Forever Love: A Friends to Lovers Collections

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  Eventually my legs started to ache, and I took a seat on the floor outside his room.

  “Are you really going to sit there all night?” Glen strode toward me. He was wearing only his boxers. He’d dashed out of bed to answer the door without getting dressed. Savy was still sleeping. She could sleep through anything. I wish I had her ability to do that.

  I met Glen’s eyes. “I’m not leaving.”

  “Are you finally ready to tell me what’s going on?”

  “His brother died,” I said softly. Maybe it was Kyle’s story to tell, but I needed to explain my presence and my worry. This wasn’t about us fighting. This was about Kyle getting through the most traumatic experience of his life.

  “I had no idea.” Glen kneeled down beside me. “When did it happen?”

  “Last night I think. His family called me all worried. I’m not leaving.”

  “Then hold on.” He stood, walked away, and returned a minute later with a pillow and a blanket. “At least try to be comfortable.”

  “I’m not going to be able to sleep.”

  “I understand. I probably won’t either.” Glen wasn’t just saying that. The worry on his face said it all.

  “Hopefully he’ll let me in eventually.” I tapped on the closed door.

  “Kyle’s lucky to have you.” Glen nodded before walking back down the hall to his room.

  I wrapped the blanket around me. Kyle would have to open the door eventually. Right? It was at that moment, with my back pressed up against the hard door that I finally admitted something to myself. I was in love with Kyle. But what if that love wasn’t enough?

  * * *

  I blinked, taking a moment to remember where I was. Sunlight streamed in through a small window in the hallway. The hallway. I was in the hallway outside Kyle’s room. He’d never let me in. He’d let me spend the whole night sleeping on the floor. I pushed away my anger and annoyance. He was going through so much more than I was. I tried to push away the remnants of a nightmare about Dylan. What was wrong with me? Why was I messed up over a guy I barely knew?

  “Jade?” Savy said my name softly. “He still hasn’t opened the door?”

  “Nope.” I touched the white door frame.

  “Glen told me what happened. Obviously he’s taking it hard.”

  I pulled myself up to sitting. “I just wish I could help. There has to be something I can do.”

  Savy sat down on the floor next to me. “Everyone grieves in their own way. Maybe he really needs the space.”

  “You think?” Did needing space mean leaving me completely in the dark? All I asked for was a second. Just a chance to see him.

  She shrugged. “What else can you do?”

  “Does that mean I need to leave?” I pulled my knees up to my chest.

  “You don’t have to do anything. You’re welcome here as Glen’s guest too…”

  “But I don’t want to be here if Kyle doesn’t want me here.” I stood up. “Will you call me if he comes out? Don’t upset him or ask him to call me himself, but let me know he’s okay.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t promise that.”

  “Why not?” Was she really going to be that way at a time like this?

  “Because I’m coming with you. Glen’s here. He’ll call us.”

  “You don’t have to come with me.”

  “Yes I do. Besides, Kyle isn’t going to want me around either.”

  “Well, I could use the company.” I was going to drive myself absolutely nuts otherwise.

  “Good.” She linked her arm with mine. “Because you’re going to get it.”

  We met up with Glen in the kitchen. “Hey, no change?”

  “Nope. Nothing.”

  The only thing keeping me from knocking down the door was that I heard him stir a few times. He was in there, but he didn’t seem any closer to letting me in.

  Glen rested his hand on the table. He was dressed now. “I’d try to talk to him, but he doesn’t know me that well. If he’s shutting you out, he’s going to do the same to me.”

  “I guess it can’t hurt for you to try.” I leaned against the kitchen counter. “I’m worried, and his family is too. I’m sure their tearing their hair out already. I forgot my phone at the house, but I bet I’ve missed some calls.”

  “You walked over here in the middle of the night without a phone?” Glen looked at me like I was crazy.

  “I wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind.”

  “Next time call me. Okay? You shouldn’t be walking around alone at night.”

  “I was running… but I know. I really couldn’t even think straight. I heard the news and had to get over here.”

  Glen walked over and patted my back. “I know. Like I said next time call me.”

  “I hope there never is a next time.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  I nodded. I didn’t have the energy to continue talking.

  “Let’s get going.” Savy waited with her hand out. “You need a shower.”

  “Are you saying I smell?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I’m saying you look like you could use one.”

  “I promise I’ll keep you updated.” Glen gave me a hug as we headed to the door.

  “Thanks. Hopefully he was just waiting for me to leave.” It pained me to say the words out loud, but the important thing now was his wellbeing.

  Glen followed us to the door. “I’m going to try to make myself scarce. I don’t think this has anything to do with you. It’s him. He probably just wants to be alone.”

  I nodded. “All right. See you later.”

  Savy opened the door, and I slipped out slowly. Leaving Kyle’s apartment was hard. It felt like I was leaving him, and I had a feeling it was going to be hard to get close to him again.

  Savy and I walked quietly back toward the house. The morning was bright, but it was impossible to enjoy the nice weather. All I could think about was Kyle. And Dylan.

  “You holding up okay?” Savy touched my arm gently.

