My name is Durex

by Umair Sheikh

  She was sweating! Causing the President to wait so long, he must be angry, right? The thought of this, DLe Si was slightly apologetic and afraid.

  However, upon seeing the President, the regrets and fear within her heart were all overshadowed by raging anger.

  This is too much!

  She spent one day of her wage, sat in a cow’s carts, after much effort hailed a taxi, and discover that the President was sitting idle in the car with the air conditioning blowing!

  At this point, upon seeing Durex, Light Muller gestured at her and said, “come in.”

  He even dare talk to her in commanding tone, the fatigue, grievances and anger had a small outburst in DLe Si’s heart!

  She opened the door, rushed in, preparing to verbally abuse him.

  Light Muller suddenly opened his arms and gave her a big hug.

  Horrid thundering ——

  Just thought of lightning over her head, DLe Si froze in her location, there was a sense of fragmentation.

  Why did the President hug her? Why does the President have such enthusiasm? Why was the President so erratic, and played unforseen cards? On top of that, she felt her heart was ready to jump out of her chest.

  The hug lasted a few seconds, Light Muller let go of her, his face restored a displeasure expression again: “You know you were late for a few hours?”

  “……” DLe Si was in a dissociated state.

  Light Muller frowned: “Your body, what smell is it?”

  “Ah?” DLe Si regain her conscious, sniffed and embarrassedly replied, “well … it… appears to be… cow dug…”

  ……

  A sudden horror cuddle made the atmosphere in the car suddenly become very awkward, because she was late for a long time, the President seems to be displeased, he remained silent. Once again, Durex entered a dissociated state her mind constantly emerge of the hug scene.

  Until the chauffeur said, “We have arrived.” The silent atmosphere was broken.

  “Where… … Where is this?” Durex regain her conscious, she was surprised and looked around, why didn’t the President return home once landing, came here instead?

  “Hotel.” Light Muller answered her dismissively.

  “Hotel?” DLe Si didn’t have time to react, and vaguely asked: “Why don’t you go home?”

  The question within her heart was soon resolved by Light Muller’s simple words: “Need isolation.”

  Isolation?!

  Yes, DLe Si have not heard it wrong, the flight the President flew from the United States, a Chinese passenger was found with abnormal temperature, after repeated inspection by the medical staff, he was confirmed as swine flu, thus have been rushed to hospital for treatment. Dozens of passengers on the same plane, including the President, and because close contacts of patients must be in a specified place for a seven-day quarantine.

  After knowing this, DLe Si wondered and asked, “Didn’t the Government allow those with close contact with the swine flu patient to be quarantined at home?”

  Why did they come to a hotel for quarantine?

  “You want me to kill Lao Fang and the others?”

  Hearing this, DLe Si can’t help but whisper: “Since you have to be isolated, why you asked me to……”

  “I can’t.” Light Muller’s eyes suddenly flashed a meaningful smile, and said in a steady voice: “You also have to be isolated.”

  “Me?” DLe Si froze, and why should she also be isolated? … … Could it be because … …

  A sense sinister of foreboding rose in DLe Si’s mind, she suddenly thought of the hug, the President hugging her tightly, and for a such long time … …

  Yes, precisely because of this warm embrace, the innocent Durex who had nothing to do with swine flu suddenly leaped and upgraded to having close contact with the swine flu, needing to spend seven days of isolation with the President!

  That moment Durex suddenly realize the President was so enthusiastic was only because of one reason——to drag her down!

  Chapter 24: Days of isolation with the President (1)

  Our victim Student Durex still foolishly followed the criminals around, completely unaware that she had walked into the trap that the President had set up early that morning. The moment she woke up, the free accommodation, 7 days hotel quarantine tour had its arms wide opened waiting for her.

  Deceiving her to the airport, deceiving her to the hotel, and even causing her the lively healthy young women to be isolated! This time being imposed by the President was a premeditated and purposeful, and it’s a nature of serious fraud!

  This time, Durex was really angry!

  “How can you do that?” Durex strongly protest, “you clearly knew you had to be isolated, and yet you seek me as a scapegoat, you’ve really have gone too far!”

  She didn’t think the President would ask: “Where have I’ve gone too far?”

  He still had the face to ask where he has gone too far? In fact, it was everywhere!

  Durex angrily said: “You are your own boss, of course you don’t need to worry, but I’m only a small staff! To stay here for seven days is equivalent to earning seven days of wage, do you know how much is seven days of wage?”

  Light Muller raised his eyebrow: “How much?”

  Originally Durex wanted to say $300, but in order to make things appear more serious, she overstated by another $200: “$500!” Durex held out five fingers.

  “I’ll pay you twice as much.”

  What did he say? Durex was slightly stunned, “You … … are you handing money over to me?”

  “That’s right, how much will you lose for seven days of work, I’ll pay you double, how does that sound?”

  Durex was stunned silence, she never thought that the President could be so generous, if she knew earlier she would have asked for a little more … …

  “What, you don’t want it?”

  “Want!” Durex quickly said the following words.

