Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  My mind flashes back to the present. I should definitely check to see if they are hiring. I pull out my phone, taking note of the time, and play a couple games for a while, careful not to completely drain the battery.

  My stomach alerts me that it’s nearing time to eat, so I drive back into town and pull into a fast food place. I decide to go inside to eat rather than get it to go, knowing this will also pass the time. I know I’m risking being seen by someone, but really, who is going to see me, then go back to tell Jennifer?

  I almost answer my own question before I have finished the thought. I look up just as Rebecca picks up her order from the counter. She turns around and nearly walks right into me. You’ve got to be kidding me.

  “What are you doing here?” She asks. “Shouldn’t you be working?”

  I’m careful with how much I say to her without revealing the truth. “I’m, uh, just on a break. Thought I would grab a quick bite.”

  “Well that’s funny. You drove all the way over here from the mall just to get something to eat? Aren’t there lots of choices to eat there? There’s a whole food court.”

  I realize I need to come up with an explanation, quick.

  I don’t bother looking at her, but take another bite of my burger. “Yeah, but I needed to pay a bill while I’m out.”

  “Speaking of bills, when do you think you’ll have your last payment for our arrangement?” Just when I think I’ve convinced her, she goes and asks me a question like this.

  “As soon as I get my final check, I’ll be able to settle up with you.” Oh shit. Did I really just let that slip? I suddenly realize the gravity of what I’ve just said.

  She heard the words too, loud and clear. “What do you mean, final check?”

  I can’t hide the truth forever. Rather than dig my hole deeper, I tell her about losing my job, yet again. “I’m already looking for something else.” I toss in, hoping to sound optimistic.

  “Brian, you are kidding me, right? Surely you didn’t get fired again.” Her words sting like venom from a snake bite. “What does Jennifer think about it? I bet she’s not too happy.”

  “I haven’t told her yet.” I might as well hold nothing back at this point.

  “You, what? How could you not tell her! You idiot! You think not telling her is the right thing to do?” Rebecca is raising her voice, and I start to see other people looking over to us.

  “I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity.”

  “Oh, Jesus, Brian. You are an even bigger idiot than what I first thought. I can’t believe my best friend still tolerates you.” With that, she storms from the restaurant, not looking back at me.

  Just great! I wonder how long I have now before Jennifer finds out. I know it’s just a matter of time before Rebecca calls her.

  I’ve enjoyed a nice, quiet afternoon alone at my apartment. I took a nap earlier and now I feel refreshed. I even made a trip down to the grocery store to grab something for supper tonight. I decided to make it easy on myself, so I picked up a frozen lasagna and garlic bread. You can’t go wrong there. It would be nice to be able to enjoy a glass of wine tonight with the meal, but drinking any alcohol is strictly forbidden until after the baby is born. I decide a glass of non-alcoholic sparkling wine will suffice.

  Brian comes home a little earlier than I expect him to, but I figure with the new management, things must be working out pretty well at the shoe store. He hasn’t said much at all about it though, which seems rather odd.

  I check on the lasagna and pour us both a glass of the sparkling beverage. I walk to the bedroom and pass the glass to him. He’s changing from his work clothes into a pair of gym shorts and t-shirt. I notice his muscular build and think how nice it is to have everything slowly returning back to normal.

  “How was your day?” I ask as he takes the glass from my hand.

  “Cute wine glasses.” He says, avoiding my question. “Is there some special occasion?”

  “Just a quiet evening alone with my husband.”

  “It sure smells good. I can’t wait for supper to be ready.”

  I decide to ask again, since he failed to answer the first time. “Did everything go okay at work today? You haven’t mentioned anything about your new manager.”

  I notice a strange expression come over his face. His eyes become cold, and I swear, I must have hit a nerve.

  “She called you, didn’t she?” He bursts out, practically yelling at me again.

  “What are you talking about?” He’s starting to scare me all of a sudden. I’m almost afraid to speak.

