Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  I had forgotten all about the prophecy until the day that Lilith's mum told me that she was pregnant. I was so ecstatic at the news, then it all came rushing back and I knew that I had to do everything within my powers to protect her, even if it meant I would never be able to be a part of her life. When I sat her mother down to explain everything to her she flipped and I didn't know what to do. Then when I woke the next day she was gone.

  I thought that maybe Lilith would stay safe that way because if even I didn't know where she was then no one else would. It was so difficult when I did find her because I knew that I would have to let her go again. I became friends with the oracle and kept her close. We spoke many times of the prophecy and I always asked her what she could see about Lilith but it was like when she was born, she was blocked from all visions.

  One day the oracle came to me and foretold me of my death and that is when I got my affairs in order for Lilith to take my place. I know that you will all keep her safe and will know how to handle this situation. So I wish you all the luck in the world, please tell my daughter I love her dearly.

  Your Beloved Friend,

  Asmodeus

  I can't believe what I've just read. Surely if he had known this for all of that time he could have prepared us better. How am I to tell the others that our mate is the most important person to ever be born into this world? That she'll close the divide between us all. I slouch back in the seat. We thought things would be hard before but this makes everything damn near impossible! How are we supposed to hide Lilith from the six remaining rulers of our kingdom?

  Gale

  I sit at her bedside waiting for her eyes to open. I can't believe how quickly it’s all gone wrong but I know I don't want to lose her. I understand her hesitancy, after all she was brought up human and has lived her life by their values. Having more than one partner is mostly frowned upon but she's part demon and it's normal for our females to have multiple partners. I get that it may take some time for her to get used to the idea but I just pray she doesn't shun us completely.

  Even though we've only just met, I feel such a strong connection to her. Maybe it's the mate bond but I think it's also more than that. When I look at her I see strength and kindness, fuck knows we need more of that in our life. She's the most beautiful woman I've ever laid my eyes on. With the perfect figure and such expressive eyes. What's not to love? Then seeing her unconscious in Tae's arms absolutely gutted me and I could tell the others felt the same way. We're all already wrapped around her little finger and she doesn't even realize it yet.

  I stand up and walk to the window peering out at the night sky. There are so many people out there living their lives without a care in the world. Not knowing that there are four men in this house who feel like their worlds are being ripped apart. I glance over my shoulder towards our girl and catch her fingers twitching. Rushing to her side I gently take her hand and watch as her eyes begin slowly opening.

  She turns her head and when her eyes fall on me it's all it takes for my breath to catch in my throat. Her eyes widen and she pulls her hand from mine. I feel like I've been shattered, such a small action shouldn't hurt me as much as it has. I know that she's struggling to accept us, but it feels as if she just reached inside my chest and ripped my heart out. She pushes up to a sitting position and leans against the headboard. I give her a weak smile and scratch the back of my head.

  "Hey babygirl, how are you feeling? Do you need me to get you anything, maybe a drink of water?" She timidly shakes her head and lowers her eyes to her lap. Well, this is awkward and I try to think of something to say to make her feel more comfortable.

  "I know you must have some questions, and that this all is alot to take in so if you want to talk about it, we totally can. Although if you want to just talk about something normal that's alright too. I don't want to pressure you to talk about what you just found out if you aren't ready." She met my eyes and smiles at me gratefully.

  "Please! I would love to talk about anything apart from all the changes in my life. It's all just a bit much, you know?" I nod completely understanding where she's coming from.

  "Of course babygirl. Why don't we get to know each other a bit better then? I'll start, what is your favorite color? Mine is seafoam green." She blushes and I can see her fidgeting.

  "Okay, way to start small. Well my favorite color is lavender. What is it you all do for a living?" Seeing the curiosity in her big beautiful eyes, I chuckle at her before giving her an answer.

  "As you know we're like the supernatural police for the city but we also have other jobs. I own a fashion label and love designing clothes. I've worked with celebrities all over the world and also with some who have passed away. My favorite was Marilyn Monroe, she was a treasure to work with. Then Demetrius owns a security firm that does security for big companies and foundations. That's why it was so easy for him to set up extra security around the house. He also has a team who are watching the house to keep you safe." Lilith has been really quiet so I peek up to check she's listening to me and find her eyes glued to me. I preen under her watchful gaze and continue with my explanation.

  "Sam owns a computer software company and writes programs for some big tech companies. He made a program that tracks all of the registered supernaturals in the city, which makes keeping an eye on them a whole lot easier. He also does some hacking on the side. Tae owns a bar you may have heard of, it's called The Underworld Tavern. His bar is the only one of its kind in the city. Other bars run by members of the supernatural community are strictly for supernaturals, whereas Tae's is human friendly. He has some of the staff from D's company doing security to ensure that no humans are hurt there. Some of them know what we're and are drawn to us, others are just naturally drawn to the pheromones we give off. Do you have any questions about the companies? Or would you like me to tell you a bit about your own company?"

