Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  I swear, the cool night air intensifies the effects of the alcohol.

  I allow my head to rest against the headrest, and I close my eyes for a moment. Everything is spinning. I try my best to breathe deeply as the urge to be sick suddenly fills my body. I will not get sick. I will not get sick. I keep repeating this to myself.

  Once the queasiness subsides, I open my eyes and look over at Brian. He is deep in conversation with Rebecca about something. My jealousy returns, so I place my hand on the top of his leg and begin to rub, slowly working my way towards his crotch area, not caring if Rebecca notices or not. I don’t think I have ever been this intoxicated before.

  I move my hand up a little higher, finally feeling the swell in his pants. Brian reaches down to shift himself, trying to get comfortable. My distraction has put an end to their conversation. I close my eyes again while I continue to massage him. He appears to be in better control than me, even though all three of us are so wasted.

  I feel his breath on my cheek, then against my mouth, before feeling the tenderness of his lips on mine. We engage in a sloppy kiss that turns into a full blown make out session, hands groping and rubbing each other, that lasts a few minutes. When we pull apart, I force open my eyes and look over to Rebecca who has become very quiet. I know my eyes are surely playing tricks on me, but I think I see her hand on his thigh closest to her. I tell myself it’s nothing. I’m sure she has her hand there only to keep herself steady, since we seem to be taking the bumpiest route possible to get home.

  I crave another kiss, and Brian places his arm underneath my hair, against my neck, and pulls me closer to him. The kiss deepens, and I think about what it would be like to take him on right now, in the backseat of a taxi.

  I pull away quickly, for air. I manage to find the button to crack the window, allowing a bit of fresh in. The cool air eases the nausea that I’m suddenly feeling again. Brian notices as I lift my face towards the air.

  “You okay babe?” He whispers in my ear.

  “Yeah, I’m just feeling a little queasy. I’ll be okay.”

  I muster up the courage to look down at Brian’s leg again, and this time, I definitely see Rebecca’s hand on him. The cab illuminates just enough light for me to see her fingers barely moving, up and down his leg. I try hard to pretend my eyes are deceiving me. I don’t want to see this, so I shut them again and keep them closed until we get to the apartment, figuring if I can’t see it happening, then surely it’s not. I don’t want to see my drunk best friend making the moves on my boyfriend. Damn stupid alcohol!

  I want to be upset with my friend. I really do, but I mostly want to blame the alcohol. I know we are all well beyond our limits, and if I can just make it inside, I make a promise to myself never to drink this much again. Funny, everyone seems to make this promise to themselves at some point in life.

  I look over and see Rebecca has removed her heels as we climb out of the car. Holding her shoes in her hand high above her head, she laughs loudly and dances around the parking lot, without a care in the world.

  Brian holds onto my arm and guides me to the front door. He makes an attempt to grab ahold of Rebecca as well, but I’m suddenly hit with the urge to throw up. I lean over, and Brian pulls my hair back to keep it from getting in the way just as everything in my stomach comes back up. I absolutely hate getting sick, especially in front of anyone.

  Brian holds my hair back from my face and assures me it’s going to be okay. “When you think you’re able, let’s try to get you inside. You definitely need to lay down.”

  Rebecca approaches me, and I feel myself pulling away from her. “Jenn, come on sweetie. Let’s get inside.”

  “Just leave me alone.” I know it comes out sounding harsh, but now is not the time for me to be getting upset. I just want to go to bed, sleep off this mess, and forget anything I think I may have seen in the cab. We all had too much to drink tonight.

  I get the feeling Jennifer is slightly embarrassed about getting sick in front of Rebecca and me. It’s happened to all of us at some point; I just want to get her inside.

  I overhear Rebecca say something to Jennifer, but I’m unable to make it out. Suddenly, Jennifer snaps at her. Wow! That is so unlike Jennifer.

  “Just leave me alone,” Jennifer spits out.

