My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

  Just as she was thinking, a smiling VirgoDa Fu suddenly appears, upon seeing Durex, he smiled very brightly.

  “Little D! Morning!”

  Durex was frightened, she had to reluctantly smile: “Morning Manager…..”

  VirgoDa Fu patted her on the shoulder: “Little D, thank you for your hard work!”

  “What hard work?” Durex appeared confused.

  Seeing VirgoDa Fu’s glaze over her, he mysteriously said: “Just now, the President called, he said your trial report was very well written, and he was satisfied.”

  The President?

  Durex’s face turned red, she hurriedly tried explained to VirgoDa Fu: “Manager, last night I did not……”

  “Little D, don’t be shy!” VirgoDa Fu interrupted her, “It’s great you have this spirit of self-sacrifice for the mall, overall the President is happy, we all are guaranteed bonuses this year, and it’s all because of you!” He said more excitedly, not long after the other employees in the mall surrounded them.

  Seeing the employees come, VirgoDa Fu was more excited, he loudly shouted: “All mall employees, Comrade Xiao Dis a rookie, but her dedicated spirit is very worthy of learning! Let us applaud her together.”

  Sounds of applause was heard, this time not only VirgoDa Fu, even in the supermarket colleagues know of her “hardship” last night.

  At this time Durex genuinely feel how ruthless the President’s revenge truly was, it can be said to be killed invisibly!

  “Little D, because of your outstanding contribution to the mall, I’ve decided to reward you!”

  At this point, the poor Durex no longer have any illusions to clear her name, she was frustrated and asked: “Manager, you wouldn’t be giving me coupons again?”

  “You can rest assured that this is my materialistic award!”

  Materialistic reward? Durex’s spirits were lifted, anyway, her “pure and innocent” image was gone, getting some rewards will be fine! Loosing the watermelon, picking up some of its seed is also good.

  Seeing VirgoDa Fu come up with a full shopping bag and handing it to her.

  Filled with happiness, Durex looked down then, her entire face darken.

  A bunch of condoms, different types, different flavours, different colors, neat rows laid in the bag.

  “Manager, this is……”

  VirgoDFu expansively waved: “You can try these, use as much as you want, don’t be polite with me! If that’s not enough, I’ve got more!”

  Gurgle gurgle, Durex was broken into pieces.

  VirgoManger, you are so creative!

  In this way, Durex have been in the workforce for so many years, this is the first time she carried such a large bag of condoms home.

  When she walked to the front door, she meet Old Yu, seeing the bag in Durex’s hand, he hurriedly took it off her.

  “No need!” Durex hurriedly hid the bag behind her and change the topic, “Housekeeper Yu, has the President… …returned yet?”

  “Reporting to Madame, the President has not returned.”

  Durex was relieved, good thing the President has not returned, otherwise if he saw the bag of condoms… she don’t know what horrible things will happen.

  Old Yu suddenly remembered something, “However, this morning before the President left, he gave me something to hand over to Madame.”

  “Give me?” Durex was somewhat by surprise, what did the President wanted to give her? Was it a time bomb … … ?-_-||| D, you think too much?

  Durex didn’t need to worry, because the thing the President wanted to gift her was a mobile phone.

  When the package is opened, the first thing that caught Durex’s eye was the purple mirror frame, she took it out and saw that it was a Japanese style flip phone. The screen was three or four times larger than her old phone with shiny buttons, it was even decorated with an amethyst pendant.

  Seeing the pendant alone was enough to shock Durex .

  President, you don’t have to buy anything for a Chinese crested dog!

  >_<

  Because it was the first time Durex came into contact with such a luxurious mobile phone, she was filled with energy and enthusiasm studying the instructions manual. High-end goods are indeed higher quality, the light manual was thick which made Durex feel dizzy just looking at it. Finally she was only able learn how to make calls and send text messages.

  -_-|||

  Forget it, she might as well try it instead.

