My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

  “What?” Durex regain consciousness, “Wha…… What’s wrong?”

  The poor priest’s mouth slightly twitched, “Durex, do you want this man to be your husband?”

  Durex looked at the President and said, “No…..”

  En? The President’s face sank, he suddenly raised his hand using with two fingers to naturally or half unconsciously touch his forehead.

  Durex’s brain was finally completely awake by the huge two million diamond ring.

  Gritting her teeth, she determinedly said: “I do!”

  This time the priest was relieved: “The father and son of the Holy Spirit will protect you, bless you and give you grace through life and death, amen. My lord is always here with you. Light Muller, Durex, I have witness you swear to love each other, I am very pleased to announce that in the presence of those seated here, you are now husband and wife, the groom may now kiss the bride.”

  Before the sound of one’s voice had died away, Durex only felt her face heat up, and when she regain her conscious the President has held her face and kissed her lips.

  The shallow kiss stayed on Durex’s lips for a few seconds, and then left. Suddenly, a burst of applause broke out in the audience, Dpapa , Dmama and Light old madame was so excited that tears were falling down.

  In a happy atmosphere with the exception of only one person, no she shouldn’t be classified as a person, at best the statue is known as Durex.

  If just one “wife” phrase was frightening enough, then this kiss now can only be use horror thriller to describe it. After a few minutes Durex was completely in a dissociative state, until the President unhappily cough and interrupted her thoughts.

  What’s wrong with this woman, how times does she have to wonder off in space during the wedding ceremony? Does this President not having any charms? President Jian thought about a few things that happened last night, then he thought of the first time Durex came to his place to live.

  Finally, the President’s was successfully angered.

  When the President is very angry, the consequences are very serious.

  “Wife, drink on my behalf.”

  Drink on his behalf? Durex stumbled and almost fell. Why does she need to drinks on his behalf? Isn’t she the bride!? His not even sweet!

  But the President solemnly said: “I have to drive later so I cannot drink.”

  “What about Dave?” (Chauffeurs A)

  “He asked for leave.”

  “Challote?” (Chauffeurs B)

  “He’s sick.”

  “Takeshi?” (Chauffeurs C)

  “His wife just gave birth.”

  “……”

  Finally, Durex held onto her last glimmer of hope, pointing to Jason who was socializing with guest on the side: “What about Jason……?”

  “Jason has his own car to drive.”

  >o<

  Finally, in order for the President not to drive under the influence of alcohol, Durex had to sacrifice her ego to achieve the goal, she drank one glass after another of the President’s wines.

  One cup, two cups, three cups……

  Finally, Durex was not drunk!

  When it was time to go home, Light Muller asked her in the car: “You…… all right?”

  Durex shook her head: “I’m okay.”

  “You drank a lot……”

  “No much, just a dozen glasses.”

  The President’s mouth twitched.

  In actual fact, Durex didn’t get drunk, instead she was more sober than before.

  “Are you angry with me today?”

  Durex asked this question, originally the car was driving along smoothly suddenly jolted.

  Light Muller stared outside and replied: “No.”

  “Don’t lie to me, you must be angry.” Durex’s words were very firm, “why didn’t you wait for me this morning to go to church before you went on your own? And at the banquet your expression was sour, when guest spoke to you, you didn’t reply. Look at you! You’re getting angry again!” Durex pointed to Light Muller’s face.

  Unexpectedly, this girl looks so silly, so he carefully observed.

  He didn’t know why his dull mood suddenly improved.

  “I wasn’t angry.” Light Muller continued.

  “Never mind, if you don’t want to say it, then don’t!” Durex waved her hand. “Where are we going now?”

  “Home.”

  “Home?” The unhappy Durex frowned, “Lacking in creative.”

  Light Muller raised an eyebrow: “Where do you want to go?”

  “Er……” Durex thought for a moment, she suddenly had a bright idea, said: “I want to see the moon!”

  “Look at the moon?”

  “Yes, today is fifteen, and the moon must be extra round!”

  This girl today is somewhat different, Light Muller nodded: “Alright, let look at the moon.”

  The luxurious white sport car carried the bride and groom who’s still in their wedding attire along the road, all the way to the top of the mountain. The car steadily slowly down, exposing a sky full of stars, and the round disk like moon.

  “Wow!” Durex called, “the moon is so beautiful today!”

  Seeing her look of excitement, Light Muller cann’t help but curve his lips.

  Suddenly, his smile disappeared and was replaced by a brief shock.

  Durex took the initiative to lay her head on his shoulder, and started counting the stars.

  “One, two, three……”

  “You are a little bit different today.” Light Muller couldn’t help but say.

  “Is it?” Durex squinted and stared at him, the stars shone into her eyes, the blackness in her eyes flickered.

  Light Muller suddenly dazed by them.

  “Why are you looking at me?” The person in his arms suddenly laughed, “I know! You like me!”

  Light Muller was startled, said flatly: “I don’t.”

  “You are lying!” Durex said with a smile, “you just blinked a few times, so you must be lying.”

  “I……” Light Muller suddenly couldn’t speak.

  He didn’t speak further, Durex also didn’t speak, she leaned on the President’s shoulders and continue to count the stars.

