by Tara Brown
“And yet you still love him?” I wrinkle my nose. “Even after all of this?”
“I don't know anymore.” She glances at the door. “But it’s up to me and Matt to figure out how this whole parenting thing is going to go. So you and Brady go home, don't worry about us.” She winces at the sound of her dad fully shouting now. “This is great.”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go before this turns physical.”
“Good call. Text me later.”
“I will. Don't move around, stay in bed and rest. I put your phone right there. Vincenzo brought it.”
“Oh awesome. Thanks.”
“See ya in a bit.” I hug her again and leave, again slinking past Matt and Mr. Ford.
“You can’t decide for her! Let her turn me away!” Matt tries. I hope Mr. Ford punches him and says no. Asshole.
Mrs. Ford shakes her head, sipping her coffee. “You off?”
“Yeah. I need some sleep.”
“We’ll go back to the beach house when they let her out. See you there for the first day of Princess and the Pauper?”
“Yes, you will.” I hug her and leave.
When I get to Brady, he grins. “The Fords aren’t at all how I expected them to be.”
“They’re like new people.” I glance back. “I’ve never seen any of them like this.”
“Let’s go home and forget all about the Fords and Brimleys.” He kisses the side of my head, and for the first time in a long time that sounds amazing.
Chapter 28
Daddy Dearest
May 29, 2016
Sami
“Sami! Sami, let me see you! Tell your dad it’s okay! I need to see you!” He’s screaming outside my door. The desperate sound of it crushes me.
When the shouting stops, the silence is almost worse. I don't know what’s going on.
The question of whether my dad has let him stay or not is answered the moment Matt comes through the door. His eyes are still stuck with a shocked appearance, but for some crazy reason my dad’s let him through.
“Hi,” he speaks softly like I didn't hear all that shouting. “Can I come in?”
I contemplate saying no, but I can’t. I nod and keep my mouth shut.
He glances back at my dad in the hall and closes the door, leaning against it. “We need to talk.”
“Fine. But I’m exhausted and stressed, so can you try to keep the bullshit to a minimum?”
“Bullshit?” He cocks an eyebrow. “You’ve been keeping the biggest secret in the world from me, and I’m the one with bull—” he pauses. “Yup.” He’s holding back the beast, but not well.
“Thanks.” I hope the unimpressed expression is really flashing across my face.
He sits in the chair across the room. His hands fidget but he doesn't say anything.
“What do you want?” I ask cruelly.
“I want to hear it from your lips,” he says quietly. “I want to hear that you knew you were carrying my baby and you didn't tell me.”
“Would it have changed anything?”
“Yeah.” He nods.
“That’s why I didn’t tell you. I don't want you to pick me because there’s a baby, Matt. If you don't want to be with me, I want that decision made honestly.”
“I want you. I want you both.”
“Now,” I add.
“Now and always.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” I glance back at the ceiling, my hands resting on my stomach.
“I thought maybe you would be pissed, but you’d understand I was struggling. I never imagined you were going through this, all alone.”
“I was never alone.” I smile, honestly. “I was protected and saved and helped. My mom, Nat, Nadia, Lori have all been amazing friends and family to me. Lori even offered to marry me so I’m not some unwed mother, shunned from society. He offered to raise my baby as his own, never making me worry about it. I haven’t been alone in this yet.”
“Seriously? Your baby?” He scowls. “How could I have been there for you? You didn't tell me anything. How could I react to the thing you were suffering from when you didn't tell me you were suffering?”
“Are you listening to yourself?” I am dumbfounded. “Your dad treats you like garbage, makes you feel horrible about yourself, leaves you with a giant pile of shit to take care of, and you don't tell me any of it? How was I supposed to know why you didn't love me anymore? I just knew you didn't.”
“I have never stopped loving you. But I don't know how to fix what I’ve done.”
“You can’t. There’s no more games or tormenting each other, Matt.” His name still hurts me to say. “We’re beyond that. This last four years have been insane and there’s no recovering from what we’ve done to each other in them.”
