Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  I look back and see Jennifer walk through the doorway. I hand over her coat and tell her to wait inside the lobby area while I pull the car to the front.

  The entire ride back to her apartment is silent. She stares blankly out the window, no tears and no conversation. I want to say something, but I’m uncertain how she will respond. We get back to the apartment and I walk around to open the car door for her. She allows me to help her inside, and I put away her purse and coat.

  “Here, let me help you.” She slides off her shoes and props the pillow up on the arm of the couch. I reach for the blanket and spread it over her.

  “Thank you.” She manages to say in the softest voice.

  I look through the refrigerator and notice how very little she has to drink. I pour a glass of water for her and return it to the living room. She takes a sip and places it on the table next to the couch.

  I go out on a limb and ask, “Jennifer, can I run down to the store and pick up a few things for you?” I’m not ready to leave her side just yet. I want to take care of her.

  “I don’t want to put you through any trouble. You were kind enough to take me to the hospital, and for that, I’m thankful.” It pains me to hear her distant, emotionless tone.

  “I want to help you. Please, just let me do this for you.” I plead with her.

  “Fine, if it will make you feel better.”

  “Jenn, I know you’re upset. I’m begging you to let me help.”

  “Bring my purse will you.” She says as she finally gives in to me.

  I grab her purse from the bedroom and hand it over. She pulls a few bills from her wallet and hands them to me.

  At first, I am hesitant to take them. I don’t have any money to buy the things she needs, but I don’t want her to know this. If I don’t take the money, I am screwed, for her sake. After a few long moments, I take the money from her and tuck it into my pocket.

  “I know you don’t have any money, so you might as well just take it.” She says this too with little to no emotion at all.

  I don’t know how to respond, so I walk over to the patio door and stand there in silence. How did she find out and how much does she know?

  I may be tired and weak at the moment, but I’ve got Brian in a corner now. He has no choice but to come clean. He turns to face me from where he is standing at the patio door.

  “I guess you know, huh?” He ducks his head and won’t look me in the eye.

  “Yes, I know about your job. Look at me Brian.” I pull my strength from deep within and hold my own with him. “How could you lie to me?”

  “I didn’t exactly lie.”

  “Cut the crap, Brian. You didn’t exactly tell the truth either.”

  “I didn’t want to disappoint you. I’ve had no luck my entire life. Here, I think I have a good thing going, but then it blows up in my face. It wasn’t a job I was proud to have, but it was getting me through ‘til something better came along.”

  “What happened? Jared wouldn’t go into details with me, but I know he was disappointed.” I’m doing my best to remain calm. Thankfully the medicine has eased the nausea, and even though I’m feeling a little better, arguing with Brian is not what I am in the mood to do.

  He walks over to the couch and sits on the edge next to me. “I’m sorry. Apparently some money went missing from a customer’s car, and I got blamed for it. I swear to you, I did not take it. I don’t know who did, but I swear, it wasn’t me.”

  I want nothing more than to believe him. I really do.

  “Jared caught me by surprise when he accused me, and I had no way to defend myself.”

  “Did you tell him the truth?” I ask.

  “Yes, I told him that I had nothing to do with it, but his decision was already made. I was so ashamed. Here it was Christmas, and I was jobless, again. Jennifer, it’s been like this my entire life. Just when I think I have something decent happening, it all blows up in my face, and I experience a major setback.”

  I try my hardest to stay strong. I want to be angry with him because he wasn’t honest with me, yet I think he deserves better than the constant scrutiny he’s always been under.

  “Have you been able to find something else?” I would really feel better about the situation if I at least knew he was making an attempt to make things right.

  He runs his hands through his hair, and I can see by the expression on his face that he’s either not tried or has had no luck. I’m not sure I want to know the answer.

  “I looked around, but everyone was only looking for temporary help through the holidays. It became very discouraging, and eventually I gave up. You’ve got to believe me when I tell you I want to do better. I want to be able to provide for you, for us. Especially us, now that ……” His words break off and he stands to walk out the door.

  “Brian! Wait.” It’s no good. He’s out of the door, slamming it behind him.

  I sit on the couch not knowing what to do next. How could everything that felt so right a month ago, be so wrong now? Maybe it had never been right at all.

  I try to relax, but everything floods my mind. I toss back and forth. I think back to last weekend; I was so happy with everything in my life. Now, I’m left dealing with a jobless boyfriend (yes, for now I’m still calling him my boyfriend) and an unexpected pregnancy. For once, I’m thankful for my parents being on the road and not here. How would I be able to explain it all to them?

  I must have eventually dozed off, because I’m awakened by a new aroma wafting throughout my apartment. The television is on, but the volume is muted. I look around, but don’t see anyone. I carefully stand, knowing I’m still weak from earlier. I’ve been free of the nausea since returning from the hospital, and now there’s a slight hungry sensation taking over my stomach.

  Stomach. Reality suddenly reminds me there’s also something else going on with my stomach. I never expected to be pregnant at twenty-one years old.

