by Anne Stone
“I’m okay.”
“Sore?”
“Yeah, I am. I haven’t used those muscles in forever. Guess I’ll have to work on strengthening my core for my next visit.”
She approached her and sat down on the edge of the bed. “I brought you some ointment for the pain. I’ll leave it here and you can apply it.”
“Thanks.”
She reached for her hand and patted it lightly. “Honey, I’m so glad we’ve had this time. I’d like to invite you for the holidays. I know this is a little premature, but I’d love it if you could return with or without Ryne. As far as I’m concerned, you’re now a part of this family.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I wouldn’t feel right not coming with Ryne.”
“Let’s play it by ear. Maybe he’ll have some time off and you can come together. I’d love to share the holidays with you.”
Jacklynne watched the emotions cross her face. She smiled at first and then she saw the pain and the tears form. “Don’t cry. Oh my, I didn’t want to upset you with my invitation. I did it because I love you, sweetie, and I know you love my son. I’d hoped to convey our acceptance of you into the family.”
“You did. I apologize for being a tad bit emotional. I seem to have been that way all day.” She played with the comforter, straightening it and patting her hand along the edges. She rolled her lips as she tried to contain her emotions. Looking back up at Jacklynne, “I’ve really enjoyed my stay. I love you and Jacques and everyone. From the moment I got out of the car, I felt like I was accepted into your family. I have to admit, I was a tad bit nervous meeting everyone. I didn’t think I’d remember everyone’s names— I mean, I knew the names but I wasn’t sure I’d get the name with the face.” She laughed at her statement.
“But then, I felt like I’d known you forever. I feel so comfortable here. I can be myself and not worry about saying or doing something wrong. And Ryne, he’s been wonderful. When we first met, it wasn’t under the best of circumstances, but he forgave me for almost running him down, and we’ve been together pretty much ever since.”
“I heard about your first meeting. That will definitely be something your children will get a kick out of. Mom almost ran Dad down.” She noticed the look on her face. “I’m sorry, honey. I don’t want to imply anything.”
“I understand but it is a pretty funny story.” Jen sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Jacklynne slipped her arm around her. “I love him.”
“Oh, honey, I know you do. I took one look at you when you got out of the car and I knew. He can’t take his eyes off of you and vice versa.”
“Sometimes I get this overwhelming feeling like it can’t be. How can I be this lucky to have found him?”
“Sweetheart, I don’t understand.”
“Nothing good happens to me.”
“Oh, honey,” she pulled her into her arms. “Don’t think like that.”
“I can’t help it. My parents died and I lost my way.” She took a deep breath. “But now, I think I’ve found it. You and Ryne have seen something in me that I didn’t. You both knew how photography impacted my life and how much I need it.” She pulled away from her. “Jacklynne, you’ve filled my heart. I can’t replace my mom, but…”
Jacklynne’s eye rounded in alarm. “Oh, honey, no, I wouldn’t expect you to.”
“I just want to say that you are important to me. I know I can’t see the future, and I definitely can’t see whether Ryne and I will make it or not, but what I do know is you’ve become very important to me, and I hope we can stay in touch.”
Jacklynne tucked a wisp of hair behind Jen’s ear and patted her shoulder. “Sweetheart, of course.”
They were interrupted by the ringing of the phone. “I should get that as we’re the only ones in the house, and I always worry about the boys when they’re on the range.”
Jacklynne hurried from the room. Jen knew she could never replace her mother, but if she could, this woman would be the perfect choice. She groaned as she stood.
Instead of applying the ointment, Jen decided instead to take a walk. She wanted to visit the pond one more time before leaving. She wasn’t exactly sure where Ryne was but that was okay. She felt at home and comfortable enough taking a stroll.
Her back seemed tight as she threw on her shoes and headed out the door. She hoped her walk loosened up her sore muscles. She wasn’t sure where Jacklynne was, so she left her a note telling her she was heading out to the pond. Camera in hand she strolled down the trail. She stopped when she saw a rabbit nibbling on the grass. Next, she caught a butterfly as it fluttered through the flowers. So beautiful. I’m going to miss it out here.
She neared the pond and sat down on the bench that sat along the edge. She was lost in thought when a shadow crossed her path. Before she could react, a hand grasped her shoulder. “Hey, you okay?”
She turned her head and was surprised to see Philippe standing beside her. “Hi.”
“Are you okay? I called your name several times and you didn’t answer. I didn’t want to frighten you.”
“You didn’t. I was daydreaming. I’ve fallen in love with the ranch. I don’t want to go home.”
“Then stay.”
“I wish I could, but I can’t. Ryne can’t either.”
“Yeah, I know, but I could hope.”
She patted the seat next to her which he took. “I know how close you and Ryne are.”
“He’s my brother.”
“I realize but it’s more than that.”
He hung his head low over his bent knees and shook it. He glanced at her out of the corner of his left eye. “You’re right it is.” He sat up and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. She reached for his hand. She could tell he fought his emotions; the muscle in his cheek throbbed as he clenched his teeth.
Except for the sound of a chirping bird, they sat in silence. She didn’t know how to approach the subject. And then, she started. “Ryne told me about Annabelle. I’m sorry for your loss.” As her words registered, his eyes flew open.
