Hurt You

by Abby Mccarthy

  “Why did you come?” he asks in an interrogative way.

  I’m nervous and not just because it’s Jules. The tone he is speaking to me in isn’t a tone he's ever used with me before.

  “I thought you wanted me to follow you?” I avert my eyes away looking anywhere but at him. I can smell him. It’s so familiar, it’s intoxicating. I want to move closer and I want to run away.

  “Not here. Today. Why did you come today?”

  “My family is here. I thought I should be here.”

  “From the way I hear things, you turned your back on them.”

  “That’s what you would hear,” I mumble under my breath.

  He steps into my space, and I can't help but flinch, a reflex of two years with Antonio, “What’s that supposed to mean, Jenny?”

  I shake my head, letting him know I’m not going to answer.

  “Look at me.”

  I lift my eyes to see that he still has his steely gaze in place.

  “I clocked your men when I walked in. Told them if they come inside, we’re going to have problems. You should know things are hot with your husband.”The word husband comes off harsher than the rest, “I told them they can wait outside, but if they try and come inside we’ll have serious issues. Your driver seemed to have a problem with that. So it might get heated. Your mom’s taking the kids home.”

  Shit, Antonio must have sent more guys after me. I nod, and am disappointed that they left without me saying goodbye. “Thanks for the heads up.”

  “Jenny,” he says my name and a bit of his edge slips. With that, I’m no longer afraid of him. I can't help but feel vulnerable. I want him, I need him. Whether he knows it or not, he is one of the only things that’s gotten me through the last few years. I look away again knowing that he saw my heated look.

  He steps into my space again and I’m backed up to a shelf stocked with food. I have nowhere to go. His nostrils flare and then he says, “You look at me like that again, and I’m liable to take something from your husband that I’m sure he wouldn't be too happy to share.”

  I could never resist Jules. Never. “It’s not his,” I say with more courage than I’ve had in a long time. Something about his closeness makes me feel stronger.

  “Fuck!” he bellows. “I want to hate you. I’ve tried real hard to hate you.” He moves at me fast and hard. His lips press against mine, and I instantly open to him. His hands grip my sides and he attempts to lift me up wanting me to wrap my legs around his waist. I try to deal with the pain on my side but his hand unintentionally tightens on my cut.

  “Ooh,” I whimper and flinch in pain.

  He breaks our kiss and sets me back down on my feet. “What the fuck? I knew. Dammit, I knew something was wrong with you. You don’t act like you. Hell, you barely look like you. Show me!”

  “Jules don’t,” my voice quivers. I don't want him to know. I’m ashamed and of all the people to see this, I really don’t want it to be Jules.

  “Show me!” he bellows again.

  “No!”

  “No? I’m not asking. Show me, or I’m ripping your fucking dress off of you. I have the feeling you won’t want to explain that to him.” Venom laces his words.

  I start to walk away and he grabs me and presses my face against the cooler wall with my back to him. He puts his arm against my back, holding me in place and his other hand takes down the zipper on my dress. He tugs the dress down so that I’m in my bra and panties. I hear his breath intake. “Jesus fucking Christ.”

  I know Antonio’s work is ugly. A few places he cut deep, so I had to fasten a butterfly bandage to them. The rest stopped bleeding on its own, but it’s raised and red and oh so long.

  “You’re married to a cocksucker who does this to you? Are you kidding me? He’s the same guy who bit you, isn't he? He is! Dammit. I knew you had a secret. I just never thought you were stuck in some abusive relationship. Then, you marry the fucker?”

  Jules releases me. I reach down and step back into my dress only to hear, “Christ you’re skinny. Let me guess, he doesn't let you eat either.”

  Shame rolls around so deep, I feel it in my bones. I reach behind and zip up my dress, then whisper, “I have to go.” I'm humiliated and hurt.

  To that, Jules laughs. It’s not a ha ha this is funny laugh, it’s a shit just got real, sinister kind of laugh.

  “You’re not going back to him.”

  “I have to,” I say quietly.

  “You don't get it. You’re not. Period. I knew something was going on with you two years ago, and I thought I’d give you time. Screw that. You obviously don’t know what’s good for you. I’m not letting you. It’s done,” he says with finality, like there is no way that he’s going to let me walk out the door.