  She looks at me in shock and opens her mouth but nothing comes out. Trying again, she finally begins to talk. "Shit, I totally forgot that I now own a business. Lucien told me a bit, but with everything else that's been going on it slipped my mind. He said that it's a pharmaceutical company but what exactly are they developing?"

  I take a minute to think about how much to tell her and decide to just rip the band aid off. "Well it's mostly a cover as they don't do many things catering to humans. What they do develop are things like synthetic blood for vampires and things to help certain demons that are prone to disease. On top of that, because most of the employees have lived long lives and picked up a lot of knowledge over the years, there's a team that is specifically looking for a cure to cancer. It's quite amazing what they've managed to achieve. Your father was one of the only rulers of hell that cared about humans and their survival, he'll be dearly missed." Once I've finished we both fall into silence and I get lost in my thoughts. Asmo was a great demon and I know that Lilith has only experienced heartache when it comes to him, but someone needs to tell her what he was really like. Not what her wench of a mother has filled her head with.

  As we sit there in contemplation, someone knocks on the door. After telling them to enter I'm surprised to see that it’s Sam. He looks at me in trepidation and motions for me to come with him. I turn to Lilith in reassurance and get up to go with him. Once we're alone in the hallway Sam turns to me and says.

  "We have a bit of a situation, I don't want to have to tell this more than once so make sure Lilith will be alright on her own then meet me and the others in the study. And Gale, don't take too long, we all need to hear this, it's important." With that he walks away and I head back into the room. I approach Lilith and explain that I have to go speak with the others and that she should rest some more. I tuck her in and head to the study.

  When I get there the others are sitting, with grave looks on their faces so I sit down and prepare to hear what Sam has to tell us. "Right, now that we're all here I'm afraid I have to tell you guys that the situation is more dire than we thought. Whilst sitting here I noticed
a picture of Lilith, and when I picked it up I noticed a corner was missing and there was something behind it."

  He stops and rubs his hands down his face with a huge sigh. "Asmo left a letter addressed to us all and its contents are very worrying indeed. Apparently the seven rulers of hell were visited by an oracle who spoke of a prophecy including one of them having a daughter who would be a half breed. She told them that this child would become the most powerful creature in existence and that she would unite all supernatural creatures. His brothers weren't happy and most likely they have a plan in place to kill her before she fully comes into her powers. We have to take extra measures to protect our girl, she’s in a lot more danger than we ever could have thought and if she's going to be as powerful as the oracle has foretold, then it isn't only her uncles she'll be in danger from. At least this explains why all four of us are mated to her. She would need powerful males to help and balance all of her own power. That's why we're the first ever quad mating group."

  We all sit there in stunned silence. Shit, babygirl is more than just a handful. She's a whole fucking load of danger wrapped up in a beautiful package. We're all fucked because right now she has the biggest target we could ever imagine on her back and it's not going to go away anytime soon.

  Lilith

  I awake to the sun shining upon my face and take a fortifying breath before sitting up. I know that I need to talk to my guys about everything I've found out. Oh god, I'm calling them my guys, seriously what is wrong with me? They may have told me that I'm their mate but how am I supposed to know that they're telling me the truth? I can't sit around in my room all day like a sulky teenager, so forming a plan I get ready and head downstairs to face the music.

  I get to the bottom of the staircase and listen to see where the guys are when suddenly it's like I can hear everything. I hear the birds outside like I'm right beside them, also the guys arguing in what I presume is the kitchen and there's a dog chasing a cat in the house next door’s garden. Startled, I squeak and stumble back before hitting the floor and curling into myself. How the hell do I make this stop? With my sensitive hearing I can tell that the guys are rushing towards me. I try to cover my ears to block out the sound but still it's too much. It's so painful I begin to weep as I feel hands all around me. Unable to open my eyes or answer their questions, I feel someone lift me into their arms and then I'm being lowered onto something soft. Gradually I can feel my hearing returning to normal and my whole body sags with relief.

  Slowly blinking my eyes open I'm blinded by a white light, immediately I scream closing them again. What in the ever loving fuck is going on with me right now? I ease one eye open a slit and I swear I can see every fiber that makes up the red jumper that is hovering above me. I gasp and begin to quake with fear. This shit isn't normal. Just stop already! As if by command, my vision returns to normal and finally my brain starts to register the worried voices surrounding me. Opening my eyes fully I notice that I'm on the couch in the living room.

  "Shit, what do we do? What the fuck is happening? She stopped screaming, is that good or bad? Guys, I'm freaking the fuck out here!" I can tell this comes from Gale and I weakly smile at his blabbering. I turn on my side before croaking out to them.

  "I'm okay now guys, but fuck me that was terrible." They all rush to speak and I shakily raise my hand to quiet them. I really can't deal with raised voices right now.

  "One at a time boys, my head feels like I've been hit by a train. Before you all ask what happened, I don't really know. One minute I was standing at the foot of the stairs, then it was like I could hear everything. The same with my vision when I tried to open my eyes. That was so fucking messed up!"

