“If he’s bringing you a gift, I guess he’s finally courting you in earnest. There’s no telling what he’ll bring next time. Maybe flowers and candy?”
“I don’t expect him to bring me anything. And don’t you start acting like you know a thing or two about courting, either, Jack. I’ve never seen you pick any of Mamm’s flowers before you’ve called on girls.”
“I wouldn’t have picked Mamm’s flowers. There’s plenty of places to buy them.”
Their mother smiled at him fondly. “And I appreciate that.”
Tiny rolled her eyes before looking down at her light blue wool dress, black tights, and black boots. Would Joel find her pleasing? Still?
Or, did Jack’s teasing hold a grain of truth? Maybe Joel wasn’t coming over to finally declare his intentions. Maybe he was coming over to let her know that he’d found someone else. Feeling nervous now, she nibbled on her bottom lip and stepped farther away from Rebecca, who was now tossing her gummy, wet cookie on the floor. “Mamm, sorry, but Rebecca’s making a big mess.”
“I know. Don’t fret. If she wasn’t doing that, she would be making a mess ten other ways.”
“Ah, I can see his expression now. He looks intent,” Jack announced. “I reckon he has something on his mind, Tiny.”
She caught herself from peeking out the window once again. “Stop. You’re making me nervous.”
“All I’m doing is giving you some information. That’s all. It’s better to be prepared, you know.”
Before she could tell him to go away, Aaron came to her rescue. “Stop making our sister worried when there’s nothing to worry about. When was the last time you went calling anyway, Jack?”
“Not lately.” When they all started chuckling, he added, “But that doesn’t mean I can’t tease our sister from time to time.”
Joel was now just a few yards away. When he looked up at the house, his pace seemed to slow. What does that mean?
“Can’t you all go somewhere else?” she asked, not even caring that she sounded as stressed out as she felt. “Joel’s going to see you standing there. I’m sure of it.”
“So what if he does?”
“He’ll probably turn right around, that’s what.”
Her father spoke up for the first time. “He’s not going to do that, dear. But I’ll shuttle everyone away and give you two some privacy.” He stopped. “But not too much privacy.”
“Daed, stop.”
Aaron grinned. “Come now. Would you even expect any less?”
“Nee.” Had she hoped for it though? Definitely. Putting her hands on her hips, she said, “It’s a wonder he’s coming over at all, what with the way you all are so overbearing.” Not to mention how all of her brothers had threatened him all those years ago. But that was the point, surely. It had been years ago. She was a grown woman now. They needed to realize that and not just use her personal life as reason to poke fun at her.
He knocked on the door.
She froze.
Luckily, her mother walked right over to the door and opened it with a gracious smile. “Joel, how nice to see you. It’s been far too long.”
“Jah. I reckon we’ve all been real busy.”
“Indeed. Well, come in now. It’s cold out. Let me take your coat, too.”
Just as Joel passed it over to her mother, Tiny knew it was time to join them. “Hello, Joel.”
He immediately turned to face her. “Hiya, Tiny,” he said softly.
There was something new in his expression. Something soft and personal. It was there in his tone, too.
“I’ve made some kaffi and cookies. Would you like to join me in the library?”
“I would. I almost forgot that you all have a library room.”
“I’ll bring your refreshments out in a few moments, Tiny,” Mamm called out.
“Danke,” Tiny replied, but to be honest, she hardly heard her mother. Or noticed her brothers standing with their father in the kitchen.
All she was aware of was that Joel had come calling. And, so far, this visit didn’t disappoint.
eight
• RULE #8 •
Keep extra snacks on hand. An extra bottle of water, too.
It had been a terrible walk home. The wind had picked up and seemed determined to freeze Kayla’s legs. That was her own fault though. She had only one pair of thick woolen stockings, but she hadn’t taken the time to wash them the evening before. So, she’d left the house in thin black tights and had realized within five minutes that she was going to spend the whole day freezing.
