Shadowed: A Hitman Mafia Romance (Team Zero Book 4)

by Rina Kent

  “Just a sec!” I push Shadow, but he doesn’t budge.

  His brows furrow and a muscle clenches in his jaw. “You don’t kick me out for another man after I blew my load inside you, Zoe.”

  “Please,” I beg. “Just go.”

  When he still doesn’t move, I stroke his cheek and plant a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Please.”

  He doesn’t spare me a glance as he grabs his clothes, turns to the window and jumps down.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I didn’t sleep.

  Couldn’t.

  After Liam’s interruption last night, I curled into bed and stared at the window from where Shadow climbed down.

  By morning, I’m sore and an emotional wreck. It takes everything in me to push away from the bed and take the longest shower in history. I stand under the scalding stream and stare at the grey tiles.

  The thought that Shadow might never return twists my stomach. I wanted this, didn’t I? This is the perfect opportunity to escape him once and for all.

  I softly hit my forehead against the tiles. Why did he come back into my life if he was never returning? Why did he make me feel alive after months of misery if he didn’t plan to hold on to me?

  It’s for the best.

  I tell myself as I step out of the shower and change into jeans and a baggy sweater. The slight bump is starting to show. I’m surprised Shadow didn’t notice it. At this point, it seems as if I’m gaining weight, but it’ll be on display soon enough. I’ll take all the time I can get before announcing the news to Liam and Elle.

  My steps are slow and careful as I descend the stairs. Every move reminds me of how Shadow engraved himself inside me with each thrust.

  Stop thinking about him.

  I find Liam sitting at the kitchen table. A steaming aromatic coffee rests in front of him while he reads from a newspaper.

  He still hasn’t caught the memo that newspapers are super old fashioned and he should switch to news apps.

  As soon as I’m inside, he cocks his head towards the pot of coffee without breaking his concentration from what he’s reading.

  I pour the rich-flavoured coffee into my mug and sit across from him. It’s only after my first sip that the world starts coming into focus.

  Liam glances at me from above his newspaper. “You sure you’re okay after last night?”

  I keep my gaze on the mug. “Yeah. Just a dream.”

  “You mean a nightmare?”

  “No. A dream.” The most pleasurable dream I’ve ever had. And now, I might never get that feeling again.

  Liam folds his newspaper and places it beside his coffee. “I’m asked back at the station. You’re returning to London with me, right?”

  I trace the rim of my mug with a forefinger. “I need more time.”

  His brows furrow. “For what?”

  “I just need time, Li.”

  “You’ve been away for months.” He taps his index finger on the table, creating a maddening rhythm. “I don’t know what happened to you, but I can’t leave you alone in the middle of nowhere.”

  “I can take care of myself. Didn’t you always teach us to protect ourselves because you can’t be there for us the entire time? Besides, I can’t return from the dead now. I’ll be arrested for my illegal undercover operation.”

  And he’ll go down with me. There’s no way I’ll ruin his career.

  He sighs in defeat as if he thought about this longer than I have. “So what? You intend to live here for the rest of your life?”

  “No, but for now, I’m comfortable. It’s peaceful around here. No knife crimes or drug lords lurk between flowers.” I try a sense of humour, but Liam isn’t smiling. “Don’t worry about me and go back, Li. I know how much you’re antsy about not being in the field.”

  The tapping on the table ceases. “You’ll call me if anything happens?”

  I nod.

  “You will call me even if nothing happens?”

  I chuckle and do a salute. “Yes, sir.”

  “Be careful and don’t do something stupid like Elle.”

  I drink from my coffee so he doesn’t read my expression. Liam is so disappointed in Elle even more than when she decided to become an underground fighter.

  Now that she’s with Ghost, a leader of a criminal organisation Liam has been chasing for years, things are bound to get messy. He was always that upright about law and order. For him, criminals like Ghost, Shadow, Mist, and Scar should only be locked away.

  If I do something like Elle, Liam will have a field day with us.

  Not that it matters anymore.

