Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  “Let’s see.” She applies a little pressure on my abdomen then makes a few clicks to the computer beside her. “Look right here.” She points to the screen, and we are able to see a clearer image of the baby. It’s a girl.

  Brian grabs my hand, and this time, I don’t pull it away from his grip. “Baby, we’re having a girl. It’s a girl.” I see a sweet side of Brian that makes me think there could be hope for us, after all.

  I wipe at the tear that eases down my cheek.

  We finish with the appointment and leave the clinic with a few black and white snapshots. I can’t take my eyes off the pictures of our baby girl.

  I stand outside my car, not sure what more to say to Brian.

  He breaks the silence first. “Would you like to grab a coffee?”

  “I suppose that would be okay. Do you not have to go back to work?” I question him.

  “I can spare some time for you. They’ll manage fine without me.” I take that to mean his problems at work must have all been resolved.

  We both take our own cars to drive the few blocks to the coffee shop. Brian opens my car door before I have a chance to open it on my own. He extends his hand to me and I take it. While I want to be angry with him, I can’t help but notice the old Brian is back.

  We grab a table over in the corner and sip on our coffees. He speaks first.

  “Jennifer, I owe you a huge apology for this past weekend. I don’t know what came over me.”

  I stare at him intently. “You scared me to death. I’ve never been yelled or hollered at before. And when you slapped me…I just didn’t know what to do.”

  “I know I was abrupt with you. I was stupid. Can you please forgive me, Jennifer? I want to come home to you and our baby girl.” He says those magic words that make me vulnerable.

  He pulls my hands from around my coffee cup and holds them in his. He plays with the rings on my finger. I look in his eyes, and I so desperately want to believe him. Call me weak, but I want to forgive him. I want him to come back home and hold me while I sleep. I want to feel his arms around me on the couch. I simply want him, my husband.

  “Brian, I…” I try to say something but he stops me.

  He traces his fingers over the skin on my arm, and I feel tingles as his fingertips glide from one spot to the next. “Just say you’ll give me another chance to prove to you that I can be a better man.”

  I’ve never been so torn.

  “How about we do dinner tomorrow night?” I suggest. “I need some time to think about it more.” I feel this is a reasonable request.

  “That sounds wonderful, baby. Would you like for me to cook us something on the grill?” While I would feel safer being in a public place, I give in to him and agree to dinner at the apartment. “How about I meet you there about six?”

  “Sounds good.” I take a sip of my coffee that is now barely warm. “I will see you then.”

  Brian leans over to kiss me on the cheek, and then leaves the coffee shop. My eyes follow him all the way to his car, and I watch him pull away until he disappears from my sight. What have I done? Am I doing the right thing?

  I toss my paper cup in the trash and walk to the car. I realize I left my phone on the passenger seat once I get buckled in behind the wheel. I turn it on and see I have a missed text message. I assume it’s probably from Brian, thanking me again, so I don’t bother opening the text. I drop the phone in my purse and hurry home, desperate for some sleep.

  When I arrive at work in the evening, I feel like Rebecca is going to know something is up, just by the strange mood I am in. I don’t look her in the eye at first. She doesn’t say anything while she puts away some paperwork.

  Walking over to me with her purse hanging from her arm, she finally asks. “So, why are you so unusually quiet tonight?”

  When I can take no more, I spill out all the events of today including Brian going to the doctor with me. I hope she can be open minded enough to see why I feel I need to give him another chance.

  She reaches over to give me a hug. “I’m so happy I’m going to have a niece.”

  When I see she’s not going to bring up the subject of Brian, I go ahead and mention him again. “I’ll understand if you get mad at me, but I’ve agreed to have dinner with him tomorrow.”

  Her smile quickly fades. “Jenn, you’re a very smart woman. I can’t make these decisions for you. I can offer advice, but that’s all. I will support you with what you feel you need to do. But it doesn’t make me worry any less.”

  I know she’s right, but it would be so much easier if someone else could make the decision for me. I change the subject, and Rebecca seems relieved to have something else to talk about.

