Sweet Tea and Sass

by Tegan Maher

  "It's been terrible, Santa," one of them—Candy according to her name tag—said. "Winter has Mrs. Claus locked in the kitchens, and most of the other elves are in the basement. We'd been out gathering snow to turn into glitter when he rounded everybody up, so we ran back out here, and this is where we've been." She tucked her head down in shame. "We wanted to help, but our magic wouldn't work."

  Kris bent down on one knee and put a knuckle under her chin to tilt her face back up. "You did the right thing," he said. "This is all my fault, you hear? You did the best you could. And because you hid, we now have help. Give your magic a shot."

  She rushed to the door and scooped up a handful of snow, then swirled her finger at it. It sparkled a little, but the spell fizzled out before she could turn it into glitter. Or at least I assumed that had been her intention.

  "I'm sorry," she sighed, tears forming in her soft brown eyes. "Maybe I need to try harder."

  I gave Kris the side eye. "No, Candy, I don't think you're the one who needs to try harder."

  Before I could say anything else, something much more important caught my eye. From the angle we were standing, a castle that looked like a giant gingerbread house was visible through the barn doors behind him. Except the icicles that had blinked merrily with the lights shining through from behind them went dark. The ice took on a black, sinister cast, and the lights in the upper half went out. A candy-cane striped shutter fell off one of its hinges, hanging askew.

  "Candy, Jingle, Snow, did more of you escape?" Colin asked, his tone gentle.

  One of the others, a little blonde with big blue eyes nodded. "They're hiding in the sleigh room. They almost got caught because Winter went in there and tried to fire up the sleigh. Thank cocoa it wouldn't work."

  "Can you go get them?" Tempest asked. "I can go with you if you want."

  Candy's eyes lit with delight, and I when I tried to see Tempest as she must have, it made me smile. Despite all Tempest’s snark, she was adorable. Snowy fur except for the black stripe that ran from her nose to the tip of her tail, and black tips on her ears and toes. Her green eyes were huge and luminescent. Twenty-five pounds of attitude and sass wrapped in the cutest package ever. Lucky for me, there was also a huge dose of loyalty in there, too.

  Candy nodded, then motioned for Tempest to follow her.

  "Now what?" I asked, turning to Dimitri, Colin, and Kris.

  "Now we wait for them to get back, then we storm the castle," Dimitri said, green streaks of magic jumping between his fingers. Though his everyday magic was limited acts of good only, faeries were warriors deep down. They hadn't survived as a species by being weak, and when push came to shove, they were single-minded and ruthless.

  "We have to be careful, though," Kris said. "There are a lot of innocents in there, though I think you're gonna be surprised to find just how vindictive elves can be when somebody threatens their home and loved ones. If I hadn't fallen down on the job, they would have never let this happen."

  Before I knew it, Candy and Tempest were back, followed by a dozen or so other elves. I looked at them, trying not to let my misgivings show. "How many elves does Winter have on his side?" I asked, afraid to hear the answer.

  "Only a hundred or so," Jingle said. "Easy peasy now that we have our magic back." She tried to imitate Dimitri, but her magic crackled and then fizzled. She cast a questioning look at Kris. "Santa?"

  Colin looked at me and winked. "Don't worry—I think we have the answer, right Destiny?"

  Then it occurred to me. "Yes, we do," I said, then explained to them how singing a carol had boosted his magic.

  "It's not the carol, per se," Candy replied, assessing first me then Colin. "It was the Christmas spirit inside of you two and your friends, I suspect. But don't worry. We've got plenty to jump start Santa."

  "Then let's do this," I said.

  Kris swallowed and gave a sharp nod. "Follow me."

  We did, and when we were nearly to the castle, Jingle started singing and the other elves jumped in, stomping their feet so that the bells on their shoes jingled and set the tempo. "Oh, he’s makin’ a list, he’s checkin’ it twice, he’s gonna find out who’s naughty and nice! Santa Claus is coming ... to TOWN!!"

  Colin, Dimitri, and I added our voices, but I have to say, there was a lot more aggression in the song than I'd ever heard before. It was almost a battle cry, and my whole body tingled as old, powerful magic began to swirl around me. As we continued the song, Santa pushed out with his hands and a gust of magic blew the double doors to the castle open.