  I hear a noise from the bathroom and realize that it’s water running. Brian must be in the shower. I walk over to the kitchen and see a basket of something covered on the stovetop. I lift the towel that’s draped over it, and inside are golden brown crescent rolls. They smell heavenly.

  “I hope I didn’t wake you.” He says from the hallway.

  I’m startled, not expecting anyone to walk in the room. I turn to see Brian standing in the doorway wearing nothing but his boxers. For a moment, I have a flashback to just a week ago when everything was right with us. So much has happened in such a short period of time.

  “No, I woke up on my own.” I see there are several flavors of sports drinks on the countertop and quickly add, “Thanks for going to the store for me. You ran out so quickly, I didn’t know if you would go or not.”

  “I apologize for earlier. I’m just shocked, and not sure what to make of everything that I’m suddenly having to face.” He actually sounds like he’s serious. “I wasn’t sure what flavors you would like, so I grabbed a couple of each.”

  “I’m not picky. Looks like you were also in the mood to bake.” I point in the direction of the croissants. “They smell delicious.”

  As I look over at him standing in the doorway, I resist the urge to walk over to him. My sick heart and body could really stand to use a hug from him right now. I am almost willing to give in to him and wrap my arms around him, enjoying the sensation I feel from him every time we are near, but I hold back. I’m still not ready to push everything aside yet knowing there is still the situation involving Rebecca that neither of us have bothered to mention.

  “I picked up some potato soup from the deli.” He walks over to a container sitting on the countertop. “Can I warm some up for you? You look like you are feeling better and your color has returned.”

  “That sounds good. I hope you got enough for both of us.” I’m willing to give him a chance to explain, starting with what happened with Rebecca last week.

  I return to the couch and wait for Brian to heat the soup. He brings over a
bowl for each of us and places the basket of rolls on the table. I immediately take one from the basket and it melts on my tongue.

  “These are wonderful.” I pass one over to him, and my hand brushes his. There is a brief sizzle that runs through my veins.

  “I thought you might like them. Jenn, I’m trying. You’ve got to give me a chance. I need to have a second chance to make things right with you. Please. I’m begging you.”

  In all my life, I’ve never had someone beg for my forgiveness like Brian is doing now.

  “First, can we talk about what happened with Rebecca?” I pause before saying more. It’s obvious that just from the sound of her name, he’s just as bothered as I am. “I’m willing to be more understanding about losing the job, but I’m not so sure I can so easily move past what I walked in on last weekend. Talk about having your heart ripped into shreds.”

  “Have you spoken with her since then?” He asks curiously.

  “No, not at all. It hurts me tremendously, but I need answers.” I try not to get upset. “We’ve practically ignored each other at work this week, to the point you would think we were enemies.”

  “I know it’s got to hurt. I wish I could take the pain away, but…” I put my hand up, signaling him not to say more.

  “And to make matters worse,” I struggle to remain calm. “I get sick from all this mess.”

  Brian just stares at me, probably afraid that anything he says will be the wrong thing.

  “Can you just tell me why I walked in the room to see you and my best friend making out? Just tell me!” I plead with him.

  “Jennifer, you know we all had way too much to drink that night.” Brian says. “You were completely wasted. I got some things for her from the hall closet, and all she wanted to do was talk. She was lonely, and she kept mentioning Greg. Then, to make matters worse, she wouldn’t stop drinking.”

  I listen to everything he has to say, hoping somewhere along the way, I can try to reason why all of this had to happen.

  “I admit, I did have another beer with her, but I didn’t want her to think she needed to drink alone. I could tell she was getting upset the more she talked about Greg, so I gave her a hug and things just went to hell from there. Jennifer, I am so sorry.”

  I stare at him blankly, trying to so hard to believe that my best friend and boyfriend would not betray me on purpose. Tears pool in my eyes, but I force them not to fall. I try to convince myself to stay strong.

  “Please, I never saw it coming. I swear to you. Neither of us was in control of ourselves. I can absolutely promise you it will never happen again.”

  I want to believe him. I want to believe him more than anything.

  “How am I supposed to trust you again?” I ask him. “Now that I’ve heard your side, how do I know that neither of you will be tempted to try something again behind my back?”

  I am thankful the shot I received from the hospital has eased my physical pain, because the emotional pain I’m feeling right now is more than enough for me to handle. I need a minute to myself, so I walk into the bedroom. All of this is more than I can deal with.

  I have no idea what time it is, especially since we stayed at the hospital for several hours earlier. I walk to the dresser and see the bracelet Brian gave me for Christmas. I run my fingers along the stones. He was so happy to give me such a special gift. Suddenly, a thought enters my mind, but I don’t want to think it. No, I won’t even consider it. I want to believe that everything Brian tells me is true. There is no way…no, it’s not right to think this. Surely, Brian wouldn’t take the money from Jared’s customer to pay for the bracelet? He has to be telling me the truth that he had nothing to do with the missing money.

  I hear Brian cleaning up all the dishes we used for our meal. I try to ignore him, but can’t. I really want to accept his apology. My heart yearns for his touch. I need to feel his embrace, and his love in my life again.