“I want to go back. I want to be strangers again. I want to change how that night ended, the night in the black cab. I want to do it over.” His eyes fill with tears. “I want to go back to the stupid Young Republicans Club that our parents made us go to. I want to be brave enough to approach you and tell you you’re pretty and I like you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You don't remember?”
It takes a second but the summer I was twelve, the summer my parents made me go to a few of those camps bounces around in my head. “I remember going. I don't remember you.”
“That’s because you were Sami Ford and everyone wanted to be your friend.”
“You remember me from when we were kids?”
“I do. I had a crush on you, forever.” He laughs at himself. “And then I spent years telling myself you were a snob and not worth it. If I’d only known.” His eyes add to the story he’s telling me. “If I’d only known you were the love of my life, just waiting for me.”
“Don't.” I fear this, him being sweet and winning me back.
“I have to.” He gets up and comes closer. “I need you.”
My hands cling to my stomach as I muster strength from the tiny heartbeat. “How did you think this was going play out? You’d treat me like garbage and then win me back and I’d let you back in?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I wanted to buy time. I thought you’d understand how horrible everything was and give me time to figure it all out. But then Natalie made her deal with Brady and I was forced to act before I was ready.”
“What?”
“When she told him I had forty-eight hours to end things with you or Brady had to end our friendship.” He glances down, looking ashamed.
His words are a knife in my soul. Nat almost broke up with Brady for me?
“I wasn't finished settling Dad’s finances so there was no way his will would do what he wanted it to, but I couldn't lose Brady too. I had no one,” his voice cracks. “So I came to your house to tell you what was going on, hoping we would come up with a plan together. We could pretend to be broken up until I got the paperwork settled. But when I got to the beach and you were with Lori—”
“He was comforting me,” I sob. “He was letting me cry and telling me he’d marry me to protect me.”
“I didn't know that. I thought you’d moved on.” Tears leave his actual eyes. He actually loses a couple of them down his flushed cheeks. “I didn't know you were pregnant.” He rushes me, collapsing on me. His fingers bite in, gripping me. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
There is so much pain in my chest I can’t get my breath.
The tears are unstoppable.
When he finally pulls back, his gaze softens and lowers to my stomach. “This isn’t the reason I’m here. Yes, a baby changes everything. But my love for you is why I’m here. I didn't know your last month and a half has been like this. I hate that you’ve spent this time heartbroken. I don't know how to fix this.”
“Matt—” It’s my time to implore him to stop. I can hardly breathe through the tears and sobbing.
“I need you to know how much I love you, how big my love for you is. And then I’ll go.” He’s a mess. “I ju
st needed you to know that I thought I could buy time. I thought I could get through the stupid month with grief as my excuse and that you and I were strong enough to outlast that.”
“Don't go.” I grasp his hand.
He closes his eyes, clutching to me as tears leak down his face.
I shuffle over on the hospital bed, making a bit of room. He climbs on, holding me tight to him and kissing the top of my head, breathing me in.
He’s become one of those guys.
I close my eyes, feeling a bit of everything.
I think we fall asleep like this, us holding each other with puffy eyes and swollen hearts.
A noise makes me open my eyes. My mother grins wide, her eyes are glossy and she’s holding her hands over her heart.
“Mom?” I whisper.
“The doctor wants to do another scan. They’re going to let you see this one as they do it.”
“We can see?” I smile. “Like an ultrasound?”
“Yeah.” She nods. “We were hoping we could all be here for it.” She glances at Matt who starts to stir.
“What’s happening?” He rubs his eyes.
“The doctor wants to do an ultrasound and we can see it, see the baby.”
His eyes widen. “What? Seriously?” He grins but it’s nervous and unsure.
He holds me awkwardly as he climbs off, like suddenly I’m fragile.
The desperation that was in his touch is gone, replaced by uncertainty.
