Intended for Bristol

by L. P. Dover

  My mind wasn’t in the game. I could hear the people in the stadium cheering, but nothing was going to help me. When I walked into the locker room, Coach Joel was giving his speech and all heads turned my way. I was late.

  I didn’t bother looking at anyone, just headed to the open spot between Derek and Aaron. I still had to put on my gear, but I figured it would be best to wait until Joel was finished. The last thing I needed was more of his wrath. There was no doubt he was going to ream my ass once he was done with his speech. I had texted Derek and told him what was going on, but I knew he wouldn’t have told anybody.

  I stood beside Derek and he moved closer. “You okay?” he asked, whispering the words as quietly as he could.

  Shaking my head, I kept my gaze on the coach. “Not really. My mom doesn’t have long.”

  “Fuck, that’s not good. I’m so sorry, J.”

  Everything Coach Joel said went in one ear and out the other until finally all the guys dispersed. Their energy filled the room, but for the first time since I started playing, I wasn’t feeling it.

  “Dude, what’s going on? Why were you late?” Aaron asked.

  “Reed!” Coach Joel shouted. Releasing a heavy sigh, I closed my eyes and slowly turned around.

  Derek patted my shoulder and I nodded toward Aaron. “Go ahead and tell him. This might take a while.”

  He nodded sadly and I stepped past him toward Joel, whose teeth were clenched so tight I could see his muscles tic. I followed him down the hall to his office, where he slammed the door behind me. “What the fuck is your problem, Reed? You show up late and walk in like it’s an inconvenience for you to be here. Are you trying to get suspended?”

  “No, Coach. I just have some personal issues right now.”

  He scoffed. “Well, unless your mother’s dying or you have an incurable disease, there’s no excuse for being late.”

  My head snapped up and I growled. There were so many things I wanted to say, but with all of my emotions warring inside of me I knew I’d get kicked off the team. I was angry at life for allowing cancer to take it away, at God for letting it happen to my mother, and in a way, at my own mother for accepting death. She was leaving us and there was nothing I could do to keep her here.

  When Joel noticed my reaction, his eyes softened and he sighed. “Please tell me your mother isn’t dying?”

  I lowered my gaze. “I wish I could, Coach. She only has a matter of days left. I was late because I was spending as much time with her as I could.”

  “Dammit, Jaxon,” he said, placing his hands on my shoulders. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t usually tell people my personal business. Plus, it’s not something that’s easy to talk about.”

  “I understand that, but if you needed time to be with her then you should’ve told me so you could stay with her. Family is more important than the game.”

  Taking a deep breath, I lifted my head and faced him. “It is, but my mother wanted to watch me play. And if you don’t mind, I might stay in Tampa a few more days.”

  He nodded in understanding. “Take all the time you need. I would’ve given anything to spend more time with my mother before she died.”

  “Thanks, Coach. I appreciate it.”

  Swallowing hard, I walked out of his office and back to the locker room. Derek was talking to some of the guys on the team, the ones that were actually my friends. Ryan and Blaine, along with several of the others, laughed and carried on in the other corner as if nothing in the world mattered to them. I wanted to feel like that again. Caring about things hurt, and it fucking sucked.

  Aaron slapped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. “I’m so sorry, man. Just know that we’re here for you.” The other guys in our group all nodded and murmured words of encouragement before marching out of the locker room.

  “Did you tell Joel?” Derek asked.

  Nodding, I hurried and put on my gear. “He knows. I told him I’m going to spend some time out here this week before heading home. We don’t have a game next weekend, so it’s not like I’m missing much.”

  “True,” he said sadly. Then his gaze shifted to someone over my shoulder. I turned around and it was Evan. Derek placed a hand on my shoulder. “I’ll see you both out there.”

  He hurried out, leaving Evan and me alone in the room. “I wanted to say I’m sorry about your mother.”

