The Yillian Way

by Keith Laumer

  Produced by Robert Cicconetti, LN Yaddanapudi and theOnline Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net

  THE YILLIAN WAY

  By KEITH LAUMER

  The ceremonious protocol of the Yills was impressive, colorful--and, in the long run, deadly!

  I

  Jame Retief, vice-consul and third secretary in the Diplomatic Corps,followed the senior members of the terrestrial mission across the tarmacand into the gloom of the reception building. The gray-skinned Yillguide who had met the arriving embassy at the foot of the ramp hurriedaway. The councillor, two first secretaries and the senior attachesgathered around the ambassador, their ornate uniforms bright in the vastdun-colored room.

  Ten minutes passed. Retief strolled across to the nearest door andlooked through the glass panel at the room beyond. Several dozen Yilllounged in deep couches, sipping lavender drinks from slender glasstubes. Black-tunicked servants moved about inconspicuously, offeringtrays. A party of brightly-dressed Yill moved toward the entrance doors.One of the party, a tall male, made to step before another, who raised ahand languidly, fist clenched. The first Yill stepped back and placedhis hands on top of his head. Both Yill were smiling and chatting asthey passed through the doors.

  Retief turned away to rejoin the Terrestrial delegation waiting beside amound of crates made of rough greenish wood stacked on the bare concretefloor.

  As Retief came up, Ambassador Spradley glanced at his finger watch andspoke to the man beside him.

  "Ben, are you quite certain our arrival time was made clear?"

  Second Secretary Magnan nodded emphatically. "I stressed the point, Mr.Ambassador. I communicated with Mr. T'Cai-Cai just before the lighterbroke orbit, and I specifically----"

  "I hope you didn't appear truculent, Mr. Magnan," the ambassador saidsharply.

  "No indeed, Mr. Ambassador. I merely----"

  "You're sure there's no VIP room here?" The ambassador glanced aroundthe cavernous room. "Curious that not even chairs have been provided."

  "If you'd care to sit on one of these crates----"

  "Certainly not." The ambassador looked at his watch again and clearedhis throat.

  "I may as well make use of these few moments to outline our approach forthe more junior members of the staff; it's vital that the entire missionwork in harmony in the presentation of the image. We Terrestrials are akindly, peace-loving race." The ambassador smiled in a kindly,peace-loving way.

  "We seek only a reasonable division of spheres of influence with theYill." He spread his hands, looking reasonable.

  "We are a people of high culture, ethical, sincere." The smile wasreplaced abruptly by pursed lips.

  "We'll start by asking for the entire Sirenian System, and settle forhalf. We'll establish a foothold on all the choicer worlds. And, withshrewd handling, in a century we'll be in a position to assert a widerclaim."

  The ambassador glanced around. "If there are no questions----"

  * * * * *

  Retief stepped forward. "It's my understanding, Mr. Ambassador, that wehold the prior claim to the Sirenian System. Did I understand yourExcellency to say that we're ready to concede half of it to the Yillwithout a struggle?"

  Ambassador Spradley looked up at Retief, blinking. The younger manloomed over him. Beside him, Magnan cleared his throat in the silence.

  "Vice-Consul Retief merely means----"

  "I can interpret Mr. Retief's remark," the ambassador snapped. Heassumed a fatherly expression.

  "Young man, you're new to the Service. You haven't yet learned the teamplay, the give-and-take of diplomacy. I shall expect you to observeclosely the work of the experienced negotiators of the mission. You mustlearn the importance of subtlety."

  "Mr. Ambassador," Magnan said, "I think the reception committee isarriving." He pointed. Half a dozen tall, short-necked Yill wereentering through a side door. The leading Yill hesitated as anotherstepped in his path. He raised a fist, and the other moved aside,touching the top of his head perfunctorily with both hands. The groupstarted across the room toward the Terrestrials. Retief watched as aslender alien came forward and spoke passable Terran in a reedy voice.

