The Love We Had

by C Monet

  “I want more, and you know that. Right now isn’t the place for this,” I finished, ending the conversation. Before todays meeting we tried to discuss the matter at hand, and I was constantly met with fingers being pointed at me while I pointed double that back at her. We weren’t getting anywhere alone.

  “You weren’t perfect either,” she continued.

  “And that’s why we need to set each other free.”

  “Give him what he wants,” she said standing to her feet to leave. Naomi never could take the heat. She ran as soon as a chance presented itself. This was no different, she just knew I would succumb to her bullshit. She knew what this was about. I explained it over and over. Her happiness was important to me. But the one thing that would make me happy she wasn’t willing to bend or even entertain. My career was a moot point for me. I could continue to climb, or I could stop the choice was hers.

  “Mr. Belton, are you ready to proceed?” Charlotte asked. I also hated that I had to look at her best friend, our friend, and do this. I begged her to hire someone else due to the conflict of interest. She refused as I knew she would. Charlotte was hands down the best attorney in town. Had I known she would say yes to me I would have hired her. However, a bond like theirs left no room for me. Her side was decided before this was even up for conversation.

  “I need a minute,” I said walking out of the office. I saw Naomi standing with her hands on top of her car. Her sign of frustration. It was like she would do a standing downward dog when she was upset. It was funny as hell to me and my laughing normally frustrated her more. I chuckled as I approached.

  Placing my palm on the small of her back she lifted her head. Tears ran down her cheeks and I noticed her ring missing. I stepped back and combed through my beard. With every second the realization of what I was doing set in. Her ring shouldn’t be off her finger. It didn’t make or break a marriage, at the end of the day we were still one. Her ring was a symbol of what we had. Thinking about her not caring for that symbol or seeing it for what it was had me livid.

  “I thought this was some stupid joke or moment for you to prove how horrible of a wife I am. But no this is real. You really don’t want this anymore,” she sighed and wiped her eyes. All of that was partially true. She wasn’t a horrible wife. She was just Naomi; a new Naomi and I was a new Graysen. We tainted shit along the way and didn’t bother cleaning it up. I didn’t want to spend another day away from her, but shit had to change but she had yet to see the need.

  “We can’t keep pretending we want the same things out of life. You don’t want the normal wife life and that’s what I want.” No matter how many times I said it she wasn’t understanding what I was saying. Sure I could require her to change her ways. I didn’t want to. Naomi wanted success, money and to conquer the world. I wanted that for her without me holding her back and harping on it. “We are thirty-one years old Mimi and it’s time to start appreciating what we have and building on what we don’t. Your job is important and I’m proud of the work you’ve done but why can’t kids be added to the mix of achievements?”

  “So, because I don’t want kids, you are leaving me?”

  “It’s not about you not wanting kids, it’s your attitude towards anything I want from you. I give you any and everything you want but all my requests are met with bullshit, excuses, and attitude. I’m human and you aren’t anymore.”

  “You haven’t been home in weeks. How do you know I’m not willing now?”

  “Show me you aren’t only doing this because your fairytale is ending, and we can talk. I’m leaving town for a few weeks tonight. When I get back if you want to talk then reach out. I’m not kissing your ass anymore. You talk fiction bae, and I talk facts. The facts are you haven’t given a fuck about me in months.”

  “That’s not fair and you know it. You aren’t perfect.”

  “I know that, and I’ve admitted my faults. Have you? No you haven’t and you don’t want to, so don’t. But don’t dare leave this for me to clean up without leaving some for yourself. I’ll be in touch,” I said moving back.

  Stepping away from her car, I came back to place a small kiss on her forehead before leaving. I loved my wife something serious. I hoped she knew that this had nothing to do with the lack of. Naomi had always been the one I wanted to spend my life with. However, over, the years things changed, and she took it as me whining. My guard came up and it was over after that.

