She pulls away from me and looks at me with disbelief. “How could you?” She wipes the tears away with the back of her hand and tries to get off the bed. I snatch her wrist and pull her closer to me. I take her lips with mine and push her back onto the mattress. One hand on her throat and one beside her head, bracing my body. I cage her in and kiss her with everything I have. Her finger nails dig into my back.
I bite down on her bottom lip and pull back until she whimpers. I whisper in the air between us, “I’m good enough to fuck, but that’s it?”
A sad look of regret crosses her face. I wish it hadn’t. I don’t want to be a regret. I know I gave her what she needed. “Is that it, doll?” I search her pained expression for anything other than regret and remorse. “You don’t want me, babe?”
Her lips part and the saddest noise parts from her lips. I can see it in her eyes that she wants me. I know she trusts me from the way her hand gentles on my forearm. My hand’s wrapped around her throat and she doesn’t even react to it. I lean down and kiss her again, closing my eyes and gently suckling. I brush my tongue along the seam of her lips and she parts them, opening herself for me and moaning into my mouth.
She fucking loves me like I do her. It’s not supposed to be like this, but what really ever happens like it’s supposed to?
I gently rest my forehead against hers. My body heats and my dick hardens with a desperate need to be inside her again and show her how much she loves me.
“Don’t fucking act like you don’t want me.” My hips push her legs apart and she opens them obediently. “You just don’t want to believe you do.” I rock my dick against her heat before reaching down to push my pants down. “Stop lying to yourself.”
“I do.” She struggles to say her words. Relief washes through me, but it’s only temporary. The look on her face tells me everything. She’ll never be with me. It fucking hurts. She didn’t even give us a chance. She must see my pain because her hands grab my neck and she pushes my lips onto hers.
“Please.” She whispers. But I don’t know what. I can’t ever figure her out. I look deep into her hazel eyes. “Please.” She asks again, her breath shallow. She bites her bottom lip and rocks against my hard dick.
She just wants me to fuck her. A sharp shot to my chest makes me almost get off her, but her words stop me.
“Like you want to. Like I’m yours.” I barely hear her words. I search her eyes and then I hear the sweetest sound whispered from her lips, “punish me.”
It won’t take the pain away. I know it won’t; but I’ll be damned if I don’t want to pin her down and make her love me.
I narrow my eyes and look down at Becca. “Take your shirt off and get on your knees.”
I’m going to take her exactly how I wanted to since I first held her ass in my office. It may be the last time I ever get to. In the morning I know she’ll want to leave. And I don’t think I have it in me to stop her. I’m going to make this night count. I sit back on my heels and stroke my dick as she obeys me.
My hand comes down hard across her ass, leaving an angry red print. She yelps and her body jolts forward with the blow. The slap echoes through the room and then I remember her son. Fuck! I need to be quiet. A small voice inside me says she’s right. But I push that shit down and shake it off. I reach into the nightstand with my right hand while my left rubs the mark on her ass. I can have her tonight. Every way I want and every way she wants.
I lean forward, my dick nestled between her heat and take her throat in my hand. I squeeze lightly and whisper into her ear, “you want me to fuck you like you’re mine to do what I want, how I want.”
I stroke the lube over my dick and use the excess over her puckered hole. I don’t waste anytime slipping my finger in knuckle deep. “Good girl. Arch your back,” she immediately obeys. “Push back babe.” I fuck her ass with my finger until she’s moaning into the pillows and then I add a second. My left hand strokes my dick and I wish it was in her mouth. Her lips are parted and soft whimpers are falling easily from them. Her eyes are closed and I know she’s enjoying this. I pull out and line my dick up; her eyes fly open and it makes me smirk.
“This is what you want from me babe?” I keep my hand on the small of her back to keep her steady and I watch those lips turn into a perfect “o” as I pump shallow thrusts into her ass. Her hot walls feel so fucking good. She clenches her heat as her head thrashes on the pillow.
