A Plague of Wizards

by Wesley Allison

  “Think of it as healthy exercise for the mind,” said Esther. Then she pointed at a large stack of thick volumes on the right hand side of the picture window. In front of them was a sign. It read, “A Masterpiece has Happened! Odyssey. The Greatest Brech Novel in a Generation. Meet the Author. 12th Sexuary, 1919.”

  “I wonder why Iolana didn’t tell me she had a book signing,” said Esther, tugging at her dewlap.

  “Is it really the greatest Brech novel in a generation?” wondered Willa.

  “Probably. Professor Dorn is already planning to teach a course on it at University, so I’m told.”

  “Why aren’t you going to University?”

  “It’s a waste of time. Iolana is going to make me learn everything she does anyway.”

  “Do you want to go in?” asked Willa.

  “Of course not. I get all the books I want.”

  They continued down the sidewalk from the bookstore. At the corner of Prince Tybalt Boulevard they had to cross south and then east to reach the park’s edge. Hexagon Park was a vast expanse, filled with fountains, ponds, walkways, flower gardens, orchards, and at its center, a plaza with a steam-powered calliope.

  Esther could hear the music playing even at this distance. Hurrying past the vendors selling food from carts, they made their way up the cobblestone path to the center of the park, where they found the bright red music machine. The calliope made as much music as an entire band playing. People clearly enjoyed it. Many were seated on benches watching it hiss steam and toot out notes. Others followed along by bobbing their heads or humming as they smelled the flowers, looked into the fountains, or strolled among the fruit trees.

  Waving Esther to follow her, Willa walked swiftly to the edge of the fishpond and sat down, using the lip as a seat. Esther sat beside her, finding it much more comfortable than she would have a park bench. The rather nondescript piece that had been playing ended and after a pause of three seconds, the calliope began playing Accord Banner Forever, a march by Carl Clarence Hurst familiar to every Brech citizen.

  “How wonderful,” said Esther. “To harness steam power to produce beautiful music… It must make you proud to be Brech.”

  Willa nodded.

  Esther happily enjoyed the rousing tune for a few minutes. Then she spotted a woman pointing in her direction. Not just in her direction either. The woman was pointing right at her and talking to another woman. As Esther slowly looked from the two of them to others in the center of the park, she became aware that many more were staring at her than at the great red machine.

  “Maybe we ssshould go now,” said Esther.

  “Let’s just relax and enjoy the music.”

  Esther couldn’t relax and enjoy the music however. She watched women gathering their children and moving away, and she watched men gathering together in groups of two or three to move toward her. The latter finally caught Willa’s attention, as the calliope finished its tune and let out a long steamy sigh.

  “Oi! Shove off, you lot!” she shouted. “You’ve got no reason to tarry us!”

  “We got reason when you bring that into the park, where there are children!” growled one of the men. A few of the others growled or shouted their agreement.

  The men moved slightly closer. Esther stood up; thinking that leaving through the fishpond might be the best option. The men, as one, took a step back, but quickly regained their bravado.

  “All right! All right! All right!” Two police constables came pushing through the crowd. “Disperse! Disperse you…”

  The PC’s voice trailed off as he came face to face with Esther. He was a stocky fellow with a large handlebar mustache. His partner stepped around him to look at the lizzie. He was a baby-faced northerner with bright red hair.

  “You can’t bring a dangerous animal into the park,” he said, “dressed up or no.”

  “I’m not dangerous,” said Esther in a small voice.

  “Kafira’s eyes!” shouted the first PC. “It talks.”

  “It’s not an it,” said Willa. “It’s a she. This is Esther. She’s a lizzie from Birmisia and is a guest of Miss Iolana Staff.”

  “Staff, eh?” said the redhead PC, whipping out his notepad and a little pencil.

  His companion turned toward the park-goers and began shooing them away. “Move along, you lot!”

  “And what is Miss Staff’s address?”

  “Number one, Avenue Dragon.”