  “Thanks.” He held out his hand and I shook it. “And now that I have you talking to me, I wanted to tell you I’m sorry as well. I’ve been meaning to do it for some time now. Nothing can excuse what I did to you and Summer. It was stupid and it never should’ve happened.”

  He let my hand go. “You’re right, it shouldn’t have. But I know firsthand how people can change. I’ve seen it with you over the past few months.”

  I chuckled. “Derek and Hayden had a lot to do with that. I don’t know what I would’ve done without them.”

  “I couldn’t agree more. Now finish up so we can win this game.” He patted my shoulder and took off out of the room. We had to win the game. It was most likely the last one my mother was going to see.

  —

  We were losing by six points, and we were in the last quarter with only two minutes to spare. Anything could happen in that time. All we needed was a touchdown and a field goal to win. All of Ryan’s passes to Evan were getting blocked. The Arizona players knew that he was the main one to target since he was the best. That left Gavin and McCarthy. Gavin was Evan’s sidekick, a rookie with unsuspected talent. Not many considered him a threat, but I’d been watching him over the past year since he started working one-on-one with Evan.

  “Who do you think Delaney will throw it to?” Derek asked.

  I didn’t even want to watch, but I was a glutton for punishment. It was disheartening to know we were going to lose to Arizona. “Probably McCarthy,” I grumbled low. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him throw it to Gavin.”

  Time was running out and we were third and ten, so close to making that touchdown. Our team had no choice but to take the risk. If they’d called me in for a field goal, it would have given us only three points. It wouldn’t have been enough to win the game. The guys got in formation and my heart raced. The ball snapped to Delaney and he held it in his grasp, his head jerking left and right to find the perfect target. When no one was open, he did the unexpected…he took off for the end zone.

  I jumped to my feet and the crowd went wild. “Holy shit, he’s going for it.”

  Everything moved in slow motion as he jumped in the air, sailing over fallen bodies as they tried to tackle him. With his hand outstretched, the ball made it over the line before he was taken to the ground. Derek shouted and raced to the sidelines as the whole team came in with higher spirits. The game was tied, which left it all up to me. My kick would determine whether we won the game or not.

  “Reed, you’re up!” Coach Joel shouted.

  Taking a deep breath, I rushed onto the field and got into position. “You got this,” Aaron said, kneeling down to hold the ball. He looked up at me and nodded. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears and the breath escaping my lungs. The wind blew swiftly to the left, which always made predicting the direction of the kick that much harder.

  Around my neck was my mother’s necklace, so I pulled it out and clutched the cross in my hand. “This one’s for you, Mama.”

  Rearing my leg back, my foot connected with the ball and it went soaring in the air. It was a beautiful kick, but I could see the effects of the wind pushing it over toward the goalpost. “Dammit, stay in,” I growled.

  It felt like an eternity, but the ball ended up going straight in through the posts. I’d never doubted myself before, but the pressure of having the game depend on you could be great. Derek raced toward me and lifted me in the air, hollering the entire time.

  “Fuck yeah, you did it!”

  The clock ran out and it was done; we won. I didn’t feel like celebrating
, but I waved at the crowd and smiled before disappearing behind the scenes. Being in the spotlight had its ups and downs. In front of the camera, you had to constantly be on. You never knew when people would be lurking in the shadows to capture those down-and-dirty moments. Take, for instance, that night with Sadie. I was surprised nothing else had surfaced from her lies. Hopefully, that bitch was done with me.

  The guys were pumped and shouting with excitement as we all walked back to the locker room. “You going straight to your mother’s house?” Derek asked, bumping me with his shoulder.

  I tore off my uniform and stuffed it in my bag. “Yeah. I don’t feel like celebrating.”

  He held out his hand and when I took it, he pulled me in for a hug. As much as I wanted to deny it, I really needed the comfort of a friend. “See ya back at home, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

  “Will do, D. Thanks.” Instead of taking a shower, I put my clothes right on and rushed out of the locker room. I knew there were going to be reporters waiting to take pictures, but as soon as I bolted out the door, I took off for the car. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to the press.

