Watch You Burn

by Amanda Searcy

  * * *

  —

  The next afternoon, Cam drops Ro off in front of me and drives away. “I told him he wasn’t invited,” she says.

  I’ve already had too much coffee. I didn’t sleep at all last night. My whole body vibrates from caffeine and nerves. I feel nauseated.

  I don’t want to confront Ben. I don’t want to be wrong and ruin what we have.

  I also don’t want to be right.

  “Is this a booty call?” Ro asks when we’re a block away from the coffee shop.

  “What?”

  “Is that why we’re going for coffee? So you can have an after-school booty call?”

  “No! I need to talk to Ben about something, and I thought you’d like to have coffee. That’s it.”

  Two is safer than one, but I also need the moral support. Someone to smile at in relief when I find out it isn’t Ben.

  Someone to pick me up off the floor if I find out it is.

  Ro raises an eyebrow. “I’m getting the big cup.”

  “Get whatever you want,” I mumble. Ro bounces ahead and through the coffee shop doorway.

  I have to take a deep breath before I go inside. The newspaper article is still wadded up in my bag. I don’t know if I should whip it out and press it to his nose or be more subtle about it. Hint around and watch his reaction.

  Ro is already at the counter listing the things she wants in her drink. Ben punches it into the register while Jackie tries to mark it all down on the cup.

  Ben looks at me. His whole face lights up. Ro clears her throat to get his attention back on her. “And extra whipped cream.”

  I hand over my debit card. “I need to talk to you,” I whisper to Ben.

  He hesitates, reading the expression on my face. “Okay?”

  “Why don’t you get us a table, Ro?” I say.

  She rolls her eyes and mumbles, “Booty call.”

  I meet Ben by the emergency exit next to the stairs. I fumble through my bag and pull out the wad of crumpled paper. I’m going to hand it to him and watch his face. That will tell me what I need to know. Or it won’t. I have no idea what I’m doing.

  He takes the paper from me and unfolds it. He sucks in a sharp breath. “What’s going on, Jenny?”

  “I found this on my door yesterday.”

  His eyes look concerned. They look innocent. But I persevere.

  “You’re the only person who knows.”

  He flinches. He gets my accusation. I feel horrible. I shouldn’t have said that.

  “You think I did this?”

  “No!” This is it. What I say next is going to determine whether I lose Ben forever. Tears fill my eyes. I’m too tired to think straight. I glance over my shoulder at Ro chatting with Jackie.

  “Maybe it was one of the protestors Monica told me about. Or someone from the colony who’s mad about Suds.” As soon as I say it out loud, I realize it could be true. It must be true. I want to bang my head against the wall for not thinking of that. For jumping to my first conclusion.

  “If they researched Dad, it wouldn’t take long before they found out I was in that fire. Maybe they were trying to rile him up and guessed?” Guessed the truth.

  “Why would they put it on your door, then? Wouldn’t they send it to him directly? Or to my uncle?”

  I look down at my feet planted on the thick tiles. “I don’t know.”

  “You should go to the police. After what happened to Kara, you shouldn’t take any chances.”

  “No. I’m sure it’s fine. Just a prank.” I take the paper back from him. I can’t go to the police. The article, the investigation in Ohio, the fires in the trees that started when I got here. Everything points directly to me.

  “Sorry I bothered you at work.”

  I believe that he had nothing to do with the article, and I know that if I stay, he’ll give me a concerned and caring kiss. He’ll tell me again to go to the police. He’ll talk more about Kara and make my stomach roil. I turn on the balls of my feet. “Come on, Ro,” I call. “I need to get home.”

  We step outside. Ro holds her massive cup with both hands. With her head, she nods at the paper I still have clutched in front of me. “What’s that?”

  “Nothing.” I stuff it back into my bag.

  * * *

  —

  Cam drops me off at the gate after school the next day. Before I get to my room, I stop dead in my tracks. There’s something in front of my door. I step lightly over to it, as if it’s a rattlesnake that will strike if I make any sudden moves.

  It’s a collection of sticks piled on the sidewalk. I look around. Most of the outside construction is finished, so the crew has moved inside. No one is in the parking lot.

  I crouch down. The sticks are standing up in a teepee shape, with dried leaves stuffed at the base. It looks like what Hailey showed me after one of her Girl Scout meetings. They had had a class on how to build a fire.

  I kick the fire starter over and brush everything away until the sidewalk is clean and the pieces are spread across the parking lot.

  The person who did this is nowhere in sight.

  I get my key out and stick it in the door, but I don’t need the key. My room is unlocked.

  My heart races. What am I going to find inside? Will it be even worse? Like my wall spray-painted with “murderer”? A candle and matches in the middle of my bed?

  I find nothing. The room is exactly how I left it this morning.

  The bathroom window slides open. Ro wanders in holding a magazine.

  “What do you think of these shoes?” She shoves the magazine in my face, but then she drops it. “What’s wrong?”

  “Did you see anyone outside my door?”

  Ro glances over her shoulder. “No. I came around the back, like always.”

  “Why do you keep doing that?” I yell.

  “Whoa. What’s going on with you?”

