Pew! Pew! - The Quest for More Pew!

by M. D. Cooper

  But when his decision leads to a distant listening post on the outer edge of the solar system, Eshan quickly discovers that some things are not only half-truths, some are outright lies. With the revelation of a corrupt government enslaving earth’s inhabitants in the cold recesses of space and the burning desire to expose the truth about Earth’s new allies, the Zeta Greys, Eshan has no choice but to join forces with the enemy if he is to reveal the conspiracy.

  But who will believe a convict that joined forces with the enemy?

  Can Eshan stop the global elite that wants the planet cleared of the over populating masses? Or will his past return to haunt him once again?

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  About the Author

  TM Toombs states that her major accomplishments in life include getting out of bed and remembering to rinse the conditioner out of her hair. She is currently living in the oilfields of North Dakota with her hardworking husband who wishes she’d hurry up and get her writing career off the ground so he can retire and spend his days fishing. TM is the mom to a very active, non-verbal son facing the challenges of living on the Autism Spectrum.

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  The Disknee World

  by M. D. Cooper

  The Detla Team has to solve some mysterious disappearances on The Disknee World. Just as soon as they sort out what they’re going to use their Fusion Passes on.

  Lashes has seen a lot of things, but nothing quite prepared her for The Disknee World. An entire planet of dwarves, pixies, talking bears, flying monkeys and a heck of a lot more.

  But the Delta Team hasn’t flown thirty light years to The Disknee World just to go on some rides, or ogle the pretty fairies. No, they’re here to solve some mysterious disappearances—just as soon as they sort out what they’re going to use their Fusion Passes on.

  DOCKING AND DWARVES

  “Thank you for flying Air Delta, this is your captain, Stick, speaking from the flight deck. We’re just settling down in the cradle at Neverevereverland Station, where the temperature is a lovely twenty-four degrees, and a crew of dwarves appear to be ready to unload your luggage.”

  Lashes walked into the rec room, her luggage in tow, and winced as Stick paused her recitation to make loud static sounds into the microphone for a few moments before continuing.

  “Please ensure your seat backs and tray tables are in an upright position, and don’t forget to gather all your belongings before you disembark.”

  “Shut up, fool,” BAMF hollered up the passageway to the bridge.

  “What’s a tray table?” Lashes asked she smoothed her powder blue skirt. “Some sort of combination of a tray and a table? I always thought that trays were just little tables.”

  “Are you really trying to understand the crazy shit that comes out of Stick’s mouth?” BAMF asked, her scowl deepening. “I’m waiting outside, I wanna make sure the dwarves don’t touch anything. Little buggers just like to stick their fingers everywhere.”

  “OK, but just don’t swear at them,” Lashes called after BAMF. “This is a family kinda place. They don’t hold with that here.”

  BAMF held up her middle finger and stomped off.

  Ramsey chuckled. “She’s going to love it here.”

  “At least she found clothing without her usual horrid slogans,” Lashes said with a shrug.

  Ramsey chuckled absently. “Or pictures of dismemberment.”

  Lashes examined the colonel for a moment, wondering what he was thinking. “Something wrong? You have ‘bothered face’.”

  The colonel sighed. “It’s these damn Fusion Passes. You only get so many, and you have to pick the rides each day that you really want to go on. I don’t know if I want to go on Admiral Tongs Empire Bash, or the Tyrannosaurus Rex’s Tower of Tyrannical Terror.”

  “Uhmm…Colonel? Aren’t we here to help an old friend of yours find out what is behind a string of disappearances in The Dark Forest?”

  Ramsey’s eyes met Lashes’, and the end of the carrot sticking out of his mouth waggled as he chewed. “Yeah; your point being, Lieutenant?”

  “Ah, well, if we’re supposed to be on a case—you know, helping your friend Ronnie—will we really have time to go on rides?”

  “Lashes, as our infiltration specialist, I would expect you to know better. No one visits this place without using their Fusion Passes. It would be the height of lunacy. We’d stand out like sore di—”

  “Ready to disembark!” Stick called out, interrupting Ramsey as she entered the ship’s rec room.