  I cannot believe what I’m hearing between those two. I tell myself it’s the alcohol, that tomorrow everything is going to be better for everyone, myself included.

  I unlock the door and guide Jennifer inside. Rebecca locks up behind us, and I tell her I’ll be just a moment while I get Jennifer changed and in the bed. I really feel bad for the way Jennifer acted towards Rebecca, and I’m sure whatever is going on will work itself out.

  Once Jennifer sits down on the bed she wastes no time falling back on the pillow. I hear a sigh escape her mouth, relieved to finally be in her own bed.

  “I’m going to bring the trashcan from the bathroom and put it beside the bed for you. I’ll also get you a wet washcloth. I’m going to get Rebecca some blankets and a pillow from the hall closet, then I’ll be back to check on you.” I bend over and kiss her cheek.

  “I just want to go to sleep.” She mumbles, and I’m not sure if she heard anything I just told her. “Just make it all go away.”

  I’m not able to convince her to change, so I just let her sleep in the clothes she wore out tonight. Right now, I think the less she moves around, the better.

  I make my way to the bathroom and grab anything I think she may need throughout the night. I even grab a towel to cover the floor in case she gets sick again. There is nothing worse than cleaning up someone else’s vomit. I know this. By the time I walk back to the bedroom, Jennifer is sound asleep.

  I go out to the living room to check on Rebecca, and see she’s sitting on the couch holding a beer. The TV is on, but I’m not familiar with the show that’s playing. The volume is turned down low. She reaches over to hand me a beer that’s sitting on the end table.

  “What’s this? I figured you had reached your limit tonight.” I volunteer, pretending not to notice the way she’s slightly pulled up the bottom of her dress, revealing just a little more leg than I’m comfortable seeing. If this were a different situation all together, and this wasn’t Jennifer’s best friend, I might feel compelled to act on her behavior, but I can’t shake the fact it’s my girlfriend’s best friend. I sit down on the couch, the opposite end from her. Going against my better judgment, I pop open the beer even though I’m not in the mood to drink anything else.

  “Oh, I’m definitely buzzed.” She rubs her temples. “I just can’t stop thinking about Greg. I want to call him, but I know he’s not allowed phone calls in the middle of the night unless it’s an absolute emergency.”

  I try to comfort her by saying the right thing. “You’ll be amazed how fast time will fly. Before you know it, he’s going to be home for good, and you’ll never have to be apart again.” The last thing I need to deal with right now is Rebecca drunk dialing her boyfriend.

  “I know. I just miss him so much. I hate that we couldn’t celebrate the New Year together tonight.” She looks down at her finger, staring at her engagement ring.

  “Your ring is very pretty. He did a good job picking it out.” I know this is not a typical guy thing to say, so I quickly say something else, not giving her a chance to comment more on the ring. “I want to thank you again for helping me purchase Jennifer’s bracelet. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

  “You owe me big time.” She throws in, her words slightly slurred. “You’re lucky I’m starting to like you. You just better take care of my best friend.” She takes a long swallow of her beer and finishes it off.

  Not wanting to waste it, I take a swig of mine hoping it doesn’t disagree with all the tequila I already have in my stomach. She stands up and almost loses her balance.

  “Whoa. Hang on.” I stand up to help her regain her balance.

  “Care for another one?” She really doe
sn’t need anything else to drink, but she walks to the refrigerator and takes out yet another beer.

  “I’m good.” I call back to her. I almost forget to keep my voice down. I don’t want to wake Jennifer.

  Rebecca makes her way back to the couch and sits down next to me. I notice how close she’s sitting, but I play it off, not wanting to embarrass her or me by saying anything. She takes a swallow of her beer, and I am amazed how well she’s handling her alcohol. I’m ready to call it a night myself, but she keeps talking and talking and talking.

  I look over at her and suddenly see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. It’s really sad how alcohol can alter your mood in such a short period of time. I place my arm across the back of her shoulders and pull her to me for a friendly hug. “I know you miss him. You need to think about getting some rest, and then you can call him when you get up tomorrow. I’m sure he’ll want to know all about the fun you had tonight.”