  "I am P'Toi. Come this way...." He turned, and the group moved towardthe door, the ambassador leading. As he reached for the door, theinterpreter darted ahead and shouldered him aside. The other Yillstopped, waiting.

  The ambassador almost glared, then remembered the image. He smiled andbeckoned the Yill ahead. They milled uncertainly, muttering in thenative tongue, then passed through the door.

  The Terran party followed.

  "---- give a great deal to know what they're saying," Retief overheardas he came up.

  "Our interpreter has forged to the van," the ambassador said. "I canonly assume he'll appear when needed."

  "A pity we have to rely on a native interpreter," someone said.

  "Had I known we'd meet this rather uncouth reception," the ambassadorsaid stiffly, "I would have audited the language personally, of course,during the voyage out."

  "Oh, no criticism intended, of course, Mr. Ambassador."

  "Heavens," Magnan put in. "Who would have thought----"

  Retief moved up behind the ambassador.

  "Mr. Ambassador," he said, "I----"

  "Later, young man," the ambassador snapped. He beckoned to the firstcouncillor, and the two moved off, heads together.

  Outside, a bluish sun gleamed in a dark sky. Retief watched his breathform a frosty cloud in the chill air. A broad doughnut-wheeled vehiclewas drawn up to the platform. The Yill gestured the Terran party to thegaping door at the rear, then stood back, waiting.

  Retief looked curiously at the gray-painted van. The legend written onits side in alien symbols seemed to read "egg nog."

  * * * * *

  The ambassador entered the vehicle, the other Terrestrials following. Itwas as bare of seats as the Terminal building. What appeared to be adefunct electronic chassis lay in the center of the floor.

  Retief glanced back. The Yill were talking excitedly. None of thementered the car. The door was closed, and the Terrans braced themselvesunder the low roof as the engine started up with a whine of wornturbos.

  The van moved off.

  It was an uncomfortable ride. Retief put out an arm as the vehiclerounded a corner, just catching the ambassador as he staggered,off-balance. The ambassador glared at him, settled his heavy tri-cornerhat and stood stiffly until the car lurched again.

  Retief stooped, attempting to see out through the single dusty window.They seemed to be in a wide street lined with low buildings.

  They passed through a massive gate, up a ramp, and stopped. The dooropened. Retief looked out at a blank gray facade, broken by tiny windowsat irregular intervals. A scarlet vehicle was drawn up ahead, the Yillreception committee emerging from it. Through its wide windows Retiefsaw rich upholstery and caught a glimpse of glasses clamped to a tinybar.

  P'Toi, the Yill interpreter, came forward, gestured to a small door.Magnan opened it, waiting for the ambassador.

  As he stepped to it, a Yill thrust himself ahead and hesitated.Ambassador Spradley drew himself up, glaring. Then he twisted his mouthinto a frozen smile and stepped aside.

  The Yill looked at each other then filed through the door.

  Retief was the last to enter. As he stepped inside, a black-clad servantslipped past him, pulled the lid from a large box by the door anddropped in a paper tray heaped with refuse. There were alien symbols inflaking paint on the box. They seemed, Retief noticed, to spell "eggnog."

  II

  The shrill pipes and whining reeds had been warming up for an hour whenRetief emerged from his cubicle and descended the stairs to the b
anquethall.

  Standing by the open doors, he lit a slender cigar and watched throughnarrowed eyes as obsequious servants in black flitted along the low widecorridor, carrying laden trays into the broad room, arranging settingson a great four-sided table forming a hollow square that almost filledthe room. Rich brocades were spread across the center of the sidenearest the door, flanked by heavily decorated white cloths. Beyond,plain white extended to the far side, where metal dishes were arrangedon the bare table top.

  A richly dressed Yill approached, stepped aside to allow a servant topass and entered the room.

  Retief turned at the sound of Terran voices behind him. The ambassadorcame up, trailed by two diplomats. He glanced at Retief, adjusted hisruff and looked into the banquet hall.

  "Apparently we're to be kept waiting again," he