Searching For Who I Am: Book 1 (The Searching Trilogy)

by Paige Orr

  "I'm afraid while you were resting Sam found another letter from your dad, and it wasn't filled with the best news. It was a letter addressed to me and the guys but I don't want to hide anything from you. Especially not something this important. It turns out that your father and his brothers were visited by an oracle centuries ago who prophesied your birth, and what it means to all supernatural kind. They were told that you would be the most powerful being to be born and you would unite us all. Now that in itself isn't bad but the power that you hold inside you paints a target on your back. You don't have to worry though we will be training you to protect yourself and we're the strongest team of Knights that there is. We will always be by your side and we will never let anything bad happen to you."

  I can feel my whole body shaking and Demetrius tucks my face into the hollow of his throat hugging me tightly. When will all these surprises end? I don't think I could handle any more. I don't feel powerful, I feel like the same me from before all of this began and I've always been a fucking coward. I've never been one to step out of my comfort zone, but now I'm supposed to unit all these supernaturals like it's just another day at the office. I just know I'm going to fail them, and I don't know what I would do if I had to see my guys look at me in disappointment. I'm used to that from everyone else but if it's from my guys it would break me.

  I don't realize that I'm in tears again until Demetrius begins to rock me and stroke my hair. I can hear the others in the background whispering, and I know it's about me but I don't have it in me to join the conversation. I can feel the anxiety building inside of me and I begin to shake. Before I realize it, Tae is crouching in front of me instructing me to breathe with him. As I follow along I feel my heartbeat slowing, and the ringing in my ears stop.

  I look at him gratefully and push off Demetrius to stand up. "There's nothing I can do to change this stupid prophecy and I'm sick of letting my fear rule me. I've got you four unbelievable guys in my life, and I think it's about time we get to know each other properly, don't you?"

  I look at them as bravely as I can. If this will be my life now then I need to welcome it with open arms. I mean look at these four! All they have to do is breathe and they'd have women throwing their panties at them. Not only that, they're mine. So why shouldn't I make the most of it?

  "I propose that over the next few nights I get to know you guys individually before tackling the whole group scenario. It would most likely make this all a little easier to get used to for me. That is if you guys don't mind?"

  I wait with bated breath for their reaction to my request and the first to say anything is Demetrius. "Of course we don't mind Princess. Whatever makes you most comfortable. We don't have to rush things, we can go at your pace."

  A breath whooshes out of me with relief, and I grin so wide I feel like my face is breaking. Again, how did I get so lucky to have these considerate handsome men all to myself? I look to each of them then ask, "So, which one of you will I be spending time with first?"

  They all look between each other with mysterious smirks and Gale steps forward. "That would be me babygirl. These fuckers are all too serious and you need a night off from all the crazy to just have fun. Did you even celebrate your birthday with all this shit going on?"

  I look at him stunned. Again I had forgotten it was my birthday the other day. Great work Lilith, way to show how much you care about yourself. I look at them with a sheepish smile and shake my head. They all roll their eyes in exasperation, but I can see the humour in their eyes. Immediately my face begins to burn and I place my hands over my cheeks, I haven't blushed this much since my first crush.

  Gale practically skips towards me before grabbing my hand and twirling me around. I let out a flustered giggle as he pulls me towards him and dips me backwards like they do in the movies. "Why don't you go and get your glad rags on and we can boogie the night away babygirl!"

  I'm crying, I'm laughing so much and he just gives me a sexy grin before spinning me around to face the door, and with a pat on my ass motions me to the stairs. I walk away with the biggest smile I've had on my face in years and I know deep down I'm making the right choice to see where this all goes.

  Lilith

  I walk up the stairs towards my room, in a better mood than I was in earlier but I freeze outside the door. Shit, I still haven't been back to my old flat to get the rest of my clothes. I realize it doesn't really matter, I've got the money to buy myself a new wardrobe to go with the new me. Some of the things I left behind really mean a lot to me though so I'll have to get them at some point. I come up with a new plan since I've got nothing to wear later and we can't exactly start celebrating until tonight. I'm going to get changed and seeing as Gale is Mr.Fashionable he can help me choose my new wardrobe.

