3rd World Products, Inc., Book 4

by Ed Howdershelt

  Myra punched the screen's 'off' icon and turned around as she heard us enter the front hallway. When her eyes fell on Selena and Toni, they widened slightly in surprise.

  "What?" asked Toni. She glanced down at herself and said, "My fly isn't open."

  Selena snickered as we moved into the living room.

  Myra said, "I, uh... Well, I guess I was expecting to see a couple of, uhm... Well, typical college girls."

  Steph said, "According to my readings, that statement wasn't entirely the truth, Myra."

  Myra glanced at Steph in startlement, then her eyes narrowed and she snapped, "Well, okay. Maybe I was expecting the kind of college girls who couldn't come up with boyfriends their own age. So sorry."

  "Oh, lordy, my poor feelings," I said. "I think one of them has done been mashed flat."

  "To hell with your feelings," said Selena. "She thought we'd be a couple of dogs."

  Myra said, "Well, no, not exactly. When I heard you were in college, I thought you'd be a little younger, really. You two are close to thirty, aren't you?"

  Selena said, "As if you had room to talk, sweetie. What are you? Pushing forty?"

  I stepped between the ladies and said, "Whoa. Hold it. Everybody step back a pace and relax, please. Let's call this a bad start and either try again or forget it quietly, okay?"

  Toni glowered at Myra as she said, "I'll go with 'forget it'."

  "Same here," said Selena. "If she can find her way back to wherever she came from, I say let's let her do it and get going, Ed. We're running out of daylight."

  Toni said, "I don't care if she can find her way back or not. Let's just dump her somewhere. How about offshore?"

  Tiger hopped onto the coffee table and said something that took a couple of seconds to finish, then sat down. Steph smiled and said something in Tigerspeak. The three human women in the room looked at Tiger and Steph.

  Selena said, "I wish he'd learn English, dammit."

  Toni said, "He probably has, kind of, but he can't make the words."

  Myra glanced at her, realized that she was completely serious, and then peered at each woman in turn.

  Steph said, "Tiger wanted to know if the women would fight over you, Ed. I told him that wasn't likely."

  I said, "Well, gee, thanks a helluva lot. One of my other feelings just got smushed and Tiger looks disappointed as hell." I looked at the ladies and asked, "You ladies aren't gonna fight over me?"

  Myra gave me a wry smile and said, "Sorry. We girls just don't seem to like each other very much. It isn't quite worth a real fight yet."

  'Girls?' Not 'women' or 'ladies'? I guess it's like when black guys call each other 'nigger'. It's okay for them to use the word, but not for anyone else.

  Selena said, "No shit. She's right about that much."

  "Yeah," said Toni. "I'm not gonna break a nail on her. Not yet, anyway."

  "Can we agree on something else?" I asked, "Like maybe that we're all here for different reasons and there's no need to keep this animosity going? If you can all relax for a minute or two, I'll get my stuff for the beach and we can go. Myra, where do you want to be dropped off?"

  Myra asked, "After what we did today and showing me your file, you're just going to call it a day?"

  I shrugged and said, "Yup. You three aren't getting along."

  Toni glanced sharply at me and asked, "What's she talking about? What did you do today?"

  "We took her with us when we showed Jeffries a wreck and brought up some stuff. She thinks it's a big deal."

  "It is a big deal!" Myra said angrily. "That flitter is a tool that can bring substantial amounts of history into the present and you're going to use it to go to the damned beach!"

  I gave her a flat gaze and said, "Yeah, well, it's my tool, ma'am, so what I do with it is my business. How come you government types aren't using your own flits for such high-falutin' purposes? Steph, how many of the non-commercial flits does the NSA have or have access to at present?"

  Steph instantly replied, "Five, but four of them have to come from a diplomatic pool."

  Laughing, I said, "I was right. They're using them like those stretch-limo hummers. What putzes these bureaucrats be."

  Myra's eyes had opened slightly at my mention of her agency's name in front of Sel and Toni, then they'd narrowed and remained that way.

  "Yeah," I said, "I told them who you work for, Myra. If you're studying me, they're involved. Steph, can those pool flits go underwater and retrieve stuff like you?"