But what was one more bother when it had already been a terrible couple of days. She didn’t know when things were going to get better, either. Her father’s mood had taken a nosedive. After telling Kayla how much he still missed her mother, he’d retreated into his bedroom. He’d barely left for two days, and on the few times he had, he’d been close to uncommunicative.
She didn’t know what to do. Not only was she worried about him, but she also knew he was likely going to lose his job, if he hadn’t already. And if that happened, she didn’t know who else would take him on. Even the Amish-owned businesses, run by kindhearted men and women from their church community, didn’t want a worker who couldn’t be counted upon.
And if he didn’t bring in any income, then they would likely lose their house. She could work all day, seven days a week, and she still wouldn’t be able to pay all their bills.
She was so tired.
“Kayla, is that you?”
She turned to find Sarah Anne Miller dressed in jeans, snow boots, and a puffy white coat. She was holding a snow shovel in her gloved hands in front of a cute-looking house that still had Christmas lights on the eaves.
Though she was surprised to see her, Kayla would know the woman’s bright eyes anywhere. Some people just seemed to see more than others.
She wasn’t in the mood to chat, but she stopped anyway. She owed Sarah Anne so much. Not only did she keep Kayla supplied with books but she’d also recommended Aaron to her. Summoning up a smile, she said, “Hiya, Sarah Anne. I didn’t know you lived here.”
“It’s been my home for thirty years. Are you nearby?”
“I’m just down the road. Maybe a mile?”
“My word. Did you come from work?”
“I did.”
“I bet you’re freezing. You should come inside for a spell.”
“Danke, but I ought to be getting on home.” She couldn’t help but frown, though. She was in no hurry to take on her father’s mood and problems just yet.
“It’s only half past five. Are you sure you can’t come inside for a little while to warm up your bones? I have chocolate coffee and raspberry scones. Both are freshly made.”
“If you’ve been making scones, you must not have worked today.”
“I only went into the main office this morning. It’s good to take time from your responsibilities every now and then, don’t you agree?”
Kayla thought everything she said made sense… and maybe she should heed it, too. “You know what? I would enjoy a cup of coffee and a scone. Thank you.”
“I’m so glad. It’s been a long day. I could use some girl time.” With a quick little turn, Sarah Anne headed to her door. “Come along, then. I promise, I won’t keep you too long. Just long enough to thaw out and have a snack.” She leaned the shovel against the door, stomped her boots a couple of times, then led the way inside.
When Kayla entered, she was immediately overcome with a feeling of warmth and caring. Antiques, quilts, and comfortable chairs sitting on thick woven rugs greeted her. The scent of lemons and honey filled the air. “Your haus is lovely.”
“Do you think so? I’m always sure it’s a big mess.” She toed off her boots and gestured for Kayla to do the same. “Set your coat on one of the pegs, dear, and join me in the kitchen.”
After carefully hanging her cloak on a thick silver hook, Kayla paused for a moment at a grouping of pictures encased in bright blue, green,
and red frames. The photos were all black and white, but she could see Sarah Anne’s bright, inquisitive eyes shining in every one. There was also a handsome man in each photograph. Eager to get a better look, she leaned closer.
“That is Frank. He was my husband,” Sarah Anne said. “We were married twenty years.”
“It looks like he made you happy.”
“He did. He was a good man.” A wistful expression filled Sarah Anne’s eyes. “Every once in a while, when I first awaken in the morning, I reach over to him. But of course, there’s only an empty space.”
Though Kayla had never been married, she’d found herself doing almost the same thing. She’d wake up and almost forget that things were so different. Sometimes, she’d even wonder what Levi was doing… until she remembered that he’d already found someone new.
Sarah Anne poured coffee into two delicate-looking china cups. “I can never decide if I’m glad to have those few seconds or angry that I do that to myself.”
“I’ve done that myself.” With effort, Kayla pulled the bitterness out of her voice. “But life goes on.”
“Indeed it does.” She cleared her throat. “So… do you take cream and sugar?”
“Jah.”