  “Rebecca. She just couldn’t wait to call you.” I remember this look on his face as the same look he had during our previous argument. Why is he getting so worked up about Rebecca?

  “I have not-” I’m not able to get my words out before he slams the wine glass across the room. It hits the bedroom wall and shatters, liquid and glass spraying everywhere.

  I’m suddenly scared to death. I drop my glass on the floor, my hands trembling so badly I’m not able to hold it any longer. I ease backwards from the bedroom, making my way to the kitchen. I want to get out of the apartment, away from this crazy person, before it gets any worse

  “Brian, you’re scaring me.” I try to plead with him.

  “I guess now you know. Your stupid bitch friend had to go and tell you I got fired again, didn’t she?” I hope to God the neighbors above me are home and can hear all the screaming down below.

  “I’ve not talked to her. What are you talking about?” I realize whatever he’s talking about, he’s exposed himself, since the last time I spoke with Rebecca was yesterday.

  “I got fired again. I lost my fucking job, again!” He’s screaming so loud that his face is blood red.

  I’m afraid to say anything to him, for fear it may be the wrong thing, sending him into more of a rage. I simply stare at him, tears streaming down my face. I’m shaking like a leaf in the wind.

  I decide to take the sympathetic approach with him. “I’m sorry, Brian. I had no idea.”

  “Sorry. That’s all you can fuckin’ say, is you’re sorry?” I realize I made the wrong choice of words.

  Brian walks right up to my face, and I feel his hot breath on my wet cheeks. I want to leave, run. He corners me in the kitchen, and I have no choice but to listen to him. I silently pray he settles down and comes to terms with himself. He needs to control his anger.

  This side of him perfectly shows why he has had previous issues with family and past relationships. No one deserves to be treated this way. My parents never argued or screamed at each other, and I don’t deserve this either.

  “Can I do anything to help?” I speak, the words barely above a whisper.

  “You can tell your friend to mind her own damn business. She needs to stay out of our lives!”

  “Brian, I swear to you, she didn’t’ say anything.” I’m not sure if defending Rebecca, even though she hasn’t told me anything on the matter, is the right thing to say to him, but it’s all I’ve got.

  “Right! You think I believe that? You’re fucking friend will do anything to point out my mistakes, and I’ve had enough of her shit.” He reaches for the glass bottle of sparkling juice that’s on the counter, and I cringe, thinking he’s about to hit me with it. I drop down to my knees hoping to protect my stomach and avoid the blow, but I see he has different intentions. He uses every bit of strength in his arm and throws the bottle towards the kitchen sink.

  Pieces of broken glass shatter across the room. I turn my head to avoid any of the pieces hitting me, but it’s too late. I feel the stinging sensation instantaneously and reach to touch my face. Just below my eye, my fingers are coated in the blood that now drips from my face. I need to grab a towel, but I’m too scared to move from my crouched position.

  Brian notices my injury and steps towards me. I suddenly gain courage and scream out. “NO! Don’t you come near me!”

  “Babe, you’re hurt.”

  “I said don’
t come near me, Brian!”

  “Let me help you.” He pleads as the blood continues to pool in my hand.

  I apply pressure to my cheek, not sure if it’s doing any good or not. I’m almost scared to look in the mirror. “Get away from me.” I say between clenched teeth.

  “Fine, bitch. But you better not tell anyone I did this to you. You hear me? You better keep this to yourself.” I wonder if I had allowed him to help me would he have calmed down? I don’t know, but right now, I just want him gone. I want him out of my life, this time for good.

  He starts to back away then turns to me. “You know I love you don’t you?”

  I simply stare at him, nothing to say. He is totally messed up. How can someone go from being angry one minute, to telling me he loves me the next? He’s toyed with my emotions for the last time.

  “Get the hell away from me, Brian!!”