  “One hundred and sixty-seven, one hundred and sixty-eight, one hundred and sixty-nine……”

  “Actually I……” Light Muller suddenly spoke.

  “Never mind, I’m sleepy.” Durex started to yawn.

  “I……”

  “I’m sleeping, good night.”

  Then Durex closed her eyes and fell asleep.

  Her closed eyes under the bright moonlight, the star light reflected the white wedding dress on her body, her beauty was slightly breathtaking.

  Chapter 10 – Wedding customs

  Sleeping until dawn, Durex rubbed and patted her pillow, then with her eyes closed she comfortably patted her mouth a few times.

  Today’s pillow is a bit hard, but it’s quite flexible.

  This pillow is a little big ah, but also very warm.

  Today the……

  “Ah!”

  Like a dead pig howling on the hill, she awakened the sleeping Light Muller, then he saw Durex embracing herself in horror, her mouth was still dripping drool.

  He couldn’t help but curve his lips: “Wake up?”

  “Didn’t wake up, didn’t wake up……” The President is smiling! Durex swallowed her saliva, she began to self-hypnosis, “This is a dream, this is a dream, it must be a dream……”

  “What are you talking about?” Light Muller especially real voice rang into her ears.

  Heaven, earth, ah, why is that even in her dreams the President refuses to let her go? “This is a dream, it is a dream……” Durex kept mumbling to herself, then she simply closed her eyes and returned to sleep.

  She believes that when she opens her eyes again the nightmare will end.

  However, a
hand suddenly touched her head, the warm heat from her head is so real.

  Isn’t this nightmare a little too realistic?

  Durex suddenly felt she was being struck by lightning, it seems yesterday……

  She opened her eyes and looked at the smiling President, and softly asked: “Am I…… dreaming?”

  Light Muller shook his head, and then smiled.

  Boom——

  Durex’s fragile little heart couldn’t stand such a huge blow, she was on the verge of collapsing.

  Heaven! Last night did she do something unforgivable with the President? He was actually smiling! He was so angry that he was laughing! These days interacting with the President, Durex deeply felt that this smile is very strange, very dangerous and very scheming.

  Then, she moved away from Light Muller and curled up in the corner of the car then desperately waved: “I…… I didn’t mean to embrace you…… yesterday I was drunk……”

  “Drunk?” Light Muller was startled and the smile on his face stiffened.

  Durex held up three fingers and swore: “I did not deceive you, I was drunk yesterday, I don’t remember anything. What…… whatever I did or said, don’t take it personally……” President Jian please don’t hold grudges! Durex pray in her heart.

  However, the President’s face still sank extremely terribly.

  Durex quickly cry out, full of grievances: “Don’t get angry, yesterday…… I didn’t want to drink so much……”

  “……”

  “At most…… At most, next time I won’t drink so much……”

  The President’s finally erupted: “Do you still want to have a next time?”

  Don’t even think about it!

  The cruel reality once again proved that the resistance is short-lived, and the oppression that hasn’t been shaken for one hundred years has been shaken. After a brief change, the poor Durex was finally pushed into the abyss of oppression.

  The unknown white sport car travelled, carrying along the ablazing with anger President and his silly bride back to their nest.

  Upon arriving at the front door, Dpapa and Dmama heard car sounds and came to the door.

  “Look at the youngster nowadays!” Dmama took Dpapa’s hand and said with a face of envy, “they both look energetic, wearing their wedding attire chasing romance without resting! Old man, when are you going to take me for a ride, on a romantic trip for two?”

  “Okay.” Dpapa nodded, “Wait for me to pump the bikes and I’ll take you to the west street to eat tofu.”

  “…… Can you change to a motorbike instead?”

  “Wife, with the current financial crisis, a motorbike ride at night will be easily robbed.”

  “Okay, let’s bike it then.”

  -_-|||

  At that moment, Durex deflately got out of the car, upon seeing her parent’s excited expression, her mood worsen.

  “Dad, mom……” She gave a feeble cry.

  This cry made Dmama very happy.

  Ah! The child must be tired from last night, this son-in-law! The couple have all the time in the world, what’s the rush? Ultimately, the young are good!

  Not only Dmama didn’t blame her daughter’s rudeness, she also took her daughter’s hand and warmly asked: “Daughter, are you tired? Quickly come in and have breakfast, don’t starve.”

  Immediately Durex was greatly moved, as expected her mother doted her the most ah! She glanced at the President beside her, who is now smiling in front of her parents, who knew he had such a poker face.

  In contrast, her mother warm and sweet kindness came out.

  “Daughter, your father and I are going home today.”

  “Ah?” Durex was startled while biting her toast, “you guys are returning so early?”

  “Yes.” Dmama nodded, “your father and I only took a simple leave to get here, we need to go back earlier and return to work. Besides you two are newly weds, having us stay here isinconvenient, so it‘s best if we return.”

  Just when she thought her mother was gentle, her mother wants to leave, Durex was somewhat reluctant.

  “Mom, can’t you stay a few more days?!” Durex begged.

  “You’re already married, also still so reluctant to let go of mom and dad.” Dmama laughed.

