

  Then, she smiles gently. “Yep, we’ll help! I want to get stronger, too, and I want to be able to talk to Boxxo and eat his homemade food!”

  “What am I going to do with you?” sighs Hulemy. “I’ll help you out, too. I just know Lammis would fall for some trick or other if she was by herself.”

  “Our thanks. And we welcome you, too, Hulemy. Anyway, Boxxo—would you lend us your strength?”

  Everything’s settled into place now, so I only have one answer. “Welcome.”

  “I see! You being here, Boxxo, resolves all our food problems. Thanks!”

  “Thank you very much, Mr. Boxxo. We’ll no longer have to suffer through sucking on monster bones due to food shortages…”

  Behind the vice captain, who wipes at her eyes in an artificial fashion, the red-and-white twins, who came up at some point, wave their fists in the air, abounded with glee. Next to them, Shui beams and licks her lips. It seems they’re more welcoming of me than I thought.

  �
��And just so you know, we want more from you than just provisions, Boxxo. But we’re not going to leave you in charge of dangerous spots. We want the kind of help only you can give us in our fight against the Flame Skeletitan.”

  His words are full of hidden meaning; he must have an idea. He says he’ll explain tomorrow, so for today, everyone goes to bed without pressing the issue.

  Lammis and Hulemy are leaning up against me, asleep. Sigh. If I had a human body, I might lose my presence of mind and get a little excited. I’m honestly not quite sure whether I should feel thankful or sorrowful for having a metal body in cases like this.

  Could I have felt their womanly softness if I had a sense of touch? Well, I should refrain from lewd thoughts about two people who trust me completely.

  Still, the captain seems completely intent on killing that thing. How does he plan to do it? He said he’d be borrowing my strength.

  The most appropriate plan would be to use water. But I don’t think we can do anything with a few plastic bottles’ worth of water. He must have another plan… It may be imprudent of me, but I’m almost looking forward to this.

  I don’t know if it’ll be of any help, but I’ll think up some plans of my own.

  As I sell my wares to the red-and-white twins standing watch, and after they switch the two gatekeepers, I spend all night thinking of a way to slay the monster.

  “Everyone ready? We’re moving to the spot we planned on. Show me the map you have.”

  Aside from the predictable development of the Band of Gluttons and Shui seeing who can outeat the other, we find morning quiet and safe. As we’re taking a rest, Director Bear speaks.

  They spread out the map they got, but it’s sort of gangly and imprecise. When I compare it to the image I snapped from above, I can’t call it an accurate map by any stretch.

  If only I could share my surveillance camera image with them. Is there some new feature I can take? Hmm… What about this? It costs…quite a few points, but I’ve accumulated a ton of silver coins from the Band of Gluttons, so it should be fine. I choose an LCD panel from the features list. While they’re earnestly looking at the map and conversing, I start to test it.

  The display is attached to my front side, and instead of actual products lined up, the panel displays them, allowing you to buy them through a touch screen, it seems. Hmm, yes. But can it display the things I’ve recorded on my surveillance camera in the past?

  I’ll try everything I can. First, I’ll replay the camera video like I always do so only I can see it. And then, I strongly will it to project onto the screen on my body.

  Show up, show up, show up, haaahhh!

  “Ahhh, why are my girlfriend and I there?! I-is this an illusion?!”

  The gatekeeper Karios, whose eyes were wandering, sees me and freezes at the sight of the video on the LCD panel.

  “It hurts me so much to leave you that it feels like my body is being torn to shreds… But I have a job to do. I’m sorry.”

  “No, I don’t want to part with you, either. But it would pain me if I got in the way of your work. I will fight back the tears, and…”

  “Stop, noooo!”

  Incidentally, I’m currently broadcasting a recording of their flirting.

  Is it embarrassing to see it from the outside? Karios squats down and puts his head in his hands. It really does seem to be making him miserable, so I switch the video.

  “Is this…the maze stratum?! Boxxo, what on earth?!”

  “It’s like we’re looking at it from far above. Is this…? Boxxo, can you project things you’ve physically seen? If this is from when you fell from the stratum split, it would make sense.”

  Things go so smooth with Hulemy here to understand instantly. “Welcome.”

  “I—I knew it, too.”

  Lammis, you don’t have to get so competitive. It’s cute and heartwarming how you’re folding your arms, but now’s not the time.

  I pause it while the entirety of the labyrinth is visible and display it on the panel.

  “To think the entire labyrinth would be solved… Boxxo, this is an amazing feat. I’ll add a bonus reward for you as director of the Hunters Association.”

  “Filmina?”

  “Understood.”

  Director Bear nods several times in admiration. Vice Captain Filmina takes out some paper and begins to draw a map from the image.

  Hopefully, this will make the maze stratum a little easier to handle.

  Secret Plan

  “In any case, I have a plan regarding how to slay the stratum lord, the Flame Skeletitan.”