  I’m pissed. Not that he doesn’t want me to go back, but that he assumes I’ve been sticking with an abusive guy because I was weak. He has no idea! I take a deep breath and let out all of the anger and rage I have.

  “You think I don't know that? I’m living in hell. I’ve been in it since I was sixteen. I know precisely what hell is. Knowing it’s hell, and that I’d gladly walk right back into that fire might say something, right? Might say that the consequences of me not walking into that house are a helluva lot more grave than what you might do. You’re standing here looking at me as weak? See that scar on your head? Who do you think is the reason for that? Huh? You think if I stayed with you, you’d be breathing. You think it’s a coincidence that the day I told my brother Gus about Antonio is the day he died? You think it’s a coincidence that Carmine died after Antonio visited him? You think if I could walk away and make sure Carlo, Gino and the rest of my family were safe that I wouldn't do that? Yes, that sick fucker hurts me, but it’s better me than them. Better me than you.” I’m downright angry. Who is he to sit and judge me? He has no clue! None. So that’s what I say next, “You have no clue what I’ve been through to protect the people I love, including you.”

  Jules face softens and hardens at the same time, if that’s even possible. I get a flash of soft directed towards me, then a whole fury of anger directed at Antonio. “You’re not going back there.”

  “What choice do I have? He’ll kill Carlo. One call is all it will take. Do you know how many times he’s told me that?”

  “That sadistic son of a bitch!”

  Jules grabs his phone and makes a quick call, “Mick come to the walk-in. Bring Maura.” I shake my head no and mouth “You can't tell them.” Then the adrenaline from getting it off my chest starts to wear, and I’m met with an all too familiar feeling. Fear. I wrap my arms around myself and begin to shake. Then, I pray that I didn’t just sentence my loved ones to death.

  Chapter 14

  “Tell them,” Jules orders me, when Maura and Mickey step into the walk-in freezer; his voice is firm yet soft. I’m getting cold and fear is coursing through me. My teeth begin to chatter. I don't answer Jules. I’m beyond scared of what telling people might mean.

  “What’s wrong with her?” Maura asks Jules then bends down in front of me. She tucks my hair behind my ear so she can see my face. I meet her eyes and can see how much a toll today has already taken on her. I don't want to add anymore hurt on top of what she is already dealing with. She puts her forehead to mine, “Tell me Jenny,” she says quietly.

  “You’ve had a bad enough day,” I tell her.

  “Jesus, she’s still trying to protect people,” Jules mumbles out.

  “I think you’ve had a lot more than just a bad day. You want them to leave and Jules can fill in Dad and you can tell me in private?”

  Jules puts a stop to Maura being sweet with me. I think he is afraid that I won’t tell her everything because he begins to spew everything. “Since she was sixteen, her asshole husband has been messing with her. Hanging the lives of people she cares about over her head. You should see the slice down her side.” I look away from Maura embarrassed that she is hearing this news.

  “That true, honey? He hu
rt you?” Maura asks.

  My phone vibrates in my purse and I’m sure it’s Antonio. I look at the clutch on the ground and visibly tense up. “That dirty feck,” Mickey says, his angry Irishman coming out in full force. I meet Maura’s eyes again. I don't say anything, I just give a slight nod of my head. My lip trembles and my eyes fill with tears.

  “I’ll kill him myself,” she says angrily.

  Jules begins dictating orders, “Mickey, I need you to grab Vito and Marcus. Tell them to get to Angie and the kids as soon as we're done talking. Send Michael and Skaggs with them. Jenny, where is Carlo?”

  I haven’t said anything since they walked in, but I need to get over my fear. The cat’s out of the bag and it’s time to face this, “New York. Antonio has kept him busy, but I have no doubt that he has men on him that won’t hesitate to kill him. If you’re going to do this, then it has to be simultaneous. He’s got eyes on my other brothers, my sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews, even my Aunt Marcella.”

  “Dammit to hell! Mickey call all the men back,” Jules orders then says, “Maura..,”

  “Do what you need to do. I got her,” Maura says cutting Jules off.