  I groan as I try to ease myself up to a seated position but fail miserably. Demetrius's arm comes around me and he positions me sitting with my back against the armrest. I smile at him gratefully and squeeze his arm in thanks. As Tae tries to grab my attention, I try not to think about how amazing it felt with Demetrius's arms around me and focus on Tae.

  "I think it's your powers beginning to manifest. Usually when a demon’s powers start to reveal themselves it’s because they have a mentor who teaches them how to access each one. Since we've been preoccupied with explaining everything else, it slipped my mind that we should be keeping an eye on what powers you have. I'm so sorry that we haven't explained things better kitten. From what you've said, you have super hearing and enhanced vision but this is only the beginning and over time more powers will reveal themselves."

  I look at him in stunned silence. This is fucking great, as if getting used to my life completely turning around, wasn’t hard enough. I now have to deal with this! I really should have known after Sam told me all the things the guys can do. All I could think about though is the fact that I'm some form of fucked up half demon. I turn to all of my guys and take a deep breath, it's time we all talked about what's going on between us.

  "Alright, there isn't really anything I can do to change that fact, at least now I kind of know to expect crazy shit to happen for a while. What I really want to get answers about is how the fuck do you know we're mates?" They all look at me crestfallen like I've just kicked their puppy, and I immediately feel guilty but before I can apologise Tae turns to me and begins to explain.

  "When mates are chosen they get a mark and usually experience quite a bit of pain. On the night of your 21st birthday we were woken up by this pain. The only one of us that knew about the mark though was D, he only told us a few days later. When a male is marked he can sense his mate when he's close to her and like I told you when I rushed up to your room the first night we met, I knew as soon as I looked at you. I could feel it in my gut. What D has explained about the mark is that each of your mates and you, all receive a matching symbol somewhere on our bodies. We can all show you ours and Lucien has already told us he saw yours the night of your awakening."

  I look to Lucien in shock, why didn't he tell me what he saw? Seeing the look I was giving him he looks away from me ashamed. I shake my head and turn back to Tae. "Could I see the mark? I know you’ve explained all of this to me but it's still so hard to believe. I mean I've grown up as a human and having multiple people in a relationship is hard to grasp."

  Tae turns to the others and motions for them to stand up. Once they're on their feet they begin to take off their tops and damn they look like they've been carved from stone. My eyes are immediatley drawn to Gale as I see two nipple piercings catching the light, damn boy that had to hurt but it’s hot as fuck. I realize that while they've been trying to show me their marks I've done nothing but stand here ogling their amazing abs. Like seriously I'm pretty sure I just counted eight on Demetrius, on top of that I can see the edges of a full back tattoo peaking out. Fanning myself I look to where they're pointing. I see what must be our mate mark on each of them, Taes' is on his left shoulder blade. Gales' is on his right shoulder blade, then I turn to Sam and Demetrius and see that they have their marks on their ribs on opposing sides.

  I can see a little bit more of D’s tattoo so I move around to check the whole thing out. It’s a full back piece of the top half of a demoness. With curled horns, an inverted cross carved into her forehead and blood running from her closed eyes and slightly parted lips. She has her arms crossed over her bare chest resting on her shoulders, while leaning sensually backwards slightly. With the whole image wrapped in smoke and a black background.

  I stare at the beautiful mark that is on all four of these amazing males. All I can think about is that if all of this is true then they're all mine. Sure its a strange thought but fuck me would that make me one lucky bitch. I turn to Lucien as the guys put their shirts back on (shit, I was hoping they would keep them off) and ask the one question I have left.

  "So, where's my mark then?"

  Lilith

  Lucien stands pulling his phone out and moves behind me. I turn and look at him with an eyebrow raised and see he's in his camera. I turn back around and shiver as he brushes my hair off of my n
eck. I see the flash go off then he walks back around. Thrusting his phone out to me I see there on the screen a picture of my neck with the same mark that my guys have.

  I feel a shy smile spreading over my face and tilt my head to my feet to try and shield my face. After a moment I look back to the guys. "Alright, so we're mates. I'm not going to lie to you guys. I'm really fucking nervous about that fact, but I'm a lucky girl to have you guys by my side. Thank you for being so patient with me, I know I haven't been the easiest to deal with the last few days."

  Gale beams at me and comes over grabbing my hands. "You haven't been difficult at all. You're so beautiful and you've been taking all these changes like a fucking champ. I'm pretty sure if I were in your situation I would be going completely nuts. Actually, you've dealt with a lot better than any of us would have. You're amazing and don't let anyone tell you differently."

  At his words I can't hide my grin and I feel my eyes filling with happy tears. How the fuck did this basic bitch get so fucking lucky? I feel my guys gather around me and I'm swept into a group hug. At least I understand why I've felt so safe and at home with virtual strangers. I feel an amount of happiness I haven't felt in years, and I feel more loved with these men than I ever did with Justin.

  After the guys go back to their seats Demetrius holds his hand out for me. After I take his hand he pulls me down into his lap wrapping his arms around me and I feel a blush covering my cheeks. Tae leans his arms on his knees and looks at me gravely.