Shadowed: A Hitman Mafia Romance (Team Zero Book 4)

by Rina Kent

  This time, I’ll own it.

  Zoe appears. My breathing deepens and my body leaps to life. It’s like I’ve been living on a borrowed air and this is the first time I can breathe for real.

  She’s wearing jeans and a simple white baggy sweater. Those greyish blonde strands fall to her back. I can’t make out her expression, but there’s no denying that she’s still the same soft, albeit maddening woman that’s messing with my sanity.

  I’m about to leap from the tree when a tall man appears beside her. He’s visible from the ground floor window with his back facing me. Zoe touches his arm and kisses his cheek.

  A red mist falls over my eyes.

  If that’s the boyfriend, then I’m committing murder tonight. Did she leave me to settle down in northern bloody York with him?

  A bitter taste couples with rage and fills my throat.

  The thought that she’d never want that with me boils my blood.

  Too bad she doesn’t get to choose.

  How long will it take to hide his body? Perhaps thirty minutes — or less, depending on my speed.

  I shake my head. Zoe will hate me for life if I kill the sorry bastard. I erase him from the present. I’ll think of a way to get rid of him later.

  Zoe climbs the stairs alone. Thank fuck for that or I wouldn’t be able to control my reaction.

  I jump down from the tree and stalk to the wall. A light turns on right above me on the first floor. It must be her room. Moments later, it’s off.

  I remain completely still for a few more minutes. There’s a shuffle of movement on the ground floor. The boyfriend — who’s living on borrowed time — does a quick sweep outside the house. I blend with the darkness behind a tree until he heads back inside.

  At least he cares about safety, but unless he’s a Zero, he won’t be able to detect my presence.

  After what seems like forever, I head back to the wall, rub my hands and climb up the window. Adrenaline rushes through my body even harder than when I’m at a fight and I reach the room in record time.

  I freeze at the window pane, transfixed by the sight in front of me.

  Zoe sleeps on her back with the nightstand light casting a warm hue on her face. Her soft features are in peace and her lips slightly part which accentuates her cupid bow. The blond strands cocoon her head like a halo. The sheet covers her to above her stomach. The silky peach-coloured nightgown hints at the pale skin of her breasts. She seems to have gained some weight and it fits her to perfection.

  For a moment, I sit there and take her all in, not wanting to miss any detail.

  I never thought I would say this about another human being, but I missed her.

  I miss her so fucking much.

  Now that I found her, I’m never letting her go.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  He’s here.

  After weeks of nightmares and dreams of those overcast eyes peering into my soul, one would think I’m prepared to meet him again.

  I’m not.

  Staring into those cloudy eyes for real is a whole different beast.

  Shadow is still as handsome and as dark as I remember. The nightstand’s light casts sharp edges to his straight jawline and the stubble on his cheeks. A few locks of his dark blond hair fall on his forehead, begging for me to curl my fingers into them.

  The clad hardness of his thighs straddle my stomach and his strong arms are taught on either side of my face. Even though our clothes and the sheets form a barrier, heat smothers me from head to toe. There’s no taming my body reaction when he’s this near.

  It’s been so long.

  What if he’s another dream? I can’t take this torture anymore.

  I don’t dare touch him this time, afraid he’ll evaporate. Only, an inexplicable instinct tells me it’s real.

  This time, he’s real.

  Now that I’m looking closer, his eyes aren’t as hollow as the last time I saw him. There’s a glint different from the playful one and similar to… life?

  “Miss me, beautiful?” He smirks, and my heart flutters.

  He is real.

  I don’t know if I want to cry in relief or scream in frustration. Instead, I school my expression into what I hope resembles dismay. “Like an insane person would miss the asylum.”

  “You wound me, Zoe.” He places a hand on his chest in mock reaction.

  “What are you doing here? Get out.”

  Don’t. Don’t even think about leaving. My internal voice screams at him.

  Apparently, Shadow can read the lies in my words since he gathers both my wrists and imprisons them above my head on the pillow.