  “Nothing.” I turn away from her so she won’t see the lie.

  Ro opens the door and looks back and forth. “I don’t see anything.” She sits on the bed. “What’s really going on with you? You’re acting all jumpy and nervous, like you’re doing something wrong and you’re afraid of getting caught.”

  Even though my heart is pounding, I force my body to go still. I can’t let on that she’s guessed right. “It’s really nothing. I’m just not feeling well today.” I fake cough. “You should go home. I don’t want you to catch it, if I’m coming down with something.”

  Ro raises her hands like she’s surrendering. “Fine. I’ll go.” She walks with heavy, angry steps to the bathroom.

  I flop down onto the bed. The pile of sticks twists around and around in my brain. That newspaper article wasn’t a lucky guess.

  Someone knows.

  And if I don’t start hiding my feelings better, Ro’s going to know too.

  * * *

  —

  The flames are near the colony. So close that they could have been started by a campfire. The wind is bad, but the police and the fire department were already on alert.

  They were on the other side of the river, looking in the wrong place.

  I stand on the sidewalk in front of the Los Ranchitos and watch the fire trucks race up the access road. The wind pushes the smoke away from me and wraps my hair around my face. It’s too chilly to be out in my pajama tank top and shorts, but I don’t feel the cold. I feel numb.

  It has to have been Suds. It’s the only explanation I can come up with. He must have told someone that he saw me in the trees. Someone who wanted Kara dead. Someone who is now looking for revenge on me.

  I’m still hearing the whispers around school about the colony. That the guy who killed Kara lives there. The same place Suds used to hang out.

  I wonder if the guy’s the
re now, worried about the fire coming to gobble him up. I wonder if he’s squirming.

  I hope so.

  “The motel’s not done yet,” a voice says behind me. I turn to see Monica with a sweatshirt pulled over her pajamas. “There’s still another round of inspections and more permits pending. The protestors might have backed down, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t plenty of people who want to see this project fail.”

  She steps around to face me and looks me square in the eye. “All they need is an excuse.” I try to look away from her, but she moves with me to keep eye contact. “Don’t be that excuse.”

  My mouth opens like it wants to say something. I close it. Monica walks away, leaving me alone as the wind changes and blows smoke into my watering eyes.

  I thought it would be weird with Ben—that I would have to fall to my knees and beg his forgiveness after I pseudo-accused him of leaving the article. But mostly he looks worried when I show up at his door.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks for the twelfth time. We sit on his little couch. My head is on his shoulder.

  “I just wish there was more we could do. For Kara.”

  “I want to know who killed Kara as much as you do, but let the police do their jobs.”

  No. The police are too slow. Someone out there knows about me. They killed Kara. I’ve got to figure it out before they end my life, one way or another.

  I look up at Ben. He seems even more concerned now.

  “Doc told me he’s worried about the clinic,” I say to change the subject. Ben’s body tenses next to me.

  I sit up and face him. “Maybe we can have a fund-raiser.” I take a deep breath. “Your uncle really seems like he wants to mend his relationship with you. Maybe he would sponsor something.”

  Ben’s face is stony—but he doesn’t say no.

  I settle back into his arms. “I was just brainstorming,” I mumble.

  Ben’s quiet for a long time. “Maybe,” he finally says. I try to hide a smile. “But the people with money in the hills have never been too fond of Doc. Suds went around telling them that Doc sells pills in the colony.”

  I snap to sitting again. “What? Doc wouldn’t do that.”

  “I know. Suds made it up. But the people in the hills will believe anything that might get the clinic shut down. It’s easier to make Doc out as a drug dealer than to think about all those people who need help. And now, with what happened to Kara…” His voice drifts off. The pain is back in his eyes.

  “Do you think her killer lives in the colony?”

  “Most of those guys from the colony have come into the clinic at some point. They may not be the hills’ idea of desirable, but I don’t think any of them are killers.” He shrugs. “But there are always people passing through. Even the regulars are afraid of some of them.”

  I know that people in the hills whisper about the man from the colony who murdered Kara, but I wonder what the guys in the colony whisper about. Do they talk about me? The girl who lives in the Los Ranchitos? The one who likes to start fires?

  “What do they say when they come into the clinic? Has anyone said anything about Kara?”

  Ben doesn’t look away or cast his eyes down. That’s a good sign. If he had heard anything about me, he would have reacted.

  He still looks at me with concern, so I don’t tell him what I’m really thinking: That someone’s out there waiting for me. That I can feel it.

  The same thing that happened to Kara is happening to me. First she received a threatening message, and then…

  Sooner or later, I’ll have to face him.

  But I’ll be ready.

  What happened to Kara won’t happen to me.

  * * *

  —

  I’m in my black clothes and soft shoes. The lighter is in my pocket. I’m going to use it. Use it as a weapon to save myself if tonight’s the night I meet Kara’s killer.

  I lift the curtains to make sure the coast is clear.

  Ro’s face appears in front of me. Her fist is raised, ready to knock on the door. I jump back and let out a startled scream.

  When I open the door, she takes me in. “Going somewhere?” she asks.