“I do, too! You and I are a rare pair, Kayla. Most people try to save their calories.”
As Sarah Anne bustled around some more, this time pouring the half-and-half into a pale pink pitcher, Kayla sat down at the wooden table that had been covered with an intricately quilted white-on-white quilt. Unable to help herself, she ran a hand along the worn fabric. “This is lovely.”
“It is, isn’t it?”
“Did you do all this stitching?”
“Not a bit of it. That is my mother’s handiwork, I’m afraid.”
“I’d be scared to stain it.”
Sarah Anne brought over a small tray holding the two cups, a sugar bowl, the pink pitcher, and a plate of mini scones. “I used to be afraid of that, too.” Looking toward the living room, she added, “I kept it neatly folded and encased in plastic. Every so often, I would take it out and show people, then return it to its spot like a fingerprint would ruin it. But then, one time, when I was showing it off to a coworker, I noticed that she wrinkled her nose slightly. It had taken on a plastic smell.” She gestured for Kayla to help herself to the sugar and cream and scones. “That’s when I realized I was so intent on keeping something precious, I had tainted it.”
“You were just trying to preserve it.”
“But preserve what? My mother’s delicate stitching? Her memory?” She shook her head. “Other people might disagree, but I realized then that my mother didn’t spend months of her short life making a beautiful quilt for it to be hidden away and smell old and plasticky, too.”
“She’d intended for it to be used.”
“She did.” Picking up one of the scones, Sarah Anne took a bite. “Oh. This is a good batch, I think.”
Kayla had already taken two bites of her own. “They’re very good.”
“I’m glad you came in. Now, how is young Aaron Coblentz?”
“Aaron?”
“Yes. I mean, you two are still meeting together. Aren’t you?”
“We are.” Remembering how distant she’d acted toward him during their last lesson, she weighed her words carefully. “I think he is well. I find him confusing, but he might find me the same way as well.”
“Truly? He always seems friendly when we visit at the bookmobile.”
“He’s friendly and seems very kind. To be honest, I don’t really understand why he wants to take the test in the first place. He’s never come out and told me. I guess it’s a secret.” After taking a sip of coffee, she thought about how much she tried to hide from the world—Levi’s betrayal, the grief for her mother, her confusion and frustration with her father. Even her secret love for books with happy endings. “I’m afraid I have some, too.”
“Maybe we all do, yes?” Looking reflective, Sarah Anne mused, “I know I don’t always enjoy sharing my bad. I mean, who does?” She chuckled.
“Your bad?” She’d never heard that expression.
“All the things that have marked me over the years. The way I don’t always sleep too well at night.” Looking down at her hands, she added, “My regrets.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
“I don’t know if it matters if I am or not. Not really.”
Her almost whimsical way of looking at life caught Kayla’s attention. “Perhaps.”
“Now, I haven’t seen you in the bookmobile lately. Where are you getting your books?”
“I haven’t had much time to read lately.” That wasn’t exactly the truth though. What was wrong was that, for the first time, she wasn’t finding as much comfort in her made-up heroes and heroines as she usually did.
“Surely you’re joking.”
Kayla wasn’t sure if Sarah Anne was being serious or not, but she felt a little defensive. “I’ve got a lot to do.”
“Oh. Of course.”
“I’m sorry. You’ve been so kind to me, and here I am, snapping.”
“No reason to apologize. It’s a librarian’s curse, I suppose. We think everyone should have time for books, even if they’re busy girls like you.”
There was something in the older woman’s kindness—her motherliness—that allowed Kayla to lower her shields. “My father isn’t doing well,” she blurted. “He won’t get out of bed, and… I think he lost his job.”
Sarah Anne’s expression went slack. “Oh my word, child! What is wrong? Is he sick?”
“Kind of. But it’s not his body that’s sick. He still mourns my mother, I think.”
“Oh my. Kayla, when did she pass?”
“Three years ago. When I was twenty-three.”
“You were so young. That had to be hard.”