  My phone beeped and it was a text message from Bristol.

  Bristol: Thinking about you.

  I wanted to call her and tell her how we won the game, but then remembered that I couldn’t do that. Instead, I texted her back.

  Me: Always thinking of you. Call you soon.

  I pulled into my old neighborhood, and the second I saw the police car and ambulance in front of my mother’s house, my stomach dropped. Brent sat by the front door with his head in his hands. I jerked the car into the yard and rushed out onto the front porch.

  “Brent!” His head snapped up, his eyes red and swollen. “What the fuck’s going on?”

  Lips trembling, he wiped the tears off his face. “She’s gone, Jax. There’s nothing they can do.”

  The two paramedics walked out of the house, one a short, dark-haired female and the other a tall male with a bald head. They both glanced sympathetically at us and retreated into the ambulance. I was about to rush inside when a police officer and another man walked out.

  The cop was Grant Higgins, a guy Brent went to high school with. He squeezed Brent’s shoulder and held out his hand to me. “I’m sorry for your loss, Jaxon. Mrs. Reed was an amazing woman.” I couldn’t muster a reply, so I stood there dumbfounded. She couldn’t be gone; I had seen her just a few short hours ago.

  The other man held out his hand. He was probably in his late forties, with graying brown hair. According to the logo on his shirt, he had to be the coroner. “Jaxon, I’m Ernest Rimmel and a good friend of your mother’s. We grew up together as kids.”

  “Mom wanted me to call him when the time came,” Brent added.

  Nodding, I shook his hand. However, deep down I could feel my resolve slipping away. I didn’t want to hear any more condolences. “Have you called the funeral home yet?” he asked my brother.

  Brent sighed. “Yes, they should be here soon.”

  They started talking about shit I didn’t care about and I couldn’t take it anymore. Pushing past them, I bolted inside and headed straight toward her room. I wanted to see her. However, before I got to the door, I stopped to draw in a ragged breath. Everything was quiet, so achingly still that I could hear my heart beating in my ears. I turned the corner to her room and froze when I saw her lying in the bed. At a glance, you’d think she was sleeping, but when you looked at her chest there was no movement. Her head was to the side, and in her arms she held the teddy bear I used to sleep with as a child. Tears fell down my cheeks, all hot and foreign as they hit my skin. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to cry. The ache in my chest was what killed me. When my father died, I mourned him, but the pain was nothing compared to how I felt now.

  I sat down beside her, placing my hand over hers. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I never should’ve gone to that game.”

  “Yes, you should have,” Brent murmured from the doorway. He walked over and sat down across from me. When his gaze landed on the bear, he broke into tears too. “She held that thing the entire game. There were many nights I caught her sleeping with it. She said it made her feel close to you.” He chuckled and ran a finger over the bear’s fur. “You used to carry that thing around everywhere.”

  “I know.” The thought made me smile. I could still remember the day our parents gave it to me. They had come home from their first trip out of town without me and Brent. We had stayed with my grandmother while they were gone and I remembered missing them, especially my mother.

  A knock sounded on the front door and Brent stood. “The guys from the funeral home are here. I’ll let them in.” He kissed our mother’s forehead and sucked back the tears. “I love you, Mama.” Without another glance, he stumbled out of the room. It had to have been hard seeing our mother’s health failing every day for the past couple of years. If my father were alive, it would have torn him apart. He loved my mother more than life itself.

  Leaning over, I kissed her cheek. “Goodbye, Mama. I know Dad will be happy he has you back.”

  The guys from the funeral home waited silently by the door. My mother still clutched the teddy bear, but I carefully slipped it out of her hold and held it to my chest; it smelled just like her. I walked out of the room and joined Brent in the hallway.

  “At least she’s not suffering anymore,” he murmured in a low voice.