  “And you live there too?”

  “I’m… Yes, I’m the upstairs maid.”

  “Perhaps it was unwise of Miss Staff to send her… um, guest out with only the upstairs maid to accompany her.”

  “We just decided to visit the park, to listen to the calliope. We saw PC Bean on the way. He’s very friendly with her.”

  “Bean, yes, good man.” He nodded and looked at Esther. “And it’s obvious now that you’re not dangerous.”

  Esther had hunkered down so far that she was at least four inches shorter than normal.

  “Maybe the park isn’t the best place for you to visit.”

  Esther nodded.

  “What’s she supposed to do then?” asked Willa. “Just sit at home?”

  “Perhaps that would be best. Come along. We’ll walk you home.”

  * * * * *

  Esther ensconced herself in her room the rest of the day. Finley brought her up a tray for tea, but though she took a few sips, she was in no mood to partake in either the sausages or the butter cake. She just curled up in her chair and dreamt of home, where everyone knew her and the only time strangers paid any attention to her at all was because of the novelty of a lizzie wearing a dress. She had almost dozed off, when the door burst open and Lady Iolana traipsed in.

  “Why aren’t you getting dressed for dinner?”

  “I don’t feel like eating.”

  “What’s the matter? Did you have a bad day?”

  “Bloody awful.”

  “You’ll miss a lovely sunset if you don’t get up,” said Iolana, stepping over to the window and looking out. “You know I don’t like that word. I don’t like either one of those words, come to that. Anyway, I’m sure your day wasn’t all that bad. Mine was quite wonderful. We’ve been invited to meet the king.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “The king thinks it’s a good idea,” said Iolana, turning around. “More importantly, I think it’s good idea. Don’t worry. I have a man from Wiston & Vinier coming to take our measurements. We’ll both have dresses of the latest style.”

  She paused for a few seconds, and when Esther said nothing, continued.

  “If you don’t feel like eating, you needn’t come down. But I’ll have Barrymore send up some bitters. That will put you back in fiddle.”

  With that, she stepped out of the room, leaving Esther alone in the growing gloom.

  Chapter Six: Alone Among the Lizzies

  Lady Terra leaned over to one side, so that she would have a better view of Yessonarah around Nichol Borrin’s shoulder. The lizzie city-state was quite impressive. It rivaled Port Dechantagne in overall size, and was much more dense. Surrounded by a great stone wall, it stretched up the side of a mountain on the right and touched the shores of a large lake on the left. Within, were a multitude of wooden and stone buildings. Poking up from among them, were six large pyramids and five other enormous buildings.

  “Let’s move along,” she told Nichol.

  The iguanodon upon which they sat started forward at his command, but with a pronounced limp due to a horrible gash on its right flank. This uneven movement caused the two men squeezed into the howdah behind Terra to bump into her with its every step. It took the better part of the morning for the poor creature to make it from the hilltop to one of the large gates in the city wall.

  As they approached, hundreds of lizzies stopped what they were doing to stare and point and the strangers. It was perhaps not the event that it might have once been. Human visitors were no longer completely unheard
of. Still it was an unusual sight, even without the severely wounded mount.

  Just inside the gates, the dinosaur stopped in front of a wooden building. Two human men and three lizzies came running out, joining the hundreds of lizzies who were watching from both sides of the broad street.

  “Nichol, what happened?” asked a grey bearded man, looking up. “Where are the others? Where is Uncle Phoebus?”

  “Dead,” came the reply. “All dead.”

  The driver slid down from his mount’s shoulder and tapped the beast on his front leg until he sank as close to the ground as possible. The two men on the back hopped down and then the three of them held their arms up for Terra. The girl climbed out of the howdah, turned, and dropped backwards into their waiting arms.

  “Seven men lost on one trip,” said the older man in a barely audible voice.

  “Only six,” said Nichol. “Claude broke his arm playing rugby and stayed home.”