  “Define okay.”

  She sighed. “I know this is hard.”

  “It’s harder for Kyle.” I hurt just thinking about what he was going through.

  “He’s going to get through this. He’s lucky to have you.”

  “That’s what Glen said, but I don’t know if Kyle would agree. I’ve got this sinking feeling that I’ve lost him. That somehow any chance we had has slipped away.”

  “Don’t think that way. Right now you need to give him some space. We can see if we can find out anything about the funeral. You should probably send something since you know the family.”

  “Although I also lied to his family.”

  “They don’t know that, and really you weren’t lying. You were in love with Kyle before you went.”

  “Love? I’ve never told you that.” I’d only recently admitted it to myself.

  “But would you admit that’s how you feel now?”

  I nodded, doing everything I could to avoid the tears from falling again. “I wish I weren’t in love.”

  “We can’t choose who we love or when it happens.” She sounded wistful.

  “I wish we could.”

  “Life would be boring that way.”

  “What’s wrong with boring?” Boring was better than this. Anything was better than this.

  “You know the answer to that.” She linked her arm with mine again as we continued our slow walk.

  “Life is confusing and hard.”

  “It is. It’s also short.”

  “It is. I mean Dylan was only twenty-four or something.” Maybe it was his youth that made his death so hard for me to accept.

  “Do you know what happened?”

  “His car went off a bridge.”

  “Was it on purpose?”

  I shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”

  “If it was on purpose that probably explains why Kyle is so upset. He probably feels like he should have done
something.”

  “He did a lot for his brother, but their relationship was messed up. Dylan treated him awful. But maybe that makes this all worse. You know? It’s never easy to lose someone, but imagine if you hadn’t had the chance to say the things you wanted to say? Like unfinished business.”

  “It wouldn’t be easy.” Savy sighed. “What can I do to help you take your mind off it?”

  “I just want to fast forward through today and see Kyle.”

  “Unfortunately I left my time remote back at my parents’ house.”

  I laughed dryly. “So funny.”

  “Hey, I have to try to make you laugh or at least smile.”

  “Thanks for being here for me.”

  “You’re always there for me too. It’s what friends do.”

  I wiped my eyes with my sleeve. “Well, you’re a great friend.”

  She smiled and typed in the code to the house. I walked inside and slumped down on the couch. The thought of walking up the stairs seemed exhausting.

  Savy hesitated in the foyer. “I should have grabbed something for breakfast.”

  “There’s cereal and milk in the kitchen. I picked it up this weekend.” I pointed behind me.

  “Want me to pour you a bowl?”

  “No thanks, but get yourself some.” Food sounded horrible.

  “You sure?”

  I nodded. “Absolutely. I’ll eat later.”

  She drew her eyebrows in together. “All right, but you have to eat something soon. Starving isn’t going to help.”

  “I’ll have some lunch later or something.”

  “All right, but I’m holding you to it.” She headed into the kitchen. I was glad to have Savy with me, but part of me would have preferred to have been alone.

  My phone rang. I checked the screen before picking up. Disappointment engulfed me. It was Dana. Not only was it not Kyle, but now I had to admit that he wouldn’t see me.

  I swallowed hard before answering. “Hi.”

  “Hi, Jade. Have you seen him?” Dana sounded as tired as I did.

  “Nope. He wouldn’t let me in. I spent all night sleeping on the floor outside his door.”

  “Outside, outside?”

  “No, inside the apartment but outside his room. His roommate let me in.” I guess that was something. I hadn’t spent the night out in the elements.

  “Kyle let you sleep out on the floor all night? That’s not Kyle.” Worry filled her voice.

  “He was understandably upset.”

  “Are you still at his place?” I heard what sounded like zipping. Maybe she was packing.

  “No. I decided to leave so he’d maybe leave his room to eat.”

  “Why wouldn’t he do that with you there?”

  “I wish I knew.” I let out a slow, deep breath.

  “I’m on my way to the airport. Are you going to try to see him again?”

  “I’m going to give him some space before trying again.” Not that it would be easy. Twenty minutes after leaving I was ready to turn back.

  “I’m going to preface this with a disclaimer that I haven’t slept in twenty-four hours and my cousin died, but were you and Kyle in a fight?”

  Blunt. “No. We were less in a fight than ever.”

  “Oh.”

  I wished I could see Dana’s face. Sometimes the phone was way too hard. I had no idea what she was thinking. “I’ll head back over in a few hours.” If I could hold out that long.

  “The funeral is on Thursday in Charleston. Hopefully he’ll be talking to people by then. Please keep me posted if you do see him. My flight leaves at three, but I have a layover in Atlanta.”

  “I’ll let you know if I see him.”

  “Thanks.” She paused. “Don’t give up on him.”

  “I wasn’t planning on it.” The bigger question was would he give up on me?

  I waited as long as I could before heading back over. Savy seemed to understand my need for quiet, so she kept herself busy while I took a quick shower and otherwise sat around worrying and working through every possible scenario of what would happen when I went back.

  Finally I couldn’t take any more waiting, and we headed back over.