  I bring my arm back and make an attempt to stand up, but suddenly Rebecca scoots up next to me and rests her head against my shoulder. “Don’t go just yet. Stay here for a minute, please.”

  I hear the sadness in her voice, but I know she needs to sleep and does not need me to comfort her anymore. Jennifer is the one to provide comfort for her friend, and that’s going to have to wait until tomorrow. Now I’m starting to feel awkward with her sudden closeness. I think back to the cab ride home earlier tonight. I was so buzzed, for a moment I could have sworn Rebecca had placed her hand on my leg, but I honestly can’t say if it was Jennifer or Rebecca. Nothing came from it, so I played it off.

  “You need some sleep. I do too.” I try to convince her again.

  I’m finally able to pull away and stand up, but Rebecca reaches up to stroke my cheek; she slowly pulls my face close to hers. I know that what I should do is to pull away from her immediately, whether she likes it or not, and go to the bedroom to be with Jennifer. But stupidly, this is not what I end up doing.

  I bring my hand up to touch her cheek. A tear slides down, and I run my finger across to stop it from falling any further. No. No, you’ve got to stop this. I keep hearing those words repeated in my head. But my hand pulls her face closer to mine. I’m losing control of my own actions.

  I part my lips and the tip of her tongue gently glides over my lips, teasing them. I pull back long enough to moisten my own lips, and we touch again, this time the kiss is a little more passionate.

  This is a side of Rebecca I never anticipated seeing. In fact, I never even knew existed. Rebecca and Jennifer are like sisters. Gosh, this alcohol is doing terrible things to us tonight.

  Suddenly, I hear movement from the direction of the bedroom, and I pull myself from her.

  “What the hell is going on in here?” Jennifer is standing in the doorway watching this scene unfold in front of her.

  Rebecca simply sits there, stunned. I stand up from the couch and walk towards Jennifer but she turns to go back to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. I hear the lock click, and I know I’ve made a terrible mistake.

  “Hey, it’s not what it looks like.” I attempt to talk to her through the door, to beg her to let me explain. But what exactly is there to explain? I have screwed up. Rebecca has screwed up.

  I hear her throwing things around in the bedroom. I’m not sure what exactly I hear bouncing off the walls, but I have no choice but to go to the bathroom. I think I need a cold shower to wake me from this nightmare that has me trapped inside. I pray she doesn’t disturb any of the neighbors.

  The next morning, I wake up, my cheek pressed against the bathroom door. I still have on my clothes from last night. I have no idea what time it is. I slowly stand and grab ahold of my throbbing head. Damn, I could use some ibuprofen and something to drink. Once everything comes into focus, I crack open the door and notice the apartment is unusually quiet.

  I step into the hallway and see that the door to the bedroom is now open, but Jennifer is still in the bed. I see the trashcan and towel are missing, and she is wearing different clothes now. I walk to the living room and notice the pillow I gave Rebecca to use last night is sitting on top of the blankets, folded neatly in a stack. The TV is turned off, and Rebecca is nowhere in the apartment.

  I think back to the events of last night, hoping that everything I remember happening was just a bad dream. I know there is no way that I could have kissed my girlfriend’s best friend.

  Opening the refrigerator, I grab a bottle of water and drink over half of it with my first swallow. My mouth is parched, but the cool water soothes my dry throat. I open the cabinet door and look around for pain reliever to take for my headache.

  “What are you looking for?” I turn around, startled suddenly, and see Jennifer is standing next to the kitchen table. The look on her face is not happy.

  I take another swallow of water before I answer her. “I’m just looking for something to take for my pounding head.”

  I really don’t know what else to say to her, if anything at all.

  I begin to walk towards her, thinking maybe if I could hold her hand or embrace her, everything will be all right. It was all just a bad dream, right?

  “Don’t touch me!” Her words are bitter, and they shake me awake.

