Silencing Memories

by Desiree Holt

  He watched her through slitted eyes, gauging her response, but she didn’t pull away. Heat flashed in her eyes, the warm silver darkening almost to slate, and his control blew away like smoke on water.

  He touched his lips to hers again, harder this time, ravenously, and felt her mouth open under the pressure. Slowly, slowly, he intruded with his tongue, licking inside the hot, dark well, dancing across the roof of her mouth, waiting for her to back off. The kiss seemed to go on forever.

  In an attempt to get his body under control, he lifted his mouth from hers and tilted his head away slightly, trying to read the look in her eyes. The hunger and need and desire swirling in them shocked the hell out of him. Now what did he do?

  “Listen to me, Lindsey, and listen very carefully.” He struggled to get the words out past his tightened vocal cords. “I’m breaking Vanetta’s Number One Rule of Law here—don’t get involved with clients. Keep the personal and professional separate. Don’t get emotionally involved.”

  “Nick…”

  He held up a hand. “You don’t know anything about me. I use women and I have a reputation for it. I’m casual about relationships. I’m certainly not bragging about that kind of behavior, just stating a fact.” He drew in a deep breath and let it out. “But with you, Lindsey, I don’t think anything could ever be casual. This is so different I’m not sure I know how to deal with it. You have to know that I want you, but I keep thinking it’s wrong. You’re my client.”

  “I want you, too.” The words sounded stiff, as if she had to force them out or hadn’t said them in a long time. So now what happened?

  “It scares me,” he went on, “to realize if we do this, it won’t be any one-night stand. Something’s happening here. You feel it, too. I know it. But I don’t want to take advantage of you when you’re emotionally defenseless. And I don’t know if I’d be any good at it. Forget about the client thing for a moment. You’re not a woman a man should get involved with casually. And we let this genie out of the bottle, we can’t put him back. “

  “Nick…” She stared into his eyes, searching.

  For what?

  “Tonight will not be once and done, Lindsey.” His voice was low but firm. “Not by a long shot. I have no idea where to go with this because I’ve never found myself in this situation before. So think very, very carefully. If it’s not what you want, I need to stop right now. In another minute, I won’t be able to, and I’ll do something we’ll both regret. If what you want is comfort in the middle of despair, I’ll take care of your leg and fix you a cup of hot chocolate. But if you’re willing to take a chance and see what we’ve got, with a man who has no idea how to handle this, now is the time to say so.”

  Lindsey was so stunned she didn’t know what to do. Despite the nearly visible thread of sexual tension stretched so tight between them and the heavily charged air surrounding them, he’d been thoroughly professional in his behavior toward her. Until now. With that one kiss, he opened floodgates she’d kept locked since her last failed relationship.

  Now, she felt like a mare in heat. If she pulled back, it would be over and done between them. He would be as good as his word. She couldn’t begin to think why this cocky, arrogant man should be able to break down barriers others couldn’t, but ending this was the last thing on her mind. She wanted to melt into him, let him devour her. But she didn’t know what to say, how to answer him.

  Nick stroked his fingers against the side of her cheek.

  “Tell you what,” he said. “Why don’t I finish tending to your leg, I’ll shower, then we’ll eat? Give you some time to think about this, okay?”

  “Nick, I don’t—”

  He touched her lips.

  “Shh. It’s okay. Let’s just see what happens when the aspirins kick in and we’ve had some food.”

  Lindsey felt somewhat like a teenager in her first heavy petting session, but she felt both relief and regret that he was giving her time to think about this. He carried his suitcase into the closet, and while she pulled on soft sweat pants and a tank top, he took his shower.

  By the time he walked into the kitchen in jeans and a T-shirt, she’d warmed the food and set it out on the table with plates and silverware.

  She looked up and gave him a shaky grin. “Can’t go wrong with Chinese food.”

  “My philosophy exactly.”

