Broken and Screwed 2 (The BS Series)

by Tijan

  “Emerson doesn’t do girlfriends. Not in the committed sense.”

  Bri shoved her way through the crowd and plopped a pitcher on the table. When Luke moved to pay, she shook her head. “It’s on me. Just do me a favor and keep my brother out of my hair. He’s already in the back trying to bartend.”

  Luke grinned. “He’s getting in the way?”

  “He tried to use the megaphone to start a stripping contest. I’m not having one of those again.”

  “Yeah. Tell him I need to talk to him. He’ll come over here.”

  She nodded and turned. But instead of having to push her way through again, the crowd parted for her. A few girls seemed scared of her even. It wasn’t long before the drummer sauntered over. His shirt was gone. I started giggling. I thought he’d been wearing one on stage. Images of girls ripping it off him came to me and I pressed my nose against Jesse’s chest. I couldn’t hold the laughter back. As Jesse adjusted so I was more comfortable on him, he leaned back and I heard Luke comment, “I met your dad the other day.”

  Jesse stiffened underneath me. “Oh yeah?”

  “We’re doing a song for one of his movies.”

  His tension only doubled before he heard the drummer comment, “Your dad’s a dick, man.”

  “Braden.”

  “What? He is. Makes total sense why your dude hangs out at The Shack with us.”

  Now I was the one that had stiffened. Had Jesse been going there again? Without me? He swept a hand down my back as if sensing my concerns and murmured in my ear, “Only once when you weren’t talking to me. I got drunk with these guys that night.”

  The drummer spoke up, laughing, “And we met his new girlfriend. She’s a piece.”

  “Braden, you’re drunk.”

  “Whatever, Luke. You said he was a dick too.”

  “And you’re talking to his son. We don’t want to piss him off.”

  “You said Jesse was cool.”

  “It’s fine, Luke.” Jesse’s voice rumbled from deep in his chest. “And you’re right. My dad is a dick. I hope he wasn’t too much of a douchebag to you guys.”

  “Nah.” Luke sounded relieved. “His girlfriend’s a fan and when he found out I knew you, he was really nice. Not that he’s going to be mean to us, you know. We’re doing the theme song for his movie.”

  “Hey, man.” I heard Jamie interrupt. He sounded like a gushing schoolgirl. “Can I get your autograph? I’ve been trying to hint to Jesse to get it, but he’s not taking the hint.”

  “On purpose.”

  “Yeah, whatever. So how about it? My girlfriend would really love it.”

  “I’m sitting right here,” Tiffany chimed in. She sounded annoyed but also dazed at the same time.

  My giggles had stopped so I turned around, more in control of myself. But when I saw the same glazed look in the drummer’s eyes and he still wasn’t wearing a shirt, a fresh batch of laughter bubbled up. I doubled over. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

  “Uh.” Kara got up from her chair and came over to us. She took my arm. “I’ll take care of her. Excuse us.”

  She pulled me to the bathroom and into a stall. There was only one empty, the rest were full, and she darted in front of the line. Ignoring the curses and yells, she locked the door and then said loudly, “I have explosive diarrhea. Back off.”

  That set me off and I was wiping tears as more giggles rippled from me.

  “Kara? Alex?”

  Tiffany pounded on the door. It was unlocked again and she hurried inside. As the door swung open, I saw the line had moved down a foot. They were now only waiting on the other two stalls. Ours was ignored.

  More chuckles came from me. I shook my head. I couldn’t stop them.

  Tiffany wrinkled her nose up as she smoothed out her dress. “What’s wrong with her?” She ran her fingers through her hair before tossing it back over her shoulders. “Did you hear Jamie out there? Autograph my ass. He wanted that autograph. Although, I wouldn’t mind more than an autograph from those two. Holy shit. I can’t believe Jesse knows them. Alex, how’d they meet again?”

  “Tiffany.” Kara took a deep breath. “Be nice.”

  “I am. Aren’t I?”

  Kara gestured to me. I was now sniffling, trying to muffle my laughter into a roll of toilet paper. “She’s been like this since she got drunk.”