  So Durex picked up the phone and dialled Linda’s number.

  “Hello?” Soon Linda’s clear and crisped voice was heard at the other end of the mobile phone.

  It turns out the mobile phone was even charge with credit, the President is very considerate! Durex was secretly pleased, changing the tone of her voice she asked, “Guess who I am?”

  “Durex, what did you stay? How old are you? Still playing a childish game!”

  Linda’s question made Durex depressed: “How did you know it was me?”

  “Nonsense, isn’t this your mobile phone number, or it is a pig or a dog?”

  Although Linda scolding was bad, but just the thought of the President remembering her mobile phone number, Durex’s heart suddenly felt a little warm … …

  When one is meets with happy events their spirits are high, Durex decided while having a call conversation she took out the bag of condom: “Linda, do you want a condom?”

  “What? Condom?”

  “Yes, I know you and Xia Kun haven’t married, it should come in handy … …”

  “Are you crazy?” She haven’t finished her sentence when Linda shouted out from the other end: “TM who dare to interfere with my birth control, I’ll avoid her entire family!”

  Durex was frighten with cold sweats and quickly hung up the phone.

  Such a character, the child she gives birth to will turn into Ultraman?

  After ending the call with Linda, Durex continued to dial her mom’s number: “Hello? Mom! It’s D!”

  “Daughter! How come you call mom at this time? Could it be you have……”

  “…… I dialled the wrong number.” Durex hurriedly end the call.

  The President was hard to please, even dialling the President’s mobile number was particularly unusual. After a few rings Durex completely lost the urge to continue the call.

  Alas, it’s better for her to eat a peaceful meal.

  Just when she was ready to stand up, her mobile phone suddenly lit up and rang.

  There was an incoming call!

  After making so many phone calls, it was the first time Durex received a phone call, she quickly took a look, a strange number appeared on the screen.

  Who could it be? Durex presses the answer button and said, “Hello?”

  “Hello.” On the other end came the President’s placid voice, which scare Durex.

  The President’s voice came out of the President’s mobile phone, It’s… really so… frightening!

  Without waiting for her response, Light Muller’s voice spoke again: “You’ve received the mobile phone yet?”

  “En… …” Durex woodenly replied.

  “You know how to use it?”

  -_-|||

  President, isn’t that a bit impolite to ask?

  Given this call was so sudden, the President’s next dialogue then evolved into the mechanization of question and answers.

  Light Muller: “Is your health better yet?”

  Durex: “Better……”

  Light Muller: “Did you eaten yet?”

  Durex: “No… …”

  Light Muller: “I asked Wu Sao to cook some red dates for you, remember to eat them.”

  Durex: “Okay……”

  Light Muller: “Tomorrow on the weekend, remember to go visit grandmother at the hospital.”

  Durex: “En … …”

  Light Muller: “Then I’m hanging up.”

  “Wait a minute!” Dure
x suddenly was rudely awaken, “where are you now?”

  At the other end of the mobile phone came the President’s faint voice: “In Los Angeles.”

  Chapter 21: The President’s secret

  When Durex least expected it, the President travel a worldwide distance, once again the mansion fell into her clutches, Durex was excited.

  Of course, excitement are excitements, the words of the President she must listen to, and she didn’t want to get caught badly like last time.

  So the next morning, Durex put on the dress the President gifted her last time, and carrying some of the fruits that Old Yu prepared while travelling to the hospital to visit the old madame.

  Arriving at the ward, once the old madame saw her granddaughter-in-law coming to visit her, she was unspeakably happy as she attentively took Durex’s hand.

  “D, have you settled into the family?” The old madame asked.

  “Accustomed!” As long as the President goes on business trip every day, she will be more accustomed to it.

  The old madame happily nodded, then asked: “Yes, how come you came alone? Where’s Ah Jun ah?”

  “He’s gone on a business trip.”

