Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  “How the fuck did this happen?” I ask myself aloud.

  I tear open the envelope and see just how much Jared deducted from my paycheck. “Shit!” I say louder than I should, once I take in the measly amount I’m left with.

  Here is it, almost fucking Christmas, and I’m without a job and hardly any money.

  I somehow manage to pull myself together before walking in the door to see Jennifer’s smiling face. “Hey babe. I got good news.” Looking at me, she sees I’m clearly not myself.

  I try to compose my thoughts quickly. “What’s that?” I force a fake smile in her direction.

  “Are you okay? You look like you don’t feel well.”

  “Yea, I’ve got a slight headache. What’s your news, baby?”

  “I aced all of my exams! I was so nervous about them.” She’s so excited. “And, I received straight A’s for my final grades this term.”

  “Babe, that’s wonderful. I knew you would.” I’m trying so hard to be happy for her. I give her a hug and hold her for a few seconds before giving her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek.

  “You don’t look so hot. Why don’t I get you a couple pain pills, and you go and crawl into bed? I’ll bring you something cold to drink, too.”

  I hear her rummaging through bottles in the bathroom cabinet, and she returns to the bedroom with two pills and a bottle of water.

  “Here you go.” I take them from her and take a swallow of the water. Now, I really do have a headache. The earlier events from work are eating at me.

  I have no idea how I am going to break the news to her. Everything had been going great in my life. Now, it’s totally fucked up. Christmas is only a few weeks away, and I was planning to get Jennifer something really special. Now, I’m not much better than when I first met her. I’m going to disappoint her so much when I finally get the courage to break the news.

  “Thanks. You are too sweet.” I hold her hand as she stands above me lying in the bed. I gently rub her smooth skin, back and forth.

  “Try to get you some rest. I hope you aren’t coming down with anything.” She bends down to kiss me on the forehead. “I’ll leave you a plate in the refrigerator that you can heat up later. I’ll try not to wake you when I leave for work.”

  She walks from the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

  I toss and turn for hours. Every time I close my eyes, images of Jared accusing me of taking the money fill my head. The more I dwell on it, the angrier I get. I can’t believe the son of a bitch would blame me, then turn around and fire me without giving me a chance to offer my own conclusion. What’s worse is, he even took some of the repayment from my check. I am screwed.

  A couple of hours go by, even though it feels like I’ve been laying here forever and it should be morning already. I hear the bedroom door slowly open. Jennifer walks in to gather the things she needs for work tonight. I lay as still as I possibly can, barely breathing. She doesn’t say anything to me, but I lay motionless, pretending to be asleep.

  Is this wrong of me? I would love to be able to give her a goodnight kiss before she leaves, but I am so disgusted right now, I just want to be left alone.

  Morning finally comes, and I am still in a pissed off mood. Jennifer should be coming home any minute now, and I’ve got two choices: I can fess up and tell her about being falsely accused, or I can pretend to hide my bad mood until I figure out a way to break the news later. I decide I am going to hold off from telling her as long as I can get by with it. Who knows, maybe I’ll be able to find another job that’s even better. Thus making the story of leaving the lube shop not as painful.

  I jump in the shower and as I’m toweling off, I hear a noise on the other side of the bathroom door. I stop for a moment just as Jennifer opens the door, scaring the hell out of me. I jump suddenly.

  “Oops. I didn’t mean to frighten you. I just wanted to come see you.” As she is saying these things to me, I really want to just go back to bed and sleep the day away. But, that’s not going to solve anything. She leans over and gives me a light peck on the cheek.

  I want to show her some vulnerability right now, but I am so angry, I think it’s best to pull away.

  “You scared the crap out of me.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Are you feeling any better this morning?” She pulls the towel from my hand and dries my back. I close my eyes allowing her to take her time, making sure she doesn’t miss a single wet spot. I am trying so hard to enjoy this moment. I have never had a girlfriend do this before.

  “Thank you.” I hang the towel up to dry and walk out of the bathroom with her, disappointed she didn’t take advantage of me having no clothes on.

  I throw on some clothes and meet her in the kitchen, where I see she has brought home some blueberry muffins from a local bakery. “Thought I would surprise you this morning.” She places a muffin on a plate and passes it to me.

  “This looks delicious.” I bring the muffin to my nose, and it truly does smell heavenly. She hands me a cup of coffee, and we sit down together at the small kitchen table.

  I try not to look at her directly, but I don’t want to call any attention to my behavior either. Somehow, I feel like she is going to see it written all on my face. Focus, Brian. I must focus and keep myself together, for her.

  Surprisingly, I have never been this bothered and emotional before about losing a job. Not that I was all that proud of the job itself, but I feel like I have let her down, as well as myself. I told her so much about my previous bad luck with jobs, I can only imagine what she’s going to think of me now. After all, coming here is supposed to be a fresh start for me.

  We eat in silence until I can stand it no more. “How was work last night?”

  “It was okay. Rebecca hung around for a little while after she got off and updated me about her plans to spend Christmas with Greg. He’s scheduled to be home for a few weeks and has planned a trip for them. He’s not telling her where they are going, and the suspense is killing her. Personally, I think he’s going to propose.” She sounds so excited for her best friend.