  Lashes took in Stick’s outfit and let out a long sigh, and Ramsey covered his mouth to hide a smile.

  “Stiiick,” Lashes said. “You can’t dress like that here! There are kids and stuff.”

  Stick looked down at her skin-tight leather catsuit, and fluffed the frilly pink skirt she wore overtop. “What? I’m not wearing a corset, and I left the whip, cuffs, and chains in my quarters.”

  “Galaxy is full of weird shit,” Ramsey said, stick chuckling softly. “Don’t worry, Lashes. Stick will fit right in.”

  “Fine,” Lashes said and walked down the rear passageway to the airlock. She heard Ramsey talking to Girl, the ship’s AI, about keeping the Van safe, but paid little attention. The conversation consisted mostly of Girl whining about how bored she’d be, and asking if she could play with the dwarves.

  She couldn’t hear most of the conversation as she approached the airlock—except for Ramsey shouting “No!” several times in a thunderous voice that echoed through the ship.

  Lashes approved. Dwarves were shifty characters, usually up to no good. Especially with all the singing and excessive construction projects.

  The airlock was wide open, and Lashes walked out onto the ramp leading down to the ground, letting out a long exhale. “Oh, my….”

  Before her stood BAMF, scowling at a group of dwarves, who were hooking power and recycling conduits up to the Van. That in and of itself was not odd. This wasn’t the first station they had visited that was run by dwarves—though, hopefully BAMF wouldn’t attack these ones.

  What caused Lashes to stare in wonder was the Van’s location.

  Lashes had expected Neverevereverland’s docking bay to be standard fare, maybe with some holo trees and flowers for decoration. But that wasn’t what surrounded the Van at all.

  The ship sat in a broad clearing bordered by tall trees. Above, rather than a docking bay’s overhead, was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. There were even flocks of birds gliding smoothly on the air currents.

  In the distance, she could see rolling hills and, beyond those, a few mountains—one of which appeared to be a volcano, with smoke drifting lazily from its peak.

  “Hi!” a squeaky voice said behind her, and Lashes jumped before turning to see a small creature—maybe only ten centimeters tall, complete with glittering flecks of purple dust falling from her wings—hovering in the air next to her head.

  After a moment of staring, Lashes asked, “Are you a fairy?”

  “Fairy?” the creature said with a snort. “Don’t be silly. Where did you learn to differentiate mystical creatures? I’m a pixie! I pix!”

  “Are…are you real?” Lashes asked, wondering if the pixie was a holoprojection.

  As she spoke, the small winged humanoid landed on her shoulder and pinched her ear. “That real enough for you, Miss Lashes?” the pixie said loudly before whispering. “Everything is ready, he won’t suspect a thing.”

  “Shhhh, he’ll hear you,” Lashes whispered before raising her voice back to normal. “Uh…OK, that’s good to hear.”

  “Yes, it’s great!” the pixie said, and leapt off Lashes’ shoulder and flutter
ed around her head. “My name is Vivia! I’ll be your guide while you’re here in Neverevereverland™, and in the rest of The Disknee World™!”

  “If you touch that, I’ll come over there and rip your beards off,” BAMF yelled at the dwarves, who hollered back something about the ship’s cooling vanes.

  “BAMF!” Lashes called. “Leave them be. We don’t need another incident.”

  BAMF barked a parting obscenity at the dwarves before she turned and walked toward Lashes. When she neared the ramp and caught sight of Vivia, she scowled anew. “What the fuck is this thing?”

  Vivia flew toward BAMF, purple glitter filling the air. “Oh, my! Miss BAMF, we can’t have you using language like that in Neverevereverland™—or anywhere in The Disknee World™. The monkeys won’t stand for it.” At that point, Vivia was right in front of BAMF’s face, waving a tiny finger at the large woman.

  “Yeah, well, you can tell the dwarves that we do too have the right cooling vanes for our fusion reactor. They can keep their tiny little hands to themselves…” BAMF turned toward the dwarves and yelled, “And off my ship!”

  Several of the dwarves jumped up and down in anger, but none approached, apparently cowed by BAMF’s size and generally bad attitude.

