“Jewel! I called you, but you didn’t answer the phone.” Krissy was sitting at the kitchen table texting.
“Sorry. I didn’t hear the phone. What’s wrong?” She carried a bowl of milk with a few soggy Cheerios floating in it to the sink and began making lunches.
“Can Stacey come with us to Rough Riders?”
Jewel hadn’t realized that she was clinging to a shred of hope that the kids had forgotten about the promise. “Not this time, Kriss. Sorry.”
“Whatever.” Krissy went back to texting, but she kept stealing glances at Jewel.
She went through the motions of their morning routine, feeling a lot like she did in the weeks after Rick died.
“You look terrible.” Krissy set her phone down on the table and stared at Jewel. “Are you sick? Because if you are, stay away from me. I don’t want to get it.”
“I’m not sick.” Unless you count lovesick.
“Oh. Well, you look bad.”
Jewel closed her eyes for a second and took a few deep breaths. She did look awful, but hearing it only made her want to cry. And until recently, she hadn’t been a crier. She went for a change of scenery.
“Where’s Taylor?” Jewel went into the living room and picked up Patrick’s math book from the coffee table and set it on his backpack, then went to the stairs and hollered up, “Patrick? Tay? Come on.”
Taylor came running down the stairs in a cute pair of leggings and an oversized top. “Patrick is playing Xbox.”
“Ugh.” Jewel trudged upstairs and pushed open Patrick’s door. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, looking madder than hell. “Let’s go, Patrick. School.”
He thrust his controller forward, furiously punching the buttons.
“Patrick. Now. We can’t be late.”
“Hold on.” His eyes remained trained on the television.
Jewel drew in a deep breath and reminded herself that he was doing normal teenager things. That didn’t help quell her irritation.
“If you want to go to Rough Riders after school tomorrow, get your butt downstairs.”
“You’re a total buzzkill.” He turned off his Xbox and tossed the controller on the bed.
“Did you eat breakfast?” She followed him downstairs. “I put your math book on your backpack.”
He grabbed his book and shoved it in the backpack. “I can get my own shit.”
“If I didn’t show up, you’d probably play Xbox all day and forget about school altogether.”
“I’m not a moron, Jewel. I don’t need you for everything,” he said without looking at her as he stormed out the front door.
Jewel blew out a breath. She should be used to his moods by now, but she wasn’t, and she didn’t know if she ever would get used to them. She shook off the sting of his words and went to get the girls.
Forty minutes later she carried two to-go cups into Chelsea’s.
“You look like you’ve had a full day already.” Chelsea took one of the cups and sipped the coffee. “Nectar of the gods. Thank you.”
She set her purse in the back office and sank into a chair. The store wouldn’t open for another hour, but they needed to make sure things were ready for the sale. They had two more salesgirls coming in to help, but Jewel needed a minute to breathe, think, and be. She was exhausted, confused, and she didn’t have any idea how she was going to make it through the day without crying, which was so far from who she usually was that it made her even more confused.
“Rough morning?” Chelsea settled into the chair across from her and tucked her dark hair behind her ear. Her green eyes danced over Jewel, and Jewel’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh no. Rough night?”
Jewel nodded, wiping her eyes. “Awful, terrible night. Why is it that nothing is ever easy?”
“Because if things were easy, you’d be so bored you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. Because if things were easy, we wouldn’t appreciate anything at all and we’d all be entitled assholes. Because if things were easy, we’d—”
Jewel cut her off with a narrow-eyed stare.
“Sorry.”
“I get it. But I mean, come on. I don’t hate my life—you know that. I love my family. I love working here. But…” Tears stole her voice. She shook her head and reached for the box of tissues on the corner of the desk.
“Oh, honey. What happened last night? Did Nate break up with you? Want me to go kick his hot little ass?”
Jewel laughed through her tears. “You’d enjoy that too much.”
Chelsea lifted her coffee cup to her lips. “I’m not even going to try to deny that one, but I’d still give him a good pounding for you. I’d nail him like he’s never been nailed before. I’d stick it—”
“Chelsea!” Jewel couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re a bitch of a friend.”