  A flurry of activity broke out around us, with elves rushing everywhere. It wasn't hard to tell who the good ones were because they were singing, too.

  Two doors burst open from the other side of the room and Carol strode in, her grey hair flying loose from its bun. She stopped a few yards in and began slinging her arms. Magic shot from her fingers, winding in tendrils that looked like red vine candy around the bad elves, restraining them. Kris was doing the same, and good elves were jumping on bad ones.

  Dimitri had engaged an elf who'd been sitting on Santa's throne, dressed all in black from the tip of his hat to the toes of his curled shoes. Though he was obviously powerful, he was no match for Dimitri. I drew back my hands to assist, but Kris stayed my hand. "He's mine."

  He exchanged a look with Dimitri, who stood down while Kris finished the elf off.

  And no, I don't mean he killed him. This is a Christmas story—nobody, not even an evil elf, dies in Christmas stories.

  No, Santa did worse than that. He locked gazes with him and started humming a tune that sounded almost like a lullaby. I didn't recognize it, but somewhere deep inside me, my magic stirred in response.

  The fight drained out of Winter and he dropped his arms to his side. Carol linked hands with Kris and joined him in the eerie tune, and the elf's eyes went blank. He fell to his knees, still.

  It was seriously the creepiest thing I'd ever seen.

  Two elves rushed forward to drag him off.

  "Don't you need to tie him up?" Tempest asked from my shoulder.

  Candy, who'd battled from beside me the entire time, shook her head, and a lone tear slid down her cheek. "No. He's not going anywhere and he's not going to put up a fight. Ever again."

  My gaze shot toward her. "Why not?"

  "Because they took his magic and his Christmas spirit. All of it. Forever." She shuddered. "To a North Pole elf, that's a fate worse than death."

  Tempest snorted. "It's no more than he deserved."

  “Maybe,” Candy said, not taking her eyes off the dazed elf. “But it’s still a thing worth mourning.”

  "Is that what will happen to the elves back at the tiki? And to all the elves here that rebelled?" Colin asked.

  She shook her head. "I doubt it. Santa and Carol tend to be lenient. That's the first time in hundreds of years they've had to do that—since Winter's father tried to take over, in fact. They'll probably be relegated to cleaning the stables and clearing the snow from the roof, and doing other chores that nobody else wants to do."

  "No more EOS positions?" I asked.

  Pepper, who'd engaged fully in the battle, rejoined us in time to hear my question.

  "No," he said. "As a matter of fact, I'm considering dismantling the program."

  A collective gasp went up around us. Personally, as I've said, I thought the program was creepy, but I knew a lot of families who used it as a means to keep their kids in check.

  "Isn't that sort of throwing the reindeer out with the bathwater?" I asked, and several elves nodded.

  "It's a great program, Pepper," one of them, and elf dressed in a green tunic and candy cane hose, said. "It brings families together and helps build Christmas spirit. Plus it really has help out the folks in the control room, and Santa, too. We need eyes out there. They've only been gone for an evening. Surely we can get them back to their posts before many people notice."

  Pepper pinched his lips together. "Maybe you're right. But
until I can get a proper screening procedure in place for next year, we're tabling it. Where all the elves on shelves suddenly went will just have to remain a mystery to the humans."

  It didn't take long for the good elves to remove the bad elves to what Snow described as a temporary jail-type place. According to her, it was torture. They were only allowed cocoa and cookies twice a day, and they'd have to serve the rest of the elf population in one way or another once Santa had time to convene a jury.

  That didn't sound much different from my life, minus the cocoa. Even with my witchy metabolism, if I started drinking it and eating cookies twice a day, my butt would be bigger than Rudolph's in no time.

  Kris and Carol gave us the tour and offered to give us a room for the night, but we declined. I had no doubt we had hours of work ahead of us if we were to set the tiki to rights before folks started showing up for lunch the next day. Plus, I had children's holiday activities to plan.