  “I, uh…I’m going to the colony.” A half-truth.

  Her eyes widen. “Why?”

  My mouth kicks into overdrive. Words start flowing. “There’s a rumor that Doc is selling pills in the colony at night. I want to see if it’s true. For Ben. The clinic means everything to him. If it’s true, I need to know so I can protect him.”

  I smile in spite of myself. That was good. It sounded believable.

  Ro purses her lips and considers what I just said. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  “What? No, you can’t come with me. It’s dangerous.”

  A serious misstep. Ro laughs. “I am way scrappier than you.”

  I have no response to that. Not one that I can give her. She doesn’t know about my soft-soled shoes or the lighter, heavy against my side.

  I guess we’re going to the colony.

  We’ll take a quick look around, Ro will see that I was wrong about Doc, and we’ll come back to the Los Ranchitos. I’ll send Ro home. I’ll try again.

  The formerly condemned room where I first met Ro has been transformed. It’s solid now. No more holes or cracks or signs that say it’s going to fall down.

  But no one has spotted the secret gap in the fence yet. The overgrown weeds have concealed it—and me—from detection so far.

  We push through it, and I follow Ro out to the street. Henderson’s is open twenty-four hours. The sign and windows blaze in the darkness, even though there are only a couple of cars in the parking lot. Probably the poor employees who have to stand there all night waiting on kids who have the munchies after a night of partying.

  Ro doesn’t cross the street into the shopping center’s parking lot. She keeps going down our side. “Ro,” I whisper-snap. I try to catch up with her to tell her we need to cross. We can’t walk past the gate. Dad has the security guard posted there. If he catches us, trouble doesn’t even begin to describe what I’ll be in.

  Ro stands up straight and walks past the guard like she owns the sidewalk. There’s no hesitation in her step. No nerves. The guard glances up but quickly goes back to his phone. She owns it so well, she’s completely unsuspicious.

  Once she’s out of the guard’s sight, she motions for me to come.

  I can’t do it like she did. I crouch down and run.

  I don’t stop until I reach the trees. Ro laughs at me as I try to catch my breath.

  “You are so bad at sneaking out,” she says.

  I smile. She has no idea how good I am.

  We pick our way through the darkness, tripping over exposed roots and hidden holes.

  As we approach the colony, I smell campfires and see light through the trees. But I don’t hear anything. I don’t know what I was expecting. A carnival? People singing and yelling and smashing bottles? It sounds like sleep.

  “Put your hands up where I can see them.” We freeze. Our tromping through the underbrush masked the sound of a third person approaching.

  The beam from a high-powered flashlight bounces over us. Ro has her hands in the air. I turn around first.

  “Allen?”

  The light shines on my face and then lowers to the ground. “What are you doing out here, Jenny?”

  “What are you doing out here?” I can’t hide the annoyance in my voice. But then I realize my mistake. I know why he’s out here. He’s looking for me. He just doesn’t know it yet. Or maybe he does.

  Ro drops her arms. “You are not a cop,” she snarls. “It’s illegal to pretend to be.”

  “All I did was tell you to put your hands up,” Allen says. The two of them square off.

  I have to do something
before this goes bad. Before Allen decides to use that radio and call the real cops.

  “We wanted to see the colony,” I say, as if it’s a perfectly reasonable thing to be doing in the middle of the night.

  Allen’s eyes bore into me, and his lips drop into a frown of disappointment—like maybe he thought I wasn’t a silly, stupid girl, but now he knows better.

  “I’ll take you home.” He holds out a hand to lead me away.

  Allen helped me get information about Kara. He’s still on my side. He doesn’t know anything, right?

  The lighter is in my pocket, but he wouldn’t dare search me.

  I grab on to Ro’s sweatshirt and pull her with me as we get into the back of his car. When we get to the main road, I can see the Los Ranchitos.

  “Please don’t take us to the gate. I’ll get in so much trouble.” I try to use a tone that would belong to the disappointing girl who has no idea that he just saved her. Allen shakes his head.

  “Please,” I beg. “Drop us off at Henderson’s. We’ll sneak back in. My dad can’t know I was out here. He’ll get so mad at me.” I rustle up a fake tear and bat my lashes.

  Allen sighs and drives past the motel. He pulls into Henderson’s parking lot. “Go straight across the street. No more sightseeing.”

  I nod. He glances at Ro. She nods too, but with a look of bemusement on her face. I elbow her. She tries to feign contrition.

  We get out and stand under the yellow lights of the parking lot until Allen drives away.

  “He’s crushing so hard on you,” Ro sings.

  Ruby is mopping the entrance to Henderson’s. She looks surprised to see us. She waves. I wave back.

  “Tonight was no fun. I’m going home,” Ro says. Her tone is dark, like she’s mad at me again.

  “Okay.” I look down at the asphalt. “I’ll see you later?”

  “Maybe,” Ro says, then turns and marches off toward her aunt’s house.

  I roll my eyes. I have no idea what I did this time.

  I go into Henderson’s to wait until I’m sure Ro and Allen are really gone. Then I have to decide what to do next. Do I take another risk and go back into the trees?