“I’m the best bitch of a friend there is, because you know all too well that if you want me to, I really will go sock him one in that beautiful mouth of his. And I promise not to enjoy it.” She came around the desk and sat on the edge. “Talk to me. What did that good-for-nothing sexy bastard do to you?”
“He killed my brother.” Jewel went numb with the confession.
Chelsea choked on her coffee. “You’re messing with me, right?”
She shook her head and handed Chelsea the box of tissues.
“I love you, Jewel, but I don’t believe for a second that Nate Braden would harm a single hair on Rick’s head. They did everything together.” She wiped a smattering of coffee from her skirt, watching Jewel expectantly. “You can’t tell me that and then not fill me in on the specifics. What happened?”
“He was the one who sent Rick on the run that killed him.”
“Wait, so he didn’t actually kill Rick, right? You scared the shit out of me.”
“Chelsea! He sent him on the mission that got him killed. It’s the same thing.” Anger swallowed her tears as she pushed to her feet and paced. “And if that isn’t bad enough, he didn’t tell me about it until now. Two years later.”
“Jewel, honey—”
“Don’t Jewel, honey me. He could have sent anyone else. There were tons of guys on that military base. Why him? Why Rick? Why my brother?” Tears stung her eyes again, and that pissed her off even more.
“Jewel!”
Jewel stopped cold at Chelsea’s harsh tone.
“I’m sorry, but take a deep breath and listen to me for one second. Please.” She guided Jewel back to the chair and made her sit down. “You know Nate. You’ve known him forever. Do you really, honestly think he’d purposely do something to hurt Rick? And if so, why would he tell you at all?”
Jewel set her jaw and looked away.
“Oh no. Jewel. Don’t go silent on me. You know you’re not making sense. I understand why you’re so upset. I would be, too, but you’re saying Nate killed Rick, when in fact he didn’t. Wasn’t Nate a higher rank than Rick? An officer?”
“Yes, but so—”
Chelsea held up her palm. “So he probably had to make those decisions, and you know how the military is. He probably didn’t even make the decision but just carried it out for someone higher-up.”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t make it any better.”
“No? So if your mom asks you to pick up Taylor from a friend’s house or Krissy from dance, and someone runs a red light and plows into your Jeep and—God forbid—Taylor or Krissy is killed, would your mother be at fault?”
“It’s not the same.” Nothing’s the same.
“Okay, let’s try another one. I ask you to go pick up bags from our supplier, and someone hits you in the parking lot when you’re walking to your Jeep. Should I forever be labeled as your killer by everyone else? You know I’d think I was and I’d never fully recover from something like that, but would it be right for anyone else to label me as your killer? Should your mom think of me as a killer? Your brother and sisters?”
“You’re being a bitch again.” Jewel blew out a breath. Chelsea was making sense, but it
was too hard to separate Rick’s death from Nate giving the order.
“Yeah, you’re right, because you’re throwing away the best thing you’ve ever had in your life.” Chelsea softened her tone. “Jewel, you live the life of a forty-year-old mother, not a twenty-two-year-old beautiful, talented woman. You’ve got a degree in fashion design and you won’t leave this Podunk town.”
“My family—”
“I know, honey. I get it. They need you as much as you need them. But think this thing with Nate through. That’s all I’m saying. I think you’ve confused Nate’s role in Rick’s death.”
“Even if I did, which I’m not saying is true, how do I get past something like this?”
Chelsea shook her head. “I don’t know. I only know that at twenty-seven I’m still waiting to meet a man who loves me for me, faults and all. And in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen the sparkle in your eyes that I saw when you talked about Nate.”
Jewel bonked her forehead on the desk. “If Rick were here, he’d know what to do. He always knew what to do.”
“You do realize you’re wishing for the one person who can never be here to give you an answer.”
Jewel closed her eyes.
