Never Forget Us

by Tracy Lorraine

  I’m off to a meeting with Stella so she can show me the final designs for the marketing of my jewellery. One of my stipulations of signing her contract was that I had the final say on how my designs were displayed and advertised. To say she wasn’t happy about it is probably putting it mildly, but those pieces of jewellery are an extension of me and I need it to be right. If I want to continue growing in this industry, I can’t leave important aspects of my work to other people.

  I’m almost at the motorway junction when everything stops.

  “Fuck.”

  I press my foot down on the accelerator but nothing happens. I steer the car onto the verge and turn the key. Slamming my hands down on the steering wheel I let out a frustrated breath. I try to start the ignition again. Nothing.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  I scramble around in the footwell to grab my bag, and pull my phone from the bottom. I swipe the screen and curse myself for forgetting to charge it. I chance my luck with only 5% battery and call Alex.

  “Hey, baby, what’s up?”

  “Hey. My car’s just died. Any chance you could help?

  “I’m about to start interviewing, babe. How about I call someone to come and rescue you?” he offers.

  “Okay, yeah, that’d be great as my phone’s about to die.” I explain where I am and he promises to get someone out to me as soon as possible.

  I hang up and go to find Stella’s number, but my phone dies loading up my contacts. Well this is sure to piss her off, I think to myself as I throw my useless phone back into my bag.

  I pull out my notebook and a pen in the hope of wasting a bit of time. Fuck knows how long I could be here waiting.

  I get lost in what I’m doing but it can’t be much more than an hour later when someone knocks on my window, scaring the crap out of me. I throw my book and pen onto the passenger seat before taking a couple of deep breaths to steady my racing heart.

  Stepping out of the car, I smooth my skirt down my thighs before standing at full height to speak to the guy who’s come to help.

  I come face to face with a familiar pair of dark grey eyes.

  My eyes widen in shock, my heart starts pounding, and my stomach turns over. He looks equally as shocked to see me, which makes me feel marginally better. My instincts tell me to run, but unlike last time, I’m in the middle of nowhere.

  We stand staring at each other as I battle with my emotions. I want to scream at him and ask him why he did it. I want to shout about the pain he caused me. But standing here, on the side of the road, locked in his stare, I can’t find the words. Every single thing I should be saying to him right now dies on my tongue.

  So instead of revisiting the past, I say the only words I can manage. “I’ve got a meeting. Please fix it so I’m not too late.”

  Jay’s eyes soften and his mouth opens like he wants to say something, but after a couple of seconds he closes it and just nods.

  I watch as he walks around me to the bonnet. I don’t miss the obvious limp that never used to be there.

  He must be aware of my attention because as he props the bonnet up, his eyes meet mine. I look away instantly and chastise myself for being caught.

  Looking around at my options, I spot a clean-ish patch of grass on the verge and wander over to take a seat.

  I suck in a slow, deep breath through my lips as I sit down. I close my eyes and lift my head to the sky as I try to find some kind of balance. My world feels like it just tipped on it axis.

  My heart continues to pound and my hands shake. I’m not sure what emotion is ruling my body right now—shock, hurt, or just pure anger. As I think back to that day, the anger starts to take over. My hands tremble violently and my eyes sting as I struggle to contain it. I don’t want to look like this is affecting me as much as it is.

  It’s been five years. I should be over this by now.

  I have a good life, a great boyfriend, and an amazing son. That should be enough. Yet the longer I sit here, the more I yearn for the guy currently bent over my bonnet. The only one who’s ever penetrated my heart, and the only one to have shattered it into a million pieces.

  By the time he starts walking over, I feel like I’ve talked myself down from the emotional cliff I was teetering on the edge of.

  “You’re not getting any fuel to the engine by the looks of it. Could be a number of things. I’m going to need to get it into the garage to look over properly.” I keep my head down as he talks, too aware that the second I look into his eyes, I could lose the battle with my emotions. I will not allow him to see the mess I’m really in, I repeat over and over. “Erin? Did you hear me?”

  Fuck.

  I take one more breath before I look up. I almost laugh, because not only is he just as gorgeous as the day I met him, but the way the sun’s shining on him it makes him look like an angel.

  “Yeah, I heard,” I confirm.

  “Okay…so I’ll tow you back, then.”

  “I’m sure I can find someone else to do it,” I say, getting up and beginning to walk away. I don’t need or want anything from him.

  “Don’t be like that.”

  The feeling of his fingers wrapping around my wrist burns. I forcefully tug my arm from his grasp.

  “Don’t be like what, Bax?” I see his eyes widen at the use of his nickname. I’m well aware I haven’t used it since the moment he told me his real name, but that was then. Now, I have no right to use a name that’s personal to him. He made sure I lost that the day he didn’t return.

  “Erin,” he says on a large exhale, as he tips his head back and looks up to the sky for a brief moment.

  “No. You don’t get to do this. You don’t get to come in and rescue me from the side of the road. Not after everything.”

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

  “Not good enough,” I snap, managing to regain my composure. “Just leave.”

  “Just leave you on the side of the road with a broken car? Yeah,” he laughs, “like that’s ever gonna happen.”