  She smiled. "Yes, they can, Ed."

  "How many of them are being used as recovery or rescue vehicles, ma'am?"

  "None. All except one are designated for official use by senior officials only."

  "Woo. Limo duty, like I said. And the other one?"

  "Its uses have not been openly recorded, but it has participated in forty-seven surveillance operations and training simulations in and around Washington, DC."

  "Well, there you have it, Myra. There should be lots of historical junk down there that you can reach with one of those flitters. Have 'em pull one off limo duty and let some fat cat walk off a few pounds. My flit's off limits to them."

  Myra glared at me for some moments, then tightly said, "I see. In that case, you can drop me at my office, Ed."

  I nodded. "Good enough." Turning to Selena and Toni, I said, "Give me five minutes and we're outta here, ladies," then I headed for the bathroom to take a leak and wash my hands.

  Keying my implant as the toilet flushed and the tap water ran, I quietly said, "Steph, see if Myra wants to continue reading. She's not the type to give up; she'll be looking for something she can use to hook me."

  Steph asked, "Do you want her to find such a hook?"

  "If there was a useable hook in my records, someone at the NSA would have found it already and they wouldn't have sent a third-string backup to tag me. I just want her to think there's a chance of finding one."

  "May I ask why?"

  "Same as before; she may come in handy later, Steph."

  In the bedroom, I grabbed my swim trunks and a towel, then headed for the kitchen past the ladies. Myra was again reading the screen, accompanied by Toni, who gave me an odd look as I passed them. Selena joined me in the kitchen as I grabbed some drink refills for the flitter's cooler.

  She said, "You look at Myra the way you used to look at Phyllis Deare and her yappy little dog. You don't like her very much, do you?"

  "Nope. Sure don't. She's sneaky and manipulative. 'Course, some of that may only be because she's a career spook."

  "But you're letting her see your file, so you're going to keep her dangling and try to use her somehow, aren't you?"

  "You got it. As long as they think they have someone on the inside, maybe they won't send others. The feds want Steph and me to do something, Sel, but they won't come right out and ask. That usually means they're holding off until they think they have some kind of strong upper hand in the matter. Steph's INS app was a convenient excuse to let the NSA get involved. Myra may be a way to find out what they're up to."

  I leaned to kiss her cheek and said, "Myra's involved now, if only because we gave her a few of the treasure coins and there'll be a record of it. She'll have to show them to her bosses and deal with the system, and the fact that we gave her a piece of the loot today will probably make her bosses leave her in place. Let's haul this stuff to the flitter."

  As we headed for the front door with the drinks, I said, "Steph, see if Tiger wants to go to the beach, please."

  As Myra staringly watched, Steph put up another vid field that held a picture of the Clearwater Pier and surroundings, then said something catty to Tiger.

  Tiger studied the picture for a moment, then replied in a way that I knew to be cautiously positive.

  "Okay," I said. "Elkor, do you want to come, too?"

  Elkor's cat-golem materialized next to Tiger and said, "Yes, Ed. Tiger will have questions and I wish to observe."

  Myra had squeaked and re
coiled mightily when Elkor's field-generated cat appeared out of nowhere. Her minor state of shock made Sel and Toni giggle and snicker, then laugh.

  "Myra," I said, "This is Elkor. He's kind of like Steph. Elkor, meet Myra. She's kind of like I used to be, jobwise."

  Myra ignored the snickers and my words in favor of reaching a tentative hand toward Elkor.

  He sat still as a statue as her fingers touched his head, then said, "Hello, Myra. Such familiarization gestures aren't necessary. I'm obviously not a real cat."

  Again she recoiled, yanking her hand back, but a moment later she managed, "Uh... I guess not... Hello, uh... Elkor?"

  Elkor morphed into a platter-sized disk that hovered above the coffee table and Tiger jumped aboard, regarding Myra rather skeptically as he sat down.

  Tiger said something to Steph which she chucklingly translated as, "Myra startles too easily and may not be a good... the closest word is 'hunter'."

  I said, "I think Myra can probably 'hunt' just fine, Tiger, but she sure isn't doing very well at meeting new people today."