  “Look, I’m sorry. Can we at least talk about this?” I hope she notices the hurt in my eyes. I am truly sorry for my behavior, and I feel like shit.

  “I don’t want to hear your pathetic excuses, or hers for that matter. The two people I care for the most have completely betrayed me.”

  “Please…” I just want to forget this nightmare. “Please give me a chance to explain.”

  “Just get out. I don’t want you here.”

  She turns to walk away, and I’m left standing alone. She closes the bedroom door again, and I can barely make out her sobbing on the other side. How could I have been so freaking stupid?

  I really don’t care about the way that I look right now, I just need fresh air to clear my head. I grab the keys off the table and head out the front door. I figure the best thing for me to do right now is give her some time to calm down.

  The room is dark when I wake up. I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus as I rub my face with the palms of my hands. I glance over at the clock and see it’s almost nine o’clock.

  “Shit!”

  I’ve got less than an hour to shower and get ready for work. I think about calling in sick, but not only is that not in my nature, I have already taken a fair amount of time off in the last two weeks. It wouldn’t be right this late at night to try to find someone to cover my shift. I can’t get over how I have slept the entire day away.

  Brian is nowhere to be found in the apartment. Good. I’m not in the mood to see him. He knows how much the situation with him and Rebecca really pissed me off.

  There’s simply not enough time, so I don’t bother washing my hair. I pull it up in a ponytail and throw on the slightest bit of makeup, enough to make me look presentable. Hopefully there won’t be many guests checking in tonight to witness my weak attempt at looking decent.

  I leave the lamp on like always and walk to my car. The parking space next to mine is empty, just like the space in my heart right now.

  I realize I’ve not eaten all day, so I pull through the drive-thru at McDonald’s and order some fries and a large Coke. I don’t think my stomach can handle much else, and hopefully the drink will settle the nausea that still lingers in the pit of my stomach.

  I pull in to work and see Rebecca standing behind the counter, her purse already on her shoulder, ready to leave. I’m not sure what to say to her, if anything. Right now, I’m really not ready to have a conversation with her about the events of last night, because I’m sure I will most likely say something I’ll regret later. I suddenly see a flashback of her and Brian locked in their kiss, which ignites my anger all over again.

  I put my things away, and within seconds she is gone, not bothering to say goodbye or covering anything I might need to kn
ow pertaining to work. I wonder, is she even sorry, or proud of what I walked in on? I wonder who initiated the kiss first? How far would things have gone between the two of them had I not interrupted their kiss? Just thinking about it sickens me.

  I try to eat some of my fries, but end up tossing them in the trash. It’s going to be a very long night.

  I am so relieved to see Sylvia the next morning.

  “Sweetie, you feeling okay?” she asks me.

  “Not really, but I’ll be fine. I just need some rest.” Even though I slept all of the previous day, I still feel as though by body needs time to recuperate. I don’t feel like sharing any more information with her, even though she has been like a second mother to me since my parents started traveling.

  “Why don’t you go ahead and head out? I’ll cover the front until someone gets here.”

  “Oh Sylvia, you’re an angel. I owe you.” I walk over and give her a hug.

  I’m barely able to keep my eyes open as I drive home. I find myself glancing around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Brian. I pull into the parking lot at the apartment, and there’s still no sign of Brian’s car. I can’t allow myself to worry about him right now.

  Walking into the apartment, I get the feeling that someone has been here. I walk into the bathroom, and see there are still water droplets on the shower door.

  Brian, knowing I would be at work, must have come by to shower before heading out to work. He knew how much time he could take before I showed up. I can’t lie; I miss seeing him, but my heart can’t take the pain right now. I’m just not ready to face him or listen to his lame excuses.

  I climb into bed and fall asleep instantly. I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep, but suddenly, I sit up and realize I was having a bad dream. I could clearly see Rebecca and Brian, dancing together, his arms holding her close. Together, they move as one across the dance floor. No, no, NO! In the nightmare, I’m nowhere in the picture.