I drop my bags in the great room and drink in the fact that the last person here would’ve been Jade.
Jade’s photos hang on the wall, her memories on a sheet of photo paper, reminding me of how much I loved her. I fall into the silence of the room before I become nauseous. I run for the bathroom as acid crawls up my throat and into the toilet.
Jeez. Losing her has affected my body in more ways than I’d expected. The sick isn’t what terrifies me – it’s what’s coming in seven more months.
I clean up and remember that this is what I need. The closure is going to save me.
I wish she were here to help me right now.
I walk into her bedroom; even her smell lingers in the air. The room is well lit, and the warm sunshine peeks through the window. I trail my fingers along her bed sheets before sitting down on the bed. She left me this apartment. I was the only person mentioned in her will. Her parents weren’t mentioned; she left everything she had to me. Even in death she cares for me. The apartment is far too empty now, and it took all of my strength to get me here today. I stand and walk over to the window. In the distance is Huntington Beach. Maybe I need some sun and sand therapy.
****
The sand is warm from the sun, and I find comfort in the feeling all the way down to my bones.
I look up. The water looks so blue today, so bright. I miss Los Angeles.
I take a seat on the sand and watch some surfers. I lift my sunglasses from my eyes and sigh. It’s long, purified.
I miss everything I am, but now I don’t feel that I’m ever going to get that girl back. That girl who had grown so much. Now I’m Ella Stone, lost, confused, and ridiculous.
My mood instantly drops and I stand up from the sand, now desperate to go back to the shadow of a room I used to call home.
A chest greets my face; it’s firm and soft. “Sorry,” I say, and look up.
“That’s okay.”
I meet a bright green gaze. “Hi, Luke,” I say, and look away from him. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I got angry. The woman I’m supposed to be taking care of has run away, back to the place I wanted her most away from. So, you could say, I’m pissed. Actually, I’m more than pissed. I’m livid.” He smirks and I scoff in annoyance. “We just retraced our steps, except this time we aren’t in a school hallway, and you weren’t going in the ocean with me.” He’s dead serious.
I start to back away but his arms lift me and toss me over his shoulder. This man is unbelievable. “What’re you doing?” I scream, and he laughs. I take solace in his laugh, and lock it away in my memories.
He walks into the water, and some of it splashes on my face. My glasses fall through my hair and into the ocean. “Wait, Luke, my glasses have fallen in.”
“I’ll buy you some more.”
“That’s not the point. I liked those.”
“I’ll get you some better ones.”
I try and ignore his fingers grasping the back of my thigh, but they’re so tender, so nice to feel; I enjoy it. His fingers trail down the back of my thigh as he lowers me into the water. The water is ice cold, a total negative to the hot sun. He looks at me and his thumb rubs a small trail along my bottom lip.
He swallows and stares at my mouth.
He’s going to kiss me.
Shit.
I can’t let him.
Leona. Leona. Leona.
“Don’t!” I blurt out, and he nods.
He looks sad. His eyes look dulled with pain. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just-” He looks away. “Never mind. Ready to try surfing?”
“Sure. I’m not exactly dressed for the part.”
He looks down at my tank top and yoga pants, and nods. “You look beautiful.”
“Luke, you can’t-“
“Sorry,” he says almost instantly. “Won’t happen again.”
I sigh in sadness, and he waves someone over. “Jake. Two boards please, man.”
“No worries, boss.” Jake takes a full eyeful of me before looking back at Luke. He looks like he’s been told off. Jake runs up the beach toward a beach hut.
“Do people do whatever you ask of them now?” I ask, curious.
“Not all. Not defiant women. Otherwise known as Ella goddamn Stone.”
“Less of the goddamn please.” I wink at him. My tongue licks out at my bottom lip, and I bite it in pure frustration.
“Don’t,” he whispers. “Please, God, just- don’t.”
I laugh. “Let’s just surf, then you can take me back to New York.”