“You want me to fuck you like I own you,” I lean down and push my dick balls deep into her. “Guess what doll?” I pull back, almost all the way out. My dick begs to be back in her warmth. Her ass looks so fucking perfect with my dick in it. I grab her chin in my hand and pull her head back so she has to look at me. “I do own you.”
I slam back into her and watch her beautiful lips part with a cry of pleasure. I keep up a steady pace holding her eyes. My breathing comes in pants as I fuck her exactly how she wants. She wants it brutal; she wants to believe that’s who I am. I’ll give her that. I won’t deny her. I thrust into her and I don’t hold back. Her breasts bounce with my movement and I reach forward to cup one and squeeze it and pull to give her the added sensation. Her mouth hangs open and her eyes squeeze shut as I keep up my pace. Her whimpers turn to squeaks and I know she’s getting close. My hand flies to her clit as a cold sweat breaks out on my body.
“Cum for me.” Her back bows and her head falls to the mattress as she does exactly what I told her to do. My balls draw up and my spine tingles as I find my own release with hers. I pump into her with every wave until the after shocks have past.
I gently pet Becca’s back and kiss her shoulder. “Stay here, doll.” I plant another kiss on her shoulder and grab a hand towel from the bathroom to clean up. I wipe both of us off and lay her gently on the bed. I wasn’t gentle with her. Not like I was planning to be at her place.
I lay down beside her and pull her into me. None of that crying on her own shit. Tonight she’s mine. “You alright babe,” I ask as she backs her ass up to nestle between my hips. It makes a soft smile form on my lips.
“Hmmm.” She’s so exhausted she can’t even answer. I rub my hand down her arm and kiss her shoulder before settling behind her. Her warm body against mine feels so right.
A pang pains in my chest at the thought and just as I close my eyes and pray for sleep to take me I hear her say it. “I love you Dom.” It’s mumbled from her lips. I prop myself up on my elbow and look at her. She’s peacefully asleep, but I know I heard her say it.
I lay back down and kiss her hair. “I love you, doll.” I whisper the words and pray maybe that will be enough.
Dom
I can’t stop watching her fuss over her little boy. They’re in my kitchen sitting at the island eating breakfast. I lean back against the granite, gripping it to keep me in place. I could see myself with them. I could see myself with one arm wrapped around her waist and my other hand messing up Jax’s hair. An asymmetric grin pulls at my lips as she leans over to fix his hair. It makes me want to mess it up even more.
I can see the three of us together. But she can’t. Or won’t. I don’t know which.
I push off the counter to walk over to her but my phone goes off. It catches Becca’s attention and she looks at me with an anxiousness in her eyes. She’s been asking to go home since she woke up. She’s been avoiding me and not letting me touch her.
Well, she doesn’t move away from me, but she stills in my arms. She doesn’t mold to me and thrive in my embrace like she did last night. I knew it would be like this. I just didn’t know it would hurt this much.
“Yo.” I answer the phone how I always do, but when her eyes fall to the counter and then to Jax, I wish I hadn’t answered it at all.
“Got em.” Johnny’s says and I know exactly what he’s talking about.
“How many?” He got De Luca and his crew. My fists clench and my blood runs cold. I’m gonna beat the fucking piss out of them and make them suffer for what they did to my girl.
> “All.” An evil smirk forms on my face and I have to walk out of the kitchen to hide it from her.
I remember what Becca said so I ask, “is a dragon there?”
There’s hesitation on the other end. I know I’m not supposed to ask anything with detail. It can always come back around if shit on the other end is heard.
“It’s here. All of ‘em.” I nod my head and let out a sigh of relief. Her house is fine, untouched. I got that message when I woke up. And now De Luca is done. That’s everything. Everything that’s given me a reason to keep her to myself.
“Later.”
“Later, boss.” He answers quickly and hangs up. Short calls, that’s the way they have to be.
My brows furrow as I pocket my phone and walk back into the kitchen. I grip the chair on the island that Becca’s sitting in. As soon as these fuckers are gone, there’s no reason for me to keep her here.