  Originally seven days can only earn her $300, now she freeload at the hotel for seven days and take $1000, deducting the $20 cow cart fee and the $50 taxi fee, she could still earn $630. Just the thought of $630 glistening Silver flying into her pocket, Durex’s anger was eliminated in half, she couldn’t help but cheer up.

  “But I have a request.” Light Muller suddenly changed the subject.

  Durex who has been emerged in a bubble of happiness was interrupted by Light Muller’s words, she was somewhat stunned: “What are the requirements?”

  “Since these seven days I’m paying you, than I am your boss, these seven days you have to listen to me.”

  Kao! Indeed a capitalist, never let himself be at disadvantage! Durex gritted her teeth, in her heart she severely condemns the evil capitalists 100 times over and over again.

  “What? You won’t agree?”

  “Who said I won’t agree?” Durex gritted her teeth again, “I request another $500 on top!” Since they would be isolated separately, what can he ask her to do? Making a few calls to brighten his bordem!

  “Okay.” Light Chun agreed, “then from now on I am your boss?”

  “Okay……” Why does she feel slightly self-conscious?

  “You won’t regret it?”

  “No … … I won’t regret it……” Why does she feel slightly guilty?

  His deep black eyes flashed a hint of meaningful smile, then Light Muller slowly said: “Okay, let’s go then.”

  Coming out of the elevator, there are already medical personnel at the door of the room, one glance you could tell the doctors weren’t a mere gp.

  Sure enough, as they walked to the front, the middle-aged head doctor in white coat respectfully bowed to Light Muller: “President Light, due to special circumstances, we had to delay your trip, I am sorry.”

  Yo! It’s the first time she has seen a person receiving an apology for being quarantine, on the side Durex observed the President’s reaction.

  L
ight Muller nodded: “These days: is there any particular thing we should pay attention to?”

  “Before we departure, we will measure your wife and your body temperature, then after this we will send someone to take your temperature every morning, if there isn’t any abnormal temperature within seven days, then you two will be released.”

  On the side Durex though it was perfectly normal.

  At this time, a doctor who was standing on the side came over with the thermometer, quickly took Durex’s temperature, then fill out some of her basic physical condition. After everything was done, the doctor also left walking out of the room.

  Suddenly, Durex thought that something was wrong.

  “That……” She softly spoke.

  Light Muller didn’t pay her any attention and began to unbutton his suit.

  Thinking that the President didn’t hear her, Durex leaned over and deliberately raised her voice: “That……”

  At that time Light Muller have taken off his coat, in the middle of undoing his tie.

  “I think……”

  “What’s the matter?” Light Muller stopped his movements, followed by a killer glaze.

  How can taking off a tie produce such strong aura? Durex recomposed herself, putting on a flattering smile she said, “I … … I just wanted to ask … … where… … Where will I sleep?”

  “There.” Light Muller pointed to the inside of the room.

  Durex froze, it was a long time before she tried to vainly say: “Then… … Where will you sleep?”

  “There.” The President’s finger still pointed in one direction.

  This time, Durex was embarrassed and weakly said: “Over there … appears to … only have one room……”

  “And?” Light Muller asked.

  “And … … there’s only one bed … …”

  “And?”

  “And then … … I … …” Durex finally gritted her teeth, and cruelly shouted the truth: “I don’t want to sleep on the floor!”

  The President evoked a smile on his lips: “Who said I was going to make you sleep on the floor?”

  Ah? Durex was stunned: “Then… … you want to sleep there?”

  After she said this, the smile on the President’s lips disappeared: “How dare you ask me to sleep on the floor?”

  “No! No that’s not it!” Durex continuously shook her head, for a moment she thought something wasn’t quite right, “you are not sleeping on the floor, I’m not sleeping on the floor, then we … … “

  “We sleep on the bed.”

  BOOM!——

  Durex’s head exploded.

  “No way! I don’t want to sleep with you!” Durex didn’t think before blurting this out.

  “What are you talking about?” Light Muller’s face instantly changed from sunny to cloudy, an overcast with a storm coming.

  “I … … I said I don’t want to… … don’t want to … …don’t want you to suffer and squeeze into one bed with me……” After Durex finished speaking, Durex mentally slapped her own mouth, Durex ah Durex, how can you not having any principle?

  Light Muller’s expression calmed down, “I don’t mind.” He said and added the following words, “Besides it’s not the first time.”

  Swish! Durex’s face turned red.

  Obviously it was the President who’s forcing her to sleep in the same bed as him! At that moment, Durex low EQ suddenly had an epiphany, could it be the President wants to … … Want to eat her tofu[1]?

  [1] Literal Definition: To take advantage of woman physically or verbally through actions bearing sexual connotations. Eg: through inappropriate flirting.

  The common saying of “Eating Tofu” is related to the story of “Tofu Xishi”.

  How the story came by: “Xishi” was the name of a beautiful woman from the Spring and Autumn Period (770-476BC), who was presented by Fu Chai (the King of Wu) to Gou Jian ( the King of Yue). “Xishi” then became a popular term for referring to beautiful woman, which is how it continues to be used today.