“He did?”
“Yeah, he did.”
“It’s been five years. Five long years. I don’t know how I’ve survived without her. She was my life. I loved her since high school.” She saw the flood of emotions as he warded off his tears. “I never imagined my life without her. I still can’t.”
“I understand.”
“How can you? You’re not married. You didn’t lose someone close to you.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I did. I lost both of my parents in one senseless car accident the evening of my high school graduation. One which I didn’t attend since my grandparents informed me of their deaths shortly before I was to enter the auditorium. So yes, I do know a loss. A huge loss— one that’s affected me every day for eight years.”
She turned slightly so she could see his face. His eyes were clenched shut, and his muscles had tensed. “Philippe, or can I call you Phil?”
“Phil works.”
“Great! Phil it is then.” She caught the glimmer of a smile from him. “Phil, I know what you’re going through. Granted, I didn’t lose the love of my life, but where you’re wrong is they were my life. I’m an only child. I grew up in a world where they took care of my every need. They provided for me. I was going to take over my dad’s business when he retired. But in a blink of an eye, everything was taken from me. I had to learn how to care for myself. Yes, my parents had provided for me in their deaths, but I still had to learn how to manage my money. Manage a household that I’d never had to before. I had my grandparents to support me but that was it. When I went home, I was alone. No one was there to hold me. No one was there to comfort me when I couldn’t see my way.
“I had many sleepless nights wondering how I would go on. How I would survive. Was it hard for me? Damn right it was and it still is to this day. Do I have good days? Yes, I have good days, but I also have bad ones. Ones where I can’t breathe and wonder how I can go on. And
then I look at their picture and know that they’d want me to carry on with my life. They’d want me to enjoy it and go on in their absence, and they’d want me to be happy.
“Only recently did I realize that I wasn’t as happy as I could be. Ryne and I are involved with a fundraiser at the school where I teach. My boss knew my father and knew that I was once a photographer. That was what I was going to be when I got through school. Anyway, he asked me to have a showing of my work and use it as a fundraiser for the school. I hadn’t picked up a camera in almost eight years. The feeling I had when I opened my camera case overwhelmed me. I cried for hours. And then I realized I needed to do this for the school but also for me. I thought it would maybe help me heal.”
“And has it?”
“Yeah, but your brother has also helped. Ryne came along and changed my life. He made me see that I’d given up on my career way too soon. He helped me realize that I needed it to survive. And the funny thing is I thought I’d survived and moved on. But I was wrong. Your brother—and, I have to say, your mom too—have helped me see that I can’t turn my back on what was supposed to be my life. I need it. It helps me breathe, and your brother helped me see that I wasn’t breathing and that I hadn’t been happy in a long, long time.”
Phil seemed to relax as he listened. With a half-smile he said, “He loves you, you know.”
“Yeah, I know and I love him too. And I also love you and your family. Your mom and I had a discussion right before I took my walk today. She has such insight into things. She knew I wasn’t happy and talked to me about it.” She smiled at him. “Have you shared your grief with her?” He shook his head. “I think you should talk to her. I know that you already speak with Ryne, but maybe her perspective will help guide you as well. I know she loved Annabelle too. In fact, I’m sure she was loved by your entire family. Don’t push them aside. Listen to what they have to say and maybe their one word, one phrase, may help you through the day. I know how easy it is to bury your feelings. During hockey season that’s it for you. Train, practice, play a game, travel. It’s all too consuming and leaves you little time to think about what you’re feeling and what you’ve gone through.”
He leaned back against the bench and crossed his arms. “It’s times like this— the off season when the memories all come rushing back,” she urged. “Use your family and if you need to, seek a grief counselor.” He nodded. “For me, I was enmeshed in school. I took as many credit hours as I could. I thought if I kept busy studying, I could bury my grief and forget about the accident. Except, I couldn’t. At the oddest of times, my grief would overcome me, and I’d be so affected by it I’d miss days of school.”
She turned toward him. “After a while, my grandparents knew what set me off: birthdays, anniversaries, and my birthday. They did their best to keep me busy and my mind off it, but it didn’t work. Just know that you are going to have those days but don’t wallow in your grief. Seek someone. Let them help you. When I started to do that, things improved.” She squeezed his hands.
“Let your family in. Don’t try and bury her. Let her live on, keep the memories but also go on with your life. I’m sure Annabelle would want you to find someone. She would want you to have a family.”
He threw his head back and breathed deeply. A tear escaped his eye and trickled down his cheek. He looked into her eyes. “Thank you, Jen. I appreciate your talking to me. I am so sorry for what you’ve gone through. I’m just happy that you found my brother and he’s making you happy.”
“He is and I know he wants to see you happy too.” She reached over and pulled him into her arms. She’d done what she set out to do; now it was up to Philippe.
“Uh huh, what’s going on here?” She released her hold on Philippe and turned towards the voice.
“Ryne, what are you doing here?”
“I came to find you.”
“How did you know where to find me?”
He pulled her note from his pocket.
“Oh yeah, I did leave your mother a note.”
“Everything okay here?” He looked at his brother.