  “Bax,” I warn.

  “Erin.”

  I set my feet solidly into the ground and place my hands on my hips, attempting to show him how serious I am. The only response is a smirk.

  “I’ll just be over here hooking up your car. Join me whenever you’re ready.” He leaves me with his signature heart stopping smile before heading to his truck.

  I want to fight. I want to scream at him, demand he leaves me here, but what good will that do? I’ve got no phone, and a broken car. As much as my heart wants to run the fuck away, my head knows that I need him right now.

  I fucking hate it.

  In only a few short minutes, Jay has my car attached to his pick-up, waiting to be towed.

  “You ready?” he shouts over, his smirk still in place. He knows how much I need him right now, he’s clearly loving every minute of this.

  “Come on, get in,” he says as I make my way towards him.

  He holds the door open and allows me to get settled before resting his forearm against the doorframe and leaning in. His scent fills the car and its familiarity hits me deep inside. I try to keep control of my actions but the smell is too much to ignore. I look up, finding him staring down at me with dark, stormy eyes.

  Close up, I can see some faint lines around his eyes, highlighting the time that has passed. They’re so familiar—almost like home. When he blinks, it breaks our connection, and I’m reminded of everything that has me on the edge of an emotional meltdown.

  After clearing his throat and backing away a little, he gives me some instructions before walking back to his truck. The limp I noticed earlier catches my eye again, but the second I hear his engine start, I disregard it as I concentrate on steering.

  Nostalgia hits me the second we pull up to Arthur’s garage. In my panic, I’d missed the A. Hartwell’s & Son sign on the side of the truck. The last time I was here, it was the beginning of our journey. Do I regret the decision I made to go with him that day? No. But I do
wish I hadn’t put all my hopes and dreams into him coming back. Maybe if I’d been a little more realistic and pulled my head from whatever happily ever after cloud it was shoved in, it wouldn’t have hit me so hard.

  I shake myself from my thoughts when I see Jay jump down from the truck and start heading my way. I planned my speech on the drive here. I’m going to thank him for rescuing me, then ask to borrow his phone so I can get the hell out of here and away from him.

  “It looks like the ramp is empty so we can get it straight up and find out what’s going on. I can sort you out with a car for the meantime, if you need it.”

  His words knock me for six and my speech goes flying out the window as I think about my only other option, a certain white Peugeot covered in tarpaulin in my garage.

  I haven’t driven that car since its owner disappeared, and I have no intention of doing so now.

  “Uh...” I stutter as I try to look anywhere but at him.

  “Erin,” he whispers, and I feel his fingertips brush my cheek as he tilts my head so I have no choice but to look at him. His eyes are soft, and I know the words about to fall from his lips are going to gut me.

  “No. No, I don’t want to hear it. I’ve got a meeting I’m insanely late for and things I need to do, of which none are this,” I say, gesturing between us.

  “But—”

  “No buts. You’ve had five years to say whatever it is you feel the need to say now,” I snap. “I’m not interested.”

  It’s a big fat lie, of course. I’m desperate to know the truth, but I’m not sure I’m ready to hear it.

  “Just get me a car. I need to get out of here.”

  He opens his mouth like he wants to say more, but changes his mind at the last minute. I watch him walk over to the garage entrance and disappear.

  I feel like I can breathe for the first time since getting out of the car, but it only lasts so long because in a matter of seconds, he’s back.

  “Is there anything you need from your car?”

  “Uh…I don’t think so.” A sudden feeling of relief washes through me that Dawn is picking up Denny from school later and has my car seat. That’s something I really don’t have the strength to explain right now.

  “Here,” he says, walking us over to an old, yet perfect, white Porsche 911.

  “This is your courtesy car?”

  “For you it is,” he admits softly. The way he says it gives me tingles I used to love. Today, though, they only fuel my anger.

  “I’ll be in touch when I have information.”

  I nod at him. “Good.” I jump into the driver’s seat and slam the door, shutting him off from me. I turn the key and rev the engine. It purrs under my control but I don’t get the thrill I usually would, because my focus is on getting away from here.

  I drive about a mile down the road before I see a layby. I pull over and slam the brakes on. My body jolts forward with the force before I rest my head back and take a few long, slow breaths.

  What the fuck just happened?

  I grab my phone. My gut instinct is to call Frankie, but the second I lay my fingers on it, I remember it’s dead.

  “FUCK!” I shout as I pound my fists down on the steering wheel, attempting to lose some of the frustration and anger flowing through me.

  I knew he wasn’t fucking dead. I knew it. But I didn’t for one minute believe he would be living his life on the other side of the fucking city like I never existed. I imagined us being reunited one day. But not like this.

  I stay in that layby for the longest time as I try to make sense of everything. I eventually give it up as a hopeless job, because when it comes to Jayden Baxter and the way he affects me, even after all these years, I’m pretty sure I’m never going to make sense of it.

  * * *

  Stella looked less than impressed when I rocked up to her office hours later and on another planet. I tried to get my head in the game but Jay had done a number on me. All I could see was him, our time together, and the way he looked at me this morning. It was like five years hadn’t passed, and he knew me just like he did back then.