****
I’m in the middle of the ocean, or what feels like it, with all my underwear and clothing on, surfing. Yeah, what a great time I’m having. I come up from the salt water after I fall from my board yet again, and climb back on top of it.
Luke’s riding a wave in front of me. It’s all in slow motion as his muscles twist and adhere to his body as he concentrates on making this wave his bitch. I almost forget the wave coming toward me at the speed of light. I turn quick enough so it splashes up my back. I don’t know how to take this right now. He’s flown out from New York to get to me, and I really, really don’t fully get why. I told him that’s it, we’re done. Nothing but a powerful memory that I want to forget. So why is he here? Why is he making this harder than it has to be?
I drag my board along behind me and walk up the beach to the board hut. I give it back to the guy who gave them to us, and walk up the soft golden sand to wave down a taxi. I hear Luke shouting my name vaguely in the distance, and I turn to look at him.
“Ella. Don’t go!” he shouts as his long, lean, body runs toward me.
“You don’t get it, do you? I have to go. You’re everything I can’t do right now. We shouldn’t even be talking to each other. I lied to you about Leona. That itself should’ve made you hate me.” I swallow down the lies.
He takes a few final strides towards me and I’m transfixed on the water dripping from his skin. “How could you ever think I’d hate you? You just wanted me to end it with Leona. I get that now.”
“But you didn’t,” I barely whisper.
“It’s complicated.” He runs his fingers through his wet hair. “Look, listen. You need to dry off before any cab will pick you up. So do I, so at least come sit in the sun for a bit.”
I forgot that I’m soaked through. I follow him back down the beach and sit on a towel he spread for me. We’re sitting next to each other; questions are desperate to pour out of his mouth, I can tell with how tense he is.
“You didn’t have to text me that stuff. You could’ve just met up with me. You were in the hospital,” he complained, with bitterness laced on his tongue. “You could’ve called me. I would’ve been there for you.”
A laugh escapes my lips, followed with my palm slapping over my mouth. “Sorry.” I giggle. “But you hadn’t spoken to me since I was in the hospital, Luke. I mean, even then you were nowhere to be found. I was alone for New Year’s. How do you think that made me feel?” I stand to leave; I can’t stay here much longer.
He sighs and stands with me.
“I can’t just quit you, Ella. Do you understand that?”
I stand one step closer and raise my head to meet his eyes. “Well try. I’m not yours to quit. I never have been. I never will be.” My words spill over my tongue like a hot poison, slowly killing me with each new thought. “We are nothing. Everything we thought we were doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. We are just a reflection of who we thought we were. We aren’t those naive people anymore. We’re grown ups. So its time we started acting like it.” I turn to walk away, my heart set on leaving him behind and being the woman I need to be for my child. He grabs my arm.
“Do you think this has been easy? Do you?” I ignore him, his fingers still clasped around my arm. “Goddamn it, Ella! Look at me!” I jump at his tone and turn to face him. His gaze softens and he lets go of my arm. “I can’t be without you. I just can’t do it. I tried so hard. I really did. There’s a
lways been something about you. Something I can’t change. It’s the way you look, the way you think. God, it’s the way you look at me in the morning that makes me fall in love with you every single day. I can’t breathe without you.” He sucks in a deep breath and tries to pull his body to mine.
“No,” I barely whisper. He pulls me toward him again. “NO!” I shout this time and he lets me go. “You can’t breathe without me? You think I make your day worth it? If I were that for you, you wouldn’t have slept with Leona. You wouldn’t have made this harder than it already is. You would have left well alone and let me be. I wish…” I stop and contemplate my thought. I stare at the ground and look back up, staring dead in his pale green eyes. “I wish Nathan killed me that night. I wish you hadn’t have shown up. At least if I was dead you couldn’t hurt me anymore.”
His eyes well with tears as I take a step back. “You don’t mean that.” He sniffs.
I hold back my tears and stand strong. “I do. Goodbye, Luke.”
I climb into the waiting taxi and ask the driver to take me to Jade’s apartment.