  Warmth seeps into my bones and tingles shoot down my spine. My nipples peak in attention underneath the nightgown’s silk.

  I have no way to fight him off. Maybe I never wanted to, anyway.

  For the past two months, I’ve been battling myself. Having him this close is like regaining a missing piece of my soul.

  His fingers reach for my cheeks. Even if I want to breathe, I can’t. Every inch of skin leaps in anticipation, begging for his touch.

  Shadow’s fingers remain suspended mid-air. “You ran away from me.”

  “I didn’t.”

  “Sure did.” He holds my chin prisoner and runs a thumb along my cheek.

  The air is filled with Shadow. His scent. His dark, yet pulling aura. Those lively tiger tattoos who look ready to devour me whole.

  I missed him, dammit. I missed him so much.

  His finger stops near the corner of my mouth. The freaking tease. “But you know you were running away from yourself, not me, right?”

  “I wasn’t.”

  “You’re a fucking coward, beautiful. I thought you were more than that.” His voice is neutral, but the hurt note underneath takes me by surprise.

  Pressure builds behind my eyes as tears try to fight their way out. They surprise me even more. Why the hell should I live for his expectations?

  Why does it hurt that he’s disappointed in me?

  “You thought I was more than what?” All the frustration and pent up energy cooking for months explode in my voice. “I was more than watching you kill another human being in cold blood? Did you expect a medal for that?”

  “He wasn’t a human being. He was a machine made to kill.”

  “Like you, apparently.”

  His lips crash to mine. I gasp, and it turns into a deep-throated moan. Shadow doesn’t ask for permission. No. He dives right in. Once my lips are parted, he thrusts his tongue inside and claims me. His kiss is ravenous, desperate, and so out of control. It’s like he can’t kiss me hard enough or mould his body to mine close enough.

  The passionate ferocity turns me mindless and firing up with need.

  I can’t breathe.

  I don’t want to breathe.

  If he wants to consume me, then I’m willing to be consumed. I’m willing for anything as long as he satiates the ache inside me.

  Shadow pulls away to whisper against my mouth. “Just like me.”

  My head is foggy and I can’t make out the meaning behind his words. It’s after sharp intakes of air that I realise he’s referring to what I said earlier.

  “You’re a monster,” I pant.

  “Your monster.” He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth and bites down hard. No blood comes out, but the pain is enough to shoot the familiar need to my core.

  I clench my thighs together in a desperate attempt to tame my reaction. “You’re hollow.”

  His lips trail from my jaw to my neck, teeth grazing the skin. “Then fill me up, beautiful.”

  My mind spins out of control and my body fires with need. There’s no way I can even pretend I don’t want this. Not after all those lonely nights I spent dreaming about him.

  Shadow must’ve taken my silence as rejection since his grip tightens around my wrists. “Go ahead. Fight me.”

  I do. Not because he told me so or because I want him gone, but because we both get off on it.
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br />   I try to wiggle free. He presses me down. I groan and squirm sideways. He tries to force my legs apart with his knee. I lift my leg to knee him, but I miss.

  A sadistic smirk lifts Shadow’s lips. “Keep it up, beautiful. Tell me how much you want me.”

  I grunt, fighting the chaotic pull of adrenaline and dopamine. He turned me into a wreck.

  “Fuck you, arsehole.”

  “That’s what I plan to do.”

  I buck off the bed as if the mere mention offends me when the truth is I’m trying to hide my reaction to him. “Dream on.”

  “Oh, I’ve been dreaming all right. Until the day I thought you died.” He pauses as if remembering something. Lust is still there, but instead of the playfulness, fire contorts his expression. “You made me believe you died.”

  I swallow. This angry, mindless side of Shadow is scary.

  “You did all that stunt to make me believe you died.” He repeats as if talking to himself.

  I open my mouth not even knowing what I’ll say. A stupid part of me wants to soothe whatever demons swirl in his metallic gaze. Pain lurks beneath his rage, but Shadow is the type who would rather focus on the anger.

