Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)
Page 19
I fold the envelope in half and stick it in my back pocket. I leaf through the mail again, then pull the envelope back out. I can’t do this to her. I can’t take a girl’s money again. My conscience is eating me inside.
My stomach is in knots, and I realize that I need to make a decision, quick. If I’m going to give our relationship one final attempt, I need to go back in there and be firm with her. I need to let her know that I’m willing to fight for her and I’ll be there when she’s ready to have me back. I just hope it’s sooner rather than later.
I suddenly have an idea. This really isn’t what I want to do, but I think I can get it to work in my favor. I pull out my phone and send her a text.
Me: Rebecca. She loaned me the money for the bracelet.
A few minutes go by, and I start to wonder if maybe she’s asleep and doesn’t hear her text alert. Maybe she doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m about to give up when the message indicator lights up in the corner of my phone followed by a chirp. I heave a sigh of relief, even though I don’t know what her response is until I open the text.
Jennifer: Thanx for being honest.
Me: I didn’t want you to know. Wanted to keep a secret. Was embarrassed. Sorry to let you down.
Jennifer: Please come back. Let’s talk.
The words are like magic leaping from my phone. I realize if I go inside and hand over her mail, she’s might question the folded envelope from her parents and be suspicious of me, again. Without thinking further, I make another bad choice and rip it open. Sure enough, inside are five crisp twenty-dollar bills. A yellow sticky note is attached.
Here’s a little something for your car service. Wish we were there to take care of it for you. Love, Mom and Dad
Shit. You’ve got to be kidding me. This money is supposed to pay for her car service; the same car service where she discovered that I was no longer employed. I simply can’t win, unless she is not expecting the money. And, being that she didn’t get her car serviced because she got sick, I cross my fingers that the money won’t be mentioned by anyone until later on, after I’ve had a chance to figure this all out.
Without thinking any more about it, I walk to the big dumpster along the side of the building and toss in the envelope. I can’t have her finding it anywhere, and this seems to be the best place to get rid of it. I stick the money in my wallet and head back to the front door, anxious to give this relationship another go.
I turn the knob and push the door open. Jennifer is standing there, with tear soaked cheeks and red eyes. Neither of us makes any attempt to approach the other. Realizing someone has to make the first move, I slowly walk towards her and embrace her in a hug. Her body feels frail, almost like it’s taking all the energy she has just to stand here.
I guide her over to the couch and pull her towards me, helping her to place her head in my lap. She curls up in a tight ball and I gently rub the hair from her face. I continue to rub her neck, her shoulders, and her back. I look down at her, and her breathing has evened. She’s finally dozed off to sleep, hopefully satisfied with her decision to give me another chance.
I wake from my nap feeling better than I have in days. I realize I’m still on the couch, and Brian has his arm draped over me. I turn to face him, and that gorgeous smile of his shines down on me.
“Hey, baby. Did you sleep well?” He asks.
“I’ve been needing that nap for a while now.” I stretch my arms and let out a yawn.
He leans forward and kisses my forehead. “I’ve missed you so much. Every day I kept wondering how was I ever going to get you to forgive me?”
“I missed you, too.” I squeeze his hand and pull it to my chest, holding it next to my heart.
I try to take interest in the show that’s playing on the TV, but I just can’t seem to get into it. I stand from the couch and turn back towards Brian. “I think a shower would feel pretty good. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
I walk back to the bedroom and pick out something comfortable to wear. I get the temperature just right in the shower, and strip down before stepping inside. I turn to look at my reflection in the mirror. My hands slide down towards my stomach and I stop, motionless for a minute. As I glide my hands around my middle, reality finally hits me that I’m carrying a baby inside me. Brian and I have created a beautiful life that’s so innocent and pure. I can already feel the love, but I admit I am terrified to death. Thank goodness, Brian is here to share this experience with me.
My eyes fill with tears, not sure if I am happy about this change in my life, or if I’m sad that everything in my future is going to be altered now.
I close the shower door behind me and allow the hot water to flow down my naked body; this is definitely what I needed. I’m not sure how long I stand underneath the steady flow of water, but I figure at some point I should at least get clean. I wash my hair and wrap it in a towel, not ready to leave the steamy shower yet. I hear a faint noise and slide the shower door back just enough to peep out. Sure enough, Brian is standing there waiting for my eyes to meet his. I’m not sure what to make of him as my eyes move down his naked body.
“Care to join me?” I offer.
I’m not sure where that came from, but I slide the door back, just enough to indicate I want him to enter. He stares at me for a brief moment before stepping inside the shower. My eyes meet his, and I let them travel down his body openly, silently taking in every inch of his beautiful skin. I step to the side, allowing him room beside me.
He steps closer to me, and I run my hands across his smooth chest, finally resting my palms near the top of his shoulders. He leans down and kisses my mouth, first my top lip, then the bottom. He gently sucks both of them with his mouth and the sensation this causes vibrates all the way down to my toes.