“I don’t think you need anyone else to tell you what to do. And I bet when Rick made the decision to join the military, knowing that you would take over his role of doing everything for Patrick, Krissy, and Tay, he trusted that you would always know what to do, too.”
Chapter Fourteen
NATE SAT IN his truck at the entrance to the cemetery. He’d been sitting in the same spot for more than an hour, trying to figure out where to go from here. He hadn’t heard from Jewel since he’d left last night. He’d driven by Chelsea’s, so he knew she’d at least gone to work, which meant she’d seen his note. He was supposed to meet Jewel and the kids at Rough Riders tomorrow and he didn’t even know if they’d show up. He couldn’t decide if he’d totally screwed up by telling her the truth or if he’d done the right thing. All he knew was that while confessing to Jewel and her mother had provided a modicum of relief, the agony of knowing how much Jewel hated him for it was ten times worse. He wanted an honest relationship with Jewel, and the only way they could have that was with the truth in the open between them, but now his worst fears were coming true.
Maybe it would have been better if he’d left town without telling Jewel the truth. At least then she wouldn’t have gotten hurt again.
He parked the truck, and as he walked across the grassy hill toward Rick’s and his father’s graves, he knew he could never have left his truth untold. Nate looked over the sea of headstones with a heavy heart, and a shiver ran down his spine. When he came to the graves, he stared at the cold marble for a long time without any clear thought beyond how unfathomable it was that the boy he’d raced around town with on their bicycles, the guy he’d drank his first beer with and gone to his first high school party with, was buried six feet under. One day they were talking about going home and Nate was agonizing over how to tell Rick that he thought his younger sister was the most incredible woman he’d ever known, and the next he was sitting beside Rick, trying not to let his best friend see how terrified he was as Rick’s life slipped away. They’d thought they were indestructible. Sure, there were times when they were fighting for their lives and scared shitless, but other times they thought they were made of lead. Nothing could destroy them. Rick used to say that he’d already lost his father and there was no way God or whatever higher power was overseeing this game called life would ever make his mother suffer twice.
Losing Rick was a true test of Nate’s faith. He never could bring himself to hate God, because he didn’t believe God had killed Rick. It was the fucking sniper who had stolen his best friend’s life. God had nothing to do with it.
Nate shoved his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts and stared up at the sky. “Richard Phillip Fisher, wherever you are, listen up. I am a total fuckup. I’ll admit that. Hell, you already know that, but I never meant to hurt Jewel, and I sure as fuck never meant to put you in the path of that asshole. But I imagine that you already know that, too.” He laughed under his breath and shook his head. “You know me way too fucking well. I read the letters to your mom. Did you mean all that stuff, Rick? Or were you just fuckin’ around?” Tears burned his eyes. “Man, if you were here right now, we’d pound back a few beers and you’d tell me I was an asshole for a hundred different reasons, so please…”
He inhaled an uneven breath, knowing he was asking for too much. “Please, Rick, give me a fucking sign here, buddy. I read your sappy letters. You could have saved me a shitload of grief if you would have told me that you knew I was in love with Jewel. Man, how I worried about you finding out about my feelings for her.” He pulled a single letter out of his back pocket, ran his fingers over it, and then shoved it back in his pocket again. “Should I stick around and hope I can prove I’m worthy of her love, or should I get the hell out of Dodge?”
He pressed his fist to the fire in the center of his chest. “Come on, man.” His voice cracked with fresh tears, and he pressed his thumb and index finger to his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears that had been bottled up for two years too long.
“Nate?”
Shit. “Mrs. F. Hi. Sorry. I was just, uh…” He turned away and wiped his eyes.
“It’s okay. There’s usually no one around when I come here on my lunch hour.” She touched his shoulder. “It’s hard to visit them, isn’t it?”
He gritted his teeth and nodded, swiping at another tear. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be such a wimp.”
She laughed. “You’re crying for my baby, Nate. I suspect for two of my children, actually. That doesn’t make you a wimp. That makes you human.”
“Yeah? Well, I’m a little too human for my liking at the moment.”