  Feeling really excited, I charge into my room and begin ripping through my stuff for something to wear. Settling on faux leather trousers and a forest green vest top. I throw my hair into a French braid on each side and apply some mascara and lip gloss. Slipping into my favorite pair of new rocks with the spikes and high platforms. I walk to the closet, checking how I look in the full length mirror. I must admit I look like a fucking badass and I grin at my reflection before stomping my way downstairs.

  As I walk into the lounge, the guys turn to me and as soon as they're eyes land on my outfit their jaws drop. Feeling self-conscious as fuck, I fidget about from foot to foot. Gale walks over to stand in front of me before reaching out and grabbing my arms, holding them out to the side and scanning me from head to toe. He looks at me with hooded eyes while biting his plump bottom lip and I swear I melt a little inside. Rubbing my thighs together to help the heat building there I ask. "Do I look okay then? I haven't been back to my old flat so I thought we could go shopping before we go out tonight."

  I look to the other guys and apart from Lucien (who seems to be doing anything to avoid looking at me) they're all watching me with lust filled gazes. They all make me feel so beautiful and sexy. Yeah, it's a little overwhelming but it's also nice to feel so free and happy. Never in a million years would I have thought I could feel like this. No one has ever made me feel so desired and appreciated. It's like a balm over all of the pain caused by the hurtful words that I've had spewed at me for years.

  "Of course we can go shopping babygirl, it's my favorite pastime, as you well know." Gale chuckles with a sinful wink at me. I grab my white hoodie, tying it around my waist as Gale holds his arm out for me to take. I beam at him being so chivalrous as I loop my arm through his and we head for the door. When we get outside, I notice that there are more cars in the driveway than when the guys first arrived. They must've gone back to their place to pick up some stuff while I slept.

  Gale guides me to a bright yellow Lamborghini (don't ask me what kind, I'm shit with cars) and opens the door for me. Once we're both in the car he starts the engine before turning to me with an exhilarating smile. "We have a few places to go where I think the styles would be perfect for you. You have an amazing figure and like today you should really show it off. Do you have anything specific you’d like in mind or are you happy for me to pick your stuff? I've got a great eye for these sorts of things!"

  I laugh at how excited he sounds, usually guys fucking hate shopping and here he's acting like this is the best thing we could do together. I can assure you though I could think of something I would much rather be doing with him. "I've got the worst taste in fashion ever. If it were up to me I would walk about in either joggers or skinny jeans with a simple t-shirt. So I should probably leave it up to you if I want to wear things that will help me reinvent myself!"

  He looks at me slyly before putting his foot on the gas and peeling out of my driveway. The drive is quiet but I don't mind because I realize I've got a bit of a need for speed and I'm too busy enjoying the feelings brought on by driving around in Gale’s car. I notice that we're driving towards the more upscale clothing stores and I can feel my stomach knotting up. I know that I've got the money to afford this kind of
splurge but I'm so used to being careful with my money that it's hard to shake this feeling.

  He stops the car outside a hair salon and cuts the engine. Turning to me he beams before saying. "Alright, you said you want to reinvent yourself so first we will be getting your hair done. While you're in there I'll pop into a couple stores to buy some things for you as a surprise. Then once you're done the real fun begins, seeing as I'll get to experience my very own Lilith catwalk!"

  With a wink, he climbs out of the car and walks around to my side. Opening the door, he offers me his hand helping me out. With his hand at the small of my back he guides me into the salon, motioning for me to wait by the door as he walks over to speak to one of the hairdressers. When she notices him, her whole face lights up and I feel a wave of jealousy wash over me. Who does this bitch think she is, eyeing my man like that!?

  While they're speaking, I watch as she pushes her breasts out and flutters her eyelashes. I try to keep my cool but when she reaches out and rests her hand on Gale’s arm I've had enough. I saunter over to them and push her hand away. Looping my arm around Gale’s waist, I turn to him with a scowl. Acting like she has only just noticed me, she looks me up and down unimpressed with what she sees. She smirks and turns back to Gale, completely fucking dismissing me.