  "Suit yourself," he said. "I'll send Patches, my lead security elf, and his team along with you to collect the EOSs still at the bar. He'll help you clean up, too."

  "Thanks," I said. "You two come visit when the season's over. After you do what you gotta do to get through December."

  He nodded and held his arms open for a hug. "And Destiny?" he said into my hair.

  "Yeah, Kris?" I asked, inhaling the heady scent of cocoa, Christmas trees, and cheer.

  "Thank you for having faith when I thought all was lost. You've earned a permanent VIP pass to the nice list."

  My cheeks grew hot at the compliment, but I shook my head. "No, thank you. If it's all the same, I'd rather keep earning my spot."

  He gave a true Santa laugh, and his belly did, indeed, jiggle like a bowl full of jelly.

  Santa was back, and peace and goodwill were restored.

  It would be the merriest Christmas ever.

  <<<<>>>>

  Wickedly Ever After

  This riff on an old fairy tale takes place in my Enchanted Coast world and was an absolute blast to write. When Destiny goes to the Celestial City to attend the Angels Ball, she falls into an incredible world of palace intrigue and mystery. She soon learns that there are two sides to every fairy tale and must help right a wrong before her new friend falls into an eternal slumber.

  CHAPTER ONE

  “Ouch!” I exclaimed when Lucinda stabbed me with a pin for the hundredth time.

  “Quit being a whiner,” she growled back around the pins she was holding in her mouth. Her platinum hair was coming loose from her messy bun, and the snap of magic in the air made it clear she was about to lose her cool with me. “If you’d keep your arms out like I told you to, I wouldn’t stab you.”

  I huffed out a breath but held my arms out a little farther, even though it about killed me to do it. We’d been on a marathon fitting session for the last three hours, and she’d had me holding poses that would have challenged a professional yogi. My entire body felt like a limp noodle.

  “It’s your own fault, you know,” my cousin Mila said. “You shouldn’t have put off your costume for the angels’ ball ’til the last minute.”

  Easy for her to say, since she was lounging on my bed flipping through an old issue of Cosmo while I was being tortured.

  “Agreed,” Lucinda replied. “I’ve been trying to schedule with you for the last two weeks. How is it the mortals put it? It’s been like trying to nail Jell-O to a wall.”

  I heaved a sigh and she scowled up at me when the fabric shifted.

  “You’re a fairy godmother, though,” I said. “I figured when you said you’d make my gown, you meant you’d just bibbity-bobbity-boo it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m a fairy godmother. Not your fairy godmother. The magic doesn’t work like that. And stop using that expression. It’s racist and inaccurate. Nobody really says that, and we don’t bee-bop around waving our wands and singing.”

  She huffed out a disgusted breath. “I swear, one of us lets herself go and then decides to go Hollywood, and we all end up bibbity-bobbity-bood into a box labeled fat and ditzy. Do I look either fat or ditzy to you?”

  “Tread carefully, Destiny,” Mila said, smirking. “The life you save may be your own.”

  “Of course not, Lucy,” I replied, deciding it was best to smooth her feathers before I ended up permanently sewn into thirty pounds of peach satin and white lace.

  I wasn’t lying, though; she may be several centuries old, but she doesn’t look a day over fifty and probably has less body fat that I do. And outside of her work uniform, she wouldn’t be caught dead in a ball gown.

  “I, for one, think you should count yourself lucky,” my arctic fox, Tempest, said. “Lucy doesn’t do this for just anyone, and you couldn’t have bought a gown like this.” She gave me a smug smile and curled her tail around her feet. “Plus, she gave me a sneak peek of your mask; you’d have never found one that equals what she’s making.”

  Lucinda snorted. “Lucky’s right. There’s a reason I gave up being a seamstress. I’ve never been so happy in my life as I was when somebody invented the internet. I’m perfectly content making my living embroidering snarky expressions onto throw pillows. All those ungrateful, entitled princess types can kiss my lily—”

  “Okay,” I said, raising my hand and cutting her off before she worked herself into a full-blown snit. “Nobody agrees with you more than I do. Remember—I still have to make my living catering to them.”