  The impulse to say something is taken away. Shadow lets go of my wrists and flips me over. I yelp then gasp when I recognise the position.

  My face is buried in the pillow with my arse up in the air. The sound of his zipper fills the silence.

  He’s going to take me from behind because he’s mad at me and doesn’t want to look at me.

  “No.” I attempt to lift myself, but he buries a strong hand in my hair and cages me in place.

  “You only get to shut the fuck up and feel what I did all these months.”

  “No, please. I don’t want our first time to be like this.” I loathe the tears battling to break free and the weakness I have for him. Because even if he took me like this, I’d still want him with every particle in me.

  “You wanted to break me, didn’t you? Mission accomplished. But you know what? I hold grudges.” His lips hover near my earlobe and he whispers in hot, dark words. “I’ll break you, too.”

  I give up fighting the tears and let them loose. Frustration at both him and myself gnaws at me. Why can’t he understand that I broke myself back then? That in leaving him, I left a piece of me? That’s what I meant in the note. I wrote in bold letters that he broke me.

  “Go ahead. Do it!” I scream my pent up energy. “Make me hate you!”

  “Don’t you already?”

  “Just do it!” I sob.

  I escaped him because hating him wasn’t an option, not even when I was supposed to. I was scared of who I’ll become if I stay with him.

  Shadow removes his hand from my hair and turns me over so I’m staring into those overcast eyes. Instead of the hatred and rage from earlier, they’re heated with something more volatile. It’s like they’re mirroring the ferocious longing clawing at my chest.

  More tears stream down my cheeks.

  Dealing with the unfeeling monster is easier than this version. The deep care on his handsome features make me question my own damn sanity.

  “Tell me you want me.”

  I want to say ‘I don’t’ just to drown in my denial, but the gentle edge of vulnerability in his expression stops me short.

  It seems like I hurt him. Perhaps as deeply as he hurt me.

  If the roles were switched and I found out he staged his death to escape me, that would draw a hole in my heart.

  I reach out a tentative hand to his face. Shadow clutches it, expression guarded. His ink flexes with the motion, and I can’t help admiring the hard ridges of his arms.

  “I just want to touch you,” I say in a soft tone.

  His expression is still cautious, but he lets my palm connect with the slight stubble on his cheek. He’s warm and big and so utterly male.

  I missed this submerging warmth so much.

  His jaw clenches, but there’s also the slightest softening. Was he touched like this before?

  Instead of answering him with words, I lean over and seal my lips to his. My kiss is much gentler, tentative, like the first time I kissed him. Unlike then, Shadow kisses me back.

  It goes from soft to heated in a fraction of a second.

  Shadow’s mouth claims mine. His tongue finds refuge inside and he devours my lips, my air, and my fucking sanity.

  I’m supposed to think about the repercussions. I’m supposed to listen to that voice at the back of my head.

  I don’t.

  Shadow has ruined everything I’ve been trying to build in the past two months.

  “Why did you find me? I hate you,” I whisper against his mouth and bite his lower lip until a metallic taste explodes on my tongue.

  I want to hurt him as much as he’s confusing me. I want to consume him as much as he drives me crazy.

  Shadow gathers a handful of my arse and pulls me closer to him. “I despise you, too, beautiful.”

  He shoves my legs apart and his rough, calloused fingers trail a path between my thighs until he’s teasing my sensitive folds. My head tips back with a deep-throated moan as my body moulds into his.

  Still teasing me, his other hand shoves the straps of my nightgown down my shoulders. My heavy breasts spill from their confinements and his hot lips find my throbbing nipples. He bites so hard, a shot of electricity shoots between my legs. He licks the assaulted skin, sending jolts of ecstasy through me. I’m barely getting used to the sensation when he bites again. Harder.

  My head tips backwards in a wordless cry as I clutch his shoulders for balance. He repeats the same unravelling sensation over and over again on both my breasts. Pleasure and pain. On constant repeat. Until I’m sure I’ll either come over or come apart.