  We chat for another few minutes before she leaves. I check in some new guests, and then everything quiets down for the night. I pull out my phone and mark on my calendar the date of my next doctor’s appointment. I add a few more important dates before I remember the unread message from earlier in the day. I don’t think too much about it until I click on it, and Todd’s name appears on the screen as the sender, not Brian’s, like I had previously thought

  I drop the phone on the desk, not believing that he finally responded. It’s been days since I sent the initial text thanking him. When I didn’t hear anything back, I assumed it was probably the last time I would have any contact with him. Not sure why, but I’m almost afraid to open the text. I gather enough courage and finally read the message.

  Todd: Anytime you need me or you just want to talk, I’m here.

  I read the message over and over. I don’t know what to make of it, other than that it is a friendly gesture.

  I decide to respond with a simple message.

  Me: Hope you have a good weekend.

  Within minutes, my phone signals his reply.

  Todd: Are you working tonight? Wondering why you would be up this late.

  Me: Yes. Here ‘til seven a.m. Off next two nights, thank goodness. Been long week.

  Todd: Been busy myself. Studying. Had several important tests this week.

  Me: How did you do?

  Todd: I feel pretty good about them, but won’t know the grades ‘til next week.

  Me: What are you studying and how much longer before you graduate?

  Todd: I have one semester left after this term. I took classes during the summers hoping to finish early. Looks like it’s going to pay off. I take my state test end of the year if all goes well. If I pass, I’ll be a licensed pharmacist.

  Me: I had no idea. That’s wonderful.

  Todd: Yeah, my father owns a private pharmacy and I’ve been able to work some when my classes allowed it. I was also able to intern under him, making it easier for me.

  Me: Sounds like you have a promising future ahead of you.

  Todd: Thanks. I want to make my parents proud, and they would love nothing more than for me to take over my dad’s business that he’s worked so hard to build in our hometown.

  We continued texting until it was almost time for me to get off of work. I start getting busy checking out guests and feel bad for not having more of the breakfast items ready for Sylvia. If she noticed, she didn’t say anything. I end my last text to Todd by telling him I enjoyed talking to him all night long. And I really meant it. He sounds like he really knows what he’s doing with his life.

  I go home and climb into bed. I feel like I’ve been sleep-deprived all week, and look forward to getting a full eight hours. I wake later in the afternoon feeling very refreshed. I check my phone for any missed calls and notice a text. I don’t expect to hear from Todd again so soon, especially since he knew I was going home to rest, but I wouldn’t be disappointed if it was. I’m not surprised to see the text is from Brian.

  Brian: Call me when you get up so I can come on over.

  I decide to take a bubble bath and pamper myself before calling him back.

  I anxiously wait to hear back from Jennifer. The evening ticks by slowly. It’s funny how quickly the day can pass when
you are busy at work, but now that I’m not working, I can’t make the time speed up for anything in the world.

  Around five o’clock, my phone finally rings.

  “Oh, hi. I didn’t expect you to answer.” She tells me. “I was planning to leave a voicemail for you.”

  “You ready for me to come over?” I hope I don’t sound too pushy.

  “What time do you get off?”

  “I can leave now.” I realize I need to play this well because she still has no idea that I’m unemployed. Again. “I’ll stop by the store and pick us up something, okay? Do you have any suggestions for supper?”

  “Why don’t you surprise me?” She is beginning to sound like her old self again.

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  We hang up and I can’t wait to go to the store and get the things we need. I thought about it all day and decided to play it safe by grilling hamburgers. Okay, so I’m probably not going to get the same reaction from her that I got about my steaks, but it’s a safe choice and I know she enjoys them. I check my mobile bank account and I’m shocked to see how little money I have left on my debit card. I’ve seriously gone through some money since returning from my trip back home. I forgot about my last check being mailed to the apartment, and I suddenly worry how I’m going to get to the check before Jennifer questions me about why it’s coming in the mail and not directly deposited anymore. I could always make up some stupid excuse like maybe the store is going through a banking change and needed to send them out. But, wouldn’t it make more sense for them to deliver the checks to the store? I finally decide to deal with it later, if it even comes up at all. Who knows, she may not even question it.