  Unlike a lot of magical folks, Lucy had embraced modern technology and ran a successful Etsy business. After all, the fairy godmother gig didn’t pay diddlysquat. Even so, beneath all the gruff and sarcasm, she was a romantic at heart and seemed to be enjoying flexing her fashion flair by making my gown.

  Before you get the wrong impression, I’m not a gown person, either. I’ve worn one exactly three times in my life—to my junior and senior proms in the human world, and now to the angels ball, an uber-exclusive formal event hosted by—you guessed it—the angels. And not the baseball team, either. Real, honest-to-gods angels, complete with ancient magic and wings. Well, at least when they choose to show them.

  One of the founders of the Enchanted Coast, the paranormal resort where I work, had invited me when I’d solved a murder and saved the resort a few months back. Between who he was and what he was, I didn’t have much choice but to go.

  “There,” Lucy said, pinning one last gap in the fabric. “That should do it. I think I have enough to finish it up. We’ll do one more fitting tomorrow morning, but I think it’ll be good.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief as I stepped carefully out of the lacy confection.

  “Thanks, Lucy, really. Tempest is right. I’m lucky to have you as a friend.”

  She waved a hand, her cheeks pinking. “Go on, now. You’re gonna be late for work, and I’m gonna be up half the night finishing this. We can’t have you representing the resort dressed in rags.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her, and she scowled at me.

  “That was an expression, not a comparison to that ... other situation. No fairy godmother worth her wand would let one of her charges be embarrassed like that. It was shoddy magic, casting a spell that expired at midnight. Back then, balls went ’til the wee hours of the morning, and she knew that. It’s a wonder those two hooked back up at all.”

  Mila gave a dreamy sigh at the mention of a ball. “I’m having a serious case of FOMO, you know. Nobody that’s not an angel’s ever been to one of these as far as I know. It’s a huge honor.”

  I rolled my eyes. Of course she had a fear of missing out. She was one of those people who could fit into any situation like she was born to it.

  I, on the other hand, am a bull in a china shop on the best of days. Take me out of my element, and I’m a total train wreck, and a formal ball held at a massive castle in Celestial City was about as far out of my comfort zone as it got. I’m not the most socially graceful person. My mouth tends to run before my brain engages, and angels aren’t exactly the type
of creatures you wanted to offend. I’d have gladly given her my ticket if I could have.

  Lucy must have sensed my trepidation because she laid a hand on my arm. “You’ll be fine,” she said. “Everybody loves you, and besides, it’s not like you’re going alone. Colin will be there to help you navigate.”

  Colin was my boyfriend and thus my plus-one, and she was right. He was a wolf shifter and an attorney. He was used to rubbing elbows with powerful beings, so he didn’t have the same issues that I did.

  “True,” I said. “I’ll stick with him and try to say as little as I can get away with.”

  Lucy tilted her head at me. “Where’s this coming from? You’re one of the most confident people I’ve ever met.”

  “I’m confident when I’m on my own turf,” I said as I pulled my work tank top on. “A heavenly palace is about as far from that as a frog is to a prince.”

  She smiled. “If you think about that story, they’re not as far apart as they seemed. I have faith in you.”

  “I’m glad somebody does,” I mumbled, then headed out of my cottage toward the tiki bar. Hopefully we’d be busy and I wouldn’t have time to think about all the ways I could mess things up.

  CHAPTER TWO

  The tiki was booming when I got there. Bob, our Bigfoot bartender, was hustling to make a round of what looked like anchovy martinis. There must have been seelies in—that was one of their go-to drinks. Gross, but to each their own, I guess.

  “Hey Des,” he called as I flipped up the hinged part of the counter and popped behind the worn wooden bar. “You ready to go to your shindig tomorrow?”

  I nodded. “As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess. Lucy’s finishing up the dress tonight, and Colin’s gonna be here tomorrow morning. He wants to talk to Blake about some legal crap for the resort.” Blake was my ex and the CEO of Enchanted Coast. It had taken a while after the breakup, but we’d gotten to the point where we were on good terms again even though it was still a little awkward sometimes. Nothing makes a room feel smaller than having your ex and current boyfriends standing in it at the same time.