Don't Kiss Them Good-bye

by Allison DuBois

  To help people to better understand mediums, I’m addressing some misconceptions about us. Sometimes a medium might appear cold or aloof. Mediums often find themselves withdrawing emotionally in a reading, to ensure that they can deliver all the information from the other side and bring closure to their client. For me, it’s sometimes a struggle to keep from getting pulled into the emotion of a reading. But I know that once I start getting emotional my concentration is gone, and this can weaken the clarity of my connection to the other side.

  The appearance of arrogance can also be a misconception. When mediums get a feeling for their accuracy levels, they know when they are right on target and so they feel confident. Since the rest of the world questions us, mediums learn quickly to either stand behind their information or keep their mouths closed. Many people misjudge mediums who believe in their own accuracy, deeming them arrogant, when actually these mediums had to become their own biggest believers in order to persevere.

  Younger mediums need to be confident in their information but remember to be humble and to appreciate that sitters are sharing their personal lives. Mediums are simply messengers, not miracle workers. Our main goal is to help and guide others, not to show off.

  I find solace in my family, the people to whom I’ve given closure, the other people with my gift, my guides, and my own sense of humor. If you’re a psychic who is in the closet, let me just say that you can try to ignore your gift, but embracing it feels much more natural.

  Remember that people can’t go to school to become psychic, and you can’t buy psychic skill, it’s a gift. Everyone has a unique knack for something in life; mine is talking to people who are deceased, and I like it. The dearly departed don’t have all the hang-ups that the living have and I find them easier to talk to.

  When I am preparing for a private reading, I know the other side is churning around me when my hands quickly become freezing. I refer to this as holding hands with the other side. It has taken me a while, but I’m used to it now. I just stick my hands on my husband, who warms them up for me. (He’s multitalented.)

  Finding a mentor or a psychic whom you can relate to helps a lot. I was fortunate enough to have a mentor, Catherine, a psychic-medium-astrologer who is top-notch at exercising her gift. In her, I found a teacher who broke the stereotypical mold of a psychic and enabled me to become comfortable with my gift. Not all psychics are creepy-looking women with crystal balls who go into scary trances and eat all-natural foods.

  Most of us are pretty normal. I love Dr Pepper; I drink it by the bucketful. Some people who are more spiritually inclined tell me that it impairs my psychic ability. I actually tried drinking a lot of soda to make the spirits go away. I can assure you, it didn’t work for me.

  In addition to drinking gallons of Dr Pepper, I like to wear suits, eat junk food, crank up my music, and watch scary movies (because they’re not real). I don’t spend my days meditating for hours. Despite its potential usefulness, I am far too impatient for it. Usually I do a five-minute quickie meditation asking my guides to bring through the information from the other side loud and clear and in the best interest of my client.

  I went to school to be a prosecuting attorney. I was an intern in homicide at a local district attorney’s office. I was trying to ignore my gift and go down the path more easily traveled, where you don’t have to fight people for common respect. I hid my gift and lived a parallel life with another agenda, but the gift is part of me and I must honor it. My guides tried to tell me that I had a different path to travel, that I wasn’t going to be a lawyer, but I wouldn’t listen.

  I am sharing this with those of you who feel that life is trying to take you in one direction and you want to go in another. I had my fingers in my ears and I was humming a tune to drown my guides out. I jumped through all the hoops and I took my LSATs because I was going to law school, darn it! Over a six-month period, I had more roadblocks thrown up in front of me than I could jump. Finally I looked at my husband and I said, “I don’t think I’m suppose to go to law school.” Joe had been wondering how long it would take me to figure that out.

  I have come to terms with the fact that there isn’t a big demand for psychic prosecuting attorneys; the politics are complicated, and I stand out too much. So I will listen to my calling and take on as many challenges as possible, testing my ability to the limit.

  I’m Still Human

  One of the downfalls of being a psychic is that you’re expected to know absolutely everything. Most people have no understanding of reading energy.

  Can you imagine what it’s like living as a perceived know-it-all? If your dishwasher breaks, you’re asked, “Didn’t you see that coming?” If your child slips and falls, you hear, “Why didn’t you know ahead of time; aren’t you a psychic?”

  First of all, it can take a lot of energy to turn up our volume, so we aren’t always paying attention; we are busy living, and we are only human. Also, psychics don’t see everything. Yes, we have a sixth sense, but our other five senses are fallible, so why is our sixth sense not permitted any leeway?

  Psychics can fall prey to all the normal human foibles. For instance, we have all had our eyes play tricks on us, where we think we see someone we know and then find out that it wasn’t who we thought it was after all. Or sometimes we don’t hear someone clearly when they speak to us. Often we think we hear our name being called and then find out that it was just voices on the television downstairs. Or we can’t remember where we put something.

  Sometimes the human senses mislead us. People frequently will confuse smells or make an incorrect guess about an ingredient in a friend’s recipe. This can happen with the sixth sense, too. Once I saw a client standing next to a “For Sale” sign in my vision. I asked her if she was selling her house. She said no. But I kept seeing her over and over again, next to the “For Sale” sign. Finally I asked her, “Are you thinking of becoming a real estate agent and selling houses for a living?” She said yes, she had been thinking lately of becoming a real estate agent.