  Vivia fluttered around BAMF’s head, clearly agitated by her behavior. “Miss BAMF, the dwarves are only trying to help. It’s not their fault, they just like to tinker!”

  “Yeah, well they can tinker on this,” BAMF turned and gave the dwarves the finger, causing a fresh round of jeers and shouts of outrage to come from the diminutive men.

  “Take it easy, BAMF, seriously,” Lashes said. “Girl will keep the ship safe.”

  BAMF only grunted in response, and Vivia furrowed her miniscule brow. “What does ‘BAMF’ mean, anyway?”

  “Bad A—” BAMF began, when Lashes interrupted, “Big Admirable Mushy Female.”

  “I’m about to pity the fool who thinks she can mess with my name,” BAMF said as she turned to Lashes with a fist raised.

  “Oh, my!” Vivia exclaimed. She flew toward BAMF again, this time with her tiny wand raised. Lashes was afraid they were about to be kicked out of The Disknee World™ before they got off the space station, when Ramsey came down the ramp with Stick at his side—now with a jaunty pink hat added to her ensemble.

  “Ah, you must be our guide through Neverevereverland!” Ramsey exclaimed as he saw Vivia. The colonel then lowered his voice and whispered conspiratorially. “Excellent. I’m told these woods are teeming with pirates, highwaymen, and all manner of villains.”

  “Oh yes,” Vivia nodded emphatically. “You’d best keep close, and stay on the beaten path until we get to the Lost Boy’s Camp™. The woods near the sea can be perilous.”

  “I’d love to see the sea,” Ramsey said, looking around the clearing.

  “Colonel,” Stick said, leaning in toward Ramsey, and speaking in the loud hissing voice she believed to be a whisper. “We’re still on the space station. This isn’t a real forest on the planet. There’s no sea.”

  “Are you sure?” Ramsey asked with a slow wink. “I don’t see anything but this glade, the forest, and the blue sky. No sign of a space station at all.”

  “Ohhhh…” Vivia said as she flew toward Stick. “Are you a villain in disguise? How delightful! You’ll have to visit The Dark Realm; that is, if The Prince™ doesn’t lock you up in the dungeon first.”

  “Dungeon?” Stick asked nervously.

  “She’s kidding,” Lashes whispered to Stick as Vivia flittered around the group.

  “Come now, leave your bags here. The Dwarves will see that they make it to your rooms in The Royal Palace™,” Vivia said as she began to lead the group down the path, and flitted ahead, sprinkling pixie dust in her wake. She darted back to the group when she saw they hadn’t moved. “Is something wrong?”

  “Over my dead body will I let dwarves carry my bag,” BAMF said.

  “I assure you, Miss BAMF, The Disknee World™ takes great pride in ensuring your belongings are safe.”

  “Oh yeah? Then why’d they hire dwarves? Shifty little buggers…”

  “Just carry your bag,” Lashes said.

  “I think I’ll carry all the bags,” BAMF replied, and grabbed the seven duffels—four belonging to Lashes, and one each for the others—and slung them over her shoulders. “Lead on, fairy.”

  “I’ll have you know—” Vivia began, but Lashes shot her a meaningful look.

  Vivia’s tiny brow furrowed and then she led them out of the clearing and onto a path that wove through the tall trees. They hadn’t made it one hundred meters when BAMF asked, “How far is it? I’m hungry.”

  “Oh, not far,” Vivia responded brightly. “It’s also just a few minutes to The Lost Boys’ Camp™. There we can stop and get some food, you can take a swim, or we can keep going to the volcano.”

  “To the volcano?” Lashes asked.

  “Yes, yes, that’s our first stop after the camp. That’s where the tunnel is that leads to The Enchanted Kingdom™. There you may even meet The Prince™ and The Princess™!” Vivia replied as she flew in circles around the group.

  The group followed the pixie down the path through the woods as Vivia told them about the wonders of Pixie Grove™, the tree of life, and all the fun the pixies had there.

  “Can we see it?” Lashes asked.

