Believed (My Misery Muse)

by Betzold, Brei

  “Seth,” X murmured handing over the lyrics.

  Seth read them over while I continued to play nodding his head along. “It needs a violin,” he said to himself, “and a piano.”

  “It needs a full orchestra,” Eli said. “An intro with just an acoustic guitar and Timpani drums.”

  “Not a full orchestra, just strings, piano, Timpani, and us.”

  “Can you write it?” X asked.

  Seth nodded. “It’ll take some time but yeah, I can do it. Maybe a harp?” He added scribbling something on a piece of paper.

  “My dad died,” I blurted.

  “Shit…”

  “Fuck…”

  “Damn…”

  I laughed hollowly. “Pretty much sums it up.” I reached over and snagged my bottle of Jack taking a deep drawl. “Max called a few hours ago.” I stared at the bottle in my hand. “He fell asleep and didn’t wake back up.”

  I took another drink from the bottle then threw it against the side of the bus. “He fucks up my life then just checks out without having to take any responsibility.” I watched as the contents of the bottle drained on to the sofa. “And now I get to go home and fix the mess he created,” I screamed. Jumped to my feet and smashed the guitar I was holding against the floor, over and over until it was matchsticks. I threw what was left hitting one of the flat screen TVs. “He ruined everything,” I cried. “He fucked me over. And he gets to die peacefully in his sleep, what kind of cosmic joke is that? He dies while the woman he cheated on sat at his bedside taking care of him. Cleaning up his puke and drool, all the while he lied to her for fucking years,” I bellowed.

  “I couldn’t do that to her,” I whispered. “God, how I love her. Only I couldn’t hurt her that way, but what if I’m just like him? I can’t take that chance; I love her too fucking much to take that chance.” I turned and looked at the ashen faces of my brothers. “I love her so much that I know it’s better that she moves on. I don’t want to die knowing I used the one person in my life that saw me, for me. She doesn’t give a fuck about me being in some band. She doesn’t care about my money—she cares about me. I can’t do what my father did to my mother to her.”

  I snorted. “I have to call the whore and tell her the man who she had a bastard son with died. He died and left her nothing. Now I’m supposed to take care of her. I’m supposed to cover up his dirty little secret.” I glared at them. “I’m tired of taking care of everybody else. I’m fucking tired,” I moaned.

  I spun around and punched the side of the bus. God, that felt good. I reached back and hit it again. I was about to do it once more when arms wrapped around me and held me tightly. I struggled against the bonds, jerking my elbow back and hitting something. I heard a groan but the bonds strengthened, more hands grabbed me dragging me to the floor and piling on top of me.

  I started crying, “I’m so sorry.” I sobbed, “God, I’m sorry.”

  “Sam,” Seth yelled, “calm down, man.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  “I know man. I know sometimes shit just piles up until you can’t take it anymore. You need to realize we’re here for you.”

  “Seth, how do I fix it?”

  “Sam, she’s there waiting for you,” he whispered in my ear. “She’s waiting on you.”

  “She told me she was done.”

  “Sam, that girl loves you. She’s just waiting on you to come home.”

  “I want to go home,” I said quietly.

  “I know, and we are. We’re heading home.”

  I nodded and laid my head down against the tile floor. “I miss her.”

  The guys rolled off me. Seth sat close to me while X and Eli took care of the details to get us home. I didn’t give a shit that we had one more show left. I didn’t care about anything but getting home to Jules.

  Chapter 38

  Jules

  I flung open the door to Cris’s office. “I found them,” I shouted then ran back out the door.

  “Jules, have you lost your mind?” Cris called down the hall.

  “I found the missing items,” I yelled from a broom closet that I had forgotten even existed. We never used this space in the drawing room. We kept talking about adding shelves or something to turn it into storage but we never did.

  “All of it?”

  I waved him over. “Yes all of it. Someone’s been shoving it in here instead of putting it away.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” he growled.

  “Everything is here,” I pointed out, “still in boxes.”

  He ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m going to fire someone.”

  I laughed. “I don’t care what you do, just stop yelling at me about it.”

  Cris pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, you’re not,” I said smiling up at him.

  “Are you going over to the Lawry’s later?”

  “Yeah, I’m heading over there in a few.” Sam had called last night to tell me that his father had passed. After I got off the phone with him, I called Clare. She had screamed and cried then threatened to come to Dallas for the funeral. I hoped she had changed her mind. I talked for what felt like hours trying to convince her that wasn’t a good idea. I know I needed to warn someone only who could I tell? Max didn’t know anything about the situation, his mom didn’t either, and I hadn’t talked to Sam in over a week.

  Tonight was their last show of the tour, Max said that he Sam was heading home tonight afterwards. I’d find him tomorrow to warn him; maybe he’d be able to reason with her. I needed to call Jordan on my way over to check on them. I was worried about him. His mother wasn’t in her right mind.

  I left Cris with the missing items and headed to the front of the shop. I’d called all four of the girls who ran the counter and helped around the shop in earlier before I found everything to talk to them. Now, I was going to ream their asses.