  “So. Hannah gets horny when she’s drunk. Alex will be fine.” She swung her gaze to me. “Right? You’ll be fine. She’ll go to bed, make sweet, sweet love to that fine man of hers and tomorrow she’ll act like none of this happened.”

  “Tiffany!”

  “What?” She shrugged. “That’s what she does. I mean, my god, it’s been a month since that fiasco with her parents and she hasn’t broken stride. The chick is a survivor. She can handle worse.”

  Kara pressed her lips together. “You’re not being supportive.”

  “Yes I am. I’m here.” Then she frowned. “Scoot over. Since we’re here, I need to pee.”

  We shuffled to the side and Tiffany took a squat. As she peed, she looked up. I caught a little glaze in her eyes as well and chuckled, “You’re drunk too.”

  “Yeah.” The corners of her lips curved up. “I’m like Hannah. I get horny too.”

  Kara burst out laughing alongside of me.

  Tiffany scowled. “When I’m drunk. When I’m drunk! My sister’s always horny.” Then she grew somber. “That’s how she copes. It’s not good. Not me. I cope by being a bitch.”

  More laughter boiled up in me. I couldn’t stand upright and I started sliding the wall. Kara gasped and grabbed for me. “You can’t sit on the floor. That’s disgusting.”

  “Yeah.” Tiffany was still so somber. “That is disgusting. Oh gawd. I’m drunk.”

  Kara sighed. She had a firm hold on my arm. When Tiffany was done, she steered both of us out of the stall. I meant to ask what had been the point, but I couldn’t get the words out. We were ordered to wash our hands and then we shuffled back to the table. Cord and his date were gone. Derek was frowning at Jamie, who had a worshipful expression on his face. He was listening to the conversation between Jesse and the drummer. His head was even propped on his hands. He looked ready to propose marriage.

  Kara went over to Jesse. Her hand was still firm on my arm. “Your girlfriend needs to go home. She tried sitting on the floor in there.”

  Jesse grinned and scooped me into his lap. “She’s fine. She’s just letting off steam.”

  “Yeah, well.” She sighed. “Derek, I think I’m ready to go?”

  Jesse turned to him. “Take Jamie and Tiffany.”

  “What?” Jamie protested. “No way, man. The night’s just starting.”

  Tiffany swayed on her feet, giving him a sultry grin. That was all it took. He stood up. “Never mind, I recognize that look. I’m going to get lucky with my girlfriend. It’s been a damn while.”

  She giggled when he pulled her close and the four of them left. As Jesse held me on his lap, he rubbed a hand up and down my back. The giggles eventually faded and my eyelids grew heavy. I must’ve fallen asleep because when I woke, he was carrying me outside. When he buckled me into the seat, I asked, “What time is it?”

  “It’s late. Bar closed an hour ago.”

  “Where are we?”

  “Leaving the bar.”

  “That makes no sense,” I mumbled, but I didn’t care. I fell back asleep. When I woke again, Jesse was carrying me into the house. My arm curved around his neck and I pressed a kiss there. “I had fun tonight.”

  “Good.” He kissed me back.

  “Kara called me your girlfriend,” I whispered. It was important, but I was so damn tired. I wanted to go back to sleep. I loved when he held me.
I felt safe.

  “Because you are. And you are safe.”

  I frowned. I hadn’t meant to say that last bit out loud.

  “It’s fine.” Jesse kicked open his door and set me on the bed. As he did, my eyes opened further. I was still struggling to keep them focused. He didn’t turn the light on. I was so thankful for that. I could hear him moving around before he moved me underneath the sheets and crawled in beside me. I was too tired to do anything except snuggle into him. But as he skimmed a hand down my arm and went to my waist, he started to lift my shirt up.

  I was suddenly wide-awake. Desire built in me and I moved to help the shirt off.

  Then we were kissing. I pulled Jesse on top of me and it wasn’t long until he was sliding inside of me. Arching my back, I closed my eyes and gave into the sensations. I loved him. Everything would be fine. I loved him.