  I pick up some hamburger patties and a few other things to go along with them. I finish my purchase by grabbing a small bouquet of fresh cut flowers. I’ve never bought flowers for anyone, so Jennifer should be honored to be the first. The flowers just might be what I need to convince her to give me another chance.

  I arrive at the apartment and see Jennifer is dressed in a comfy t-shirt and stretch pants that accentuate her belly. She’s moving around the apartment, picking up a few things while throwing in a few dance steps to the music she has playing from one of those music television stations. She sees me standing at the door and reaches for the remote to turn down the music before grabbing some of the bags from me. Once she sees the flowers, a smile forms across her face.

  “Are these for me?” She asks. “They are so pretty.”

  “I thought they might brighten your day.” I pass them over to her and kiss her softly on the cheek.

  She places them in a vase and unloads all my purchases from the shopping bags. She notices a few breakfast items I picked up, in case I’m allowed to stay the night. I figure I might gain some more ground with her by fixing breakfast as well. I don’t say anything, and neither does she as she puts everything away.

  I get the grill going on the patio as she prepares the meat by seasoning it. I would love a beer right now, but I don’t bother checking the refrigerator for one since Jennifer is no longer able to drink.

  After a few minutes, she hands me the platter of pre-made patties and I put them on the grill. She grabs a blanket from the couch and takes a seat on the swing. When she pats the seat beside her, I don’t think twice about joining her underneath the blanket. I wouldn’t want to miss the opportunity to snuggle with her.

  I place my arm behind her neck and pull the blanket up to her chin. She lays her head over on my shoulder and we sit like this for a while before either of us says a word.

  I decide to break the silence first. “Did you get enough rest today baby?”

  “I feel so much better. I have not slept that good in a long time.” She informs me. “Another eight hours and I’ll be caught up.”

  “I hope you’re hungry.”

  “I’m starving. How was your day?”

  I get up to turn flip the burgers trying to quickly come up with something to say that doesn’t involve work. “It was okay. I’m glad it’s over though. So, what do you think about having a baby girl? Have you thought about any names yet?”

  “I’ve tossed around a few names in my head.” She tells me. “But, I’m now more worried about how I’m going to break the news to my parents. I’ve held off telling them long enough now. It’s going to be a shock for them as it is, but there’s nothing I can do to change things. I know they are going to be wonderful grandparents.”

  “Yeah, you probably do need to start thinking about how you’re going to tell them about us and the baby.” I throw the part about us in there to see her reaction.

  She doesn’t change her expression.

  I remove the meat from the grill and we head inside to make our hamburgers. I comment on how nice the flowers look as the centerpiece on the table. We both prepare our plates and take a seat on each side of the table.

  “These are pretty good.” She says, and I have to agree with her.

  Even though our exchange is more light chatter rather than a serious conversation about us, it still feels normal, and not awkward at all.

  Once we have finished, I stand up to gather everything. She doesn’t stop me and I wonder if this is a test to just see if I’ll do it without complaining.

  “So, what are your plans for the evening?” She asks.

  “Well, that depends.”

  “On what?” She questions.

  “What would you like them to be?” I step closer to her and wrap my arms around her. She doesn’t pull away and eventually wraps her hands around my middle. I look down to her eyes and take a chance by placing a kiss to her lips. She accepts it, and before long, we are both breathing heavy.

  I guide us back towards the couch and pick up where we left off. I lift my shirt over my head and she eases her hands across my chest. I have missed her touch so much.

  “Please don’t make me leave again.” I whisper in her ear. The coolness of my breath next to her ear sends a wave of chills over her body. I notice, and begin to place my kisses on a trail leading down her neck and across her shoulders. She allows my hands to grip her breasts gently, and I notice how much fuller they feel since our baby has started growing inside her.