  It was always me planning dinner and getaways with her showing up late or canceling. As a man I was tired. The more we climbed professionally the further we grew apart. I was done climbing and she wasn’t. I didn’t want to be the one to call her out for waiting so late to climb but it was true. When I took off, she didn’t. We were on different frequencies and she had to feel that, or the divorce would be final. It would hurt but it would happen. The pain could be no worse than where we were now.

  3

  Naomi

  Somebody said every day was gon' be sunny skies- Tamar

  “Charlotte, my life is over with and it’s all my fault,” I said slamming my purse down in the extra chair. Tonight, we were meeting up for a late dinner at Lamon’s Steakhouse. Back in the day me and Graysen loved this place, but it seemed like so long ago that we actually had time to have a quiet dinner with no phones and no interruptions. That was my fault too. I would be late and by the time I arrived he had finished his meal and had time to grow resentful.

  “No, it’s not. He doesn’t really wanna go through with this and if you haven’t noticed, that’s the problem.”

  “If he didn’t want to go through with it he wouldn’t. I know Graysen.”

  “No, you know the old Graysen. As your friend, I’m saying this out of love. You can fix this, but you need to wake the fuck up before it’s too late. You haven’t been a good wife or friend in a long time,” Charlotte said as she leaned in her chair. I was taken back. How could she say that to me?

  “Are you seriously telling me that right now? I think I bought that shirt for your birthday. I know I was just at your luncheon singing praise. I’m confused.”

  “Oh so you want to get all the way real tonight, huh?” she replied with a smirk. I was always doing something for Charlotte and my other friends also. Having her as my friend had been the best thing in my life for many years. “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Naomi, you are selfish and buying me gifts won't solidify our friendship. You being a part of my life is what does.”

  “How have I not been a part of your life? We talk on a regular.” Nothing she was saying made much sense to me. Everyone attacking me was taking me to a place I hadn’t visited. First Graysen and now Charlotte. Someone had to explain what was happening before I fucked some shit up.

  “You haven’t been a part of my life for the last two years. You send cards and your assistant in your place. Did you know I made partner? Did you know that Tabitha is on the honor roll? When is the last time you’ve been by? How many times have I told you that you need to slow down and spend time with those that love you?”

  “My cards are thoughtful, and I always have a message that is tailored to you. And you know I’ve been busy. And you certainly don’t call like you used to. This isn’t all on me.”

  “I don’t call because you always rush me off the phone unless you need legal advice. You are lost and need to wish upon a star to get back to the woman you once were. I love you MiMi, but you need to wake the fuck up.”

  “Are you sleeping with Gray? I sense some negative energy,” It was awfully odd that she was all team Graysen like I wasn’t her friend. But I heard her loud and clear. Admitting I was wrong wasn’t something I knew how to do well.. I don’t think anyone was ready to say, ‘Hey, I’m the problem.’ But her icy tone and cut the shit tone had me looking at myself while she continued to roll her eyes and fuss about how fucked up I had become.

  “Surely you didn’t just ask me that. And that energy you sense is real energy. I’m giving tough love right now and that’s somethin
g that your husband should have given you a while ago. Now you are just some spoiled self-centered woman that has no idea that everything she is chasing is also chasing away the people that mean the most to her. And for the record I would never sleep with Graysen, bitch don’t you ever come at me like that again,” she whispered looking around. I smirked because I knew better than to accuse her or even mention it, but she was acting real “Khloe Kardashiany” right now.

  “What have I done so wrong?”

  “Gray is gone, and you have no one else. Take inventory of your life and then just maybe you will understand why you are on the brink of divorce. You may also realize that the one real friend you have is fed up with your act. I love you dearly, but you need to see what life looks like when you don’t get everything you want. Life isn’t a book. You have a story this is true but it won’t look like everyone else’s. Is this how you want your story to end?” she stood to leave and now I was almost in shambles. Rushing to the bathroom I stood in the mirror. I no longer recognized the person staring back at me. It was as if a large gloomy cloud full of rain and lightning hovered over me.