My eyes travel to her son who gives me a happy smile before picking the bowl up and slurping the milk out. I know why she doesn’t want me and it hurts, but she’s right. I can’t put her son through this life. I couldn’t guarantee her safety and I can’t ask her to risk her son. A frown pulls at my lips and I can’t help it. It hurts. I don’t want to say good bye.
“Who was that?” I smirk at her. She’s gotta learn to not ask so many questions. The smirk fades as I realize she doesn’t. She doesn’t have to learn shit; she’s leaving me.
“That was what I needed to hear this morning.” That’s all I can really say to her. She’s already seen too much. I won’t risk her knowing anymore.
“We can go home?” Her eyes widen with hope. It fucking shreds me.
“Yeah, doll. As soon as Jax is done with breakfast, I’ll let you two go.”
Becca
Everything hurts. Every last bit of me aches. But I won’t take the pills. I want to feel the pain. My chest hurts the worst. The knot where my heart used to be just won’t go away.
“Mommy!” Jax yells through the hall.
“Jax!” He’s butt naked and his towel is on his shoulders like a cape. I shake my head and try to hide my smile. This kid. “Baby, I told you to get your PJs on.”
“I want sleep over.” He’s giving me those puppy dog eyes he always gives me. But that’s something I can’t cave on. That’ll never happen again. I’m grateful he isn’t anything but happy about everything. He has no idea. Thank fuck he’s only three.
I squat down and hold back the wince from the slight pain in my ass. “We’ll do another play date with Ava soon, okay?” I gently push the hair out of his face and wrap his towel around him.
He purses his lips and narrows his eyes at me and I can’t help but to crack up laughing. “Bed time, mister.” I use my mommy voice and he doesn’t like that.
“Daddy never made me go bed.” He pouts and I have to hold everything back and try to think about what I read online. I’m coming up short. How to handle divorce. How to handle death. I don’t remember. I can’t think. I don’t know what’s best. My body heats with anxiety and I have no idea how to respond to him.
“Fine!” He stomps his foot and crosses his arms. As soon as his back is turned I stand and wipe the bastard tears from my eyes.
Fucking hell, could today get any worse?
Work was a disaster; I wish I’d just stayed away. Who the fuck am I kidding? Work was just like every other day. That’s not what hurt about today.
I force myself to straighten my back and pick out a book to read for his bed time story. “This one, baby?” I ask.
“I’m not a baby, Mom.” He huffs and lays back on the bed. “I’m three.” He holds up three fingers and speaks with exasperation. I wish I wasn’t so fucking emotional, because that really hurt. I want to scream. I want to cry. But instead, I ask, “okay Jax, this one?”
He smiles and nods his head and it takes everything in me to sit on his bed and pretend like I’m not falling to pieces. I read him the fairytale with the same peppy voice, although my throat feels hoarse and raw. The only thing keeping me together is hearing his little voice tell me he loves me as he hugs me before I get off the bed. He may not think he’s my baby boy, but he is. I hold him longer than I have in a long time and he lets me. My heart clenches and I have to give him a kiss and turn out the lights quickly before he sees what a mess I am.
As soon as I shut the door, I let it all out.
I cry harder than I have for years and I stumble into my room, exhausted and wishing I could change everything.
Three loud knocks at the door stir me from my sleep. Shit. I’m still fully clothed and laying on my stomach over the made bed. I wipe under my eyes and slowly climb off the bed, feeling exceptionally unsteady.
Bang! Bang! The knocks pound on the door. I practically jog to the door so the banging doesn’t wake up Jax. Who the fuck is banging at this hour? Anger gets the best of me and I almost swing the door open without looking. It isn’t even locked. I grind my teeth and nearly snap when whoever it is bangs on the other side again. I need to get a grip and be smart. I stand on my tip toes to see clearly out of the peep hole.
It’s a cop. Fuck!
My heart sputters and my fingertips go numb. I shake them out and open the door before that fucker decides to knock again.
“Rebecca?” He asks with concern apparent in his voice.
“Yes, that’s me.” I want to correct him, but I don’t; technically that’s my name. I just fucking hate not being called Becca.