  I can feel the anger boiling up inside of me and all the products on the shelves begin to rattle. Suddenly the woman grabs her midsection looking as if she's in pain. Gale turns to me, cupping my cheeks in his hands. "Babygirl, take a deep breath for me. That's it, nice and slow, I need you to calm down for me. We don't want your first outing after awakening, to end up with someone getting hurt do we?" I can see him pleading with me with his eyes and the fear in them finally makes the anger recede.

  What the fuck was I thinking? I've noticed that my powers seem to be tied to my emotions. I should have fucking known better! I look at Gale sheepishly. "I'm so fucking sorry. I-I'm really not used to having to control the way I feel so shit doesn't go down. Will she be okay?"

  I turn my eyes towards the hairdresser in a panic until I hear Gale chuckling. My eyes snap back to him in disbelief. How can he stand there laughing when I might have just injured someone? Seeing the way I'm looking at him he straightens his features but I can still see the laughter in his eyes. "Lilith, Eve here's a Succubus so you haven't permanently damaged her. She'll heal."

  After reassuring me, he turns towards Eve with a murderous look in his eyes. "And Eve. This is Lilith, Asmodeus's daughter. Who you should show a little bit more respect seeing as she's your Princess. Also, the fact that you just put your hand on one of her mates means she had every right to react the way she did! You're lucky that my girl already lashed out at you or I would be making sure you couldn't use your fucking wrists for a week!"

  Eve gazes up at me in shock and I can see her eyes filling with fear. She straightens up and joins her shaking hands in front of her stomach. "Y-Your Highness, please accept my deepest apologies for my disrespect. It won't happen again!"

  Not knowing what else to do I nod at her, grabbing Gale's hand to reassure him I'm fine. Finally, I watch as the tension eases from his shoulders. He addresses Eve once more. "Now your Princess is here to see what magic you can do with her hair. Do I need to worry about leaving her alone here, or can I trust she’s safe in your care?"

  I watch as she cowers away from Gale looking like she's barely breathing. It's like I'm seeing a completely different side to him. Gone is the fun-loving guy I'm used to, replaced by one scary motherfucker. No wonder the bitch is scared. I place my hand on his arm and when he meets my gaze I put on a confident smile.

  "I'm pretty sure I can handle myself baby, so can we tone down the whole hulk smash shit." His head tilts back and he lets out a wonderful laugh. That's more like my Gale, seemingly back to himself he begins telling Eve what he wants her to do with my hair. He's seriously lucky he's hot because otherwise, I’d argue that I'm not sure if what he has planned with her will suit me but I'm sure he knows what he's talking about.

  With that out of the way he brings me into his arms and with a gentle smile he leans down and kisses me. As soon as his lips touch mine it feels like a current of electricity rushes through my body. I gasp and he uses the opportunity to deepen the kiss. He feels amazing pressed up against me, and if he wasn't holding me up I would be on the floor. He pulls away and leaves the salon with a sexy little grin on his face. My goofy boy is fucking dangerous!

  Lilith

  I stand there completely dumbfounded until I hear a throat clearing behind me. Turning, I find Eve looking at me with a lot more respect than when I first walked in here. To be fair I don’t blame her. If I witnessed a girl being kissed like that and still managing to stay on her feet I’d respect her too. She motions for me to take a seat in front of one of the mirrors than stands behind me. She pulls a styling cape out, putting it around my shoulders and she stands back looking over my hair. I can see her thinking over what Gale requested from her and coming to a decision. She nods her head, bending over and picking up her scissors, comb and a spray bottle.

  She removes my braids and sections my hair. Beginning to spray and cut in silence, like she'll fucking catch something if she dares speak to me. Fuck, this shit is so awkward. What are you supposed to say to the person you just caused bodily harm to for looking at one of your men the wrong way? Thankfully, I don't have to think of something as she eyes me through the mirror and opens her mouth.

