Tonight and Forever

by Brenda Jackson

  Lorren smiled. There was no doubt in her mind that Justin Madaris was an extraordinary man. Not only was he successful in a profession he loved—the healing of the human body—he was also a man gifted in the art of healing the soul.

  Her soul.

  She’d come home to Ennis with barriers erected, an understandable means of protection after her marriage to Scott. No one, not even Syneda or Mama Nora, knew the emotional stress, the mental anguish she had battled. But like a beam of light, Justin had come into her life and gone about changing that. Like a fierce and mighty African warrior, he’d not only made her battle his, but with a sharp, pointed spear in hand, he had taken on the demons that haunted her.

  Justin had done so many things. Simple things. Things like holding her hand whenever they went places together. Asking her opinions on various topics. Complimenting her often on her dress and looks.

  They were simple things that Scott had never bothered doing. He’d said putting fanciful ideas in her head wasn’t good, and he didn’t believe in public displays of affection of any kind.

  Then there were the special things Justin did. Things like holding her in his arms a long while after they made love. The sharing of his thoughts, his needs, his feelings with her. His ability to boost her spirits after she’d had a long, tiring, and unproductive day at writing.

  Lorren couldn’t help but think about the gifts he’d given to her for no reason at all—stuffed animals, flowers, candy—and then there were the candlelight dinners he prepared occasionally.

  Simple things. Special things. All of them had meant so much to her. And all of them had shown her how much he cared. But still, she continued to be cautious in their relationship. She refused to let herself put too much stock in Justin’s solicitous actions. Although there was no doubt in her mind that he cared, he still hadn’t given her any reason to believe that she was the woman he loved and wanted to marry and have his children with. As far as she was concerned, he was still waiting for Ms. Fate.

  The loud, piercing ringing of the telephone interrupted her thoughts.

  “Hello?”

  “Ms. Jacobs? This is Sandra Dickerson, Dr. Madaris’s receptionist.”

  “Yes, Ms. Dickerson?”

  “Dr. Madaris asked me to call and let you know he won’t be able to meet you for lunch. It seems we have a little virus going around town and our office is swamped with patients. However, he hopes to leave here by four and was wondering if you could meet him at his ranch around five?”

  “Sure,” Lorren replied. “That won’t be a problem.” In fact, she thought, it would be perfect. Then she could go over the selections she’d narrowed down.

  “Dr. Madaris left a key for you on the ledge above the front door.”

  “Okay. Thanks for calling, Ms. Dickerson.” Lorren heard the click on the other end. But she continued to hold the phone in her hand, deep in thought. If Justin would be skipping lunch, he’d probably be starving by the time he met her at Taylor Oaks. An idea came into her mind. She would prepare something special to take to him when they met later.

  Lorren cast her eyes on the massive ranch-style structure before her, and the tranquil beauty of the surrounding land of Taylor Oaks. No matter how often she came to this place, the view had always been simply breathtaking and had always held her spellbound.

  Her favorite aspect of the house was its air of openness and warmth. Nearly every room overlooked a large enclosed patio, which featured a one-of-a-kind swimming pool. The pool had an unusual zigzag shape that was emphasized at night with some sort of special lights the Taylors had had installed. She remembered how the lights’ soft glow subtly illuminated the patio and pool area after dark. It was a unique change from the harsh glare created by many other types of traditional pool lights.

  She glanced around, not seeing Justin’s car anywhere. Retrieving the key from its hiding place, she opened the door and entered the house. Her insides twisted in knots, knowing Justin would one day share this house with the woman he loved.

  The foyer was completely empty. Only one rug adorned the floor. Moving farther inside she found the other rooms just as bare. She glanced around the living room. Justin would pay a pretty penny to completely refurnish this place, she thought, as the resinous smell of fresh paint teased her nostrils.

  She visualized how she would decorate the house if it were hers. The house consisted of a huge living room, an enormous dining room, a spacious kitchen with bright countertops, a massive family room with a fireplace, an ample-size study, six bedrooms, a master suite with a fireplace, and five bathrooms.