  He grabs his jacket from the chair and runs out the front door, leaving it wide open. The cool breeze only makes me tremble more. I stand up from my spot in the corner, almost afraid to move for fear he’s going to run back inside again. I’m glad he’s gone, but now I worry how long will he stay away this time.

  I shut the door and lock it immediately. I want to call Rebecca, but I know she’s working. Is this enough of an emergency for her to leave the hotel? It’s obvious she knows more about what’s happened with Brian than she has mentioned. I walk to the bathroom and run the water until it’s warm. I use a washcloth to wipe at the blood that now covers the side of my face. While the bleeding seems to have stopped, I’m gentle with wiping so I don’t open the wound back up. Even though I bled a rather large amount, I think it’s more of a surface cut. Judging from the amount of blood loss, and my stained shirt, you would think the cut was more serious.

  I think again about calling Rebecca. I grab my phone and hold it tightly in my hand. I can’t bring myself to make the call. I simply can’t. I stare blankly at the phone. I can’t believe Brian hasn’t called or texted my phone yet, pleading for my forgiveness. Once again I press the button to turn it on and see I have a missed text.

  Without thinking, I click on the message and relief washes over me as I see the text is, after all, not from Brian, but from Todd.

  Todd: Thinking about you earlier. Hope you are okay. Text me tonight if you can chat.

  I look at the time the message came through. Roughly an hour ago. Did Todd sense something was wrong?

  I walk around my bedroom and I’m startled by the ding of the stove alerting me that the lasagna is ready. I had completely forgotten about supper. I go to the kitchen and remove the lasagna from the oven. There is no way I can eat anything right now.

  I come to the conclusion that something has to be done before I am seriously injured. I can’t keep living this way.

  I go to the hall closet and remove a small overnight bag from the top shelf. I start grabbing things from my closet and dresser drawers. I can’t take everything, but I need a few things to get me where I’m going. I fill a smaller bag with toiletry items and sit everything down on the floor, just inside the door. I fumble around in the kitchen, pulling out drawers, grabbing several things I feel are important and stuff them in my purse.

  I stand at the doorway, arms loaded down, and look back at my apartment. I used to love this place. I felt safe, happy here. Now, I’m not sure what to feel anymore. Used. Insecure. Stupid. Those are the first words that come to mind. I turn off the light and shut the door behind me. I walk to the car and drop my bags in the backseat. Backing the car out, I don’t turn back to look at my apartment. I do the only thing I feel is safe for me and my baby. I drive away into the night, in search of a better place.

  I stare down at the gas gauge and breathe a sigh of relief—I’m so thankful I filled up with gas earlier today. This means I can drive for several hours without needing to stop. I glance in my rearview mirror to see if I’m being followed. While I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary when I left the apartment, I am terrified that Brian is lurking around a corner or trailing several cars behind me. The closer I get to the interstate, I notice the traffic becomes somewhat lighter, with more distance between the cars in front of and behind me.

  I merge into the proper lane and catch myself driving slightly faster than a speed I am comfortable with, but I feel every second, every mile, is valuable at this point. The sooner I can get away from him, the better I will be.

  I can’t remember the exact time I actually left the apartment, but I feel like I’ve been driving for hours now. Just when I start to relax, I glance in my rearview mirror and notice a car lingering a safe distance behind me. I tell myself it's just my imagination—I’m safe now, no one knows where I am. The car continues to stay behind me past the next several exits, and I give in to panic mode. No, he can’t be behind me! I can’t let him catch me!

  Up ahead, I notice a truck I’m slowly approaching. I quickly run ideas through my head and decide instead of passing it, to reduce my speed to match that of the truck. If this is Brian behind me, I can always alert the truck in front of me by honking my horn or flashing my lights to show that I’m in trouble. I look over to see my phone in the seat beside me should I need to reach for it quickly.

  The closer the vehicle gets, the tighter I feel my throat closing. I am sweating profusely. I keep telling myself to breathe, but right now, I just need to know I am safe. The truck suddenly turns on its blinker to indicate its plan to exit to the right, just ahead. I tap my brakes, and impulsively turn my blinker on as well.

