Don't Kiss Them Good-bye

by Allison DuBois

  Good psychics will not want their clients to be dependent on them for every move that they make in their lives. We want our clients to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and make the most out of their lives, and, most important, to be happy.

  So please remember to not lump all psychics together. If you go to a psychic for a reading and she tells you that your grandma is with you, don’t shut down. Ask the medium to tell you about your grandma. You need not offer details about your loved one. Let the medium give the details.

  When the reading is over, it’s fine to elaborate on the information given to you by the medium. Be very clear that a legitimate medium should have no problem giving you personal details about your deceased loved one. It’s what makes us mediums! We can communicate with the dead.

  If the medium has provided you with specific details without hints from you, then also accept the generalities that will probably accompany the reading, such as illnesses and heart attacks. If you take the specifics, you have to take the generalities, too. A good medium should be able to put your mind at ease.

  If a medium gives you extraordinary personal details, then allow yourself to be touched no matter how skeptical you feel. If you don’t, you’re doing a disservice to yourself and your loved one. If you are aware that you are feeling emotionally blocked, then accept that you’re not ready to be convinced. Timing is important, and some people are just not ready to connect with the afterlife. Don’t worry; that’s okay.

  I know that a lot of skeptics will say that psychics don’t want to deal with them because they will reveal our shortcomings. This couldn’t be further from the truth. The truth is that skeptics tend to have an energy that is vile and repelling. It doesn’t matter what information a psychic comes through with, because this kind of skeptic will deny, deny, deny. For us psychics, spending time with a skeptic like this is like beating our head against a wall, and we will not waste our time or energy on a person like that.

  When you go to a reading, by all means don’t be a pushover and don’t try to force the information given by a psychic to fit your situation; be objective. All I ask is that you be open to receiving messages and remember it’s not your agenda, it’s what the other side has in mind that will be heard. This doesn’t mean that you won’t get the information you seek; it means that you will receive a kaleidoscope of information from the other side, so listen carefully.

  When I read a client, I try not to edit the information coming through. If the information serves no other purpose than to injure, I have had occasion to hold back, but that’s rare. It’s not that the spirits intend to hurt the client, but they may have a message to be passed on to another relative and see the opportunity to achieve their goal.

  If a spirit did something that he was ashamed of while he was alive and now wants to reveal the truth in death, this can be a problem. I did a reading during which an infidelity was revealed and an apology was conveyed to be passed on to another relative. I shared this with my client, who hadn’t known about the affair, and she was understandably upset by the news.

  My information was later confirmed by her father, giving my information validity, but at what price? Now my client has information about someone she loves that is, to say the very least, unflattering. The apology didn’t give anyone closure and it changed the way a young woman remembers her grandfather.

  Since that reading, I look at the information that I am provided to see if it serves a purpose other than to injure my client. The third party a message is being passed to is not my main concern; it’s my client who comes first. This is the only circumstance where I intentionally withhold information, and again, it is rare. This episode caused me to create a code of ethics for myself. Sometimes it’s as simple as common sense. Mediums must maintain high moral standards. After all, we’ve been given a great responsibility.

  Clients inquiring about a spouse or lover aren’t always happy with my predictions about their relationship, but I am always direct and I deliver all the information that I am provided. Of course, I wish everyone a happy romance. Unfortunately, I can’t always tell my client that their relationship is forever. Keep in mind that gifted people can advise you in relationships, but we find more often than not that we are simply confirming something you already sensed yourself.

  I have something to add for those who have discovered psychic abilities but aren’t sure what to do with them: Just because you have a special gift does not mean you are obligated to turn it into your profession. Not all people with the gift function well advising others. It’s absolutely okay to have another profession and direct your sixth sense toward expanding your success in that field. You also can choose to simply be a very spiritual person and funnel your gift into being a very well-balanced human being. Look outside the box for answers, because that’s what the sixth sense is all about.

  Standards

  I have learned to embrace my gift and know that it was given to me for a reason. I am well aware of how special my ability is, but I also know that responsibility comes with any gift. I have to use discretion and good judgment with it. For instance, if I am in a restaurant and see an elderly woman with her husband’s spirit standing beside her, I can’t just go up to her and share this with her.

  I have a rule that unless the circumstances are right and I am asked for my input, I do not comment to strangers. I have to be careful about sharing information. I don’t want to impinge on people’s lives, especially with something that will impact them emotionally. I do this out of respect for people’s individual beliefs.

  I hold myself to a high standard, but I try to keep in mind that nobody is 100 percent all of the time. I am human and will not be consumed by impossible expectations. I am not a medium who shoots for what I call Kleenex points. I have seen people with my gift thrive on crying insincerely with their clients. Making people cry should not make you feel better about yourself. You can phrase a message in a less traumatic, more sensitive manner.