  My bright skin was gone. The bags under my eyes were reaching my cheeks. My hair was thinning and greying in the front. I was tired and taking a break was something I needed to consider. I didn’t know how I was going to pull a break off in the middle of my highest grossing season. However, maybe this was the problem, to begin with. I didn’t know how to rest. I had my busy schedule mixed up with productivity. I was only hurting those around me, and that story was being told in my appearance. I no longer had the people around me that made me genuinely happy.

  You’ve gotta do better or lose your friends and loved ones. I thought to myself. My body was still in good shape, but I felt heartless. Charlotte was right. I had been a terrible friend. It had been months since I visited my goddaughter. I didn’t know how work was going for her, and I damn sure couldn’t remember the last time I saw my family. And poor Graysen, we were more like roommates than lovers. Love didn’t meet us at the door anymore, it was a slight head nod or a nod while handling business on one of our many smart phones.

  Leaving the restroom I grabbed my things and stood to wait for the valet to bring my car around. The night was nice with clear skies and plenty of stars to ogle at. As my car pulled up I caught a shooting star. Thinking of Charlotte's words I silently made a wish asking for a sign on what I should do. Wishing for something specific would only fix one aspect. I needed a lot of fixing all around at this point.

  4

  Naomi

  Love don't ever mean well when you're living it alone- Tamar

  On the ride home all I could think about was the way Charlotte looked at me when she left. She was fed up and disappointed in me. At this point who wasn’t? I didn’t want to lose my friendship with Charlotte. Not because she was my go-to legal person but because we had so much love between us. Growing up didn’t always have to mean growing apart. She was a mother now and I vowed to be the best godparent ever and clearly, I had dropped the ball on that also.

  Pulling in my garage I shot her text, Best friend I’m extremely sorry for not being there for you or Tabitha. I promise I will do better. Please forgive me, you have always been the one consistent thing I’ve been grateful for. Our friendship isn’t about gifts and I’m sorry for setting that tone and thinking it wouldn’t bother you. Say you’ll forgive me.

  That also made me think of Graysen, traveling with his job had always been a thing. Even when he was just starting out. I secretly hated that he had to travel but I loved him enough to get over it. We would make do with Skype dates, cute messages and ‘thinking of you’ gifts. That stopped years ago, and I couldn’t tell you why other than us becoming comfortable. Sometimes I didn’t even know if he made it to his location safely. I shot him a text, I still love you very much and I hope you have a safe trip.

  “You know you should have been sent that text,” I heard someone say. I looked around and no one was there. It must have been the wine making me hear shit. I entered the home and I felt a presence. I couldn’t see anyone, but I definitely felt something or someone around me. A chill went down my spine.

  “Graysen, are you here?” I asked as I made my way to the front door. I made sure it was locked and set the alarm. I laughed out loud because I was definitely hearing shit. Removing my shoes, I poured another glass of wine. The only way to get over the buzz wearing off was to get a little more of a buzz.

  It was finally the weekend and I had no plans but to be lazy and catch up on reading. Grabbing my phone, I checked my messages. It was Graysen texting back letting me know he had made it safely and would be calling a little later. I smiled because this felt like old times. I didn’t know how long it would last but I would enjoy a peaceful conversation for now.

  “Back then he would Skype you so could see the location and plan a trip,” I heard over my shoulder. I froze because I didn’t know who was in my home and talking to me about things only we knew about. I wouldn’t dare turn around scared out of my mind.

  “Do you want money?” I asked slowly.

  “Girl hell nah, I want you to turn around and meet me. Shit, at some point you gotta meet your fate.” I stood still, afraid of who I was talking to and how they got in. And not to mention I was responding like a dumb ass. If I turned around and it was an intruder I could scream and maybe that would scare them off. But on second thought they may kill me. Graysen had begged me to get some protection and I refused. We lived in a good neighborhood. We had no crime in the area and it was one of the reasons we settled on it.