My dad walks through the door with the doctor. His eyes flicker from me to Matt, a glare rests there until my mom reaches over and takes his hand, squeezing it.
“Dr. Zhu, this is Matt Brimley.” I glance at Matt.
“I’m the dad.” He beams and offers his meaty hand. Hearing him say that makes my poor battered heart light up, fixing some of the dark spots I didn't think would ever see light again.
My mom sniffles a little and my dad wraps an arm around her shoulders. I’ve never really seen them like this before.
It’s like the happy ending in a cheesy Hallmark movie. But this isn’t the ending for me.
I sigh as they all talk while the doctor gets the machine ready. Matt’s hand slips into mine as we watch the screen for the tiny heartbeat.
The goo on my belly feels cool as he moves the weird ultrasound controller over my stomach. The images are weird and totally hard to make out.
“There he is.” He points his finger and moves the scanner better so we can see. “This is the heart and this is the face. See his little hand?”
“His?” I ask.
“Yeah, you told me you wanted to know the sex, well there it is. He’s a he.” Dr. Zhu smiles wide. “Congratulations, you’re having a boy.”
“A boy.” I thought for sure I'd have a girl and it would be her and I—just her and I. But the pride and excitement on Matt’s face, combined with the fact I don't think it will be just me and the baby, is the best possible outcome.
Matt’s eyes glisten.
My dad hugs my mom and then me and then Matt. He’s an emotional mess. “I’m going to be a grandpa!” he tells the doctor like this is news, hugging him as well.
“We need to start picking nursery colors and have the painters in. I think one of those tree-house beds is what he needs.”
“We can’t choose his bedroom.” My dad scowls.
“Not for his bedroom at their house. At ours.” Her eyes light up even more. “For when he comes to stay with us. It gives me a reason to redo that ghastly room upstairs, the one with the rose-colored carpet.”
My dad’s scowl changes. “Oh, of course, he’ll come and stay. We’ll have a small person again.” He smiles at me. “I missed too much when you were little. I won’t be making that same mistake.” He squeezes my hand.
“Anyway, the baby’s fine. The hemorrhage was nothing serious. I want you to go home tonight, take it easy. Report back if any bleeding occurs. But for now, I think just slow movements and taking it easy should be all that's necessary. Obviously, some activities are off the table for this moment.” He winks, creeping me out until I realize he means sex. “In a couple of weeks when we do your scheduled ultrasound, I’ll decide if this resting is necessary. In the meantime, I’ve taken a good picture here. If you want I can leave it on the screen and you can have a moment alone.” Dr. Zhu points at the computer.
“Oh sweet. Thanks.”
He leaves, giving my parents an expectant grin. “Shall we give Mom and Dad a moment?”
My mom opens her mouth, I assume to ask to stay, I can see in her eyes, but my dad puts an arm around her shoulders and escorts her out. “Of course.”
When the door closes, Matt slumps onto the stool the doctor sat on. “Holy shit.” He swallows hard, staring at the weird alien creature on the screen. “This is real. Are you still feeling like it’s surreal? Are you freaking out?”
“No. You missed the first three months of morning sickness. It’s real. Trust me. It tried to kill me.”
He doesn’t laugh like I intended him to. He flinches. “I never want to miss another thing.”
“I wasn’t trying to guilt you. If you want, I can rehash most of the details for you.”
“I’ve seen you puke. I’m good.”
“No, I mean like when I first felt him move and when I noticed things change.”
“You’ve felt him? Already?” His eyes lose some of the humor. “Really?”
“They said it was gas, but I’ve felt gas all along. Last week it was completely different. I felt a fluttering inside me, the strongest movement. It wasn't like gas at all.”
“I missed that?” He sighs. “If he wasn't already dead, I’d never forgive my dad.” He clenches his jaw.