  I am staring so intently in my mirror and not paying attention to the truck ahead, so I have to slam on my breaks quickly to avoid a collision as the truck slows. The vehicle behind me is closing in on me now.

  Just as the truck drifts off down the exit, the vehicle behind me moves over to the left lane and drives right on past.

  You’ve got to be kidding me! I take in a deep breath, and exhale a sigh of relief. I watch as the vehicle passes and see it’s a small SUV. I can’t believe I got so worked up for nothing. How could I have confused an SUV with Brian’s midsize Honda?

  I laugh out loud and think how I’ve let Brian break me down to the point that I think I’m going crazy. I can’t even tell the difference between two vehicles.

  Rather than taking the exit behind the truck, I notice a sign indicating a rest area is nearing. I need to get some fresh air to clear my head, and I could use a bathroom break. There are no other vehicles behind me now so I feel relatively safe pulling off of the highway. I park underneath a well-lit area near the restroom facilities, and sit for a few minutes, just to regain my composure.

  I stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and take in the horrific sight. My hair is a bundle of matted knots. I dread having to eventually run a brush through it, knowing how painful it’s going to be. I lean forward to get an up close view of my cheek and the ugly cut. It looks like I did a pretty good job of cleaning most of the blood, leaving just a faint trace of dried blood that easily flakes away using my fingertip.

  Before returning to the car, I stop by the snack area and purchase a soft drink. Even though I’m very much wide awake, I need something to calm my nerves. I know it’s not safe for a single female to be traveling alone, especially on an unfamiliar highway this late at night. I pull my purse strap towards the front of my body and grip it tightly. Even though there are only a few other cars in the parking lot, I have yet to see anyone walking around. But one can never be too sure.

  I climb back in my car and press the lock button. I stare out the windshield, wondering just exactly where I’m headed. When the urge first hit me to leave, I didn’t give it a second thought. My ultimate goal was to get away as quickly as possible from Brian. Now, I am faced with making a decision that’s going to have a huge impact on my life. There have been too many issues with Brian, and I’m so exhausted trying to deal with them. I know the next altercation with him could be even worse than tonight, and I can’t risk my safety and the baby�
�s.

  I grab the phone from the passenger seat. I have not spoken to my parents since the middle of last week, so I’m not sure of their exact location right now. I know a sudden phone call to them this late at night would only get them panicking, and I don’t know if I am ready to explain everything to them yet. I could call Rebecca and assure her I’m okay, but I know it’s only going to raise a warning flag. Or, I could contact the one person I promised I would call if I ever needed anything. Todd.

  I think back to a few nights ago when Todd and I texted each other all night long. He assured me if I ever needed anything, anything at all, he was only a phone call away. And I believe he was being sincere. I honestly think Todd is one of those people who would give you the shirt off his back and give you his last dollar. People with his character are few and far between. He even made me promise I would stay in touch, like he really wanted me to.

  Now, I’m not sure if it’s because of the text I discovered from him before leaving the apartment tonight, but I have to wonder why I instinctively chose to take this direction on the interstate, the direction that could lead me to him, back to someone who made me feel safe and secure. Right now, I would give anything to feel the comfort he gave me the first time we met.

  I glance back at the last text and read it several times. I can’t make my eyes move away from the screen. Reading his words brings a calmness over my body; I can’t help but wonder about the ominous timing of his text. Once the screen fades to darkness, I feel the phone slip from my hands. It bumps the side of my leg as it lands on the floor, just between my feet. I feel a sudden twitch in my belly and I immediately move my hands to cover the area. I feel it once more, only this time a bit more pressure. As the fluttering sensation continues, I realize I am feeling the baby move for the first time. This is simply an amazing feeling. I can’t believe my baby is moving around inside my body. And just as soon as the feelings started, they quickly fade away. I move my hands around hoping to feel movement again, but everything is calm again.