  Steph translated and Tiger agreed in a definite tone.

  Returning Tiger's gaze, Myra muttered, "Well, by God, I guess I'm not in Kansas anymore."

  The Elkor disk said, "No, Myra. We are currently in the state of Florida..."

  Interrupting him, Myra said, "No, I meant... Elkor, that's just something people say when they're surprised."

  "May I ask why?"

  "Uh, well... There's a movie...about a little girl who..."

  "Elkor," I said, "Reference Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz". It's a line from the movie that they made from the book."

  He almost instantly responded, "Thank you, Ed. I have done so and I understand the reference now."

  Myra's eyes widened and her mouth fell open as she asked, "You have done so? What does that mean? That you looked up that individual line?"

  "Yes, Myra," said Elkor. "I watched the movie in order to immediately understand the reference, then I read the book in order to grasp other aspects of the story that the movie failed to define adequately."

  Staring at me, Myra almost whispered, "Jesus...Other aspects..? He read... and watched it? That fast..?"

  "Yeah, he's pretty quick," I said with a grin. "So's Steph."

  Myra silently organized herself as she absorbed Elkor's actions, determinedly got to her feet, and reached to pet Tiger, who accepted the gesture without comment.

  "Steph," I asked, "How's your stash of cat food? Should I refill your stash?"

  "There are thirty-one ounces of kibble aboard," she said without looking at me. Her attention seemed focused on Myra, who was unable to take her eyes off a complacently floating Tiger as Elkor's disk carried him to the front door.

  I picked up the big cooler and said, "Well, then, we're ready, group."

  Selena held the door for us as we trooped out of the house. As I put the drinks aboard the flitter, I saw Sel take a moment to whisper something to Toni as she locked and closed the door. To give them a few more moments, I put some new drinks in the flitter cooler and shuffled the cold ones to the top.

  Elkor floated Tiger over to the 'dashboard' and let him step off the disk, then the disk became a cat which joined Tiger to sit and watch the rest of us. Elkor's cat's eyes met Myra's and they stared at each other for some time.

  When Sel and Toni came aboard, Toni said, "Myra, Sel and I talked it over and, well... My other swimsuit's in the car. If you want to come to the beach with us, I'll get it."

  Chapter Ten

  Myra was more than a little surprised by her offer. For that matter, so was I.

  "Uh, thanks," said Myra, "But there are lots of little stores near the beach and I really could use a new one. I'll get something there. Thanks for offering, though."

  Toni took a seat and dropped her sports bag on the deck as she said with a grin, "De nada. We're just going along with things to find out why Ed's keeping you around."

  In a sweet tone, Myra said, "He might even tell you if you ask him."

  "That's a secret," I said, then said to Sel and Toni, "You ladies are welcome to interrogate me later, though."

  Selena laughed and said, "Oh, he'll tell us, Myra. We know how to loosen him up."

  Myra glanced at me as I sat down in the pilot's seat.

  "That they do," I admitted with a grin. "About some things, anyway. Steph, let's make the trip last fifteen minutes or so. Sel, you're in charge of refreshments. I'll have a beer, thanks."

  She gave me one of those 'Oh, is that so?' looks, then opened the cooler and tossed me an Ice House.

  "Who else wants what?" asked Selena.

  Myra opted for tea; Toni took a beer. Selena pulled a beer for herself and closed the cooler, then sat back and rather pointedly gazed at the tea in Myra's hand.

  "Okay," said Sel. "Everybody's got something to hang onto now. When do we get moving?"

  Without replying, Steph launched the flitter in a slightly southwesterly arc at barely subsonic speed. Myra made a small, high-pitched noise, then clammed up as she gripped her seat tightly and stared over the side.

  Toni's eyes were also as wide as I'd ever seen them as she watched the world pass below. She still wasn't altogether comfortable with flying.

  Selena sipped her beer and tried to appear fairly complacent, but the tremors in her hands betrayed her. I grinned at her and sipped my own beer.

  "Hey," said Selena, "The last time we landed in public, we drew a crowd. How do we avoid that at a beach?"