  After he leaves, I go on about my daily chores. The flowers. The village. Mark and Lisbeth. Grocery shopping. The shelter. I keep myself as busy as possible to stop thinking.

  But I just can’t.

  I keep replaying last night. Shadow’s warmth and rare tenderness. How his eyes seemed clearer than at any time before. Perhaps Elle was right and he is detoxing.

  After lunch, I end up curled in bed again to smell what remains of his scent. It’s like he was another one of my dreams.

  It’s for the best.

  Shadow isn’t the only one who’s hollow. I’m empty myself, and unless I do something about it, I’ll never feel whole again.

  With a deep breath, I sit up and pick up the untraceable phone Liam has given me and dial Johnny.

  He answers after a few rings but says nothing.

  “Is this Johnny?” I ask, unsure.

  “Who are you?” His voice is careful, too.

  “Zoe? We met in Le Salon a few months ago?”

  “Hey, babe.” There’s a smile in his voice. “You’re calling me late, aren’t ya?”

  “Yeah.” I fake enthusiasm. “Things were chaotic after the previous factory closing down and all. So, I was wondering. I quit Le Salon. Can you maybe find me a place in your club? I heard it’s a lot better.”

  “You haven’t heard anythin’ else?”

  I frown. “Like what?”

  “Nothing.” He sounds dismissive. “Send me your information and I’ll see what I can do. It’s a bit tough this period so it might take a while.”

  “I’ll wait for a call from you.”

  “Sure thing, babe.”

  I hang up with a grimace. The sleazy bastard, but he’s a needed sleazy bastard. If I want to move forward, I need to take care of the past.

  President Joe is now friends with Ghost and the others, so there’s no way I can take him from Le Salon. It’s time to cross the enemy lines.

  Now, I need a careful plan to hurt him without endangering my baby’s life.

  I’m about to take a walk in the fields to clear my head when a phone vibrates. Not mine. I bend to search for the source of the sound. I find a black phone beneath the bed.

  Shadow’s. He must’ve forgotten it yesterday.

  I nibble on my bottom lip as the vibrating goes on. I shouldn’t peek, but I can’t help the curiosity.

  “Screw it.”

  I reach out for the phone and my heart almost stops beating. ‘Angel’ flashes on the screen.

  My fist clenches as hot fury seeps to my bone. Who the hell is this?

  But again, why wouldn’t he find another woman right after I left? Shadow is a virile, attractive man and women fall for his charm and bad boy image the entire time. Maybe he found his angel. Maybe that’s why he can’t be bothered with me anymore.

  No idea if it’s the hormones or the freaking blind jealousy, but I pick up.

  “You promised to have a cuppa with me, boy.”

  My lips part. His angel is… “Nonna?”

  There’s a pause. “Zoe? Is that you?”

  I feel so silly for my reaction that my ears heat. “Hey, Nonna. How are you?”

  “How can you just disappear like that?” She scolds. “I thought something happened to you.”

  I wince. “Sorry, Nonna. It was urgent and I had no choice but to leave.”

  She releases a long
breath. “That explains it, then.”

  I sit straighter, tucking my knees underneath me. “Explains what?”

  “This must be why my Angelo was a shell after you left.”

  “He’s always a shell, Nonna,” I say in a sad tone.

  “He’s changing. Even his eyes aren’t so distant anymore.”

  “You noticed that, too?”

  “Sure did. He’s my Angelo.” There’s a proud tone in her voice. “But after you left, he wasn’t the same.”

  “That’s because someone in his life told him no for once.”

  “Not really, no.” She lets go of a long sigh. “You abandoned him like his parents did a long time ago. It’s like he’s been reliving the same nightmare as an adult. He doesn’t talk about it, but it’s clear that the wound cut so deep.”

  I never thought about that. Is that why he was so hurt and angry?

  Perhaps he thought he couldn’t trust me anymore and decided to never return.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  At night, I call Elle to ask about Shadow and if he returned, but she said she didn’t see him.