  For example, if a son comes through and wants to convey to his mother that he loves her, that’s no big surprise, so I would respond with the following: “Your son is expressing his love for you. He is acknowledging your mother-son connection.” I have delivered the message in a kind way, sparing my client drama. That is nicer than saying, “Your son is expressing that nobody will ever love him the way you did and he’s sorry that he caused you heartbreak. Life together would have been bliss.”

  Sometimes the medium has to interpret the feeling that is being conveyed, and the interpretation can play a part in how the message is delivered: dramatically, thoughtfully, angrily. One person might prefer a dramatic reading, whereas another might find that offensive. If you want a reading from a psychic, get a referral from someone you feel has good judgment.

  You want to be able to connect with your chosen medium, so spend a minute on the phone (if possible) and ask what you might expect from your reading. If you get a good feeling about the person, you have a better chance of your reading being everything you want it to be. Remember, don’t give the medium personal information up front. Let them tell you specific details about yourself first. This will add impact and meaning to your reading.

  After I’ve delivered the messages, I move through the reading, going back to special objects and memories from the deceased to authenticate their presence. Although it’s important for the sitter to hear the loved one’s message, it will be better received if she can reflect on the details later and remember the validating moments from her reading. I do not drag out and milk the sadness in readings. Tears are a common occurrence in a reading, but I prefer to bring out more happy elements.

  My family is a different story; my usual rules may not apply. If I know that a family member is going to have a heart attack, I have to tell her, even if she’s not open to what I do. My family is stuck with me and my gift. If I deliver the messages, I am fulfilling my obligation to them and to my calling.

  Joe’s deceased father came through to me one night.
He was pacing back and forth beside our bed and the floorboards were creaking. (What a stereotypical haunt—creaking floorboards!) To my delight, Joe could hear his dad’s efforts; for once I wasn’t alone. We lay in bed for twenty minutes listening to Dad walk back and forth next to our bed. I just pulled the comforter over my head and tried to ignore him.

  “What does he want?” Joe asked.

  “I don’t want to know. I’m tired.”

  “Allison, come on, ask him,” Joe said.

  “He says your brother needs to go to the doctor, but I’m not gonna tell him. He won’t listen anyway.”

  The next night, as Joe and I got ready for bed, our alarm system went off. Joe checked it out and thought he had fixed the problem, even though we couldn’t find the source of the activation. We went to sleep. At around 1:30 A.M. our alarm sounded again.

  “Ask your guides what’s wrong with the alarm,” Joe said.

  I asked and they answered: “The yellow wire is loose.”

  I repeated this to Joe and swore that as soon as I got up the alarm company was as good as there. I told Joe that his father was setting off the alarm, meaning he was alarmed about his son’s health. The next morning a repairman from our alarm company came out. I asked him if the alarm system had a yellow wire, and if so, what it did. He said that there was a yellow wire and that it was connected to the face panel.

  Of course, this meant nothing to me. The repairman went upstairs and grabbed a chair to stand on. The alarm box with the wiring in it was at the very top of my closet. He popped open the door and flashed his light on the wiring.

  “Well, this is strange,” he said. “The yellow wire is disconnected. When they hook these things up they secure the wiring.” I saw it register on the repairman’s face that the yellow wire I’d asked about was indeed loose. I wondered if he thought I did it on purpose to lure him there. I found it amusing to let his mind wander. Oh, well. The truth would probably have been harder for him to take anyway.

  I called Joe and told him that it was in fact the yellow wire that was loose. Joe decided to call his brother at work the next morning. Joe was nervous. All we could hope for was that his brother would be somewhat open to the information and would go to the doctor for a checkup. Joe’s brother works at a large engineering company and is very logical.

  Joe called his brother’s office. As soon as his brother picked up his business line, the company fire alarm was set off. Joe was stunned. His brother commented on how strange it was that his company’s alarm had been triggered and that he’d have to call Joe back because he couldn’t hear him over the alarm. Joe’s dad had really gone all out to emphasize his message. Joe felt truly touched by this He eventually passed the message on to his brother, but unfortunately my stubborn brother-in-law was not convinced to go to the doctor; he prefers to wait and see.

  Chapter 11

  Do You Really

  Want to Know?

  A difficult aspect of being psychic is that sometimes people want to kill the messenger. Every now and then a client will be told something he does not want to hear and will turn on you. Sometimes it’s easier to not believe a psychic than to face a difficult choice. I find that this occurs frequently with married people who want me to tell them what they want to hear.

  “Do you really want to know everything?” I ask before I release sensitive information to clients. Frankly, some people don’t, and I respect that. I am asking them to consider whether they want the impact of my information.

  Often I learn I have pinpointed an area of weakness in their relationship that must be worked on to prevent a split. Sometimes the relationship is beyond saving because one or both parties have already disconnected. There have been many occasions where an infidelity has taken place and I have shared the month that an affair will resume or end. I receive plenty of confirmation of my information, and since it’s not always good news, I feel for my client.