  “It’s being made very clear to me that this is the direction for you to go,” I told her. When a vision keeps coming back, the other side is emphasizing something significant, like a person’s direction in life. In the vision, my client looked extremely happy and well off, which illustrates success to me. Psychics have to be careful deciphering what they see; it can be tricky. Trial and error is the only way for mediums to learn. Once we’ve experienced, say, the feeling for a heart attack, we recognize it the next time. Mediums need to experience the various types of death and emotions in order to have a reference to draw on to give a fantastic reading. But it takes practice.

  I once had a young woman in her twenties ask me to tell her about her health. I looked at her and said I felt a problem with her muscles and joints. I was being given carpal tunnel syndrome as an example of debilitation in her hands. I said that I didn’t feel the intense effects would occur just yet. She told me that she had multiple sclerosis. I asked her if she was in remission, and she said she was.

  I hadn’t read anyone with MS before, so I didn’t know the feeling associated with it. I was right about her symptoms but failed to identify the illness. I knew that her ailment was not severe at present and that she had some time before it would become challenging. Now I can recognize that feeling. Life experience increases a medium’s ability to read because she can understand what she senses better through repetition.

  There are occasions when psychic-mediums just know without having to concentrate, or when we are overwhelmed by a persistent spirit who wants our attention badly. Sometimes I’ll have a spirit scream a name in my ear until I repeat his message; sometimes the desire to get through outweighs good etiquette. We get what we get; it depends on the strength and clarity of the energy on the other side, our ability to receive the message, and the willingness of the loved one to whom we convey the message.

  Sometimes a living loved one is looking to hear a particular word. Despite highly specific
information given to them, they feel disappointed or annoyed if the reading doesn’t go according to their own agenda. Instead, the reading follows the agenda of their loved one on the other side.

  Look at it from a spirit’s perspective. Imagine you desperately want to talk to someone whom you have waited ten years to talk to. You only have thirty minutes to say everything that you want to say to them. You want to fill a void and be acknowledged as being with them in their present life. This may be your only shot at letting your loved one know how you feel. What would be important? What would you say? That you love them, that you are sorry, their name, names of people who are with them, memories or objects that have emotional value.

  You probably wouldn’t be worried about a code word; you’d be too busy expressing emotion, whether it was love, happiness, or regret. You’d want to touch your loved one’s heart. So if you’re lucky enough to make contact with a loved one, hear their message and allow them to touch you. Let go of your agenda.

  “Psychic” Is a Dirty Word

  One day I found myself on a show where a poll was taken of the audience to see who did or didn’t believe that mediums can communicate with the dead. The host said, “Who believes that psychics are frauds, and who’s gullible and misguided?”

  I couldn’t believe he would ask such a leading question to try and sway his audience. I was sitting quietly, waiting to do a taped reading for the show, when the camera crew began mocking the topic of the show. They were making ghost sounds and laughing hysterically. I mentally shut down and decided I didn’t care about the reading.

  The sitter ended up being skeptical and emotionally closed off anyway. It seemed as if she came in only to prove us wrong. I received confirmation on the two names provided by her father on the other side, but those relatives meant little to her, so she was unimpressed. She didn’t take into account that they meant a lot to her father. I also named a hugely important and unique object connected to her father’s death, but at that point we were informed our time was up.

  Oh well, I thought, at least it’s over. I had had only three and a half hours of sleep the night before, because of a five A.M. flight, so I was looking forward to a nap.

  Every time the word “psychic” was mentioned at this appearance it was delivered with sneers and contempt, like a dirty word. Anyone who admitted that he believed in psychics was ridiculed and quickly shot down. Such reactions aren’t limited to this particular show. That’s partly because of people who pass themselves off as psychics to con people out of money. You have to remember that every profession has its share of liars and criminals. Anyone who wants to consult a psychic should ask a friend for a recommendation or ask for references to avoid being conned.

  As a medium who had definitely paid her dues, I didn’t appreciate being ridiculed by a group of relative strangers. But this experience was a blessing in disguise. Wondering why I bother to be a public figure in this field, I learned a valuable lesson: to not let hostile nonbelievers drive me from my path in life.

  As I say, nobody breaks a glass ceiling without being cut.

  What Makes a Skeptic?

  When a skeptic hears the word “psychic,” he will usually go on the defensive right away. There is a stigma attached to the word, but I have learned to never be ashamed to own the ability. To see things that most can’t or won’t is nothing less than a wondrous gift.

  There is nothing wrong with being something of a skeptic. Skeptics are on the fence. They aren’t sure one way or the other and they’re not easily persuaded. If they receive detailed, specific information, they can become believers. If they don’t hear what they need to, they continue to have doubts about the afterlife, but remain somewhat open to the possibility. I can understand and wholeheartedly respect their stance. Not only are they entitled to their beliefs, they are wise to have a healthy sense of doubt.