  “Have the brothers meet us in the kitchen. I need a sec with Jenny,” Jules says as he opens the walk-in freezer’s door.

  My teeth are still chattering as he crouches down in front of me. “I get it. You’re scared and you’ve been doing this alone. You’re not alone anymore. Whatever it is you got going through your head right now, I want you to shut it down. You seem to want to look out for everyone but yourself, and I’m not letting that happen. I got enough men to make sure your people are safe. Antonio comes at me, I got that covered too. We’re calling Carlo together. Let me see your phone.”

  I grab my handbag from the ground, take out my phone and hand it to Jules.

  “I’m going to put it on speaker phone,” Jules says. Just as he is about to hit send to dial Carlo my phone vibrates again. Antonio’s name flashes across the screen. “I’m going to hit answer. Lie to him.”

  I’m not given a chance to argue before Jules hits the green arrows. “Antonio,” I greet him.

  “I said you could go to the funeral, not out slumming it up with the trash,” he says with a menacing undertone.

  “I paid your price Antonio, so I thought it wouldn't be a problem for me to be here. My family is here. I need to be with them,” I say with more courage than I normally have.

  “I’m told your Mom just left so unless you want a repeat with the knife while I fuck your dry pussy, I suggest you walk out the bar right now. Gotta admit I enjoyed that but you didn't bleed enough, my Passerotta,” he says making me shiver. I don’t want to make eye contact with Jules. I hate that he is hearing the truth about what my husband is like.

  “Tell your men, I’ll be out,” I say and the line goes dead.

  The anger coming from Jules is thick rolling off in waves, “He’s dead! That god damn sick fucker is a dead man.”

  Jules moves quickly as he unleashes his fury. He roars, like a caged beast then grabs a metal shelving unit that has various frozen goods on it and throws it. The crash is loud as loud as his roar. I cower, not in fear of Jules but as a reflex. Mickey throws open the door to the walk-in and sees Jules in his fit of rage.

  “Brother, you need to calm yourself,” Mickey says putting his hand on Jules shoulder and then motioning towards me. Jules sees me cowering and checks himself, “I should’ve seen it, Mickey. I should’ve known. I grew up with it. I should’ve known.”

  I need to do something, I need to suck up my fear and not let him fall apart on my behalf.

  “Jules, look at me. The time to be pissed isn't right now. If you don't want me walking out the front door, then we need to get a hold of Carlo.”

  I press send on my phone.

  It rings once.

  Twice.

  “Sis?” Carlo answers on the third ring. I release the breath I was holding and I realize I was afraid Antonio had already hurt him.

  “It’s me. I have you on speaker.”

  “Carlo, it’s Jules, I’m with Jenny. Are you alone?”

  “No.”

  “Can you get that way right now?”

  “Yeah, give me a second,” Carlo says and the phone sounds muffled so I imagine him putting his hand over the phone and walking away from whomever he is with.

  ***

  “Listen up. We got two men outside and maybe more on their way. Mickey, I need your bike. I can’t put Jenny on the fender of mine and Jenny’s with me. Maura, you follow us. I want those guys out front taken out and quick.”

  “Jules, no!” I cry out.

  “It’s done,” he clips back not liking that I'm challenging his new authority.

  “Louis is the only man to show me kindness in years. He’s almost,” I pause collecting myself, “my friend. So please, don’t?” I ask hopeful.

  His face gets soft and for a moment he looks at me like he used to, like I am his woman. “Knock him out,” he orders just for me.

  “I got a stun gun. Can I stun him?” Skaggs asks.

  Jules gives the eager man a chin lift and everyone begins to move out. I am feeling all kinds of emotions that I haven’t had a chance to process. Jules shared with Carlo my situation and the amount of danger he is in only minutes before. Just moments after that, he had Michael and Turk follow Marcus and Vito to my mom’s house. We didn't have time to deal with my brothers anger, so Jules told Michael to let them know it was extremely important for them to head to the clubhouse. My brothers deserved to know, I knew this, but I agreed with Jules. We needed to move and if Vito and Marcus had a similar reaction to Carlo’s, then telling them would create a shit storm; one we did not have time for.