“Don't hate him.” I have to be the adult in this moment, it sucks. “Hate the fact that again, we didn't speak to each other. We didn't communicate. Had you told me what was going on, or just asked me to wait, I would have. And if I’d told you about the baby, you might have felt safer in the relationship to take the time and not assume I was hooking up with Lori, of all the pucks you know. We’re the worst for just telling the other person what’s going on. We both always act like we’re an island and this pregnancy showed me I’m not.”
“You’re right. I should have come to you and told you.” He glances down at my belly. “I almost did. My dad had just finished signing over his whole world to me when you guys arrived. I almost said fuck it and made a run for the room where you were.”
“Why didn't you?”
“He had a thirty-day guardianship placed over me. His main lawyer had to observe me before completely releasing everything to me. The entire fortune was put in limbo, waiting for me to prove I was done with you and hockey. So I sent that doctor to talk to you. I did the coldest thing I could think of, right in front of the lawyer, hoping he bought it. I thought maybe you’d see it as a sign that I was too upset to see anyone.”
“It wasn’t a great way to tell me that. I sort of assumed you just didn’t want me around.”
“I was furious with my father. His lawyer’s team had me followed. All my electronics were monitored, as were Brady’s. So I thought I would hurry through the thirty days and get it over with. I did everything I could to prove I was nothing like what my father thought I was. Except that one Instagram message I sent you.”
“What?”
“The Instagram message. I used Bev’s phone, sent you a message.” He scowls. “You didn't get it?”
“No.” I grab my phone and log in to Instagram. “I have millions of followers. I don't check that shit.” I scroll through the hundreds of messages until I come to the one from Beverly. I click it, wincing when I see a single sentence. I read it aloud, “I’ll love you forever, don't believe anything you hear or see until I contact you. MB.” I lift my gaze. “Seriously? This is what you sent?”
“You’re always on Instagram. I assumed you’d see it. I thought maybe you just disregarded it.”
“No,” I snap. “I can’t keep
up with private messages.”
“I didn't know that.” He tries to defend himself.
“Okay, messages and lawyers and all the bullshit aside, just tell me one thing: is this whole shit show done? Is it over? Or did you throw caution to the wind coming here?”
“Yeah, as of last week. It’s all finished and all the money is currently being put into trusts. I’ve distributed some to my mother to go with her houses, enough to care for her and keep her in the life she’s accustomed to. No one in her family will feel it’s fair, but I don't care. I gave her just enough so she can’t give them any. I’m not responsible for this shit. They can sell houses and stop pretending to be so rich. I set up a trust fund for Tony’s kid. She’ll be taken care of. His widow gets his life insurance which is hefty. But when that runs out, she’ll also have to work or remarry. She’s her family’s problem, not mine, and she’s an adult. I set up trust funds for all my cousins, to make sure they all have enough for school. And so my grandparents can afford a nursing home when they’re ready for one. And then I sold shares in the company.” He grins, wide. “Enough that we are now a traditional board. I’ve changed it so I can monitor the whole thing randomly, as I choose. It’ll run because of the people who actually know what they’re doing, not someone who inherited. And then I donated a huge amount of money to single moms and domestic violence shelters.”
“What?” I’m confused.
“It just seemed right. Give some of his stupid money away. I was doing exactly what he feared I would.”
“Why? Why did you do all of that?”
“Revenge. It’s sick and twisted but it really made me feel better. I’m even going back.” His eyes twinkle.
“Are you kidding?”
“No.” He laughs. “As long as New York will have me, I’m going to play pro. When it’s time to move, I’ll retire and just be with you and our son if you’ll have me back. I don't have to work, obviously, but I want to play.”
“Oh my God.” I’m stunned. “Oh my God. Your dad would hate this.”
“I know.” He chuckles. “It was my plan from the minute the old man’s heart stopped. My mom’s furious, but she’s got to learn to take care of herself. I’m not being responsible for her. I’m responsible for you.” He leans in and kisses my cheek and then lowers to my stomach. “And you.” He places a kiss on my ribs, avoiding the gooey stuff.