  The conversation over dinner was somewhat stilted, almost formal, as they both ignored the elephant in the room. But once the food had been put away and the dishes in the dishwasher, Lindsey had run out of busy work. She felt Nick’s eyes on her but didn’t know what to say. If she moved forward, would he think she was like all the other women he took to bed? If she backed away, would he think her an ice cube?

  “Don’t think so hard.” He placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “The answer has to come to you naturally. And if it’s no, we’ll just pretend none of this ever happened. Why don’t you get some sheets and a blanket, and I’ll make up the couch.”

  “No.” She hadn’t meant to shout it so loudly and lowered her voice. “What I mean is, well…that couch isn’t all that comfortable.”

  Nick cupped her chin with his warm hand, forcing her gaze up to his. “This isn’t about the couch, Lindsey. I’m not playing games with you. You know how I feel. What I want. I need to know how you feel. Whatever your answer is, I can handle it. Just don’t beat around the bush, okay? You don’t seem like that kind of person. So what’s the deal?”

  She drew in a long shuddering breath, released it slowly, and stepped off the imaginary cliff. “I don’t think you should sleep on the couch. The bed is much more comfortable.”

  The smile that spread over his face warmed her to her toes. She still wasn’t sure whether or not she was making a mistake, but she wanted to take this risk.

  “I—I should warn you,” she stammered. “I’m not very good at this.”

  He brushed his mouth against hers. “Why don’t you let me be the judge of that?”

  He lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Sweeping back the spread and covers with one hand, he stood her on her feet and slowly eased off the tank top and sweat pants. With infinite care, he lifted her to the bed, his eyes glued to her as he stripped off his clothes.

  He’s magnificent! That’s the only word for it.

  Lindsey couldn’t take her eyes from his toned and sculpted body. And the glorious erection pointing straight at her. Heat flooded her, and her nipples were suddenly hard as diamonds. Between her thighs, she felt the pulse beat of desire and the liquid flooding her sex.

  Then he was beside her, his mouth fused again with hers. She could feel its soft texture, the roughness of the inevitable late day stubble on his chin.

  Lindsey could hardly breathe. She began to shake from the sensations rising through her body. The pain from her knee and the soreness in her muscles disappeared. All she could feel was the heat of Nick Vanetta’s skin, the lick of his tongue, the warm fingertips seeking out the sensitive places of her body.

  She shivered as he kissed the soft spot behind her ear, traced it with his tongue, and nibbled at it lightly, sending sensations cascading through her body. He stroked her everywhere, touching her shoulders, tracing her collarbone with the tips of his fingers. Her skin felt like a thousand tiny flares were igniting, and she arched into his touch, fearful he’d take it away.

  But his hands moved tenderly over the slope of her breasts, his fingers lightly pinching her hardened nipples. Gently palming her breasts, he claimed her mouth again, his tongue dancing lightly as it swept the inner recesses, feeding on her, threatening to swallow her. She felt as if she’d been transported to another place.

  Slowly, slowly, his hand trailed down her stomach, pausing to caress her navel, the tip of his finger circling lightly, and then drifting lower to brush the tight triangle of curls that covered her sex. For so long, she had denied herself this pleasure. No, not this pleasure. Never like this. Everything that had gone before was wea
k and pale in comparison.

  With his tongue painting little circles in the shell of her ear, he moved fingers into her folds, gently separating them to probe the entrance to her body. Erotic sensations spread to every art of her as he slid one long finger into her hot flesh. When he pulled his hand away, she opened her eyes to see him stretched out on his side, looking down at her.

  “Lindsey?” He sounded as if he had to push he word out.

  “What? What’s wrong?” She shifted her body against him, urging him on.

  “Please, you have to tell me.” His face was taut with the effort at control. “I know this sounds stupid in this day and age, but are you a virgin? I have to know.”

  “N—no.” Her eyes widened, and a tiny knot tightened low in her belly. What was wrong here? “No, I’m not. What’s the matter?”