  “I’ll pull my bike in the back. Give me your keys, so I can follow you out too,” Mickey says catching Jules key in the air and exiting the kitchen.

  Tons of men I’ve never met before today move into action. The kitchen in the back of the bar is now a flurry of phone calls and men calling things into action.

  Jules grabs my hand and leads me towards the back door. I pause for a second before walking outside. Everything is going to change. I need it to change, but can I trust Jules to protect us? Should I have been trusting him all along? I don’t have time to dwell. I just know with all the certainty in the world that he has me.

  “I got this,” Jules says leading me outside to the waiting bike. We hop on Mickey’s bike. I spot Maura idling nearby and Mickey not far behind.

  We begin to speed away when I hear a bang, and then another bang-bang. There is gunfire, but we are moving fast. The bike speeds away as several other bikes surround us, pulling up on each side.

  The ride to the clubhouse is a blur of traffic lights and green trees. We are waved in by a prospect I’ve never met before, and Jules practically drags me straight back to his room.

  “Give me your phone,” he directs. I unzip my purse, hand it to Jules and watch as he moves to my husband’s name and hits send.

  I can’t hear what Antonio says when he answers, but I imagine it’s something along the lines of you’re dead bitch.

  “Wrong, It’s not Jenny. It’s me, motherfucker. And you won’t ever talk to her like that again,” Jules says with the darkest sneer I’ve ever heard.

  “No, you’re a dead man. I got her family,” he says and pauses again. Then I hear, “Bring it.” and the call disconnects.

  I don't know why, but Angry Jules puts me on edge. I’m not sure how to react so as he walks me over to the bed and puts his hand at the small of my back and tells me to sit, I flinch.

  He catches me flinch and says, “No, not with me, you don’t. I won’t ever hurt you.”

  He paces the room, then brings out his phone and says, “Doc? Need a favor. Nothing bad maybe a few stitches and an antibiotic.” He hits some buttons, then another call, “They here? Call me when they get here. Doc’s coming through.” Again he hangs up and makes another call, “I want eyes on D
aws’ place. No, give him time. He’s not in the right state. Adriane too.”

  He hangs up and kneels on the floor in front of me. “Your family is going to start

  showing up. You want to tell them what’s happening, or do you want me to?”

  “They should probably hear it from me, but I’m scared,” I say defeatedly.

  “What are you afraid of? They love you.”

  “Don’t you get it? Antonio killed Gus because of me. I told Gus what Antonio was doing to me and tried to fight back, and then he ended up dead. How can I tell them I’m the reason he’s gone? How can I tell Gino?”

  “Two things. First, you don't own that; it’s not on you. He’s a sadistic fuck. It’s him. You don't own it. Second, you can tell them because they love you. No one will blame you,” he says this in a way that’s matter of fact.

  “Do you?” I ask, “Blame me?”

  “For what he’s done, absolutely not. It’s not on you. You don't own that shit. That said, not sure how I feel about you not coming to me for help. You didn't trust me. That’s on you. You need to own something, you own that. We wasted a lot of time. We hurt,” His phone rings cutting him off and he holds it up to his ear, answers, and then says, “Yeah. I’ll be out.” He flips his phone shut and says, “They’re here.”

  “Jules, I can't tell them everything. Do you know how bad it will hurt Mom. Please just tell them that Antonio put his hands on me, I’m leaving him, and he isn't taking kindly to that? Tell them he is threatening everyone I love.”

  “You want me to sugar coat what the asshole did? Why are you protecting him?” he asks angrily.

  “It’s not him that I’m protecting! I’m protecting them. What do you think it will do to them to know that I had to spread my legs or he’d force himself inside and just get off on it more if I fought him? Do you know anytime I got close to someone he was right there. Anytime I actually thought I was in love, he would either break the guy’s arm or chase him out of town. I get that you think I did the wrong thing not saying anything, but after Gus was killed, how in the world could I have done anything different? Do you know how much I love my family?” I say this loud and forceful, hoping to get my point across. I get it that he is angry at the situation, but I hate how I’m feeling. How can he judge me?