  As I sway to and fro on Lammis’s comfy back, I bend my ear to Director Bear’s explanation.

  “A large trap waits down this main passage, and there are many hunters who don’t know it exists. It’s a unique trap that only activates under certain conditions.”

  “Weight, right?”

  Captain Kerioyl slows his pace to move from the head of the pack to us, interrupting the conversation. Is he bored?

  “That’s right. Anything over a certain weight will trigger the trap…a giant hole. A pitfall, in other words. Dropping the Flame Skeletitan down there will be our contrivance.”

  If that thing can fit, it must be a pretty big hole. I feel like everyone would notice something like that, though.

  “The unpleasant part of this trap is that it doesn’t allow people to congregate in large masses and push their way through the stratum by force. The main passage is the origin for conquering the maze stratum. Everyone has to go through it, so if too many are on the trap at once, they get flipped right over.”

  “That’s why we have quality over quantity, right?”

  Oh, I see. That’s why the two gatekeepers are coming with us, too. After all, Karios and Gorth have excellent skills among the guards.

  “The Clearflow Lake stratum has seen an influx of hunters, and its stratum lord is already slain. Karios and Gorth being away from their post will not be an issue.”

  “They’re skilled enough that I’d want them for our group… Relax, Director, I’m kidding.”

  Director Bear turns a short stare on the captain, who shrugs back.

  Calling the two gatekeepers the core of the settlement’s defenses wouldn’t be an overstatement. Director Bear is in charge of the Clearflow Lake stratum, so them leaving would cause trouble for him.

  I think those fears are groundless, to be honest. At the very least, Karios wouldn’t ever leave that stratum. I glance over at him.

  “Once this is all over, my girlfriend is throwing a welcome-home party. Man, it’s tough to be loved, eh?”

  Saying that with a broad grin? Your stern, skinhead face is melting. As long as she remains at Clearflow Lake, Karios will remain its gatekeeper. This must be a very exceptional case, so I’ll have to thank him.

  Next to Karios, Gorth puts a hand to his forehead and sighs. As usual, I don’t envy him his situation.

  “We’re almost to the pitfall. Everyone, get along the right wall. Press your backs up to it.”

  Everyone obeys, leaning up against the wall and forming a line. Only Director Bear proceeds, one hand to the wall, seeming to grope about for something. After a short time, he nods deeply and looks at us.

  No sooner does the ground rumble than a single massive fissure appears to split it in two. Excluding the area right next to the wall where we are, the entire ground of the passage has completely disappeared.

  The giant square hole that suddenly appeared looks to my eye like you could fit a whole eighty-foot-long pool in there. The hole is too deep to see the bottom. All I can see as I gaze in is a black abyss.

  “The edge is slanted like a mortar, so take caution. I want you all to memorize the location of this hole. I purposely triggered the trap this time, but normally, as long as we aren’t all on it, the pitfall will never open…though I have my doubts about Boxxo.”

  I am pretty heavy. But I think Director Bear is, too.

  He manipulates somethin
g again, and the ground’s lid closes up slowly.

  “To be safe, proceed without touching the part of the ground that just opened. Once we’re past it, I’ll explain the outline of this mission in more detail.”

  The Band of Gluttons seems scared out of their wits at the hole’s depth, but watching them go along with their eyes transfixed to the ground is adorable in its own right. When they’re not snarling, they’re practically therapy animals.

  A short distance away from the hole, we sit down in a circle, and this time, it looks like Captain Kerioyl is in charge of doing the explaining.

  “Great. So now that we’ve joined back up with Boxxo, I’ll give you all the details. The hole back there is twice as deep as the Flame Skeletitan. The plan is to guide it above the hole and drop it in, but I doubt the fall alone will destroy it, even if we do things right. And if we attack it from above the hole, its hellfires will melt everything. The idea, then, is to use the vice captain’s water-based magic and Boxxo providing even more to fill the hole with water.”

  I see. That’s why you needed me. His idea is that if we can just extinguish its flames, the bones will be exposed like the flame scolls, and we’ll be able to damage it. It’s certainly possible to put the fire out by flooding the hole with water, but how many hours would it take to fill it?

  With bottled water alone, it’ll take far more than just a few days.

  I’ve heard it takes half a day just to fill up a school swimming pool with water. Based on this giant hole’s depth, it’ll take ten times that. Doing it normally would be a dizzying job.

  “I know this is asking a lot, but… Do you have any way to sell large amounts of water or discharge it?”

  Everyone’s eyes gather on me. Those expectant eyes on me make me uncomfortable. If we’re talking water vending machines, there are some that sell only mineral water. I believe it was in the features list. But it would take far too much time to fill the hole up with the water I could put out from that.

  Water, water… Maybe I can put together the features I’ve already acquired to come up with something to lead me to a solution.