  Vivia frowned and shook her head. “Oh no, you’re all far too big. Maybe if we were to make you small. I have the magic to do that, though I’ve never done four people before. Should I try?”

  She flew toward Lashes with her wand raised, and Lashes ducked back, hiding behind BAMF while the surly woman swatted at the pixie.

  “No, no thanks, I don’t think I want to be small,” Lashes said, playing along with the Pixie’s games.

  Vivia shrugged. “Probably a good thing, too. You don’t have any wings; it would take you forever to get to Pixie Grove™ on foot. You’d probably get eaten by a crocodile. Gotta watch out for those. Luckily, most have clocks stuck in them, and you can hear the tick-tocking before they get close.”

  “Crocodiles? Is that normal?” Ramsey asked. “I never thought that Neverevereverland™ was a dangerous place.”

  Vivia flew over to Ramsey, about to answer, when a cry sounded from the trees.

  Lashes laughed with delight as a group of pirates swung out of the trees and landed on the path. The lead pirate wore a large black hat and a hook on his left hand. In his other, he brandished a sword.

  “Empty your purses, ye land lubbers! Or be prepared to taste my blade.”

  “Our,” one of the pirates said. “I think it will be our blades. I mean…we all have swords and they have none.”

  “Well that’s not good at all,” Vivia said, and swung her wand through the air. There was a brilliant flash, and suddenly everyone in the team was holding long, curved swords.

  “This feels real,” Lashes exclaimed. “How—”

  “Get them!” the lead pirate shouted, and then the battle was joined.

  BAMF dropped the bags she was holding and leapt into the fray. “I pity the pirate that thinks they can get my purse!” She slashed at one of the attacking pirates before cold-cocking another in the head.

  Lashes lunged at a pirate, grinning like a fool as she nimbly dodged another. The skirmish continued for several minutes, during which a few more pirates fell to the team’s blades.

  Eventually, the one with the hook called out. “You may have bested us this time, but we’ll be waiting for you on the return trip!”

  The pirates that had been lying—bloodlessly—on the ground suddenly rose up, and scampered off into the bushes.

  “How unseemly those pirates are,” Vivia exclaimed before waving her wand once more, causing the team’s swords to disappear.

  “Wow!” Stick exclaimed. “That was great, how did you do that?”

  “Why, Miss Stick; with magic, of course.”

  Ramsey laughed and clapped Stick on the back.
“We should have come here years ago.”

  THE CAMP AND THE KINGDOM

  The team had not spotted any other guests during the walk to The Lost Boys’ Camp™, but once they arrived, that changed. It wasn’t crowded, but a few hundred people were wandering through the camp, speaking with the lost boys, playing in the pools of water, going down slides, and eating and drinking at the bars and restaurants.

  As soon as she saw the long table covered with meats and pastries, BAMF sat down and gorged ‘til she was stuffed. The rest of the team joined her, and were still eating when BAMF declared herself full and began to swing from vines to land in the deeper pools.

  After fifteen minutes of that, some of The Lost Boys™ had to ask her to stop because she was scaring the crocodiles.

  Those orders were followed by a small tantrum, threats to crush Vivia, who flitted about nervously, and then finally sulking, until the rest of the team had finished their meal and was ready to resume their journey to the tunnel beneath the volcano.

  They set out once more, and, though the walk was not long, five hours after landing, they finally reached the tunnel nestled between some low hills at the base of the volcano.

  Lashes had worried that it would be some sort of dark, yawning portal—which would be impossible to get either Stick or BAMF through, depending on which one decided to act irrational that day. However, much to Lashes’ delight, the entrance to the tunnel was a broad thoroughfare draped with flower-laden vines, its length being traversed by horses-drawn carriages.

  “We’ve arrived!” Vivia exclaimed. “Oh, how wonderful, there’s almost no line either; we shall arrive at The Enchanted Kingdom™ in just a short while!”

  The team queued up and waited patiently—or impatiently, in BAMF’s case—until it was their turn to board a carriage.

  A handsome cab pulled up, drawn by two black horses. The cabbie doffed his hat as they boarded the open carriage. BAMF dropped the duffels, and without further ado, the team began their journey down the tunnel.