“I miss her every day. She was a gut mamm.” She took another sip of coffee. “This might sound bad, but I miss a lot of things that I used to take for granted. My mamm, my father smiling and being in charge of everything. Levi.”
“Levi?”
“He was my beau. We’d dated for years. I thought we would marry, but we broke up.”
Sarah Anne studied her for a long moment. “I’m sorry, Kayla.”
“It’s okay. Someone once told me that Earth isn’t Heaven. Life is supposed to be hard, I think.”
“Perhaps, but not all the time, dear. For the record, I’m glad you’re living, Kayla. My world would be emptier without you.”
Kayla gave Sarah Anne a small smile. “But how do I help my daed?”
“It’s not my place to say.”
Oh, no. She wasn’t going to let Sarah Anne off easily now, not when she’d already shared so much. “But if it was?”
“I’d gently remind your father that he is still alive, too. And if that doesn’t do the trick, I’d maybe remind him that you are as well. You are too young to raise a father, child.”
“He needs me.”
“I’m sure he does, but you might need something more than what you have right now, Kayla.” She shrugged. “Or, maybe not. Please forgive me, I sometimes have a habit of saying too much. It’s a consequence of age, I think.”
Kayla’s cup was empty, and she’d eaten two mini scones. “I think I had better go. My father is going to be worried about me.” That was, if he was out of bed.
“Of course.” Sarah Anne popped to her feet. “Go put on your boots, and I’ll put a few scones in a bag for you to take home.”
“Thank you.”
Her mind a clouded mess, she hurried to the entryway and slipped back on her boots and cloak.
“Here you go.” Sarah Anne handed her a brown paper tote bag.
Wondering what could be filling up the sack, Kayla found a loaf of bread, a Ziploc bag of scones, and a blue hardcover book. “What is this?”
“Oh. It’s… Well, it’s an old favorite of mine. Courage to Love.”
“I haven’t heard of it.”
“I’d be surprised if you had. It’s an old one. A sweet romance, if you will. And, dear, I know you don’t have time to read right now, so, don’t worry—I won’t be quizzing you.”
Courage to Love was a lovely book, but a thick one. She reckoned with the way things were going, she likely wouldn’t be able to finish it for a couple of months. It didn’t sound too interesting to her, either. After all, who would need courage to fall in love?
Thinking like this was no way to repay the woman’s kindness. “Danke, but I’m afraid I can’t accept it. I, um, really don’t have much time to read.”
“Please, keep it. Enjoy it, or don’t. Like I said, I won’t be making you give me a book report. Just read it if you have time.”
“But that’s the problem. I don’t have time.” Of course, the minute she said it, Kayla wondered if that was exactly the truth. She was beginning to think that she was spending too much time worrying about things she couldn’t control.
Sarah Anne pushed aside her comment. “Maybe one day you will, though. In any case, it’s yours. A present, if you will. I don’t want it back.”
“Are you sure?”
“If you went upstairs, you’d see that my hallway is lined with bookshelves.” She winked. “Books are good friends, but I probably won’t miss it too much.”
“I’ll take care of it.”
“I know you will. And who knows? Perhaps that little book will take care of you from time to time.”
Once again, it felt as if Sarah Anne was being cryptic and telling her more than just words.
“Danke,” Kayla said as she stepped out the door. “It was kind of you to think of me.”
“You’re welcome, dear.”
To Kayla’s surprise, Sarah Anne closed the door almost immediately, leaving her alone to walk down the walkway, brown bag in hand. Pushing it out of her mind, she hurried home, working up a sweat and practically race-walking to get away from the cold.
When she opened the door, only silence greeted her. It turned out her father had decided to leave the house, but he hadn’t left a note this time.
Staring around the empty room, Kayla almost felt betrayed. Once again, she’d passed up an opportunity to further a relationship in order to help her father. She could have taken Aaron up on his offer for coffee. She could have stayed another few minutes in Sarah Anne’s comfortable, cozy home. She could have done so many other things.
A Perfect Amish Romance Page 6