I notice Luke’s car behind me but choose to ignore it. I know he’s following me. I let him follow me for the first few miles before asking the driver to stop. The black Lamborghini stops immediately behind us, and Luke steps out. We’re staring at each other like it’s a war. He looks angry, confused, filled with regret. He opens his mouth to speak but shuts it again. He runs his hands through his hair and turns his back to me. A loud groan comes from him and I try my hardest to keep my feelings at bay.
“Get in the car with me,” Luke says into the air. “Just come talk to me. Rationally. Let’s fix this. I can’t leave it like this, Ella.”
I take pity on him for a moment before all those vicious thoughts come crawling back in my mind. Leona will leave him with nothing. No company, no chance of being the success he has become. “I can’t be with you.” My words are forced, like someone is torturing me to speak. I swallow my emotion and let the tears run free. I can’t stop them.
He turns to me, his face filled with sadness, his eyes filled with tears. “The hell you can’t be with me! We were always and forever. We promised that, Ella. We promised no matter what we would always be together. You can’t do this! We can’t do this.” He steps toward me and holds me in his arms. My arms are limp by my sides and I let my body fit to his, as it always has.
His mouth is hot against my ear. “I bought you a house. I bought us a house. I want to spend my forever with you.”
“Please,” I beg. “Just let me go. It’s the best thing for both of us. All I’ve brought you is drama, pain. Just let me go and you can be happy.”
He lets me go but grabs my upper arms and bends to look me dead in the eye. “I would travel a million miles if it meant coming home to you. I’d spend every last dollar I had to make you happy. Do you understand me? I’d suffer with anything if it meant coming home to you. You have and always will be my forever. The eighteen-year-old me was the real me. I am yours. Nobody else could ever hold the space in my heart that belongs to you. It’s empty without you in my life.”
I close my eyes as I picture the young girl hopelessly in love. She was happy then, if only for a few short weeks. I reopen my eyes and wrap my arms around his neck. I lean up and kiss his lips. He doesn’t respond at first, but he lifts me so my legs wrap around his lower back. His hands grab my hair, and I wince slightly as the wound I had there is still sore. His lips taste salty from the sea; I crave the taste of him. His lips become desperate, kissing me with all they have. Our tongues begin a tortuous dance, licking and twisting with each other. Our love is ours; we deserve to be happy. Leona may have the upper hand right now, but I can be honest with Luke. We can fix this. I can fix this.
He pulls away from me gently and whispers against my lips, “Please, try with me. Properly. I just want you. I’ve always wanted you.” He kisses me again softly, and drops me gently. He opens the passenger door to his car and kisses my forehead. “After you, Ma’am.”
I laugh. “Why thank you, kind sir.” I climb into the car and take a deep breath. Everything will be okay, Ella. It’ll all be okay.
****
I’m scared to let him go. Without him I was a mess. Sleeping with men who thought it was okay to hit me and nearly causing me to die. He saved me from that. Devastation followed us through on his kind act, and losing Jade forever is his guilt. I was told earlier that Nathan is in jail facing two life sentences. And so he should. He killed my best friend.
Luke hands me a cup of tea and I blow on the liquid as hot steam escapes it.
Luke stares at me, and I let him. In this moment, the charge surrounding us in the room is far too overwhelming. Luke steps toward me. I don’t back up. I can’t back up. I would do anything for this man, including living without him. He keeps getting closer and closer. As his fingers trace my face, I realize how close he really is. His touch is warm but my skin turns cold. My body aches for his touch, for him. His thumb traces my lips, remembering them. I look up at him and his eyes pierce mine so fiercely, so longingly, like I’m only the girl for him. He looks into me, into my soul, for permission.
Permission, to make us us again.
It’s like everything around us doesn’t matter. We’re the only people in the world, and this moment, right now, is what will change the world. We are the most important people in the universe, and our love is the antidote to the poison.