  "Land where people aren't," said Toni. "A roof, maybe?"

  "The water," said Myra. "We can jump in where it isn't crowded. Who's going to notice a few more swimmers?"

  "Tiger wouldn't care for that," said Toni, "And some of the fish near shore are big enough to eat him."

  "Yeah, and what about later?" asked Selena, "When we're ready to leave? Are we going to line up and tread water like frogmen, waiting for Steph to come along and scoop us out of the drink?"

  On they went in that vein for some moments until Toni turned to me and asked, "How come you haven't tossed up an idea about this, Ed?"

  "Don't need one," I said. "I already know what we're gonna do. There's a restaurant with a courtyard. Steph will set down outside the wall. We'll hop off and go inside using the flitter's field for cover. Tiger will wait on the flitter until we're situated on the beach, then the flitter will bring him down to join us."

  In a sardonic tone, Myra said, "Right. Sure. A thing the size of this flitter is going to land unnoticed near a restaurant on a public beach."

  Sel said, "No, he's right. People will just see the wall. They might think that something was wrong with their eyes for a few seconds, but by then we'd be off and inside."

  Elkor explained the plan to Tiger, who gave his ear-flick equivalent of a shrug and turned to the front to watch the world go by. Some minutes later the Clearwater Pier became visible, and a few moments later we were hovering unnoticed above the restaurant.

  Steph set us down just beyond the restaurant's cement walkway outside the stucco wall and we all jumped off the flitter's deck at the same time, then stood quietly waiting with our towels and cooler within Steph's field as a small herd of people went past us.

  One of the guys in the group seemed to sense something and looked back, but he saw nothing and shook his head as if to clear it as he turned to join the others of his gaggle. A waiter glanced around and asked if he was the last of his group.

  "This is so cool," breathed a grinning Toni.

  Sel and Myra returned her grin with grins of their own, then they looked at Steph. She gave them a small smile and sent the flitter upward quickly, which caused us to become visible almost instantly.

  We tossed our beer bottles and tea can into a nearby trash container and trooped into the restaurant past the one person -- the same waiter -- who seemed somewhat startled by our abrupt appearance.

  He looked searchingly out and around the front of the restaurant, then back at us, and
then his sense of duty prevailed and he offered to take us to a table.

  After seating us and presenting us with menus, the waiter said that he'd return in a few minutes and headed toward the rear bar, looking back at us a couple of times on the way.

  Sel and Toni developed a case of the giggles over the waiter's confusion. Myra tried to seem above such a girlish display, but after he looked back at us from the bar, she, too, was soon giggling with them.

  The ladies shared a small mixed seafood snack platter while I picked my way through a surprisingly tiny and expensive Caesar salad. Call me old school or whatever, but I feel that five bucks ought to buy you more than small soupbowl's worth of damned near anything edible.

  Conversation was sparse, as I'd expected. While present among us, Myra wasn't really a member of our group and Sel and Toni seemed to talk around her.

  Steph didn't disappear as she usually did at mealtimes. Her demeanor was generally attentive regarding what was being said at our table, but I knew that no smallest thing being said or happening within the restaurant escaped her attention.

  My belief was borne out when a woman at a table behind Steph elbowed a wine glass. The glass tumbled once on its way to the floor, landed right side up, and the wine that would otherwise have splattered all over the floor seemed to coalesce in mid-air to pour itself back into the glass.

  As the people at that table -- and ours -- began to blather about the event, I glanced at Steph and nodded with a small smile as I softly said, "Good catch, milady."

  Smiling back, she said, "Thank you."

  Myra had seen the event and heard me compliment Steph. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she asked, "You did that?"

  Steph nodded and said, "Yes."

  "But you couldn't have seen..." Her words trailed off as she realized that she was obviously wrong about that. "How..?"

  Myra glanced at me questioningly.

  "Stephie's a true creature of magic," I said. "It would take about a week to explain it reasonably well, and she'd have to do all the explaining."

  Looking at Steph and taking her hand in mine, I added, "I take the simple route with it, Myra. I just assume that Steph can do almost anything and I let her know fairly often how very wonderful I think she is. Right, Steph?"