“Yeah. All’s good.” Philippe leaned over and kissed her cheek. “You’ve got a special lady here. Don’t mess up a good thing.” He stood and started back towards the house. Turning back added, “Thanks, Jen, and welcome to the family.”
Ryne joined her on the bench as they watched his brother amble down the path towards the house. “You okay?” She nodded. “I gather you spoke with him about Annabelle.” She nodded again. “And?”
“And I think he’s going to be okay, at least I hope so. He doesn’t want to move on and leave her. I told him he needs to talk to your mom. She has such an insight on things. And I also suggested a grief counselor. I hope he listened to what I had to say. At least, I think he did.”
He pulled her into his arms. “You’re a special person, Jennifer Steele. The luckiest day in my life was the day you almost took me out with your car. I love you so much. Thank you for seeking him out.”
“Actually, I didn’t. He found me.” He raised his eyebrow at her. “I was sitting here daydreaming, and he found me. I’m glad it happened this way, that I didn’t proactively seek him out. I wonder if Annabelle sent him my way. Whatever, it all worked out, and I think I gave him something to think about.”
They spent another half hour enjoying their view and then returned to the house. They had another early morning flight the next day, and she wanted to pack and get some sleep before heading home.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The remainder of the summer flew by, and before they knew it the fundraiser was almost upon them. Ryne had worked hard with his training and rehab of his hip. He was feeling good and was excited to get back into his daily hockey routine.
Jen spent the weeks leading up to the event photographing everything and anything she could. She was pleased with her results and anticipated raising a lot of money for Lakeview.
She’d made her decision about her future, and she’d elected to no longer tie it to the success of the fundraiser. And since making her choice, she’d been happier than she’d been in a long time. She owed it not only to the resurgence in her desire to be a photographer but also the love of a man that she’d never expected to have in her life.
Ryne was her everything. Since their meeting, he’d become her rock. He was there for her constantly, supporting her decisions and making her feel worthwhile again.
Whether he believed it or not, he taught her to believe in herself and seek her own happiness— not the happiness that others thought she needed.
A week before the fundraiser, she was working in her home studio. She’d just finished selecting the final photographs for the showing and finalizing the website where patrons could order prints.
As she studied a photo in front of her, she remembered the exact moment she’d clicked the shutter on the image. It was near sunset and Ryne was on horseback in front of her. His image, along with his horse’s, was silhouetted with the sunset in the background. The reds and oranges were strewn across the sky along with the puffy cumulous clouds. It was surreal. A strong man sitting proudly on horseback as he scoured the land before him.
She closed her eyes and recalled the night. It was their last evening on the ranch. She was sorer than all get out from the previous day’s ride, but she wanted to see the land one more time before leaving. That afternoon she’d had her conversation with Philippe. Ryne had known how much it had affected her and suggested the ride. As he’d ridden in front of her, she realized how far she’d come since meeting him. She realized what it felt to be a part of a family again and how much she’d enjoyed every minute of her time with the Fergusons. His mom had made her yearn for her mother, but at the same time, she’d made a friend in her— one she hoped to have for a long time to come.
From the moment she’d walked onto the deck the day of their arrival, Jacques had made her feel at home. He was a fun-loving man and a jokester. From the little she’d seen of him, he was a d
efinite role model to his children—guiding them along the path as they made their way through life’s choices. She’d listened to him counsel Emma on a friendship that had gone awry and as he advised Etienne on his contract with the Storm. He reminded her of her own dad and it comforted her. She’d also developed a unique relationship with Philippe. They had something in common that no one should ever have to endure— the death of a loved one.
She was lost in thought and didn’t hear Ryne enter. He’d come over earlier in the day and had taken a call from Adam that had gone on longer than he expected. In fact, one she’d forgotten about as she lost herself in her work as he’d taken the call in her kitchen. She felt his hand on her shoulder and jumped. “Sorry, I startled you. Where were you?”
“Just remembering.”
“May I ask what?”
She pointed to the photo in front of her. “I had a clear image of the moment I snapped this.” She ran her finger across it. “I remember looking at you and thinking how lucky I was to find you and your family. Your mom is remarkable. Having practically raised you boys by herself while your dad was still playing. I can’t image her having to cart you all around town. And your dad.” She paused as tears filled her eyes. Blinking past them, she continued. “He so reminds me of my dad. When I heard how he spoke to Emma about losing her best friend.” She placed her hand over her heart. “It was so…I can’t find the words. I listened to him speak with Etienne, advising him as a former player but more importantly as a father.” She swiped at the tear she wasn’t able to prevent from falling. “I’m so lucky to have fallen into your world.”
She looked up into his loving eyes and knew that he was hers forever. He was her everything, and she prayed nothing would take him from her world.
The evening of the fundraiser was finally upon them. It had been months since Johnston had first suggested it. Ryne had just been traded to the Generals. And now, fall was here and training camp was underway. Outside of his time rehabbing and training, they had spent almost every waking moment together since returning from Calgary. Every day she fell more in love with him. She often found herself daydreaming about them and where their lives were headed. She didn’t want to get ahead of herself. She’d get through tonight and see where their future was headed.