  “Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I don’t want you to get your hopes up.” Savy bit her lip.

  “Meaning that he probably still won’t see me.” I stuffed my hands in my pocket to avoid biting my nails again.

  “We didn’t wait that long, and Glen never called which means he hasn’t come out. There isn’t any reason to think anything has changed yet.”

  “I know, but it feels better to be closer. Besides, I promised his cousin I’d try.” I was going there more for me than Dana, but it didn’t hurt to use her as an excuse. Not that Savy or Glen were going to ask for one.

  We reached the apartment and walked upstairs. I let out a deep breath while Savy knocked on the door. A minute later Glen pulled open the door. “Back already?”

  “She waited as long as she could.” Savy pointed at me. “I couldn’t let her sit there suffering anymore.”

  “I wish I had some good news on my end, but I don’t. It can’t hurt to try his door again though.”

  I nodded. “I’m going to.” I took slow and deliberate steps down the hall to his room. His door was of course still firmly closed.

  I knocked softly. “Kyle?”

  No response.

  “Please, Kyle. If you don’t want to see me, at least pick up your phone when your family calls. They’re worried. I’m worried.” The only reply I got was silence.

  “Please. Just say something. Anything.” I slid down to the floor. I couldn’t leave. I refused to walk away from him when he needed me most even if he didn’t want me at all. “I need to know you’re okay.”

  He said nothing, and I buried my face in my hands. “Kyle, you don’t have to go through this alone. I know you’re dealing with so much, let me help you.” I started crying again. I felt helpless.

  Then like a beacon of hope, I heard my name. “Jade.”

  “Kyle?” I stood up and put my ear to the door.

  “I’m fine. Please leave me alone. Move on.” His voice was scratchy and pained. He didn’t sound like Kyle at all.

  “Move on? What are you talking about? You want me to leave you alone for now, sure, but I’ll be back.” The tears streamed down my face. “I don’t care whether you want to be with me anymore, but I’m your friend whether you like it or not.”

  “Then be my friend and leave me alone. Don’t come back.” He turned on music, drowning me out.

  My tears went from a slow stream to an uncontrollable waterfall as I listened to the blaring music. It was an electronic pop song I usually loved, but I knew I’d never listen to again.

  I waited for a few minutes until Savy walked down the hall.

  “Come here.” She held out her hand.

  I accepted it and let her pull me into a hug.

  “He’s going to be okay. Just give him more time.” She held me while I cried.

  “But what if he’s not okay?” I stepped back.

  “He will be.”

  I wiped my eyes. “Even if he won’t talk to me, he has to talk to his family. His cousin says the funeral is Thursday.”

  “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but maybe you should let his family handle this now? You’ve tried your best. Now it’s their turn. Where is the funeral?”

  “It’s down here. His cousin said she’s flying down today.”

  “Then we’ll wait until they get here.” She patted my arm. “This doesn’t mean you’re giving up on him. Give him time to grieve. He’ll come around.”

  “Maybe you’re right.” I ran my hand through my hair that was still damp from the shower. “He’s made his feelings known, so it’s time to let him have the space he needs.”

  “You’re going to be okay. I know this is so hard on you though.” She squeezed my hand.

  “I’m going back to the house.”

  “I
’ll walk you back.”

  I shook my head. “No. I need some time alone. I might call my mom.”

  “Text me when you get back to the house?”

  “What do you think is going to happen to me?”

  “Just do it, and I’m staying there tonight.”

  “You really don’t have to.” I turned and headed toward the door before I could change my mind. Walking away from Kyle hurt, but I had to do it. If he couldn’t recover with me around, I needed to get lost.

  Jade

  I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself. I couldn’t even get myself to call my mom. How could I explain to her how important Kyle was to me, and why it hurt so much that he wouldn’t let me help him? I’d skipped lunch like I’d skipped breakfast, which was why I was out hunting down something to eat in the middle of the afternoon. The only thing that sounded remotely good was a piece of pizza from the student center, so I took a slow walk over.

  I had maybe three bites of the pizza before I tossed it out and headed home. Maybe I’d get my appetite back the next day.

  The house came into view, and the first thing I noticed was someone sitting on the porch swing.

  As I walked closer, I was able to make out who it was. I slowed my pace, it wasn’t anyone I was ready to see. But there I was being selfish again. None of this had anything to do with me. I took a few moments to prepare myself before walking up the porch steps.

  “Grace. I am so sorry for your loss.” My words couldn’t come close to summing up what I really wanted to say to Kyle’s mom. Nothing I could come up with would be enough to cover what she was going through.

  She glanced up at me. Her eyes were red, and there was no question she’d been crying. She only nodded.

  “Is there anything I can do for you? Kyle isn’t here if that’s who you’re looking for.”

  “He won’t talk to me.” Her body shook.

  “What?” I sat down next to her, not sure what I was supposed to do. “He didn’t open the door for you either?”

  She shook her head. “He did, but it was like looking at a ghost. He told me to go away, that he had nothing to say, and he didn’t want to make things worse. He told his own mother to go away.”