  I close my eyes in the hopes to dream about him, but it’s like I’m being punished. In my dream, I wake up sleeping next to a little girl.

  Her light blonde strands spill on the pillow like silk. She’s curled into a foetal position, hugging her knees to her chest. Her eyes are shut with obvious force.

  Me.

  She’s the seven years old version of me.

  Indistinct yelling comes from down the hall. Mum!

  I jump up from my position next to Little Zoe and run towards the door. Even if it’s only a dream, I want to see Mum’s face. I don’t remember her or Dad anymore, and while I’m glad I erased him, it pains me that I erased her, too.

  When I attempt to open the doorknob, it won’t budge. Mum’s shouting outside rises and Little Zoe hides her head under a pillow.

  Wait.

  I stare between her and strain to hear what my parents are saying. Dad was never a talker. He didn’t raise his voice or express his displeasure in anything. His existence was swift and calm. I can recall the number of times he argued so loudly.

  It hits me.

  This isn’t a dream. It’s a memory. My gaze strays to the calendar above my childhood desk. It’s weird how I forgot all about it. A Barbie doll and a robot, missing an arm, stand close to each other on top.

  Dad got them for me. I told him I didn’t want my Barbie with a Ken doll because Ken dolls were boring. Dad got me a strong robot. I was over the moon that day. It was maybe the happiest memory I had with my dad. The next day, I woke up to find the robot’s arm missing.

  Mum said that’s what people like Dad do. They make you happy then they take it all away.

  My parents are fighting down the hall and I’m stuck here with Little Zoe because she refuses to hear them.

  I refused to hear them.

  “Zoe.” I try to shake her but she doesn’t move. “Open the door.”

  Mum’s shouts become hysterical and almost scary.

  “No, you won’t!” Mum yells. “You can’t leave!”

  No. The memory is reversed. Dad said that and stopped her from leaving, not the other way around.

  Tears fill my eyes when a crashing fact hits me.

  This is the last night I heard the fighting. The next morning, they’ll both be dead.

  “I won’t allow my daughter to live with someone like you.” Dad’s voice is restrained. He usually holds his temper more than Mum, but not that night. “You’re ruining her. She’s only a child, stop filling her head with your nonsense.”

  “She’s mine to do whatever I wish!” Mum’s muffled voice. “You think I’ll let you live happily ever after with her? Over my dead body.”

  No. It’s the other way around. Dad said that. Mum wanted to protect me. Dad wanted to kill me.

  “Remove that pillow,” I coax, sitting beside Little Zoe. “Please open the door. Let me see Mum one last time.”

  Little Zoe is whimpering and murmuring something. She lets go of the pillow and hugs her knees to her chest. Tears stream down her cheeks as she chants in a low haunted tone.

  “Daddy isn’t a hero, he’s a monster. He kills children like me in the war. I shouldn’t love Daddy because he forced Mummy. Daddy is one of the bad guys…”

  A sob catches in my throat. I don’t even remember this. This whole night is a blur in my memories, but I didn’t realise I was in so much pain back then.

  I reach a hand to Little Zoe’s head. I want to stroke her hair and tell her everything will be all right. It won’t, but I needed to hear that at the time. I needed someone to give me comfort, but I never got any.

  This small, whimpering girl will grow into a woman full of bitterness.

  The moment my hand touches her, I’m thrown back to the present, still whimpering. Tears glue my lids together and stream down my cheeks.

  I open my eyes and the face hovering over me causes another sob to tear from my throat.

  Shadow sits on the side of the bed, brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”

  He sounds genuinely worried like he hates seeing me cry.

  I sit up and throw myself in his arms. I need to hug him and make sure this warmth is real.

  He didn’t leave me alone.

  He’s back.

  His fingers thread through my hair and he strokes the strands dampened with sweat off my forehead. We remain like that for what seems like forever. My breathing slows down the more his touch soothes my nerve endings.

  “Who did this to you?” he asks slowly as if he’s plotting murder.