“I’d like to speak with you if you have a moment.” His eyes search my face and then behind me. I almost look over my shoulder, but stop myself. I know there’s no one there.
I nod my head, “sure.” But I don’t move an inch. We can have this conversation right here and real fucking quick.
“We had a call this evening that you and your son were kidnapped and held against your will.” He says far more calmly than I would imagine possible.
I huff a humorless laugh. “Well obviously that’s not true. I’m standing right here.” My fingers itch to touch my chin. To make sure the make up is still covering the bruises.
The officer shifts uncomfortably in front of me. “Where were you yesterday?” My mouth stays shut as I look him in the eyes.
“I was with a friend.”
“Could I have that friend’s name?” He takes out a pad and a pen from his back pocket and I want to smack it away.
“Am I being charged with anything?” I make sure that my voice echoes annoyance. I’m not annoyed. I’m scared shitless. I don’t want him here asking questions.
“Not unless you’re lying. Are you withholding any information?” The officer’s strong jaw juts out and he looks past my shoulder again.
“No I’m not. I’d like to go to bed officer.” My grip on the door tightens, “I’m fine. There’s no reason to waste either of our time. I’m exhausted and just want to go to bed.” That last part is the truth at least.
“May I come in to take-” I don’t let him finish.
“I’d rather you didn’t. My son’s asleep.” There’s no fucking way I want him in here.
“I completely understand Mrs. Harrison.” Hearing that name makes anger course through me.
“Bartley now.”
“I’m sorry?” He asks.
“Rebecca Bartley. Harrison was my married name.”
“Oh. My apologies. Have a goodnight now.” He seems sincere, but that doesn’t damper my anger. Or my sadness.
I give him a tight smile. “You too.” I’m surprised the overwhelming emotion I’m feeling is anger. Followed closely by a deep aching hurt in my gut.
I close the door, locking both locks and lean my back against it. My eyes fall shut and I try to breathe.
I can’t do this shit on my own.
I wish Dom were here. I wish he could hold me. I wrap my arms around my shoulders and walk slowly to bed, feeling lost and unsure and very much alone.
Dom
I clench and unclench my hands to
get rid of the numbness. It makes the cuts open and it fucking hurts like hell. But I don’t give a shit. I’m glad it hurts.
“You alright, boss?” Johnny keeps fucking asking me the same damn question every hour. No. I’m not alright.
“I’m fine.” When I register what I’ve answered, I snort a laugh. That’s what she’d say.
I take a seat at the desk in the corner of the office. It’s on the opposite side of the room. Across from the pool table. It’s a sleek-looking, glass desk with steel trimmings. I don’t think I’ve ever sat here. My fingers strum along the glass top, waiting for our next drop.
It’s so fucking tedious. So damn boring. I don’t need to do this shit. I’ve got more money than I’d ever wanted and nothing to spend it on. What the fuck did I even use to do sitting here?
“Boss?” I look up with a scowl and then feel like a prick. It’s not his fault. But then again, I am a prick.
I take in a deep breath and manage to sound somewhat normal. “What?”
“Just wanted you to know you still have those requests.”
“What requests?” I ask.
“To sell out if you wanted to.” My forehead pinches in confusion. What the fuck is he talking about? He answers before I have to ask. “I know you said to stop bringing it up, but I just thought you might like to know.”
That’s when it clicks. Give my business over to those thugs? I’m always getting shit offers. They don’t want to pay the right amount to take my clients and they’d ruin this shit anyway. They don’t know what they’re doing like I do. “Pass.” That’s an easy decision.
Johnny gives me a tight smile and nods. “Just thought maybe you’d rather do something else now.” He takes a seat on the sofa staring at the field. A few players are out running gauntlets; fucking sucks to be them.
Do something else. Like what? Just run the books for my Pops? That’d be boring as hell. I never really wanted to do anything other than make a name for myself. Get laid and get paid. That was my motto for the longest time. But now. I don’t fucking want it anymore. I don’t want this. Maybe I will sell the business. Maybe she’d want me then.
Dirty Dom: Valetti Crime Family (A Bad Boy Mafia Romance) Page 14