  The kitchen would have bright-colored appliances to accent its countertops. Except for the kitchen’s polished tile floor, she would let the remaining floors of the house retain their dark oak. She wouldn’t dare cover them up with carpet as Justin had suggested doing.

  Along with the rustic walls, the oak floors bestowed upon the dwelling a bit of Western flare. Mrs. Taylor had told her all of the oak wood used throughout the house had come from the numerous oak trees that had been chopped down to clear way for the house.

  On impulse Lorren walked into the spacious kitchen. Outside the kitchen window a particularly large oak tree provided shade for the kitchen and a couple of the bedrooms. Its lower limbs dipped and curved, nearly touching the ground. She remembered climbing that tree on a dare many years ago. It had been quite an experience, one that had gotten her a scolding from Mama Nora when she’d returned home with a soiled and torn skirt.

  She placed the picnic basket on the long kitchen counter. It was at that point she heard the sound of shoes clicking loudly on the wooden floors.

  “Lorren? Where are you?”

  “In here.”

  Justin came into the kitchen. The sight of Lorren caused his heart to race and his entire body to react. Her hair hung in a single French braid. He wanted to loosen it and let her hair fall unhindered about her shoulders.

  She wore a pair of jeans that hugged her thighs and bottom enticingly. He could barely refrain from staring at her. She was staggeringly beautiful. He smiled. “Come here, Lorren.” His voice was low and deep.

  Lorren returned the smile, tilting her head to one side. “Pardon me, Doctor Madaris. I don’t recall hearing you say please.”

  Justin watched as she pretended to dismiss him and went about the task of spreading a blanket on the kitchen floor. She grabbed the picnic basket he noticed for the first time. Leaning against the counter, he watched her empty the basket of its contents.

  A platter of different cheeses, a bowl of salad, two large apples, a container of fried chicken, a small basket of grapes, rolls, a handful of napkins, some plastic utensils, wineglasses, and, last but not least, a bottle of wine, chilled California Chablis. He watched as she sat cross-legged on the blanket, her eyes shining, a bright smile on her luscious mouth. “The spread awaits you, sir.”

  Justin took a few steps and stood towering over her. He reached down and unceremoniously pulled her up into his arms and carried her to the counter. He set her down atop it.

  “This,” he murmured, “is what I want now. Food can wait a moment. This is what I’ve been starving for all day.” He gently covered her mouth with his, his tongue stroking her lips to grant him deeper penetration. She willingly parted her lips.

  Once inside her mouth, his tongue tangled with hers. His hands caressed her back, and he gently pulled her closer, feeling a gnawing ache in his loins. He’d thought about savoring the taste of her tongue in his mouth all day. He tore his mouth from hers.

  “I needed that,” he said huskily, pulling in quick intakes of air. “Now we can eat.”

  He gathered her in his arms and carried her back to the blanket. Placing her on it, he joined her. They ate in silence. He watched her every movement; how she bit into a big apple and the way her mouth widened to cover it; how she devoured the cheeses slowly, one at a time, as if savoring each slice; the grapes, and how she licked her lips after each one.

  But it
was her eating of the chicken that pushed him over the edge. He watched as she again licked her lips before biting into a chicken leg, taking little nibble bites before taking a miniature plug out of it…then a little bigger plug…then another…

  “That does it!”

  Lorren’s eyes widened when a half-eaten chicken leg was abruptly snatched from her. She was suddenly pulled into Justin’s strong arms. “What’s wrong with you?”

  “Like you don’t know,” he muttered, stalking out of the room with her in his arms. “I’ve warned you about tempting me.”

  “I didn’t tempt you.” She laughed.

  “Oh, yeah, you did. You had me actually envying your food, Lorren.” He gently placed her on the lone rug in the foyer, staring down at her with an intensity that made a passionate chill flow down her spine. One look at the huge bulge pushing against his metal zipper said it all.

  A sensuous grin appeared on Justin’s face as he began unbuckling his belt. “We do this first, then we’ll eat.”