  “S-stop… please.” My breathy words are barely audible as I hopelessly try to push away at his shoulders.

  His wicked gaze meets mine. “Did you stop, Zoe? When I was going out of my fucking mind thinking you died, did you fucking stop?”

  “I…” I gasp when he bites my sensitive nipple. “I won’t do it again.”

  “Damn right you won’t.”

  “Shadow…”

  His finger slips inside me, and my back arches. He cocks an eyebrow. “What?”

  “I…”

  “What is it?”

  I groan my frustration. “You’re such an infuriating bastard and –” He hooks his index finger inside me and adds another finger. “Oooh.”

  “Try again.”

  I melt into him. Any fight in me dissipates and I cave in.

  “Please… please…”

  “You won’t leave me again, won’t you, Zoe?”

  “I won’t.”

  I’d tell him anything if he keeps that rhythm with his fingers.

  “Good girl.” His thumb flicks my clit and the orgasm hits me with a strength that blinds me. I nearly black out, but I hold onto him with all my might as the wave sweeps me over.

  I’m not completely down when I sense Shadow nudging at my entrance. He’s hard and thick and so ready. I blink a few times, the remnants of tears sticking to my lashes. I didn’t even register when he removed his trousers.

  For a moment, I’m worried about how he’ll fit and if I’ll accommodate him. The doctor said sex was fine — even when I didn’t ask — but what if this hurts the baby and –

  Shadow holds my face in his strong hands so my whole attention stays on him. The intimacy in those dark overcast eyes undoes me.

  He’ll crush me.

  He’ll break me apart.

  And I’ll let him.

  He’s not only fishing into my soul. He’s giving me a piece of his in return. Just like me, he knows that this connection is wrong but nothing has ever felt so right before. He must hate me like I hate him for all the confusing feelings, but he can’t hide his attraction either.

  He thrusts inside me, and all I can focus on are those stormy eyes. He rolls his hips slowly at first, but as soon as I mov
e in rhythm with him, Shadow increases his tempo.

  It takes a few seconds for him to find his pace. He curses as he goes out of control.

  He pounds into me with a maddened urgency that matches my own. I cling to him and whisper in his ear that I hate him and that he drives me crazy. He whispers back that he hates me, too, and that crazy is his speciality.

  The orgasm hits me with a harder force than the previous one. My head falls on Shadow’s shoulder. I don’t know if we come at the same time or if he follows, but I can feel him spilling inside me.

  I would’ve been worried about that if he didn’t already knock me up.

  Our harsh breaths mingle together and our heartbeats throb against one another.

  That was mind-blowing. No. It was something that I won’t come back from. From this moment on, nothing will ever be the same.

  He rolls on his back and pulls me so I’m splayed on top of him. I lie my head on Shadow’s chest and let my fingers roam over his ink and the hard ridges of his chest. It’s strange how his presence calms me down after so much chaos.

  “What does this mean?” I circle the Chinese character atop his pectoral muscle.

  “Shadow.” His voice is quiet. The quietest I’ve heard him.

  Maybe he’s regretting this?

  My heart plummets to the dark pits of my soul at the thought.

  “Zoe?”

  I’m still in a haze, I don’t realise that someone is calling my name.

  It isn’t Shadow.

  There’s a knock on the door. Liam.

  Oh. Son of a gun. I completely forgot about him.

  I jerk up. “Coming!”

  Shadow grabs my arm and yanks me back to the bed. A dark smirk on his lips. “You just did.”

  I suppress a smile and swat him away. “You have to go.”

  I’m not ready to do introductions between him and Liam. What will I say, anyway? ‘Hey, Li, here’s Shadow and he’s one of the criminals you’re trying to catch.’ They’ll kill each other.

  Nope. An introduction is off the table.

  “Or I can kill him,” Shadow murmurs in a completely serious tone.

  “Shadow!” I whisper yell.

  “Zoe?” Liam repeats in a cautious tone. “What’s going on?”