  By the time I get home, my head’s pounding, and I’m on the verge of throwing up. It’s a welcome sight to find Alex in my kitchen cooking dinner for Denny when I eventually stumble through the front door.

  “Erin, what’s wrong?”

  “Long day,” I mutter, walking over to the cupboard that contains the painkillers.

  I feel his eyes on me as I pour myself a glass of water and neck a couple of tablets. His eyebrows are drawn together in concern as he watches my every move.

  “I’m so sorry I couldn’t come and help you out earlier. Was everything okay with the guy I rang?”

  “Uh…” I stutter. Even the thought of bringing Jay into conversation with Alex has panic settling in my stomach. “Yeah, he was fine. Said it was something to do with the fuel and engine, or something. He’ll be in touch.”

  “You get a courtesy car?”

  “Uh huh.” I sit myself down at the table and put my head in my hands.

  “Anything good?” he asks, as I hear his footsteps head towards the window. “Fucking hell, baby. He must have liked you,” he adds with a laugh.

  I just about manage to contain the groan that threatens. “I dunno, it was just what he gave me,” I say, trying to sound as nonchalant about it as possible. “Are you okay here? I need to go lie down.”

  “Of course. I’ll do ours for a little later.”

  “Thank you.”

  Alex is in front of me before I can take a step. He pulls me to him and squeezes me tight. Tears sting my eyes and a giant lump forms in my throat the longer he holds me.

  “I’m here if you need anything,” he says softly, before pulling back. “Erin?” he asks when he sees tears in my eyes.

  “I’m fine, honestly. Today’s just taken it out of me.”

  “Okay.” He leans forwards and kisses away the one tear that drops.

  As I leave, I’m hit with a stab of guilt. I look back at him and he smiles.

  * * *

  The second my phone rings with an unknown number, I know it’s him.

  After leaving Alex in the kitchen last night, I decided to run myself a bath. I lay there until the water went cold, running the events of the morning through my head.

  It didn’t occur to me at the time, but I never gave him my number. He told me he’d be in touch and I just slammed the door in his face. I told myself I was going to wait until lunch time, and then I would contact him, but as I stare down at my ringing phone, I see that’s not going to be necessary.

  “Hello,” I say quietly as I press it to my ear.

  “Erin?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s…me.”

  “I know. How’d you get this number?”

  “I…” The silence between us stretches for over a minute. I’m just about to ask if he’s still there when he starts talking. “It’s your fuel pump. You need a new one. Actually, if I’m being honest, you need a new car. That thing’s the pits.”

  “I know,” I admit. It was Mum’s car. I used it after putting Peggy in the garage and vowing never to touch her again, so when Mum died, I just carried on. I’ve since had other, more important things to worry about than the heap of junk I’ve been driving.

  “I can do the work if you want, but if it were me I’d put the money into a new one. It’ll be more economic, not to mention safer.” The advice is at odds with his obvious love of old cars. But then, I guess his classics are a long way from my clapped out old Ford Focus.

  “Great,” I mutter. Thinking car shopping is the last thing I want to be doing right now. I let out a huff before asking, “What should I do about that one then?”

  “I can scrap it for you.”

  “Okay, do that.” It’s perfect because I don’t have to go back to the garage or see him again.

  “Consider it done.”

  “Thank you.” I’m just about to hang up when I hear my
name.

  I blow out a breath, “Yeah?”

  “You’ve still got my car.” I can hear the humour in his voice.

  “Shit.”

  Chapter Three

  I sit in the car park of the dealership, wondering how the fuck I agreed to this. I went from being happy I wouldn’t have to see him again to waiting for him to help me pick a new car.

  I get lost scrolling through Facebook, seeing what Frankie’s been up to, when there’s a gentle tap on the window.

  I give it a second or two to prepare myself for seeing him before stepping from the car.

  “Was this really necessary?” I huff, slamming the door.

  When I look up, I feel like someone slaps me around the face. The second I look into his eyes it’s like it’s five years ago. A sudden wave of safeness and familiarity washes through me. I allow myself to feel comforted by it for a second before I use it to fuel my underlying anger towards him. Why exactly am I here? I never should have agreed to this.

  “I’m sorry. This was a mistake,” I say, reaching for the handle.

  Just as my hand connects with the plastic, his connects around my fingers.

  “Skittles, please,” he begs, his voice cracking ever so slightly.

  The quiver in his voice makes me look up. I hate that it affects me.

  Since the moment he appeared back in my life yesterday morning, he’s seemed so unaffected by everything, but that one small waver tells me he hasn’t forgotten. My sudden reappearance in his life has rocked his foundations just as much as he has mine.

  “This is a bad idea.”

  “I want to help.”

  I see red. “A bit fucking late for that, don’t you think?”

  He drops his gaze, favouring the ground. “Please.”

  “Ugh, fine.” I step away from the car and march towards the dealership entrance. I feel weak giving into him, but damn it, I need a car. I’ll allow him this, then give his flashy courtesy car back, and that can be the end of it.

  “Why this one?” I ask as we wander around the models on display, waiting for a sleazy salesman.