  A smile touched the corners of Lorren’s lips. “Fine with me. I wasn’t all that hungry anyway. At least not for food.”

  The sound of Justin scrambling about on the floor beside her woke Lorren. He was naked on his hands and knees, searching for something.

  Lorren couldn’t believe she’d actually fallen asleep on the floor in the foyer not wearing a stitch of clothing. Her hair was no longer in a neat French braid, but hung in disarray around her shoulders. Hell’s bells! What if one of the workers had returned unexpectedly and walked in on them! “Justin, what on earth are you looking for?”

  He glanced at her. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

  Lorren sat up. A grin touched her lips. “I can’t believe I actually fell asleep after we, uh, you know.” Her eyes wandered over Justin’s body. The sight of him naked on all fours sent her blood racing. She cleared her throat. “So, what are you looking for?”

  “My medallion. I seem to have lost it around here someplace. I know I had it on when I brought you in here.”

  “It’ll turn up. Come on, let’s go back in the kitchen and finish eating. I’m starving. You should be hungry yourself after that workout you just had.” She stood and began dressing. “After we eat, I’ll help you look for it.”

  Justin continued on with his purpose, ignoring her offer to help later. “Naw, I can look for it myself. I don’t intend to leave until I’ve found it.”

  Lorren snapped her jeans. Her hands stilled at the waistband as she considered Justin’s words. There was an urgency in his voice she’d never heard before.

  “Justin, what’s so special about the medallion? I noticed you wear it all the time. Is it some sort of fraternity memento from college?”

  He looked up at her. “It was a gift. Denise gave it to me on our wedding night.”

  Lorren felt as though she’d been slapped. He was frantically searching for something he’d received from his dead wife…and just moments after they’d made love! “Oh, I see. Then by all means I hope you find it,” she snapped, before turning and walking off toward the kitchen.

  “Lorren, what’s wrong with you? Come back here.”

  Justin stood. Quickly pulling on his pants, he followed her. By the time he caught up with her, she was on her knees repacking the basket.

  “What’s the matter with you, woman?”

  She stood and faced him. “You got some nerve asking me that.”

  “Forgive me if I seem a little dense here, but I don’t know what you’re upset about.”

  “Then by all means, let me spell it out for you, Dr. Madaris. What’s bothering me is the fact you’ve never mentioned the significance of the medallion.”

  Justin frowned. “And just what was I supposed to tell you? Have I ever asked for an accounting of every piece of jewelry you own? I really don’t understand what the big deal is here.”

  “The big deal is you’re still wearing a keepsake given to you by your wife, who’s been dead ten years. As far as I’m concerned, wearing that medallion is no different from you wearing your wedding ring.”

  “For crying out loud. Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

  “Because any woman you become involved with has to compete against your wife’s ghost, or what you perceive as the perfect memory, the perfect love.” Which is exactly what I’ve been doing without even realizing it. “Whoever told you there’s always tomorrow evidently forgot to tell you to let go of yesterday. And Justin Madaris, you haven’t done that.”

  Grabbing her purse from the counter, she walked toward the door. Before reaching it, she turned back and gave him the same parting words he’d often given to her.

  “Think about it.”

  Lorren walked out the door. She was nearly to her car when she heard Justin call her name. Ignoring him, she kept walking. Opening the car door, she slid inside, started the ignition, and drove off. Tears dimmed her vision. She wiped them away from her eyes.

  With agonizing slowness, she recalled touching the medallion once or twice, and how Justin’s body had stiffened in response to her contact. At the time she’d been too caught up in what they were doing to really think much about it. Now she did, and the thought made her cringe—even from the grave, Denise held Justin’s heart captive.

  When Lorren reached the lake house, she went inside and sank into the softness of the sofa. Her heart ached, and she was unable to control her tears any longer.

  Justin continued to stare in the direction Lorren’s car had taken, even when it was no longer in sight.