  “What happened?” asked the other man from the building.

  “Gorgosaurus—seven or eight. They hit us all at once. We didn’t stand a chance. I would be dead too, if it wasn’t for Lady Terra. The beast hit Choco on the haunch and knocked us ass over teakettle. She just stood up and shot it in the face.”

  “Thank you, My Lady,” said the older man.

  “I expected a .45 would only make him angry,” said Terra. “Still it’s better to do something than nothing in those situations. Surprisingly, it hurt him enough to send him on his way.”

  “I’ve never heard of the gorgoes working in a team like that.”

  “Mating season,” said the old lizzie just behind him in spit-n-gag, as humans frequently called the lizzie tongue. “Unattached males will hunt in groups until mid-summer.”

  “I’m Garl Borrin,” said the man, taking Terra’s hand and pumping it so hard her entire body shook. “Come inside where we can offer you some hospitality.”

  “We haven’t eaten in two days,” said Nichol. “We used the last of our water yesterday.”

  “Sweet Kafira! Come, come. Kellerick will take care of your mount. We’ll get you fed and get some water into you. You must be ready to collapse, My Lady.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say no to a cup of tea and a biscuit, but what I really need is to clean up and change clothes. I may end up naked, as we’ve lost my entire collection of luggage. I shall be very cross if I find a gorgosaurus wearing my best new evening dress.”

  Some two hours later, Terra left the building, which turned out to be the offices of The Borrin & Tate Trading Company. Guided by one of the lizzie employees, she trudged up street, among the great throngs of reptilians going about business of their own. The Borrins had supplied her with a fresh khaki shirt and trousers. Though both were size small, they were huge on her. The sleeves of the shirt were rolled up four times, giving her huge cuffs at her wrists. They matched the huge cuffs at her ankles. Her own belt now struggled to hold up those pants and to support her holster and the heavy pistol. She was able to wear her own boots and helmet too, but while she hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, she had simply forgone any attempt at underwear.

  As they walked along, the lizzies avoided her even more than they did in Port Dechantagne.

  “They have never seen an adolescent human,” explained her guide. He might have meant wild human, as the lizzie word for adolescent and wild were the same.

  “Is the god at home?” she asked, looking skyward as they passed the base of a massive pyramid.

  “No, but he is expected for the Spring Festival.”

  Terra was exhausted by the time they reached the palace gate. She couldn’t remember ever having walked that far. By the gate stood a massive lizardman whose body was painted completely red.

  “This human is here to see the king,” said her guide to the guard, and then to her, “I will bid you goodbye.”

  Terra watched him walk back the way they had come. She took off her helmet and wiped the perspiration from her brow with her sleeve. Then she looked up at the frightening red creature towering over her.

  “If they chopped you up, they could make four of me and still have something left over.”

  The lizzie took a step back and hissed.

  “Take me to your leader, please.”

  The throne room was magnificent. It was constructed of great stone blocks, intricately carved, and the floor was composed a huge mosaic of red, blue, and white tiles. The room was filled with lizzies, most of them elaborately covered in body paint and feathers. Still, it was easy enough to see where the power was. At the far end of the room was a dais, with a heavy stone throne positioned right in its center. Sitting somewhat slumped in the chair was King Hsrandtuss. Terra thought that she might have recognized him even without his golden crown. Not only was he huge and battle-scarred, but even sitting as he was, there was something of a presence about him. It was like what Auntie Iolanthe had, though she was firmly against slouching.

  The great red-painted lizzie stopped just inside the door and held out his hand in a gesture to stop. Terra stepped around him and continued on. He followed hissing, but apparently afraid to lay hands on her. There was something of a queue of lizzies waiting to speak to the king, but they, one after another, stepped aside as she approached. She stopped some ten feet from Hsrandtuss, but the monarch didn’t move, and Terra realized that he was asleep.