  I have decided that I will not answer certain questions about marriage. I won’t answer if someone asks whether they made a mistake in marrying someone, or whether they really belong with someone else. I won’t tell someone their marriage won’t last. I am leery of upsetting someone’s life, even if the information has been requested.

  Most married people who have questions about their marriage already know where they stand with their spouses. I always tell clients to remember to live their lives as they wish and just use my information as an extra tool.

  Part of advising people is learning to let go of the idea of making things right for everyone else. We mediums set boundaries for ourselves so we don’t carry the weight of the world’s problems on our shoulders. Help those you can, and respect people enough to let them find their own way in life. For those of you with a humanitarian save-the-world energy: I commend you, but please pick your fights carefully and don’t let them destroy you.

  Live!

  I was watching Oprah in July 2001 (yes, I watch Oprah!) when a man was featured who had nearly died in a plane crash twenty or so years earlier. He decided that if he survived he’d live life to the fullest and work to make a difference. He survived his close call and set out to really embrace life.

  He was so inspiring! He made a list of one hundred things that he wanted to do before he died and so far he had accomplished around seventy of those things. I made a list of my own and wanted to share it with you and implore you to make your own list. As a matter of fact, you are reading one of my top ten goals on my to-do list: a book!

  Near-death experiences seem to inspire people to live life to the fullest. Spare yourself the near-death experience—learn from others instead, and live! Life is like lightning, it’s here and gone in an instant. Have a ball and share your beautiful gifts with others. Mentor a child, donate your time or money to a worthy cause like a hospice, or sign an organ donor card, it’s free! Take it from me, you won’t need your kidneys on the other side, and there is no more powerful gift than giving someone a new lease on life. Whatever you choose, pick something that moves you, something that reaches into the very core of who you are.

  I always tap into the child who dwells within me, in order to not miss out on the little things in life. Remember when you were little and you wanted to save homeless animals and you couldn’t understand why your parents were less than enthusiastic about taking in a pet that really needed you? You felt lucky to encounter a stray. Somehow you thought that you had been sent a special gift.

  Growing up shouldn’t mean giving up. Why do you think we stare at children in awe of their innocence and their unassuming discovery of life? We do this because part of us recognizes and misses that part of ourselves. Children are humanitarians naturally; most adults have to work at it. Either way, it’s an inspiring characteristic.

  Do you remember when you didn’t understand why there were people in the world who were hungry? I remember my mom telling me that there were hungry people all over the world who would love to have the rest of my dinner. With childlike sincerity I suggested getting an envelope and sending them my dinner.

  Today I have taken my childhood suggestion and applied it in an adult capacity. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas I write a check for holiday dinners at homeless shelters. I can’t end world hunger, but I can make the holidays better for some people and let them know that they matter. Some people figure that if they can’t end world hunger entirely, then they won’t do anything at all, because it’s easier to forget about a problem than to acknowledge that it exists and take action.

  You must find the part of yourself that dared to dream that you could make a difference in people’s lives. You can still create a positive ripple effect in the world. If you stop striving to connect with people you become isolated and self-absorbed. Growing up means that we gain the power to accomplish goals in the adult world, but somewhere along the way we start overlooking lost kittens and homeless people because it’s easier to shut down than to feel for those in need.

  I am not saying to make your house into
an animal shelter. I am saying to look around and notice who needs help, and see what you might be able to do for them.

  As for panhandlers, I am not comfortable giving money to people on the streets, but I will extend kindness in the form of fast food. On more than one occasion I’ve noticed a homeless person standing by the road asking for money near a drive-through. I like to pick up an extra hamburger or something and give it to them. I have received two different responses: the person is hungry and truly appreciates the food and the gesture, or the person is a con-artist playing on people’s guilt.

  Charity feeds the soul, but don’t be a sucker. You don’t have to save the world; just appreciate its complex beauty. There are many ways to make a difference, and they all start with reaching out. Sometimes I almost feel selfish being charitable because it makes me feel so euphoric. Those I’ve helped have given me a spiritual boost. Positive energy feeds on itself and comes back to you.

  I wrote this chapter for people who feel empty inside, who are searching for a purpose or just want to feel good. It never hurts to take inventory of your soul. Are you fulfilled? Have you accomplished everything in life that you said you would? What do you stand for? Have you made a difference in someone’s life? Look in the mirror and get to know who you grew up to be. Being a fulfilled person means that at the end of your physical life you have no real regrets.

  Another Side

  I am sometimes asked if people really go to hell. On two similar occasions, I could bring through a spirit, but I couldn’t get the spirit to engage in dialogue with the sitter. In one instance, I looked at my client and started describing some dark characteristics about her father. Besides his alcoholism and his frequent physical abuse of his family, he was also an adulterer and engaged in some deviant sexual behavior, which included seeing prostitutes.