  Minutes later, I sense his presence in the room, and glance towards the door to see him standing there. “I’m going to give you some time, okay? As bad as I want to be near you right now, I know you’ve got to search your heart for what you feel is right. I just ask that you please consider giving me a second chance.”

  “Brian, where did you get the money for my bracelet?” I want to be as straightforward with him as possible.

  “No, you can’t be thinking that. I swear to you, I had nothing to do with that money going missing. Please, you’ve got to believe me.”

  “Well, I’m asking, where did you get the money?” My voice wants to get harsh but I try to stay calm.

  “I really can’t say.” He hesitates before saying more. “I had a friend help me out.” Brian surely knows this answer is not good enough for me.

  Not wanting to deal with this any longer, I throw my hands up in the air. I give up. “Get out! Just leave right now. When you think you can be honest with me, then maybe we can talk. But until then, I have nothing further to say.”

  Brian simply stares at me, with nothing to say. That’s not a good sign.

  “What part do you not understand?” I’m getting angry at this point. “I said get out. I can’t be with someone who is dishonest, and you obviously have a problem with telling the truth.”

  Not willing to put up a fight, he turns to walk away from the bedroom. Minutes later, I hear the door shut behind him.

  I can’t believe Brian. One minute he’s begging for my forgiveness; the next minute he’s running from his own lies. Why do I allow this man continue to rip my heart apart?

  I can’t believe this is happening. I thought we were getting somewhere; we were finally at an understanding. All of my efforts for her tonight were completely wasted.

  I walk outside and sit on the steps in the breezeway of the apartment. I have no money, less than half a tank of gas, and I’m no further along in getting back with Jennifer than I was yesterday. I might even be worse off now. I see the sun coming up in the distance and, its beauty only saddens me more. How can a day that looks so promising bring such sadness? I realize I’ve screwed up yet again.

  I pull my phone from my pocket and look back to the text message she first sent to me last night. I guess I should be happy she sent the message to me instead of Rebecca, but I just can’t get through to her heart. I’m running out of options.

  My butt starts to numb, so I stand up and walk to the parking lot. I decide to take a walk and get some fresh air. Maybe that will help clear my head and rejuvenate my pride.

  As I make my way around the neighborhood, I notice how nice it really is here. I meet several people out walking their dogs, and couples out for a morning run. I even take in a man running behind a baby stroller, one of those with three wheels designed for running. Could this be me one day?

  The thought of Jennifer carrying my baby quickly fills my head, and I can think of nothing else. Looking back on the couple of nights we failed to use any protection, I should have known my bad luck would catch up with me. If I had only manned up enough and wore a damn condom… I don’t know how much more I can take, but I can’t give up on her just yet. I’m not going down without a fight.

  A couple hours pass when I turn to walk back up the hill towards the apartment. I’m saddened by the knowledge that she never attempted to stop me from leaving this morning. Or reach out to me since. I walk up behind my car, needing to make the final decision: do I make one last attempt at reconciliation or do I give up and leave forever?

  I see the mailman over in the next unit of apartments dropping mail off in the appropriate slots. Suddenly, a thought comes to mind. I cross my fingers that Jennifer has mail today. If she does, I will talk the mail carrier into letting me take it to her myself.

  I sit back down on the steps and wait, hoping my plan works.

  A few minutes later, the mail carrier walks up.

  “Good morning.”

  “Morning to you too.” He replies.

  I stand up as though I’m walking back to the apartme
nt. I turn to him and ask, “Have anything for Davis? Jennifer Davis, apartment 308. I can take it with me and save you some steps.”

  This is easier than I thought. “Let’s see. Here you go.” He hands a few things over to me, then turns to walk away.

  “Thanks man, and have a good day.” I walk closer to the apartment door waiting for him to disappear. I don’t want him to see me not going inside just yet.

  When I feel he’s safely away, I look closely at the mail and see several items that look to be junk mail or advertisements, but then the last envelope catches my attention. It’s a letter addressed to Jennifer from her parents.

  No, Brian. No, you can’t even be thinking this. Seeing this envelope sidetracks me from everything else. All of the emotions I’ve been struggling with are pushed aside as this envelope screams my name.

  I hold the envelope towards the sun and sure enough, I make out several small items wrapped in a single sheet of paper. Are people still dumb enough to send cash in the mail? If they are, they deserve to lose it, as a lesson.

  I sit back down and try to think clearly. How often do Jennifer’s parents send her money? She mentioned to me when we first met how they liked to send her money from time to time hoping she wouldn’t miss them as much. No large amount, just enough to treat herself to a little something. Of course, this is the first time I’ve ever bothered to check the mail, so I don’t know if she’s expecting something from them or if this is simply one of their gifts.

  I know at some point I am going to have to face Rebecca about the money I owe her for the bracelet. I’m thankful she has kept her secret between us, especially now that we are no longer on speaking terms. If I don’t come up with something soon, she may try to turn the story against me. Eventually, she and Jennifer will talk, and I need Rebecca completely on my side so that Jennifer will believe that I did not initiate that kiss. Even though Rebecca knows the truth, Jennifer will be more likely to choose her best friend over me, and I don’t need that happening.