  On either side of the king was a female lizzie. The one on the right was painted intricately with yellow and white, while the one on the left was in black and red. Both were draped in at least ten pounds of gold jewelry. These were two of Hsrandtuss’s queens. The queen on the left poked Hsrandtuss on the shoulder. He swiped at her, but missed.

  Terra stepped foreword and up onto the dais. Every lizzie in the entire room let out a quick hiss. Hsrandtuss opened his eyes.

  “Hello,” he said in Brech.

  “Hello,” said Terra, placing her hand on her throat, palm out.

  “That’s as much of your language as I know. Do you speak our tongue, tiny male?”

  “I do. It is a pleasure to meet you, Great King. I am a female though.”

  “Are you doing this to confuse me? Are you not wearing male feathers? Take off your hat.”

  Terra removed her pith helmet, letting her limp brown hair fall around her face.

  “I still can’t tell,” growled the King.

  “I’m sorry to appear before you so unpresentable, but my things were all lost in an attack by gorgosaurs. I had some gifts for you too, from my brother, but I’m afraid they were also lost.” There was no lizzie word for brother, so Terra substituted “male from my hut, born of an egg from the same female,” which always struck her as funny because it made it sound like the hut had laid an egg.

  “Now I am nervous,” said the king. “Who exactly is this male hut mate?”

  “He is Lord Dechantagne.” She didn’t bother with most of Augie’s titles, since the lizzies didn’t have words for them.

  “Yes, I know your hut. He is The Little King. Dechantagne.” The king pronounced her family name as well as a human. “I have spent time with Child of the Sunrise. She is impressive. And I know you. You are the one they call Earthworm.”

  “Yes.”

  “Tell me your human name.”

  “Terra Posthuma Korlann Dechantagne.”

  “A much more impressive name…” He suddenly rose to his feet. “You were attacked by gorgosaurs? I was not told you were coming! I can’t be held responsible for you if I didn’t even know you were coming! You could have dragged my people into war and I wouldn’t even know why!”

  “My brother knew the risks. No one could have reasonably blamed my death on you, Great King.”

  Hsrandtuss leaned over and paced his long snout right in front of her nose. “You speak as if humans were reasonable.”

  “You may be right. But I am here now, alive.”

  “Hunh.” He sat back down and waved for the queen on the left to step forward. “This is Szakhandu. She wil
l find you everything you need to be comfortable here in the palace.”

  “Er, she would be more comfortable with some of the humans.”

  “I said she was staying here! She will share the king’s hearth!”

  “But they don’t sleep like we do. They don’t do anything like we do.”

  “If I wanted to hear the details, I would do it myself!” he growled. “Get it done!”

  Szakhandu turned away but Hsrandtuss stopped her with a gurgle. She looked back at him.

  “Take Zraniss with you.”

  Szakhandu waved for Terra to come and started off once again. Following the queen, the girl walked through several passages until they came to what Terra recognized as a lizzie sleeping chamber. It was a large room with a fireplace in the center. Arranged around it were eight sleeping mats.

  “We don’t have any human beds in the palace, but I can have one brought in.”

  “Don’t bother,” said Terra. “I can make the best of this. Which sleeping mat is mine?”

  “This one is unoccupied. It is very clean. It hasn’t been used.”

  “I’m sure it will be fine.”

  “Can you swim?”

  “A bit. Not very well.”

  “I will have a square stone block put in the bathtub so that you can stand on it and not drown.”

  Terra nodded, before remembering to hiss instead.

  “The thing that concerns me is your waste elimination.”

  “You know quite a bit about humans,” remarked Terra. “I will make use of your garden, just as you do for that purpose. It’s no worse than using a chamber pot, I suppose. I will need a bowl of water and some soft cloths to clean myself with.”

  The girl took off her helmet and unstrapped her holster, leaving them in the sleeping mat that had been designated as hers.

  “It will be done,” said the queen. “What else?”

  “I would like to look around.”

  “I shall show you the palace myself. It was designed by Hunssuss, our peoples’ the greatest builder