  Luckily the shop was empty, Max and Devi rescheduled all their clients so the shop had been dead during the day. I didn’t like yelling at employees in front of customers, it was bad form.

  “Ladies,” I said walking up, “who wants to tell me why there are boxes of items in a closet in the drawing room?”

  All four girls looked at each other then back at me. I tapped my foot on the floor and watched them. “Anyone?”

  No one answered and I sighed. “Fine, I’ll let Cris deal with you.” I reached under the counter and grabbed my messenger bag. “He’ll be out in a moment.”

  I walked around the counter. “Wait,” one of the girls called out.

  I turned and looked at her. “Yeah?”

  “It was her,” she said pointing at one of the other girls. “I told her she was supposed to put them up but she said no one would notice.”

  The other girl started yelling, and then all four of them were screaming at one another. “Shut up!” I yelled. I pointed at Cris who was walking into the room. “Deal with him, good luck.”

  I walked out the door and let Cris deal with it, I had more important things on my mind right then. I climbed in my car and pulled up Jordan’s number.

  “’Lo,” he mumbled.

  “Hey Jordan, just calling to check up.”

  “She’s sleeping; I slipped something in her drink earlier.”

  I started playing with my lip ring, spinning it around. “That bad?”

  “Yeah, that bad.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Not your fault.”

  “You’ll call if you need anything?”

  “Yep, but I gotta go. She’s going to be waking up soon.”

  “Talk to you later, Jor.”

  “Bye Jules.”

  I dropped the phone in my cup holder and took off to Max’s parents’ house.

  I walked into the door of pure chaos. There were kids running around yelling, women sitting on the couch crying. I walked into the kitchen to find dishes of food on every available surface, and more women standing around gossiping. I turn
ed and walked out of the kitchen and down the hall to the first floor bedroom. Cait was sitting in a pack ‘n’ play screaming her little head off. I reached down and scooped her up.

  “Come on, princess,” I murmured bouncing her on my hip. I went back into the living room and was nearly run over by a pack of over-sugared kids. I put a hand over Cait’s ears then pulled her closer into my side and whistled, loudly. Everything stopped, I pointed at the kids, “Enough, go sit in the family room and play quietly.” The kids looked at me with wide eyes then quietly turned and walked towards the family room. I resettled Cait on my hip and walked back into the kitchen. “Can you ladies cover these dishes and put them in the icebox?” I asked sweetly. “What doesn’t fit put in the icebox in the garage, please.” They nodded and went to work.

  “Cait,” I muttered, “where is your momma?”

  I walked back out of the kitchen and ran into a wall, a warm wall. I looked up and found Sam staring down at me.

  I took a step backwards. “You look like shit,” I blurted out.

  “I feel like shit.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Uh, it’s my parents’ house.”

  I scowled at him. “That’s not what I meant, Max said you wouldn’t get in until tomorrow.”

  “Things change,” he said cryptically. “Where is my mom?”

  “I have no idea.” I looked around again.

  Sam leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips. “We’ll talk later, but I need to find my mom.”

  I stood there in shock as he walked towards the stairs. “Cait, you saw that, right?” I murmured.

  Cait cooed and I took that as an affirmative.

  Sam

  I climbed the stairs searching for my mom or brother. When I walked in the house Jules was bossing everyone around looking frazzled and gorgeous. I looked through the rooms as I passed—all of them empty. Finally, I came up to the master bedroom and peered in, my mom, Max, and Devi were standing there talking about something.

  I cleared my throat. “Is there a reason Jules is downstairs scaring the ladies from church?”

  “Sam!” My mom yelled, running to me and hugging me hard. “I’m so glad to see you.”

  I kissed her on top of the head. “Glad to be home.”

  She let me go and hit me on the arm. “What are you doing here?”

  I scratched the back of my head. “We came home early.”

  She searched my face then frowned and hit me again. “You need to start taking care of yourself.” She grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the room. “You need to eat.”

  “I’m good, Mom.”

  “Nonsense, the ladies have been bringing food all day. Let’s go get you something to eat. You’re too thin, Sam.”

  “Jules was having the ladies put the food away,” I told her.

  She sighed. “Jules is such a good girl.”

  When we walked downstairs, Jules was changing Cait’s diaper while keeping an eye on three kids who were sitting in different corners of the room. One was of course Jaks, who was sporting a fat lip.

  “Oh my word,” my mother gasped, “what happened here?”

  “Just a little fight,” Jules said fastening Cait’s clothes.

  “Where are their mothers?” I asked eyeing the three boys.

  “Hell if I know,” Jules grumbled. “Damn heathens were having a free for all in the family room.”

  My mom scowled at the three boys. “We do not fight,” she told them then walked over to Jules kissing her on the cheek. “Thank you, Jules, for taking care of things.”

  “It wasn’t a problem.”

  “Sam, let’s go,” my mom barked losing the softness in her voice.

  I walked with my mom into the kitchen and she started going through the items in the fridge, pulling things out, shoving other items back into the refrigerator while mumbling to herself. After she was happy with her selection, she pulled out a plate and started piling food on. I watched as the she added more and more items. I would tell her that it was too much but I knew she wouldn’t listen. My mom did what she wanted and you went along with it.