She smiled, and Nate wondered how she could be so gracious given what she knew had gone down when Rick died.
“Have you talked to Jewel?” she asked.
“Yeah. I’m afraid it didn’t go too well.”
“Give her time, Nate. I have faith in Jewel to make the right decision for both of you. She’s a smart girl.”
“She’s…everything,” he admitted.
“Yeah, she is. Isn’t she? She’s the glue that holds us together, but she’s also the bars that hold us in sometimes.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, you know Jewel. She got Rick’s sense of responsibility, which is a blessing. Lord knows she’s helped me out more than any daughter ever should.” Anita pulled a Hershey’s Kiss from her pocket and placed it on top of Rick’s headstone. “My boy loved his chocolate kisses.”
Nate took the hint by her change of subject and didn’t push her to elaborate on Jewel. “Rick was a glutton for them, actually. He used to buy them for me for my birthday and then give me a bag of tiny balls of empty foil.”
“That sounds like my boy.”
“He was everything, too, Mrs. F. Seriously, Rick was one of the best men I have ever known.” With that truth, his tears finally subsided.
“I know.” She knelt by his headstone and ran her fingers over the letters. “When you have a child, you have these big hopes and dreams for them. You want the world for them. I know Rick’s life was hard, and it was cut short, but he had the most important things that his father and I hoped he would. Our boy was loved. His brother and sisters adored him, and he had so many friends. And, Nate, I thank God every day that he had you. You stood by him through thick and thin. You took the blame when he cheated off of you in eighth-grade English class, and you—”
“You knew about that?” He’d told the teacher that it was him who was copying off of Rick so that Rick wouldn’t get in trouble.
Anita arched a brow. “He was my son, Nate. Of course I knew. I knew about that, and I knew about a whole lot of other things that I won’t embarrass you with. All that stuff is part of growing up, and I’m glad Rick did a few mischievous thing
s in his lifetime. Rick and Jewel never had it easy, and I’ll carry guilt about that forever, but I like to think that despite the difficulties and responsibilities that Rick so willingly took on, he had a good life.”
“He was happy. He never complained about helping out or anything like that. He was proud to join the military in order to help the family. One less mouth to feed and another steady income coming home.”
“I know he was.” She smiled.
“Thank you for sharing your letters with me.” He thought about the letter in his pocket, but he wasn’t ready to give it up just yet. “I’ll bring them by soon.”
“No hurry.”
“Well, I’d better get going.” He embraced Anita, feeling much better than he had when she’d arrived. “I can’t believe you knew our secrets.”
“I’m sure I don’t know them all, but you guys were good kids. I doubt you did anything too damning. Unless, of course, you consider sneaking out to go to a bonfire and streaking bad.”
“How could you have possibly found out about that?” He held up his hand as he walked toward his truck. “Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”
He smiled on the way out of the parking lot, thinking of the night during their freshman year of high school that he and Rick had snuck out to go to a party where Sam was playing guitar. Nate couldn’t remember what had been the impetus for them to streak down the beach, but he and Rick had laughed about it for weeks afterward. His thoughts turned to what Sam had said about people being aware of his feelings for Jewel. Maybe Peaceful Harbor was more gossipy than he knew, which made him wonder how quickly the news he’d shared with Jewel would spread—if it hadn’t already.
Thinking of Rick, he drove to the old train station again. When rumors of the train station coming up for sale had begun to circulate three years ago, he and Rick had thought it would be the perfect venue for Tap It. He thought of how excited they’d been, mapping out how the restaurant would be laid out and talking about their grand opening as if it were a sure thing.
He parked beside the one-story redbrick building located at the end of West Rail Street, one of the busiest streets in Peaceful Harbor. The charming station house had always appealed to Nate, with arched windows over double front doors, topped with a high peak. Windows lined the front, with a second entrance on the left, perfect for the entrance to the pub, while the main entrance could serve the restaurant.
Healed by Love (Love in Bloom: The Bradens) Page 12