  “No, it’s not……” Durex was shy, then glanced at the President, being like this she appeared more like a daughter-in-law.

  However, only Light Muller understood, this idiot certainly thought with her parents present, she had back up.

  And that’s in fact true.

  At this time, Dpapa who has been silence suddenly spoke: “D, in fact you don’t have to be reluctant to part with mom and dad, besides in a few days you guys will be coming home.”

  A few days? Durex was startled for a while, “Why would we return home in a few days ah?”

  “Oh you are a silly girl, even forgot after getting married, you have to return to the bride’s home.” On the side, Dmama laughed nonstop, “Did you forget hui men!?[1]“

  [1] hui men: Hui Men refers to the bride’s home visit, traditionally taking place 3 days after the wedding ceremony. The bride’s younger brother travels to the groom’s home in the bridal car with a basket of gifts for the groom’s family. The groom then welcomes him by opening the car door for him.

  San Zhao Hui Men is significant as it is the couple’s first visit to the bride’s family home as a married couple. The couple comes prepared with gifts for all elders of the family.

  In contemporary times, all the events of the Chinese wedding are compressed into a single day. To symbolise the passing of three days, the bride changes out of her western style wedding gown into her Qun Kua. Red packets are also used to replace gifts for family elders.

  With this, the modern Chinese wedding ceremony is complete.

  Hui men!?

  But this time, not only Durex but the President who stood on the side was also shocked.

  How could they forget “hui men’s” thing.

  What is “hui men”? “Hui men” is a Han wedding custom, after the couple is wedded, day three, six, seven, nine, ten, or full moon, the son-in-law will bring gifts and return to his wife’s home to greet her parents and relatives.

  And this “hui men“ ceremony is also very important to Durex’s family. So before Dmama and Dpapa came they discuss it with seventh and eighth great aunty, they agreed once their daughter wedded, their son-in-law will come to meet the family.

  Such an important thing Durex didn’t remember nor did the President. However, just because they didn’t remember, doesn’t mean they don’t have to go through with it. Who told them to get married?

  So, on the third day after the wedding, Durex came home with the President.

  Chapter 11 – Golden turtle uncle

  And so, on the third day after the wedding, Durex returned to her bridal home with the President.

  In the President’s car, Durex felt uneasy, she thought for a very long time before turning to the President and asked: “Why don’t we take a bus?”

  However, the President replied her with his eyes: The President never takes the bus.

  Durex also suggested: “Otherwise…… we take the train back?”

  The President was not happy: “Are you tired of sitting in my car?”

  “No, no!” Durex shook her head like a rattle. To be fair, the President’s driving skills and his car is the best of the best. His driving was smooth and safe, she who often suffers from car motion sickness didn’t feel dizzy at all. And the dignified President personally driving, it’s a rare opportunity to come by.

  But the problem is, such a luxurious car driving in a rural district will only gather people’s gossip!

  Durex’s home is an old town house, there are plenty of aunties who gather downstairs to gossip all day, if they saw the President’s car, they will definitely ask her many questions. By then even the granny downstairs with her one mon
th old grandson will also know that she married into the rich and powerful. Wouldn’t she be humiliated after the divorce?

  Just the thought of this, Durex felt it was unsuitable to return home in the President’s car.

  She rolled her eyes, her mind came up with a strategy: “I can’t travel in the car for long rides, I’ll get carsick!”

  “Motion sickness?” Light Muller frowned, “I never heard you mention this?”

  “That’s because…… Because before the time wasn’t too long, so…… so it’s okay……” She felt guilty saying this statement, even though she knew it was a lie, but the President believed her!

  “All right.” Light Muller nodded.

  Durex suddenly felt so excited, the President actually has some humanity!

  “We’ll go by plane then.”

  >o<

  A certain person startled and stunned, from A city to J town, it takes less than two hours by train, if they were to travel by plane……

  So, Durex took her first and most shortest flight of her life. They only just boarded the plane ten minutes ago, and now they were preparing for landing, it was too embarrassing.

  However, more embarrassing things were yet to come, once the plane landed, a more swagger red sport compares the President’s white sports car was parked in front of them.

  This time Durex recognized the brand—— Ferrari!

  Sitting in the Ferrari to return to her home not only the area’s aunties, even Ma aunty’s dogs and cats surrounded them, staring at the car there were many discussions.

  Ma aunty A: “Quick! Come look! I’ve seen this car on my TV before, it cost more than a million!”

  Ma aunty B: “Not even! How I see it, it should be at least 10 million!”

  Ma aunty C: “You guys are all wrong, this type of car is in the billions!”

  Dog: “warf warf warf”

  Cat: “meow——”

  With countless onlookers envious eyes, Durex lowered her head and go out of the car.

  Now she extremely regretted, why didn’t she wear a hat before? Right, and also a pair of sunglasses! If there was a mask, it would be better……

  With such thoughts, Durex couldn’t help but steal a glance at the President. She saw him casually get out of the car, using his hands to shut the door, and then he casually straighten the suit on his body, and calmly said to Durex who almost invisibly hangs her head: “Let’s go, which level is your home?”