  “Let her go,” he angrily told himself, going back into the house and slamming the door closed behind him. “I don’t need this,” he muttered, pacing the floor between the kitchen and the foyer, looking for his medallion. “I should never have gotten involved with the woman. She’s…she’s…”

  He stopped talking to himself, unable to complete the sentence. When he did moments later, the words echoed loudly in the room. “She’s the first woman to bring some real happiness into my life since Denise.”

  Justin took a deep breath and slumped against the wall. He was stunned at the confusing feelings he was experiencing. Lorren couldn’t be more wrong in what she’d said. He had let go of yesterday. But he could see why she thought he hadn’t. He had to talk to her and make her understand.

  He turned to leave and his gaze caught sight of the medallion on the floor near his feet. He reached down and picked it up. Several emotions passed over him while he looked at it—love, joy, pain…and fear. The first three emotions had been for Denise. The last one, for Lorren.

  He was suddenly afraid that she had just walked out of his life.

  Lorren jumped when she heard the sound of the doorbell. She stood. Her muscles were stiff and cramped. Glancing at her watch, she saw an hour had passed since she’d come home. She’d been sitting on the sofa all that time. Walking to the door, she opened it.

  Justin stood in the doorway with the picnic basket in his hand. “May I come in so we can talk?”

  Lorren drew in a shaky breath. She’d known she was going to have to see him sooner or later, but a part of her wished it could be later. Much later.

  She wasn’t sure if she was ready to hear whatever it was he wanted to say right now. He looked tense and exhausted, and his voice sounded ragged. She relented.

  “Yes, come in,” she replied, trying to keep her voice neutral, but knowing she’d failed miserably. She took a step backward and Justin entered the house, closing the door behind him.

  Lorren walked across the room and sat in the wing chair. After placing the basket on the table, Justin stood with his back to her, gazing out the window at the lake. It seemed he stood that way for hours instead of minutes. When he finally turned around, his eyes were glazed with remembered pain. He stared at her, studying her, before he began speaking.

  “It seems I’d known Denise forever, when actually we first met in high school. Her parents moved to Houston from Dallas in our sophomore year
. Even then, I knew there was something special about her. We dated through high school and decided to wait until we’d finished college before marrying. She got a scholarship to Spelman in Atlanta, and I attended Howard.”

  There was a pause before he continued. “During the time we were apart, we were miserable. One day I couldn’t take it any longer and purchased a plane ticket to Atlanta. When I got there, I asked her to marry me. Since there’s no waiting period in Georgia, we got married that same day. Our parents, though surprised, were very supportive. Denise completed her semester at Spelman, then transferred to Howard to be with me. We got a small apartment near campus. It was hard at first, but we had each other and plenty of love.”

  Justin took a deep breath. “She’d finished college and was working at an accounting firm when her headaches began. At first we thought they were the result of stress. She’d been doing a lot of heavy studying for an upcoming CPA exam. But when she began having dizzy spells, we became alarmed and had her checked by a doctor. A CAT scan revealed an inoperable turmor at the base of her brain, and she was given less than six months to live.”

  Lorren watched the man she loved in the grip of emotional pain, reliving his tortured memories. A part of her wanted to put her arms around him and comfort him. However, she didn’t move. She sat still while he continued.

  “For us it was a lifetime of happiness and dreams to be snuffed out in less than six months.” Justin paused suddenly, sucking in a deep gulp of air.

  “Toward the end, she wanted to talk about my life without her, but I couldn’t. For the first time in my life, I felt completely helpless. With all my medical knowledge, I could do nothing to prevent the inevitable. I felt like I had failed her somehow. I even began questioning whether I wanted to continue in the medical field. But Denise refused to let me blame myself and give up. She said life was too short for regrets.”

  He cleared his throat. “Although I knew the cold, hard facts surrounding her condition, a part of me kept hoping, kept praying. Deep down she understood what I was going through. The only thing she asked was that her last breath not be taken in the sterilized confines of a hospital. She wanted to be at home with me. During her final days, her body had weakened from the chemo treatment, but she maintained her good spirits until the end. We spent our days and nights together—alone. We wanted it that way, and, thankfully, our families understood.”