  “Do you think she’ll say yes if he does?”

  “They’ve been together for so long. I know she will, I just don’t know how much longer he’s planning to stay in the military. I hope it won’t mean she’ll have to move. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her close by all the time.”

  She gets up to put away our plates. I run my fingers through my hair, still feeling a little dampness from the shower. I need to see about getting a haircut soon, especially if I’m going to be looking for a new job again.

  “You up for doing anything today?” She turns to ask me.

  “Sure. What do you have in mind?” I don’t feel like pretending to have another headache today. I’m going to try my hardest not to worry about what happened yesterday. It’s over and done with. Come Monday morning, I will figure out what to tell her when she expects me to leave for work.

  “I’ve sort of got a surprise for you.” She tells me, her face suddenly lighting up with excitement.

  “Oh yeah?” I’m curious to know what she’s got planned.

  “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to try to take a nap first. I’m really exhausted, but when I get up, I’ll let you know the surprise. How’s that sound?”

  “Aww, babe, you’re killing me. I can’t have one little hint?”

  “Nope. I’m going to test your patience.” She teases.

  “I can’t believe you’re going to make me wait, but I know you’re tired. Get you some rest, and I’ll try to stay quiet in here while I wait patiently.” I offer her a wink as she walks back towards the bedroom.

  A couple hours later, Jennifer emerges from the bedroom looking refreshed. I know working nights must really take a toll on her body, especially when you try to keep normal hours on your days off. And now that she and I are together, I don’t think she gets nearly enough rest, because she always wants to spend as much time with me as she can
. Maybe now that her classes are over for the next few weeks, she’ll be able to catch a few extra hours in the evenings. I, on the other hand, am going to have to find something to occupy my time during the day while I am supposed to be at work. At some point I will find the courage to tell her the truth, but until then, I’ll pretend as long as I can. Hopefully, I’ll get lucky and find another job quickly, and I can convince her it was a choice I needed to make in order to better myself. I can only hope.

  “You ready to head out?” She asks me. She’s already changed into a nice outfit and sits down on the couch to put on her shoes.

  “Sure, just let me change real quick, then we can go.” I run to the bedroom and throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. “You going to tell me where we are going?” I call back to her from the bedroom, eager to learn this surprise she’s been keeping.

  “Nope, not ‘til we get there.”

  I’m not a fan of surprises. I’ve simply had one surprise too many throughout my lifetime, but I pretend to look excited for her sake. I just hope this is a good surprise, since my track record could use some improvement.

  Brian stares out the window, not saying a word the entire way as I drive us to the mall. I really hope he’s okay. I noticed earlier that he seemed distant, as though he may have had something important on his mind. But, I figured if he needed to talk about it, he would have mentioned it. I cross my fingers and hope he’s going to love the surprise I have in store for him.

  “We’re here.” I announce as we pull into the parking lot of the cell phone store that’s located just outside the mall.

  He looks around, and an odd expression clouds his face. “Okay. I’m still not sure what you’re up to.” He says this, still not realizing what I’m about to do for him.

  “As an early Christmas present to you, I’m going to add you on to my phone plan.” I think I’m more excited about this than he is. “I know you mentioned getting one of those pay as you go phones, but I hear they don’t have very good reception. So, I checked into it, and I can add you on to my plan for a small amount each month. We should be able to pick from several phones that cost very little or even nothing, and hopefully, you’ll find one you like.”

  “Are you for real?” Brian asks. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?” I wish I could take a picture as a reminder of the happiness that shows on his face right now. Talk about being shocked. It makes me wonder if anyone has even done anything nice for him before.

  “I want to.” I assure him. “I hate not being able to talk to you when I get lonely at night. Besides, I need some way to get ahold of you in case of an emergency. This way, we will always be just a phone call away.”

  Taking my hand in his, we walk in together and are immediately assisted by a salesman. He shows us a few phones, makes a couple of recommendations, and answers all of our questions. Within an hour, we are walking back out, with Brian now being the proud new owner of a cell phone.

  I reach for his phone. “Here, let me see it for a minute.” I talked him into getting a phone similar to mine, since I’m already familiar with its functions. I think he’ll be happy with it.

  I turn on the camera feature and take a picture of the both of us. I make a few clicks, adding the photo to his home screen, and turn it around to show him. A smile appears across his face, and I’m glad to see he’s no longer showing signs of the weird mood I noticed earlier. Whatever it was must be gone now.

  We climb back in the car, and Brian plays around with the phone, changing certain settings to his own liking. “Thank you Jennifer. I never expected this at all.”

  I reach over and cover his hand with mine. “You’re very welcome. I just figured it would be better in the long run to add a couple of extra dollars to my phone bill each month, instead of you adding minutes and data to a phone all the time. It’s really not that big of a deal.” I pause a moment before adding, “And, I sort of have another surprise too.”

  “Wait what? You’ve been too generous to me already.”

  “Yeah, well, since this is going to be our first Christmas together, how would you like to get our very own tree and decorate it?” I am hardly able to contain my excitement. Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday.