  “No one.” I trace my fingers along his jawline, half-expecting him to disappear. “I thought you won’t return.”

  His lips lift in a smirk. “You can’t get rid of a monster, beautiful.”

  “Then why are you only here now?”

  He strokes my bottom lip as he smiles. It’s not any smile. This one is full of triumph as if he scored some championship. He thinks I’m finally giving in and maybe I am. At this moment, I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts and screwed up childhood memories.

  “I had to take care of a few urgent things or I wouldn’t have left,” he says.

  I don’t push on the ‘urgent things’. If it has to do with killing, then I’d rather not know.

  Instead, I offer something back. “About yesterday, the only reason I asked you to leave is because I didn’t want an unnecessary conflict between you and Liam.”

  “Are you lying to me to save his life?”

  I push away from him so his body heat isn’t overwhelming mine. “You can’t go on killing people just because you can.”

  “I won’t.”

  I eye him suspiciously. “You won’t?”

  “I’m tempted to…” At my glare, he trails off. “But I can control myself for you.”

  For me.

  He’s making an effort for me. Why does the thought fill me with unprecedented joy?

  With a scowl, he snatches my arm and yanks me towards him until I’m sitting on his lap. “Now, don’t leave just because you can. That’s not how this works, beautiful.”

  I smile despite myself. “You’re weird. Did you know that?”

  “I can take weird. I’ve been called worse.”

  As his metallic gaze meets mine, I realise for the first time that maybe I’ve been hurting him every time I called him a monster.

  You abandoned him like his parents. Nonna’s words play at the back of my head and I feel like the shittiest person alive. I know first-hand how childhood trauma can shape a person’s life. I can’t begin to imagine how Shadow sees the whole thing.

  Something in me, an irrational, hormone-driven side wants to make him feel better. I reach out and plant a kiss on his cheek. “Liam is my childhood friend, not my boyfriend. We’ve known each other for more than fifteen years.”

  He narrows his eyes. “That long?”

  I nudge him. “Nothing ha
ppens between us. He’s like my big bro.”

  His eyes squint further like he doesn’t believe me. “I still don’t like it.”

  “What are you going to do about it?” I taunt.

  “Don’t push me.” His voice is steel hard, but his eyes blaze with wild lust. He’s like a predator waiting for the prey to move so he can pounce.

  If it’s for him, I’m willing to be a prey any day.

  Sick pleasure tightens my limbs and melts with my bones. The familiar rush of adrenaline grips me and I push off him, jerking to my feet.

  I run to the door, but the moment I open it, a hand slams it shut. A familiar, larger-than-life presence glues to my back.

  All of this is so sick, but I can’t deny the pleasure I derive from pushing his buttons. We both love the chase and the fight. I’m already soaking wet at the thought of a struggle.

  He’s warm. Too warm. I can’t help leaning into him even though I’m supposed to fight him.

  “Where do you think you’re going, beautiful?” he whispers in hot sultry words in my ear. I can hardly hear him over my roaring heartbeat.

  I elbow him and try the doorknob again. “Away from you.”

  The dark, deep chuckle fills me with both excitement and dread. “You’re not going anywhere.”

  I spin around and puff my chest forward. “Make. Me.”

  A gleam shines in his eyes as he pushes into me. His leg yanks mine apart and he rubs an unmistakable bulge against the bottom of my stomach. “Oh, I’ll make you all right. You’ll come over my cock so many times, you won’t be able to move for days.”

  Yes, please.

  My subconscious erases everything except for the man staring down at me with untamed want. Sometimes, I feel like he wants to hurt me, and while it should send me running for the hills, it has the complete opposite effect. The idea that I have such an impact on a dangerous, wild man like Shadow fills me with overwhelming thrill.

  He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I yelp, even though my heart is hammering with excitement. I pound on his back, but he doesn’t loosen his hold. On the contrary, he tightens it then slaps my arse.

  I gasp at the new, sweeping sensation. “You’re a nightmare!”