  I get down on my knees in front of her, and she allows me to remove her shirt. I notice her baby bump, and it turns me on even more knowing I helped to create this beautiful, living being inside her. I push down her stretch pants and take in her white, lacy thong. Now, if she had no intention of me seeing this, I don’t think she would have worn it. Jennifer doesn’t wear thongs often. I unhook her bra and run my tongue over her left nipple, teasing it lightly; she lays back on the couch, exposing more of her body for me.

  I use the tip of my finger to feel along the band of her panties. The delicate lace allows me to move it easily to the side, revealing a juicy mound that is calling my name. She is so damn wet. I glide my fingers back and forth and I hear soft moans coming from her. She lifts her hips forward, allowing me to insert my fingers even deeper. I can take no more.

  I stand and drop my pants to the floor. She sees my erection spring out of my boxers and knows I am ready for her. She slides over on the couch, making room for me beside her. I waste no time picking up where we left off. I’m gentle, but firm with her as I slide my cock inside her with ease. I’ve heard how much better sex can be for a pregnant woman, and right now, I believe it. It’s definitely a turn on for the man, too.

  We move back and forth until I can feel her tightening around me. She begins to tremble and grabs onto my ass, pushing me deeper inside her. I’m enjoying the sensation, and suddenly I’m thrusting, faster and faster, until we come simultaneously.

  Afterwards, we lay very still, holding each other on the couch. I attempt to stand so I can grab a washcloth to clean the sticky mess, but she grabs on to my arm and doesn’t let go.

  “No, please just stay right here.” I hear her say, and I willingly obey.

  I begin to get uncomfortable so I shift behind her. I pul
l the blanket up and drape it across our naked bodies. She reaches for the remote and flips through a few channels before settling on a classic action movie. I know she put it on this channel for me because she would have selected a chick flick for sure.

  The next morning I lift myself from behind her on the couch. I am stiff and can’t wait to remove the dried stickiness from my body. I think back to our lovemaking only a few hours ago, and I start to feel that maybe we are going to be okay after all.

  The phone rings, and I hear Jennifer talking to someone. She walks into the bathroom while I’m showering and asks if I mind if she goes with Rebecca to get her nails and toes done this afternoon. I’m still not a fan of Rebecca, but I keep my opinion to myself, for Jennifer’s sake. I don’t want to mess things up—everything is going too good right now.

  “Sure, baby. That’s fine with me. You need some pampering.”

  I shut the water off and slide back the shower door so she can see me standing there, naked and fully erect. I could honestly do her again, right here, but I don’t want to take my chances.

  “Are you going to stay here?” She asks me.

  “If that’s okay with you.” If she allows this, then I know I’ve succeeded in making my way back in to her life.

  “Okay.”

  And I leave it at that.

  The next morning, I expect Jennifer to be up early, getting ready for school. When I question her about it, she explains to me how she and her advisor felt it was best that she take the semester off since everything has been awkward lately. If there were any doubts that she would be unable to give it a hundred percent, then this would be the best option for her. It sucks for me, because I was hoping to hang out here at the apartment while she was in school. Instead, I quickly get ready and pretend as though I’m going to work. At least this time I don’t have to wear a stupid uniform; I can wear normal clothes. I hate lying to her in this way. Again.

  She kisses me goodbye, and I walk out to my car. Shit. What the hell am I supposed to do now? I drive around town and take in the beautiful sunrise. It’s times like this I think how gorgeous a sunrise would be on the beach. I drive over to the golf course I discovered a while back and pull my car into a spot overlooking the lake that’s in the middle of the course. I notice people out jogging around the track that surrounds the course. It must be nice to afford membership to a golf course like this where you can play as often as you like. Several golf carts drive by, and I wonder what it would be like to work here, chauffeuring rich men around, taking them from hole to hole. Toting their clubs for them. Popping open a beer for them. Throwing them a towel. I bet you could make some pretty good money in tips.