“Mmm.” I plant small kisses all over his face while I bring my body close to his. I’m not sure if the heat I feel is from my fever, or the shower, or from the closeness of his body next to me. It only takes a moment for the manly swell to form between his legs, and he takes hold of his dick and touches it to my leg. I immediately drop my hands down to his, and he guides me to the spot he needs me to stroke. Next, he moves his hands, now free, to the back of my shoulders, slightly massaging my back, bringing his hands to the front and stopping to hold both my breasts firmly. He grips them, using his thumb to rub the tops of my nipples, causing them to instantly harden. I bring my hands to the tops of his, letting go of his dick, and guide them over my breasts. With both of our hands together, we squeeze them slightly until I feel a warming sensation begin between my legs. As we continue to massage my breasts together, I feel his manhood harden even more and touch the side of my leg.
I allow him to place his hands on top of mine now, and he guides them down below, needing to feel my touch. His hardness intensifies once our hands wrap around him. I apply slight pressure then we move back and forth, sliding our hands up and down. A grin forms across his lips, and I know he is enjoying this moment as much as I am.
We both remain silent as the warm water continues to moisten our skin. It simply doesn’t get much better than this.
I’m lost in the passion of the moment when Brian suddenly drops down to his knees. I cover my breasts with my hands, not knowing what he is about to do. The water beats down on his face and the look on his face shows pure lust. He leans into me and gently places a sweet kiss to my abdomen. I feel the butterflies almost instantly. I’ve never had anyone kiss me here, or anywhere down below for that matter.
I’m not sure what to do as Brian continues to leave a trail of kisses across my belly. My knees feel like jelly. I grip the shower bar as I feel myself pushing my body closer towards his mouth, anxious to feel what he has planned for me. He latches his hands onto my ass with a powerful grip.
I let out a soft moan, not sure if he is able to hear it over the stream of water that falls between us. I force myself to look down at him, wanting to burn this image in my mind forever. There are no words to describe the
emotions I feel as I continue to watch his lips glide over my skin. I am lightheaded.
Brian continues to move his kisses even lower. Using his thumbs, he spreads open my folds and softly drives his tongue over my tender, sensitive flesh. I feel goose bumps travel over my whole body. My private spot begins to twitch and throb, and I suddenly tremble with pleasure. For a few moments, I can’t move, savoring this moment.
I gently push his face away when I can’t take any more. He looks up at me and sees the look of pleasure that has spread across my face. Standing up, he moves behind me and places his arms around me. He laces his fingers together and places them across my lower belly. I feel his lips against my ear as they whisper sweet words to me.
“I want to make you all mine, baby. No one has ever been as understanding and forgiving as you. I want to be more with you.”
I hear every word he whispers, but I’m not sure I understand exactly what he is implying when he says he wants to be more.
I let my head fall back on his shoulder as he continues to hold me. There has never been a moment in my life where I have felt more loved.
Holding my belly, he catches me off guard with his next statement.
“Baby, marry me.” He turns to look me straight in the eye as he says this. “I need you to help me be a better person. For you, for me, for all of us. You make me whole.”
“Brian, I…I don’t know what to say.” I am so caught by surprise, I can barely think straight.
“You don’t have to answer me right away. I need to get some things lined up for myself first, and then I want to make you mine. I want to do what’s right, for the baby’s sake.”
I feel myself tense. I never expected to hear the words ‘marry me’ from someone I met just a two months ago. I suddenly can’t think straight, and I need fresh air. The steam from the hot shower begins to strangle me, and I’m unable to breath. I reach down to turn off the shower and quickly grab the towel hanging from the bar, throwing it around myself. I step out of the shower and lean against the vanity counter, trying to catch my breath.
I simply don’t have any words to say.
Brian opens the bathroom door and a burst of fresh, cool air rushes inside. I make my way to the bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed. He gives me a moment to myself, as he puts everything away in the bathroom.
After a few minutes, I look up and see him standing in front of me, his hand extended. “Let me help you get dressed. You look like you are in shock. By no means did I ever mean to upset you.”
Brian passes me the clothes I chose before the shower from off of the dresser: a long sleeve t-shirt and yoga pants. He gives me some time alone and walks out of the room.
Once I start to feel more like myself, I walk into the kitchen and take a bottle of water from the refrigerator. I take a long swallow and see Brian standing in front of the patio door. I don’t think he’s actually looking at anything in particular, just alone with his thoughts.
“Would you like some?” I pass the water over to him and he gulps it like he hasn’t had anything to drink in days.
“Thanks.” He takes a second swallow, leaving the plastic bottle empty.
I look over at him and place my arm around his waist. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t know what I want at this point. Everything is still so new to me. I’ve been facing so much these last few days, and I want to make sure I make the right choices, for everyone involved. Me, you, and the baby. Right now, I’m having a hard enough time even thinking about being a mother, much less someone’s wife.”
“I know this is a lot to drop on you all at once. I realize we’ve both been through hell, but we are in control of our destination. We are the ones who can make things go our way,” he pleads.