  “You are so damned tight.” He brushed the tips of his fingers across her cheekbone. “There’s no way in hell you’re ready for me, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

  In that one statement, she felt the essence of the man, someone looking for more than a good time in bed, someone who could protect and shelter her, someone with depth of feeling and emotion. It both soothed and frightened her. Soothed because this was more than just lust, and frightened her because her emotions were about to dive into a very deep pool.

  Turning her head to the side, she closed her eyes. “It’s…been a very long time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  She waited, her heart nearly stopped, to see if he would roll away from her. If he did, that was okay. She’d handle it. But holy mother of god, she hoped he didn’t because she wanted him with a hunger that consumed her.

  “Shh, it’s all right.” Nick cradled her against him, and she could feel the tension rolling off his big body in waves. “Just relax, okay? I’ll take care of you.”

  “Oh, God, Nick, you must think—” What? What did he think? She had to make sure he understood that this was what she wanted.

  “It’s all right, baby.” He brushed kisses across her forehead and cheeks, stroking the length of her body with his hand. “Everything will be fine. Look at me, Lindsey.”

  She stared at him. The room was dark, but the light spilling through the open bathroom doorway outlined Nick’s muscular, sculptured body. His eyes reflected the faint light as he looked at her with intense hunger.

  “Do you trust me?”

  She nodded, trembling. She did trust him. More than that, she realized he respected her, not just as a client but as a woman he’d obviously come to care about in a very, very short time. She wanted this so badly but her stupid body was making a mess of things.

  “Then just let yourself go,” he told her. “Let me make you feel good, and it will all come out all right.”

  He murmured in her ear, crooning to her, caressing her. Little by little, she relaxed, her muscles turning to liquid. His hand drifted over her body, touching and stroking her, all the while kissing every sensitive spot he touched. Her anxiety began to disappear as he used his mouth to coax a response from her body. He brushed his lips over her heated skin, sucking her nipples as they sprang to life under his hot, wet mouth. The scrape of his teeth on the under slope of her breasts followed by the soothing lick of his tongue made her shiver.

  His head moved lower, and the tip of his tongue circled her navel, sending shards of heat through her. A pulse began to throb deep within her core. He shifted beside her, and in a moment, he was kneeling between her legs, kissing and stroking the inside of her thighs, skimming his hands over her until she couldn’t stop quivering.

  “Close your eyes now, Lindsey.” His voice was hoarse, raspy. “Don’t think, just feel.”

  As if she could keep them open.

  “Beautiful,” he whispered, his words like a soft breeze. “So beautiful.”

  He draped her legs over his shoulders, his thumbs opening her, and the next thing she felt was his tongue slipping inside her. At the first thrust, all her nerve endings rioted, and the heavy pulse in her core beat harder.

  On and on it went, her hips thrusting at him, little cries escaping from her throat. When he flicked the tip of his tongue on her clitoris, a madness raced through her. If he hadn’t been holding her hips, she’d have lifted them off the bed. He slipped his thumb over the swollen nub, drawing lazy circles over and over, while his tongue resumed its demanding assault on her hot sheath. Her body began to move with demanding urgency, back and forth, her hips twisting. Still, he kept the same rhythm, stroking, thrusting. The continued assault on her senses took her up a dark spiral of need, higher, higher, more intense than any she’d ever felt before. She tried to pull back, but Nick was relentless.

  Her hips thrust at his mouth, and a hoarse scream escaped from her throat. He held her firmly, still plundering her with his tongue, his thumb still tormenting her painfully sensitive clit. She begged him to stop. She begged him not to stop. She was out of her mind with pleasure and need.

  He slid one long, lean finger into her again, then a second, the entry smoother and easier as the gathering moisture eased the way. His fingers curled, finding her trigger spot and setting off rockets inside her.

  And then it happened, an explosion that nearly rocked her off the bed. She shattered so hard she was sure she’d come apart.

  Slowly, the intensity eased until her heartbeat slowed and her body moved only with tiny aftershocks. She lay panting, astounded by the power of her orgasm. Nothing in her sexual experiences had prepared her for the stunning intimacy of what had just happened.

  “Better?” Nick’s voice was like warm syrup.

  She could only nod.