  Angry skeptics are a different story. These are people who project their anger stemming from the loss of someone close to them onto issues dealing with the unknown. They tend to have abandonment issues. An angry skeptic can also be a person who feels superior in intelligence to the rest of society, therefore thinking everyone else is dumb or gullible. They also tend to see any sign of emotion as weakness.

  They make mediums the target of their anger as they protect the less capable from us. They tend to talk loudly to drown out a medium’s response to their question, which was really more a statement, anyway. They tend to make ridiculous arguments against the other side: “I talk to my dead aunt but she doesn’t talk back.” It never occurs to angry skeptics that they are so closed off that they are incapable of hearing those who have passed on. Plus, they obviously lack mediumistic energy. The entire population isn’t expected to hear the dead.

  Angry skeptics tend to present arguments such as “Mediums are too general.” Okay, sometimes people die of heart attacks and some are named Michael, like my dad. Should a medium not acknowledge the spirit of a loved one because his death wasn’t unique enough or his name is too common? Mediums acknowledge whoever comes through, and it would be stupid of us to ignore a spirit because it doesn’t meet with skeptics’ approval. The general information has to be delivered; it’s a part of the spirit. However, some personally specific information should surface as well.

  I came to the realization that I could spend my entire life trying to please difficult people like this, but what a waste of time and energy that would be. Besides, they are a minuscule group. For a long time I felt it necessary to acknowledge angry skeptics personally, to try to make them understand that what mediums do is the most innately human of functions: We connect. But now I ignore these people.

  If an angry skeptic won’t acknowledge the spiritual aspect of the afterlife and won’t acknowledge our scientific approach to the afterlife, then it’s his own hang-up. If a person is raising his voice and turning red when talking about life after death, then he needs to assess why he feels so enraged and whether he needs to seek help with issues.

  What are angry skeptics so afraid of? That most people do believe in an afterlife and this forces them to acknowledge their life choices? That their words and actions are being witnessed by those they’ve lost? Angry skeptics are the same people who insisted the world was flat. They are afraid of what they might find if they explore the unknown. Now that healthy skeptics and unhealthy skeptics have been defined, here’s to staying healthy!

  Boundaries

  It’s so important for everyone to create boundaries in her life. Here is an example of one that I felt I owed it to myself to draw. Young mediums need to consider what makes them comfortable with their gifts. They are also entitled to establish boundaries and know that they deserve the same courtesy as everyone else.

  If I had a quarter for every time I had a person look at me and say, “I am a skeptic, but tell me, how many kids do I have,” or “What am I thinking of right now?”

  As if I live simply to provide amusement.

  I will not pick lottery numbers for skeptics or entertain them at social gatherings. Skeptics need to remember that mediums are people with lives and we deserve to be treated with respect. It’s not necessary to offend us, especially at a social function. I can respect a skeptic not believing in the other side—that’s their belief; respect mine.

  On the other hand, on many occasions a skeptic has left a reading with an appreciation of the other side and a new outlook on life after death. I find former skeptics to be some of the most emphatic believers in spirits and the idea of eternal existence. People have an idea of what they would have to hear to be convinced that a spirit is communicating with the living. Once a person has heard what they hoped to hear, a weight seems to be lifted from their shoulders; this can be felt by all who witness it.

  Also, a person who has had a remarkable reading usually finds a sense of renewed spirituality. They would be very likely to tune out nay-sayers because they have connected with the other side, and this bond is not easily broken.

  My g
ift is used to help people who really need and want closure, people who are inspired to reconnect with a loved one and tie up any loose ends. Some people are in search of guidance or need to know what motivates someone in their life. This allows them to have a clear picture of what they’re dealing with so that they can make the best choice for their situation.

  I am more than happy to be specific and give compelling information from the other side, but I don’t think that mediums owe everybody in the world proof that we exist. I believe there is a higher power, and this higher power didn’t create us just to let us die. We are never ending. We are spiritual beings capable of communicating with the spirits of our loved ones even beyond physical death.

  Legitimate psychics also have to live with many stigmas. For example, there are a lot of con artists out there who give legitimate mediums a bad name. This irritates me, of course. It’s just wrong. Once I had a client ask me if I was going to charge her for lighting candles that would ward off bad spirits. I hadn’t heard of this before and I asked her what she was talking about. She told me that she had been to a psychic who had ten- to fifty-dollar candles. The psychic said that these would ward off bad spirits that were causing the difficulty in the client’s life.

  If you ever go to a psychic and they try to sell you anything by telling you that without it that your future is bleak, turn around and walk out immediately. A psychic will occasionally suggest that you burn sage if your home feels negative or if you feel a presence that bothers you, but they in no way should profit from a fifty-cent stick of sage. They might suggest a book, if you inquire about reading material or a source of information. Avoid a psychic who says you will go to hell or never find love, or that anything else terrible will happen, if you don’t light a hundred-dollar candle or something of that sort.