  He lingered over my lips and whispered back as he continued thrusting into me, “I love you too.”

  My eyelids flew up. I hadn’t meant to say that, again, but I was caught by his gaze. I saw the love in him as he quickened the tempo. Something settled in my chest. Peace. Contentment. Whatever it was, it felt good. It felt right.

  When we were done, I murmured without thinking, “I can’t think about what Ethan did.”

  His arms tightened around me, but he only kissed my shoulder.

  My chest filled. The pain was right there. I let it go. I had to. “I don’t want to think about him wanting to kill himself. That’s not the brother I knew. The one I knew watched over me. He took care of me. He wouldn’t want to hurt me and dying was the worst way to do that. I can’t think of him like that.”

  “He was sick, Alex.”

  I heard the thick emotion in his voice. I didn’t look up. I was swallowing my own back.

  His voice was rough as he continued, “He went into a dark depression. He wouldn’t get help. I tried to push him, but Ethan refused. He stopped talking to me towards the end.”

  My eyes closed. An invisible hand was on my chest, pushing down. My ribcage felt like it was going to break. “That was when he started hanging out with Jeremy Benson and Barbie?”

  “Yeah.” His chest rose up and down as he took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

  Flashes of him came to me. As he ruffled my hair, the same way the bartender had done to Bri’s hair earlier. As he rolled his eyes at something our mom said or how he smacked a towel against my butt when we were forced to do the dishes together. I gasped. More pain flooded in. I couldn’t hold it back and the tears started. They slid down my face, down to Jesse’s arm that he had wrapped around me. He felt them, but neither of us said a word.

  “I miss him.”

  “I do too.”

  “I can’t think of him sick. I can’t think of him like that. It breaks me, Jesse. I can’t do it. I have to think about him as he was to me. I loved my brother.” I corrected myself, “I love my brother.”

  I love you too.

  I never heard those words, but I imagined them.

  Then I took another deep breath and tried to push some of that pain away. I moved onto the next topic, one that I figured would always leave a hole in me. “My parents are never going to be there for me. I know this now.” My voice grew hoarse and I faltered. My lungs filled with air. My throat burned at the same time. “I don’t know why my dad acts how he does. I have no idea, but I can’t love them. They don’t love me. It’s going to be hard, but I have to somehow move on without them in my life. I just won’t have parents. That’s the best way for me to handle it. They’re never going to get better. They’re never going to want me in their lives and dote on me like loving parents. That’s just not who they are. It might’ve been them before, but not anymore. Ethan’s death changed everything. I think it broke my mom. It almost broke me.”

  I heard Tiffany’s words again. ‘The chick is a survivor.’

  I’d survive. I had to.

  “You have me.”

  “I know.”

  My heart split again, but not from pain, from overwhelming warmth. I had Jesse. It was the first time I allowed myself to trust in him. He wouldn’t leave me. He hadn’t, even though I always felt like he would go. Angie had been wrong so long ago. I’d been wrong. But there was one thing I’d been afraid to ask. Biting my lip, I asked it now, “Jesse?”

  “Hmmm?”

  I felt his answer rumble through his chest and my back. It soothed me for some reason. “Why didn’t you tell me about Ethan? I know I said I can’t think of him like that, but why didn’t you ever say anything?”

  “I felt guilty.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I should’ve stopped him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I knew about Claire and the baby. I knew how your parents handled it and that your dad scared Claire away, but I never spoke up. I should’ve helped somehow and then you didn’t know. I couldn’t tell you. I mean, I knew about the baby and Ethan didn’t want you to know, but I should’ve told you.”

  “That he killed himself or about his baby?”

  “About both. I was scared that you’d blame me and I’d lose you.”

  My heart began pounding. I swore he felt it through my back. I couldn’t stop it. “Why would I blame you?”

  “Because I’m the reason he got in that car.”

  I froze. My heart stopped.

  He felt it, tensing as he said further, “Claire went into labor that night. I called him to tell him. He got in the car to go to her.”

  “What?” The word ripped from me. “What are you saying?”