  "I didn't know that Asmodeus had a daughter, but now I can definitely see him in you. You have his eyes and I should have known you were royal from your hair. I just thought you were some human, that dip dyed her hair though. Anyway, Gale said he's your mate. Who else is your’s?" Seriously, is it normal for demons to talk about this shit with a complete stranger? I could never just come out with such a personal question!

  I take a moment to think about how I should reply. The guys told me that having four mates has never happened before. So if people know about the prophecy then wouldn't I be telling them who I am. Didn’t they say that would put me in danger? Finally, I just say fuck it and tell her. "Demetrius, Sam and Taehyung. I only found out a few days ago and I was fucking shocked."

  Her eyebrows shoot into her hairline in disbelief and she scoffs. Feeling that anger rising again I snap at her. "If you don't fucking believe me, ask Gale when he comes back. Though a bit of advice for you, I would stop pissing me off. I haven't fully got my powers under control and they can be rather unpredictable."

  I look back at myself in the mirror and notice that my eyes have darkened almost to the color of coal. I've got fangs peeking out from between my lips. Also the markings I noticed when I was going through my awakening have appeared on my arms and neck (thankfully the rest of my skin hasn't turned red). Finally, I notice two horns starting to sprout from my forehead.

  Calming my breathing, the horns recede and my eyes return to normal. Strangely enough, though my markings remain, I look at them curiously before shrugging and turning my eyes back to the mirror. I notice that Eve is looking at me in fear and I feel a sick sort of satisfaction roll through me. I shake my head trying to clear the feeling. I don't want to be one of those bitches that gets off on other people's fear of them. I know that doing that shit is just cruel. I’ve seen enough girls treating me that way.

  With an apologetic smile towards her, I settle back in the chair and for the next twenty minutes she completely transforms my hair. I gaze at myself in shock. Who knew a haircut could change your whole perspective? I've got to admit that she has done an amazing job! My hair is now in a sexy asymmetrical bob that frames my face and gives me a slimmer look. I feel like a completely different person and I beam at Eve. I actually feel more confident in myself so no matter how much of a bitch she was, I'm thankful for what she's done.

  "Thank you, I absolutely love it. I never thought I could actually look this good!" She smiles at me proudly and when I try to give her my new card she waves it away. I send a suspicious lo
ok her way and she giggles at my expression.

  "Don't worry about it honey, you are my Princess. I couldn't take your money. Plus I kind of owe you for being such a bitch. I'm sorry I provoked you, I still remember how difficult everything is after the awakening and I treated you unfairly. Believe it or not, I was jealous. I mean look at you, you're stunning and I've been crushing on Gale for a long time. You're a lucky girl, and don't worry I won't be barking up that tree anymore!"

  She winks at me as Gale walks through the door with a triumphant look on his face. When his eyes land on me he freezes, and I feel all gooey inside with the emotions I can see in them. Blushing I look to my lap, I can hear him approaching but I feel too self-conscious to lift my gaze. Gale’s shoes stop directly in front of me and he reaches out tilting my head up to look at him.

  He gazes at me with such a soft expression that I can't help but feel truly loved. Shit seems to be moving so fast with these guys but I can't find it in myself to give a fuck. I've never felt happier in my own skin than how these guys have me feeling. I give him a small smile as he pulls me to my feet and into a tight embrace.

  "You look absolutely beautiful babygirl. I can't wait to take you out and show everyone that you're mine." He quietly whispers in my ear and I feel a shiver run through me. Fucking hell, he's too dangerous for my poor heart. I burrow my nose into the crook of his neck inhaling deeply, and I feel a sense of peace wash over me. Who knew that his scent could make me feel like I was home?

  He lets me go and I've got the urge to chase him. Stopping myself in time I gaze at him dazedly and he shows me a sexy little smirk. Grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the salon. Before I know it we're standing in front of a beautiful little boutique. Looking through the window I spy the most beautiful piece of clothing I've ever seen.