  I placed a hand on his shoulder and bowed my head when they wheeled her body out of the bedroom to the car. We watched them drive away and I could feel the hole in my heart growing bigger. She was gone.

  “Thank you for taking care of her all this time. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help you.”

  He shrugged. “You had a life outside of here, Jax. I don’t blame you for that. Mom and Dad were so proud of you. You should’ve seen her face when she watched you tonight—especially that last kick.”

  Eyes wide, I faced him, my eyes burning like hot coals. “She saw that? That was the end of the game.” That meant she had passed away less than an hour after that final kick.

  His jaw clenched and he nodded. “She watched you hoisted in the air by your friends and carried off the field. It was as if that was what she had to see before she took her last breath. I got up to get her some water and when I got back, she was gone.”

  We stood in silence while I processed the information. If I’d just gotten back sooner, I might have been able to see her alive one last time. Brent placed a hand on my shoulder and sighed before going back inside. I sat down on the porch steps and pulled out my phone.

  Bristol answered on the first ring, her voice smooth and angelic; it instantly calmed me. “Jack, hey, how are you?” I swallowed hard and I tried to talk, but the words just weren’t coming. “Jack?”

  “I’m here.”

  “Oh my God, what’s wrong?” I didn’t have to answer because she already knew. “Jack, I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I wish I were there with you.”

  I wiped away the tears. “Me too, love.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  Closing my eyes, I lay back on the porch, envisioning her in my mind. “Just keep talking. I want to hear your voice.”

  Chapter 17

  Bristol

  The sun always rises; even when it was hidden behind the clouds it was always there. We’d had rain for the past week, but this morning was different. The sun shone bright, the cars glittering below as they rode the streets of downtown. I could smell the hint of coffee coming from down the hall, but I didn’t want to leave the window to get any. The glass was cold from the frosty November morning, but the sun would soon shine against it and make it warm. However, no amount of beautiful skies or delectable coffee could take me away from my thoughts. All I could think about was Jack, hoping he was okay.

  He had been gone for over a week and I was dying to see him. The only link I had to him was Angela, who stopped by to drop off dinners
for me. It made me fall for him even more. She said she had made enough for three days, but her idea of a portion size was completely different from mine. Those three meals lasted me the entire week. I was hoping she’d be able to tell me a little more about how Jack was feeling, but even she hadn’t talked to him much.

  During our phone calls to each other, Jack barely had anything to say. All he wanted was for me to talk, and that was just what I did. I spoke of nothing but random stuff, but it seemed to get his mind off his mother. There were even a couple of times I heard him laugh, which led me to believe he’d bounce back. Now all I waited on was the phone call saying he was coming home. Every day I waited to hear those words, but they hadn’t come.

  It was late Monday morning and I’d just finished up with a client. Now that my boss and his wife were back, my schedule had lightened up a bit. However, when it was time for their baby to be born I knew it would pick up again. I was happy to have the clientele.

  A knock sounded on my door and I turned to find Korinne sticking her head in. “Speak of the devil, I was just thinking about you.” I laughed.

  Korinne Matthews was beautiful, her golden-blond hair always perfect with waves down her back. When I was in college, she was my idol. She’d been in numerous magazines for the work she did designing clients’ homes. People all over the country wanted her expertise.

  She walked in, dressed in a royal-blue skirt and cream top, her skin sun-kissed and glowing from being on vacation. “Hopefully, it was all good stuff,” she said, joining me by the window.

  “Of course it was. And congrats on the baby. Galen told me the day before you two left. I have to say you look amazing; I can totally see the glow.”

  Grinning from ear to ear, she rested a hand on her stomach. “Thank you. It’s been a miracle. For a time there, I didn’t think I could have kids. Now I’ll have two.” She glanced out the window and sighed before turning back to me. “How did your appointments go? I wanted to make sure you weren’t completely swamped while we were gone.”