  “Hang on, then. We’re far from done.”

  Oh, god!

  He began again, kissing all the sensitive spots—where her shoulder met her neck, behind her ear, her nipples, the slope of her breasts, her navel. And wherever his mouth went, his hands followed, feathering, teasing, arousing.

  Lindsey lost all sense of time and place. He played her body like an instrument, touching her in places she didn’t even know existed, coaxing reactions from her she had never felt before. Her skin was on fire, and her breasts felt as if they would burst from their fullness. The pulse between her legs throbbed rhythmically, slowly increasing in intensity. Nothing was real except Nick, and the forceful sensations that captured every nerve ending.

  “Please, please, please,” she begged, straining for release.

  “Not yet, sugar. Not just yet.”

  Sweat beaded on Nick’s forehead as he fought to maintain control. What the hell kind of life did this woman lead that sex had been absent for so long she was like an untouched virgin? More than with any other woman in his life, he was determined to bring her pleasure greater than she’d ever known, and that required patience. A lot of it. When he felt the first drops of her moisture on his tongue, he wanted to shout with pleasure. And when he brought her to that first shattering climax, he felt as if someone had given him the earth.

  He stretched forward and snapped on the lamp beside the bed.

  “Nick?” Her voice was foggy. “Don’t…”

  She tried to cover herself, and he moved her hands away. “I want to look at you, Lindsey. You have a beautiful body that was made for love. Let me see you. All of you.”

  After only a moment of hesitation, she let her hands fall away. God in heaven! He feasted on her creamy, satiny skin, the high full breasts topped with rosy, swollen nipples. His gaze swept over the indentation of her hips, the delicious navel his tongue had dipped into, and the nest of richly dark hair covering her mound.

  He almost lost it right then, but he gritted his teeth and forced himself to keep a tight rein on his body. Leaning forward, he dipped his tongue into her sex, lapping at the creamy texture of her liquid, thrusting into that hungry body that beckoned his touch and his taste. Her reaction sent desire blazing through him, and he moved his tongue faster, feeling her muscles clench around it as he drove deeper and deeper.

  Suddenly
, she was over the edge again, shudders wracking her one after the other.

  He’d had sex with many women, too many probably. But none had been so openly responsive, so unrestrained at his touch. It amazed and thrilled him. He wanted to drive her to orgasm again and again. If she thought he would let her rest, she was mistaken. His hands moved over her body again as he learned her secret places. Discovered what gave her the most pleasure, what drove her to the highest peaks.

  At last, when he couldn’t hold back another minute, he slowly entered her. He pushed against her tightness, easing in a little at a time until he was buried to the hilt, holding her thighs wide apart to give him total access to her.

  “Open your eyes,” he commanded hoarsely. “Look at me, Lindsey. Look at me now.”

  She opened her eyes. “Nick.” She spoke just his name, a sigh on the breath that escaped her lips.

  What was left of his brain screamed at him that this was far more than physical release. For both of them. Tamping down his fear of the emotional unknown, he began moving in and out of her with powerful strokes. He watched for signs that another release was building inside her. She squeezed him like a tight glove, clutching at him, holding him, the sensation beyond anything he’d ever experienced.

  She wrapped her legs around him, thrust upward, and the dance began, a rhythm that seemed to go on forever. When he felt the first edges of her orgasm, he pushed into her one last time, hard. Only then did he welcome his own release, emptying himself into her. They exploded together with a force that jolted him. The memory of every woman he’d ever been with disappeared until there was only Lindsey.

  “Mercy.” Nick managed the word when he could finally catch his breath. “This may be a very short lived romance because I think you’re gonna kill me.” He pulled her into his arms, cradling her, unable to do more than just stroke her with light caresses.

  Beneath him, Lindsey lay completely still.

  “I’m too heavy for you,” he said.

  “No, it’s all right. Don’t move. Not yet.”

  They lay there a long time, quiet, holding each other. Her hands gently explored the muscles beneath his skin, and her fingers tangled in the thick mat of hair on his chest.