  I know it may seem like I am rushing into this relationship, and things do appear to be moving rather quickly, but it just feels so right. Besides, even if Brian and I were not together, I had planned on getting my own tree anyway. Being able to share this with Brian is just an added bonus.

  I drive us to Target, and, like a little kid, I can’t wait to browse the seasonal section, taking in all the pretty decorations. There are so many to pick from, and I have a hard time selecting the perfect tree. I know I want an artificial tree that I will be able to use every year, but they could have made it a little easier by not having so many choices. Brian makes the final decision for us, and he props the oversized tree across the cart. We walk down the aisles looking at all the decorations, and together, we pick out lights, garland and ornaments that will make our tree beautiful.

  I’m so eager to get home now and start on our project. I pick up a box of hot chocolate and a bag of marshmallows to make the night complete. We may not have a fireplace or rug to cuddle on, but once we are finished, I’m sure the view of our tree from the couch will be spectacular.

  We make it back to the apartment in record time, and Brian unloads the tree from the back while I grab all the bags of decorations. Placing everything in the middle of the living room floor, we sit down and discuss where to place the new tree.

  “I think it would look nice in front of the patio door.” I suggest. “That way, we can open the blinds and see it from the outside.”

  “Or do you think it would look good over in that corner?” He offers, pointing to the corner near the television. “I know you want it to be seen from the outside, but you’re not going to want the blinds open every night for everyone to see inside as well. Being on the bottom floor, you don’t have as much privacy as one of the upper units.”

  I agree with what he’s saying, so we decide to go with the spot in the corner. Also, since we enjoy going out on the patio so much, if the tree is blocking the doorway, it won’t be easy going in and out once there are a few presents underneath.

  We spend the next several hours assembling the tree and trimming it with all the decorations. The last thing we need to do before turning on the tree lights is to place the angel on top of the tree. I notice Brian is somewhat quieter than usual, but I don’t say anything. He takes the trash outside to the dumpster, and when he comes back inside, I grab his hand and pull him close to me.

  “What do you think? We did a pretty good job, huh?” I ask him, pleased with the outcome.

  “I think it’s beautiful. It’s been so long since I’ve helped decorate a tree. The last time I can recall was when I was still in grade school.” He shares this personal memory with me. “My mom popped the popcorn and I helped to pull the string through. Do people even pop popcorn to put on their trees anymore?”

  Suddenly, I am full of emotion. Christmas has always been a special holiday for my family. It saddens me to think Brian has not shared this with his family or anyone, for that matter, in such a long time. I make up my mind to make it one he will remember for a long time. I want this Christmas to hold a special place in his heart.

  I walk over to turn out the overhead light, and I’m in awe at the way the tree lights sparkle as they light up the room. Brian sits down on the couch, enjoying the view, and I take a seat in his lap. I lean my head against his shoulder, and we both stare at the beauty of the tree without saying a word. Everything is perfect in my life.

  I turn towards Brian and begin teasing him with tiny kisses along his neck. It doesn’t take long before his hands are roaming all over me, then removing my clothes, one piece at a time. I allow him to explore my body, slowly at first. I become impatient for his touch, so I move on top of him and strip him down to nothing. We make love in front of th
e tree that night, and I never want to forget this moment.

  The next few weeks, we fall into a simple routine--he leaves for work each morning around the same time I come home from the hotel, and in the evening, I make sure to have dinner fixed for us as soon as he walks in. We spend a couple hours together before I have to leave for work. I still feel that something is bothering Brian, but I don’t approach the subject with him. He doesn’t discuss work very much anymore, and I don’t dare question him about it either. Things have been going too good lately, I don’t want to rock the boat. He’s probably missing his family, this being the holiday season and all, and just doesn’t want to say anything.

  The week before Christmas, my parents arrive back in town, and we make plans to go out to dinner for formal introductions with Brian and the rest of the family. I am so happy to finally be able to see them. While my parents still call almost every week, there’s nothing better than being able to finally give my mom a hug. I admit though, having Brian around has definitely made my time at home nowhere near as lonely as it was before he came to town.

  I can tell Brian is nervous about meeting my family later on tonight. Standing in the bedroom wearing nothing but his jeans, he asks for my opinion on which shirt to wear, hoping to make a good first impression. I help him select one, and he looks very nice once he has on his belt and shoes. “They are going to love you, don’t worry.” I reassure him.

  “I hope you are right. I’ve never been any good when it comes to meeting the parents.”

  “Oh, my parents are harmless.” I quickly add. “You and my dad will start talking sports, and you will never get him to shut up, I promise you.” I don’t want him to feel awkward, but I must admit, I’m trying to reassure myself, too.

  We arrive at the restaurant, and I see my mom and dad are already here, sitting at a large table in the back. They stand up to give me a hug, and I make the introductions. My dad shakes Brian’s hand while my mom nods her head and says she’s glad to meet him. We finally sit down again, and I feel like my parents are eyeing him up and down, which I guess is to be expected for their little girl. I just want everyone to feel comfortable and not awkward, if that’s even possible. Everyone is quiet, except for the sound of the cracker packets being ripped open and the scrape of the forks against the salad bowls.