His fingers flow through my hair and I close my eyes to his touch, tears gently falling from my eyes. I breathe in deeply and await his next move. He pulls my head forward and into an embrace. His arms snake around me and cocoon me to him. His fingers gently brush through my hair as it trails down my back, and his breathing is in soft waves against my neck.
“I was born to love you, Ella.”
I pull back and stare into broken eyes.
He swallows and traces my lips again. He leans toward me.
I step back and bow my head. "We need to talk about this," I say, anxiety coursing through my veins.
"We just keep going round and round in circles. I can't do it anymore."
Luke sits down next to me. "So what do you want to do? Do you want us to end this completely? We have been in love with each other for years, Ella. You don't just throw that away." His tone rises in frustration, and he shuffles in his seat.
I look into his broken green eyes and contemplate telling him the truth. No. I can't.
"We can't be together. Leona is your fiancée. You should concentrate on being with her. Not me."
Luke stands from the sofa and kicks the coffee table. I flinch at his outburst. "Do you not see it? Really? Are you so fucking blind to the possibility of us? I don't care about money, Els. I'd rather live out on the street if it meant spending my life with you." He starts to pace the room, flexing his fists. "I don't want Leona. I never fucking did. She was just a distraction. Especially from college work. I just started seeing her regularly. Her dad wanted to come work for me. I let him work in the construction side of things. That's it. She means nothing to me."
A light switches on in my head. "What? Wait... Leona's dad works for you?"
Luke sits on the edge of the coffee table, frustrated. He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. "Yes. I hired him because I fired the former construction manager. What does this have to do with anything?"
I stand from my seat and jump into his arms. I attack his lips with mine and he is completely taken aback by my outburst. He starts to respond to my kiss, and hands are suddenly everywhere. On my thighs, across my ass, holding my waist.
"I'm sorry," I whisper against his lips. "I'm so sorry."
"Ella, stop." He pushes me away gently. "Why are you sorry?"
I sigh and sit back on the sofa. The truth is all he deserves. "Please, after I've told you all this, please don't leave. I just couldn't handle it again. Just stay here while I explain everything."
He sits next to me and weaves his fingers through mine.
"I promise I'll stay."
I take a deep breath and wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. "I saw Leona the night before we, well y'know." I blush under his gaze.
"The night with the whiskey? Right." He smirks at me and I laugh lightly at his flirting.
"Yeah, um. She was kissing some guy outside your building. I didn't lie about that. I lied about it being untrue. Leona came to see me when I was in hospital."
"I knew it!" He groans into his hands. "She came home and told me to fire you. I told her no then she left. She must've come to see you."
"Yeah, well. She told me her father basically owns you. That if she left you, you'd be left with nothing. You'd be stuck back at square one. No company, no money. She told me to tell you that she hadn't cheated. That I’d lied to make you stay with her. She has something else on me too-”
I'm cut off as the door slams and Leona walks in, her face filled with rage. "Someone going to tell me what the fuck is going on? Or should I just guess?"
I sit, shocked at her entrance, and Luke stands. "Leona. Leave," he spits though his teeth.
"No. You don't get to tell me what to do. Especially now you're sat here with her. I demand answers right now. Ella, do you want to tell him or should I?"
This is not how I imagined this to happen. She's going to ruin what I'd hoped would be a great experience. What I wanted to do myself. What the hell is she even doing here? "I'll tell him.” My mouth starts to spit the words when an older man walks in.
"What is this, a walk in apartment now? Why are you all in Los Angeles? Sam? Want to explain to me why you're here? Your daughter has made it extremely easy to fire you, that's for sure." Luke's professionalism catches me by surprise.
"This isn't Daddy's fault, Luke. It's mine. I lied to Ella. Told her that Daddy owned your business. It's all my fault." Leona's front doesn't satisfy my suspicions. Even though she's telling the truth, I've witnessed this nice girl routine far too many times.
I stand up. "Stop, Leona." I turn to Luke. "I'll leave you guys to this, okay? Come find me when you're done."
Always and Forever (Always #2) Page 13