  Hearing this, the old madame was not pleased: “You’ve just married, how could he go on a business trip? Leaving you all lonely at home! When he returns, I must have a word with him!”

  Don’t! Durex was anxious: “Grandma, don’t scold him. He has his own career, how can I disturb him?” Oh, saying such impressive words, when she actually wanted the President to travel more often, that way she can do whatever she wanted! Since getting to know the President for such a long time, sure enough she has the potential of a black belly.

  Such words reaching the old woman’s ear, made her very happy: “Our family’s granddaughter-in-law is so understanding, such a good girl. Come come come, let grandma look, fattened up yet?” The old madame said filled with joy as she looked at her granddaughter-in-law, observing she suddenly thought of something and her eyes sparkled.

  “D, you’re fat!”

  As the old madame mentioned this, Durex suddenly remembered, today when she wore the dress it did seems like the zipper was a little tight, she must have gain some weight? However, it’s all thanked to the President, who told the President resident’s food to be so good? Since she no longer needed to work for a living, if it continues any longer, she really will become a female landlord.

  Durex distressly nodded: “I do appear to have fatten slightly..”

  “Fat is good! Fat is good!” Old madame’s face was filled with joy, the following sentence she said amazed Durex: “Fat is great for conceiving a child!”

  Durex felt embarrassed: “Grandma, it’s still too early…”

  “How is it still early? It’s not early, it’s late!” The old madame seriously shook her head, “A year or two later, Ah Jun’s will thirty, if you don’t start now, when it is appropriate? Speaking of which, really in such an important moment, how he could go on a business trip? If he goes on a business trip, then how about my great-grandchildren? You want to become an advance age pregnant women……?”

  As the old madame kept talking, Durex’s facial expressions almost collapsed. Grandma, you worry too much!

  From the old madame’s perspective, Durex’s embarrassed expression was full of awkward shyness, she winked at Durex: “What is there to be ashamed of? Grandma was also inexperienced when I was younger, besides just one glance I can tell our Ah Jun is strong and powerful, who knows he might hit jackpot in one go!”

  Durex was completely embarrassed, how can elderly of this generation think so boldly!

  Her embarrassment, on the contrary intrigued the old madame’s spirit, and said in a low voice: “D, have you noticed the strawberry type birthmark on Ah Jun’s butt? Isn’t it cute? When he was a child, I fondly pinch his little bottom, it was so tender and white…..”

  “……”

  It turns out that the President had a strawberry type birthmark on his bottom? Durex was baffled.

  At the same time, due to the old madame being immersed in it, she begin to talk about Light Muller’s childhood embarrassments. So Durex stayed in the wards, listening to the old madame talk about the President’s personal secrets in such a public place.

  The old madame said: “You’ve got no idea how beautiful Ah Jun was when he was younger! His skin was white as snow! His big watery eyes! Everywhere I brought him, people thought he was a girl. Later, when we went out I simply let him wear a dress, deceiving others saying his mother gave birth to twins, the result all those idiots all believed me! HA HA HA … … Also, the first-year of elementary school when he was seven years old. I asked him to wear a dress, the result when school was over, his school bag was full of snacks the little boys gifted him… tthe most funniest was when he was in third grade…… “

  That moment, Durex suddenly had some sympathy for the President, no wonder the President’s personality is so distorted, it’s simply because from an early age it was broken by the old madame.

  -_-|||

  “Achoo!”

  At the other end of the Earth, Light Muller who rarely sneeze, insightfully sneezed.

  Jason came and said: “President, did you catch a cold? Shall I fetch your coat for you?”

  “No need.” Light Muller waved, lifted his head from the pile of documents, “The thing I want you to do, have you done it?”

  “Reporting to the President, I had made a phone call to ask Housekeeper Yu, he said early this morning Madame have gone to the hospital to see old madame.”

  “Good.” Because of fatigue and slightly bloodshot eyes he flashed a smile, “You go back to sleep.”