“Brian, you don’t even have a job right now. We can’t make it on just my salary, especially when I go out on maternity leave. We have a lot to think about.” I try not to get upset, so I walk away from him and this conversation.
He follows me to the kitchen and traps me between his body and the countertop. He lifts me up to sit on the counter, and I have no other choice than to meet his eyes. I hold his stare, and suddenly, I’m not able to look away. I know he is serious and not just saying this to me.
“I’m going to find a job first thing in the morning. You’ll see. I want this for us. I am going to prove to you that this is what’s best. I want you to be my wife as well as the mother of my baby.” I hear him loud and clear.
“I know you mean well. Let’s just take it one day at a time. There’s no need to rush into something just yet.” I don’t think anything I say is going to convince him otherwise.
“You still don’t trust me, do you?”
“Of course I do, Brian. If you didn’t care for me, I don’t think you would have bothered taking me to the hospital, or been with me while I was sick, holding my hand.”
“I love you Jennifer.”
“Oh, Brian, you can’t possibly mean that.”
“Yes, baby, I truly love you.”
I try my best to convince Jennifer to believe me. Yes, I do have feelings for her. Are they as strong as I want to make her believe? I know if she gives me a second chance to make things right, I will not screw up again. I will find a job and do my best to make this relationship work. I can’t take another night of sleeping in the front seat of my car. I need to be home, caring for the woman I love.
I sit on the couch, flipping the television from one channel to the next. Jennifer and I relaxed most of the afternoon. I didn’t want her to do too much, since she’s finally starting to feel better, but I know she is still weak. I promised her I wouldn’t bring up the marriage question again until she could have some time to think about it.
It’s near midnight when I notice she can barely keep her eyes open. I convince her to go to bed, assuring her I would join her soon. I still have too many things running through my mind.
When I feel like I can finally close my eyes for some rest, I turn off the television and all the lights. I make my way quietly to the bedroom, trying not to wake her. The nightlight shining from the bathroom casts a faint glow, and I see how peacefully she sleeps. I strip down to my boxers and toss my clothes over the chair that sits in the corner near the window. I remember the money hiding in the back pocket of my jeans, and I wonder how long it will be before her parents question her about receiving it. One thing is for certain, things getting misplaced or lost in the mail is definitely a believable excuse for the money never reaching her.
I wake the next morning to an empty bed. I glance at the clock on the nightstand and see it’s barely seven o’clock. Where has Jennifer gone so early? I walk into the living room, and she is sitting on the couch reading a book.
She notices me standing in the doorway. “Morning.” She says, closing her book. “Did you sleep okay?”
“I really did. I never even knew you got up this morning.”
“I’ve slept so much these last few days, I don’t think I can sleep any more. I thought I would catch up on some reading before I get myself ready.”
“Have you got plans for today?” I ask, knowing I have things I need to take care of as well.
“I need to stop by school and pick up my new schedule for this term. Then, I need to go by the bookstore and spend a ridiculous amount of money on books. I thought I would also stop by work and let my boss know that I’m doing better, and I plan to be back there tonight.”
“Awww. Are you sure you have to work tonight? Can’t I convince you to stay home with me one more night?” I realize my asking her not to go in to work goes against me trying to better myself, and my old ways. Used to be, if my girlfriend at the time wanted me to stay home with her, I thought nothing of it. I called in sick to different jobs so many times, or simply just stopped going in because I would rather hang out with the girl, in a relationship that was doomed to fail in the first place. Any girlfriend who is okay with a boyfriend who does this can’t say much for herself.
“I didn’t mean that, really. I know you are ready to go back to work. I need to get myself up and going, and get ready to head out. I have a mission to find a job today.” I lean down to kiss her on the cheek.
“You go ahead and shower first. I’m going to tidy up around here.”
I take a quick shower and pull on a pair of jeans. “Hey, babe. Which shirt should I wear today? I want to wear something nice that will make a good impression.”
She walks in the bedroom and glances through the few shirts I have hanging in the closet. “I think this one will do.” She pulls out a navy blue polo and hands it over to me. “It will bring out the blue eyes you used to win me over.”
“Oh, is that what won you over?” I’m not sure if she is referring to when we first met at the hotel that night, or if she means our current situation.
“You’ll do fine today. Besides, how can anyone say no to you?” She reaches up and tugs on my chin.
I finish getting ready and she hops in the shower. I tell her goodbye, and we make plans to meet up for lunch.
“Shoot me a text later and let me know where you would like to go.”
“I will and good luck.”
I walk out to the car and cringe at the sight of it. I would love to have something that looks better. I know Jennifer is never going to ride with me anywhere, and it’s really unfair that we always need to use her car. Once I can get a steady job and see that it’s going to work out, I’m going to see about getting a new car. Besides, once the baby gets here, I don’t think either of us will feel safe with him or her in this piece of junk.
Thoughts of being a father suddenly fill my head. I never in a million years thought I would be expecting to have a baby. I still have a lot of growing up to do myself.