  After she warmed it up in the microwave, she set it down on the kitchen island with a fork then pointed towards the plate. “Eat.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” I sat obediently and dug into the plate of food.

  “What happened to your hand?” my mom asked while staring at my wrapped hand and wrist.

  “Accident,” I mumbled there was no way I was telling her I got into a fight with a wall and lost.

  “How bad are you hurt?”

  “Just a sprain.” She stood over me watching. “How are you, Mom?”

  She shrugged. “We already said our goodbyes, and honestly I’m happy he’s no longer in pain. I know that sounds bad, but it’s the god’s honest truth. There at the end, I prayed that his ending would be swift and painless, and god answered my prayer.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

  “Sam, he knew you loved him. He also knew you were out there doing what you loved. He was so proud of you. He didn’t want you here watching him die. He wanted his boys out living life.”

  I swallowed around the lump in my throat and nodded my head.

  “Good, no regrets. Trust me, life isn’t long enough to live with a bunch of regrets hanging over your head.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Speaking of regrets, when are you going to make me a grandmother?”

  “Mom,” I said choking.

  “I’m not getting any younger, and spending the day with Devi and her babies made me realize how much I want a grandbaby of my own. Get to it, boy,” she said smiling. “I already got my daughter-in-law picked out.”

  I lifted an eyebrow at her. “Really, don’t I get a say in this?”

  “No, you don’t.” Then she walked out of the kitchen.

  “Who did you choose?” I called after her.

  “If you can’t figure that out, you’re not as smart as I thought you were,” she yelled back.

  I hung out at my mom’s for a few hours until she kicked me out. The funeral arrangements had been made months ago and my mom said she just wanted some time alone. I kissed her goodbye then drove over to Jules house. It was time for me to fight for what I wanted.

  Chapter 39

  Jules

  I poured myself a glass of Moscato then curled up on my flea market couch with my Kindle. I planned a quiet night by myself. It was my first night in my house without someone else here. I was looking forward to it; I needed some quiet time.

  I took a sip from my glass then set it aside, turned my Kindle on and pulled a blanket over my legs. Just as I began reading the first sentence, someone knocked on my door. I ignored it. I wasn’t in the mood to entertain tonight. Unfortunately, whoever was at the door wasn’t getting the hint. I threw the blanket aside and went to the door.

  I ripped it open. “What?”

  Sam stood there eyes wide. “Am I interrupting?”

  “Huh?”

  He looked me up and down which caused me to glance down, I groaned. I had answered the door in nothing but my panties and a tight tank top. “Come in,” I said then walked away and headed to my room to put on some clothes.

  I pulled on a pair of yoga pants, took a deep breath, then went back out into the living room. Sam was standing looking at the artwork I had hanging on the wall.

  “This place looks different from the last time I was here. Is this one yours?” he asked pointing at a painting.

  “Yeah, that’s mine.”

  He nodded and continued to peruse the living room. “I like what you’ve done so far.”

  “Thanks,” I murmured. “Why are you here?”

  “I told you we needed to talk.”

  I put my hand up. “So talk.”

  “I’m sorry, I handled things wrong.”

  “Is that it?”

  He blew out a breath. “I pushed you away and I shouldn’t have. I should have grabbed a hold
of you and never let you go. Only I was scared, hell, I’m still scared.” He finally looked at me. “What do I need to do to fix this?”

  “This is a good start.”

  “All my life people have told me I was like my dad, so when he told me what he had done I freaked. Then here you come, and I’ve had a thing for you for a while. And all I can think about is how I’m just like my dad, and I couldn’t hurt you that way. So I fought it, I fought it so hard, but I don’t want to anymore.”

  “What do you want, Sam?”

  “You,” he said simply.

  “When things get hard are you going to run on me? Push me away again?”

  “Honestly, I hope not. The idea of you not being in my life scares me more than anything. I can’t see the future though.”

  “You need to grovel,” I said nodding to myself, “on your knees, and make it good.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Completely, I want you on your knees, telling me exactly why I should trust you.”

  He stared at me a moment before falling to his knees. “Jules, I’m sorry I hurt you. I’d promise you that I’d never do it again, but I can’t. What I will vow to you is that I will try not to shut you out again, that I’ll never lie to you, and I will love you forever. There will never be another girl for me, Jules. You’ve had me by the balls since the first time I saw your lilac eyes. I’m yours.”

  “Fuck,” I muttered, “that was good groveling.”

  He laughed. “I profess my love and that’s all you got?”

  “You’re an idiot.”

  “You’ve told me that many times, and I agree.”

  “Just stay there,” I told him then went and grabbed my phone.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Calling my girls and asking if I should give you another chance.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” He looked like he was about ready to cry.

  I giggled. “Sorry, your face was priceless.”

  “You are a pain in my ass.”

  “It’s one of my charms.”

  “Jules,” he whined.

  I walked over to where he was still kneeling and kissed him. He grabbed ahold of my hips and pulled me to the floor with him deepening the kiss. “I love you, Sam,” I gasped out when he kissed my neck, sucking slightly.