  Jason stood there, he hesitated for a moment, and said: “President, you’ve stayed up all night, aren’t you……”

  Neatly turning a document page, Light Muller didn’t look up before saying: “Okay, you go to sleep first, I’m almost done.”

  “Yes … …” Jason lowered his head and closed the door and the moment he turned around he shook his head with frustration, “If I knew early we had to rush, we should had to go back to complete it instead……”

  There was a certain person at the one end of the Earth working hard to revitalize the world economy, while there were others at the other end of the earth lazily listening to people’s gossip.

  Over the weekend, at the request of the old madame, Durex spent two entire days in hospitals, those days she was forced to listen to the President’s personal secrets, from birth to studying abroad, plus with the old madame’s exaggeration the contents was more exciting than reading a novel.

  Moreover, she also learned for the first time, the President’s mother has ItaLight ancestry, so that means the President has one-fourth of Italy origin, no wonder his nose so pointy, his skin complexion is so good and his body is great…

  Of course, all this is she absolutely will never allow the President find out, if he does she would die from embarrassment!

  A short weekend of the old madame story-telling finally came to an end, a new day work commenced.

  Sitting at the counter, Durex kept yawning.

  Sussan came over: “Little D, yesterday was the weekend, why is that you look more tired than going to work?”

  Durex gave a long sigh, revealing her very sad eyes and replied: “Sister Sussan, there’s something you won’t understand……”

  How could she understand?

  If it wasn’t because last night it was fast approaching 12 o’clock, the President’s sudden call frightened her! Does he not know there’s a time difference in the United States? The most outrages thing was the President called just to ask if the old madame was well or not.

  How can the old madame not be well? The old madame is in such good health that she even clearly remembers the strawberry type birthmark on your butt!

  Durex finally awakened, it turns out the President didn’t give her a mobile phone, it was a midnig
ht call!

  Because of this sudden “midnight call” it caused Durex unable to sleep well all night, in fact she didn’t know why she was so angry that she couldn’t fall asleep, is it because she heard a certain person’s hoarse voice… …?

  “Oh! I’ve got it!” Suddenly Sussan realized, then she came closer to mysteriously whisper into her ear, “Little D, Manager gave you so many materialistic rewards, it is difficult to try them all?”

  Pfufffff

  Durex almost choked to death.

  Sister Sussan, your thinking is more creative than VirgoManagers!

  Chapter 22: Rather work a ten-day shift then accompany this child!

  In fact, it’s not only Jie Sussan, majority of woman’s imagination are very active. This time, during lunch, each counter’s main force will gather and conspire together, with their bright active minds continuously produced a steady stream of topics.

  It is said a woman can have millions of topics to discuss , but no matter what’s the topic, it is unavoidable to return to men, and the topic finally gathered at the topic of the “golden turtle” husband.

  The Cosmetics counter’s Sister Mei spoke first: “Woman must marry a good man! Don’t be like me, married a poor man, in this lifetime can only stay as a small shop assistant in the mall!”

  “Yes, Yes!” The Jewellery counter’s Xiao Zhou also accost, “You noticed that Mrs. Wang that often visit our counter to buy jewellery? I heard her husband is the Manager of XX Bank, his really rich! You see her proud and arrogant aura? Really superior!”

  Everybody was in succession, Durex always feel that something was wrong, “Is it really that good to catch a golden turtle husband?” Why is that after she married the President, life seemed more miserable … …?

  “That’s for sure!” Sister Mei said earnestly, “You are not married, you don’t know how cruel reality is, if a woman married a poor husband, they’ll age faster!”

  Age faster? Durex’s lips twitched.

  “Sister Mei, what you said would be wrong! If you marry a rich husband, it’s likely he’ll have mistresses outside, having Xiao Mi[1], which woman can tolerate this? I believe every women want to stay young, the most important thing is that love is still moist.” Jie Sussan suddenly spoke.