  “He took drugs that night. He was going to intentionally overdose, but when I called him, he decided to try to get to the hospital. He wanted to see his baby before he died.”

  My mouth gaped open. No sound came out. None could come out. Searing pain rippled through me and it paralyzed me. I couldn’t do anything, but lay there in his arms. Then Jesse finished, his voice thick with guilt, “I didn’t know he had taken drugs. I thought maybe he had, but I had no idea he was going to kill himself that night. I should’ve called the cops on him. I should’ve done something, but I didn’t. I went to the hospital to meet him. I thought he was in the room when she gave birth, but he wasn’t. I didn’t realize it until later that he’d been in the ER the whole time. He had already crashed by the time I left Sarah’s and got to the hospital. He died from the car accident before they realized his body had already shut down from drugs too. I didn’t know. I’m sorry, Alex.”

  I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything, but imagine that night again. And I cried. I didn’t stop the entire night.

  It was another month before I finally called Ethan’s lawyers. They wanted verification of my name. I sent them a copy of my passport. It was another month after that when they told me they wouldn’t be able to give me Ethan’s inheritance. The spelling wasn’t correct. I didn’t understand it, not at first. His will and testament said all of his monetary assets would go to Alexandra Claira Connors.

  I never blamed Jesse for any of my family problems. It took me a while to fully understand that Ethan had been sick. He wanted to die. I remembered the day of his graduation when he hugged me. It had been long and he wouldn’t let go of me. He’d been saying goodbye in his way. I never remembered it until recently. It woke me during the night, but Jesse was with me. He held me the rest of the night. We had a lot of those nights. I’d remember new information about that last year with Ethan. It would send me spinning. I’d cry. I’d tell Jesse about it and he’d tell me how much my brother loved me. It helped me accept that my brother was gone in a new way. It was different ever since I learned the truth about him. I would never accept that he killed himself. That wasn’t right, but I accepted that he was gone. It probably didn’t make sense to anyone else so I never tried to explain
it. It was how I coped with it.

  After another week trying to stay at the dorms, I eventually moved back in with Jesse. And because I was on better terms with Tiffany, I started going to the games with her and Kara. Chandra joined us as well, but she never took up with Cord again. He always had a new girl every few weeks. One night, when he was drunk, he confided to me that there was a girl from our school that he always loved. She never reciprocated his feelings, or at least that’s what he told me. I wondered if he knew for certain that she didn’t. He refused to tell me who it was, but she was the reason he never settled down.

  I only knew it wasn’t Marissa.

  She and Angie came a few times for basketball games. She had hit on Cord, but he never took up her invitation. I was thankful that she never brought Sarah, Jesse’s ex-girlfriend, along because she hadn’t reacted well when she heard about the exclusive status of my relationship with him. Marissa told me a few weeks later that Sarah was now dating a fraternity guy. She seemed happy. And surprisingly, Marissa and Angie even seemed friendly with each other. Justin stayed behind and the two planned girls’ weekend with me. They remained cautious around Beth and Hannah. Beth never talked to them and Hannah was the opposite. She got into people’s faces too much. Eventually they asked not to hang out with them. That was fine. Beth and Hannah told me they were fake. The dislike was reciprocated.

  Jamie and Tiffany broke up at the end of the year. He cheated on her and she didn’t want an open relationship anymore. Hannah started taking care of her sister instead, and Tiffany fought back like Hannah had earlier in the year. The two bickered almost daily.

  Jesse’s sister came to his championship game. She sat beside me this time instead of her father, who sat courtside with my parents. She was relieved when I told her I wouldn’t be going to the dinner afterwards. Then she confided that night had been too much for her. Unlike her mother, she liked normalcy and quiet moments. She stayed at the house a few weekends and I came to learn she really was a quiet girl. And she worshiped her brother. When she applied for Grant West the following year, I wasn’t surprised. I caught Jesse staring at her at random moments. It was like he was trying to figure her out, but maybe that was how Ethan stared at me too. Jesse never had a family, but he did with her now. He took her home one weekend and introduced her to Zala. His housekeeper instantly took her under her wing.