  Turning around I screamed as loud as I could, “Ahhhh,” the unknown woman started laughing hysterically. I grabbed the wine opener and started swinging. Nothing I did phased her as she bolted away from me like a track player or a spirit. Shit, was it a spirit?

  “Calm down, I’m Mara,” she admitted sitting on top of my island and biting my last apple like she lived here.

  “Why and how did you get in my home?”

  “The how I can’t really explain. I’m learning still. But the why? You know why I’m here heffa.” She joked and jumped from the island. Walking around me, she scuffed and poked. “You one miserable, fly woman. But I dig it.”

  “I don’t actually, but I’m going to call the police if you aren’t gone by the time I close my eyes and count to ten,” I said shutting my eyes and silently counting down. When I opened them she was gone. I sighed and took the wine straight to the head. I needed some sleep. Overworking myself was making me see things that weren’t real. Mara couldn’t be real. She came out of nowhere and she was gone too fast. Grabbing my phone I was about to call Charlotte and ask if she spiked my wine or if she was feeling the remnants of the wine.

  “Boo,” she said reappearing before I could press call. I took off for the stairs. Making it to my bedroom I closed and locked myself in the closet. Closing my eyes again I prayed whoever it was would just leave me alone. She was freaking me out just appearing and disappearing.

  “Leave me alone, please.”

  “Naomi, please come out. I just want to help.”

  “I don’t need your damn help,” I screamed from the closet. She wasn’t here to hurt me, but I didn’t understand her presence. Dialing Graysen, he answered on the first ring. I was panting out of breath and I knew what I was about to say would sound crazy, but I had to do something or be dead by morning.

  “Hey, you ok?” he asked as I continued to search how to say what I was about to say without sounding completely insane.

  “Someone is in the house and she won’t leave.”

  “Do you know her? Have you called the police?” he asked still talking to his work friends. The music was up loud. Maybe he was at a bar. Or maybe he was with someone else. Either way, my shoulders slumped because I wasn’t even comfortable asking. I had no right to ask but right now was an emergency so little miss homewrecker would have to wait.

  “I’ve never seen her a day in my life. She ke
eps saying she wants to help me. I don’t know if I’m going crazy or something,” I cracked the closet door open and there she was jumping on my bed like a kid. She stopped and waved at me and continued on. “Graysen she is jumping on our bed like a child. Help.”

  “Mimi, I’m looking at the cameras and I don’t see anyone. Have you been drinking that moonshine again? I told you that backwoods shit was bad for you. The shit is made in the woods out of wood and shit girl.”

  I peeked out the closet again and sure as shit, she was there. I disconnected the line and stepped out. It was evident that I couldn’t run from her or escape her. It was time to just hear what she had to say and get it over with. If she was here to kill me then so be it. I was ready to die. I had a lot of questions for God anyway. And I wouldn’t have to live with the idea of losing my husband. Yea it was fine.

  “You are one silly woman,” she laughed standing in front of me. Poking me again she continued to laugh and touch me. “I’m not here to kill you but I am here to shake shit up a bit.”

  “What do you want?” I asked. She could read my thoughts, and this was getting crazier by the minute. My life was already shaken. I couldn’t imagine anything else she could do to make it worse. If she could she was one evil bitch.

  “I said I wanted to help,” she responded folding her arms.

  “Help with what?”

  “I’m the spirit of relationships past,” she said extending her hand. She was a spirit from past relationships? Yea the wine was definitely hitting tonight. I laughed at her and at myself. Someone had to have slipped something in my drink if I was seeing spirits. No less a spirit for relationships. I would have to call Charlotte and ask her what she had me sipping on. I was never drinking it again that was for sure.

  “So you are here to do what? I’ve only had one relationship and we are just fine,” I lied still trying to protect my image. She was a stranger, spirit or whatever and I wasn’t about to tell her my life was in disarray because divorce was coming full steam ahead.