  “Tofu Xishi” refers to Yang Ersao, a character from the novel “Guxiang”, written by Lu Xun.

  Yang is the owner of a tofu shop; she is young, beautiful and has flawless skin because she eats tofu all the time. She entices and flirts with men in order to sell more tofu. These men always go to her tofu shop under the guise that they are just going there to “eat tofu” in order to flirt with her. Over time, the idiom “eating tofu” came into use to refer to a man taking advantage of a woman.

  How to use it in a sentence: Be careful, this idiom has a softer meaning in contemporary China and is generally only used in casual contexts, making it unsuitable for use in formal conversation. It is commonly used by men in a humourous manner during potentially embarrassing situations. For example, if a man accidentally brushes the chest of an attractive woman whilst on a bus, he may then use the phrase to apologize her as such: Sorry, I did not mean to eat your tofu.

  When Durex thought to this point, she was frighten by her own ideas.

  Why would the President want to eat her tofu? So as they say, eating white tofu constantly, occasionally you would want to taste the smell of stinky tofu.

  Phooey! How can she be stinky tofu? She is a delicate and tender, a smooth piece of soft tofu! (D, you overestimate yourself-_-| | |

  The problem is that the President who constantly eat tofu lacks professional ethics! Clearly she was the one who was at disadvantage, yet he could turn things around and made it appear as if she forced him, eating his tofu instead.

  “Linda, someone wants to eat my tofu!” The resentment in De Lei Si exploded, taking advantage of the President taking a shower, Durex began sending text messages to Linda.

  After a while, Linda’s replied message came: “Who’s so bored, even wants to eat your tofu?”

  Durex’s little pride suffered a blow and argued back: “This person is dictatorial, overbearing, shameless, a man in beast clothing, worse to the extreme point!”

  “Generally a beast in human clothing looks more beautiful”

  “Well … … He really good-looking…… “

  “Is he rich?”

  “There is a lot of money … …”

  After a while, before Durex got Linda’s reply, she received a call from her instead. When she picked up the call, Linda’s scolding came through: “A man who’s rich and handsome you don’t eat his tofu, why ain’t you eating his tofu first? You’re so silly!”

  This powerful wave of earthquake finally made Durex regain her conscious, after a long time she suddenly realised——Oh! Why didn’t she eat the President’s tofu instead?

  Chapter 25: Days of isolation with the President (2)

  The idea of eating the President’s tofu sounds very exciting and fascinating, but also very difficult.

  However, just as Durex ended the call, the bathroom door suddenly opened, the President came out of the bathroom dressed in maroon robes, this scene made Durex recall the President’s naked god-like image not long ago, her face turned red to the point like a ripe persimmon red.

  She quickly put away her mobile phone, feeling awkwardly, she didn’t know where to put her hands.

  At that moment, Light Muller came over and stared at her: “You peeped at me showering?”

  Her red persimmon became a rotten persimmon, red to black, “Who’s … … peeking at you showering?”

  “Then why is your face so red?”

  “I … … I … …” Durex struggled and didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t inform the President that she had intentions of eating his tofu, right? “I feel a little hot!” This was the best excuse she could think of.

  Hot? Light Muller narrowed his eyes, staring at her, her flushed cheeks, lowered eyes with the look of uncertainty. Is it hot? Clearly she couldn’t think of anything else … … he couldn’t help but flashed a smile on his face.

  “If you’re hot, then go take a shower.” />
  Durex felt embarrassed, after the President finished his sentence, she evidently took steps forwards and appearing like a chicken pecking rice, hurriedly nodded and then rushed into the bathroom.

  After slamming the bathroom door shut, discarding the other person’s heartbeat, her heart was pounding as her chest heaved as if it was going to jump out, even the sound of rushing water sound still couldn’t wash away the wave of anxiety within her heart.

  However, outside the living room in the bathroom, the sound of rushing water caused the other person’s lips to curve into a smile.

  After an hour.

  Light Muller glanced up at the clock on the wall, and felt that something was wrong.

  “Hey, are you okay?” He knocked on the bathroom door.

  The bathroom was silent, only after a while did a weak voice appear, “I … … forgot to bring in a pair of clothes to change into… …”

  That’s right! Because a fool just went in too quickly, forgetting to take a pair change clothes. After she take off her clothes and realised, it was already within the bubble soup.

  “Let me help you grab it.”

  When the rich and deep magnetic came through the wooden door into the bathroom it caused Durex’s faces to lit red with embarrassment, “but … but … But I didn’t bring any clothes … …” This is all thanks the President, without informing her drag her into isolation causing her not to have a second pair of clothes to change into besides the t-shirt + jeans on her body, and even underwear are … …

  This is too embarrassing! Too embarrassing!

  “You wait for a moment.” Suddenly the President’s voice was heard through the door.

  Durex was in a trance, and after a while the President’s voice came through again, “Open the door.”

  Open the door?

  Durex was inevitably a tension, she hesitated before slightly quivering and opened the door.

  Suddenly, within the vapor a pair of paw like hands crept out of the door and the cheerful Light Muller placed something into her hand.