Worth the Risk

by Lindsay Paige

  Bree takes a little while to fall asleep. By the time I’m walking out of her room, Raelynn walks out of Jackson’s room.

  “I am so sorry, Elias,” she whispers.

  I frown as my brows pull together. “For what?” Did I miss a major mishap?

  “Her first word should not be associated with us. I’m just an employee here and it seems wrong that—”

  “Raelynn,” I interrupt, not caring where exactly she’s going with this. “Her first word could’ve been ‘no’ or baba or anything else and I wouldn’t have cared. I’m just happy she said something we understood. You don’t need to be sorry about anything. You and Jackson are going to make an impact on her life because of how much time you spend with her. It’s inevitable. Don’t feel bad or whatever when something like this happens. It doesn’t bother me.”

  “Are you sure? Because I’m pretty positive it would bother me.”

  “I’m sure.”

  She nods. “I’m sorry for being so crazy-like. I worry too much.”

  “It’s okay. Come on.”

  Raelynn follows me downstairs and into the kitchen, where I plan to have a snack. “Can I ask you something?” she says.

  “Sure.” I open the refrigerator doors to scan the shelves.

  “You haven’t mentioned this, and I’ve been meaning to ask, but what am I supposed to do if Bree’s mom shows up?” I freeze. “Is she allowed to see Bree? Or...I don’t know. I don’t mean to pry, I swear, but I don’t want to be unprepared or do something wrong either.”

  I close the doors of the refrigerator and take a deep breath as I face a nervous-looking Raelynn. “You won’t ever meet Bree’s mom.” Her eyes widen a bit at this. “She’s dead.”

  “Oh, I’m so sorry.” Raelynn plops into one of the seats at the table, looking a little lost and upset.

  Forgetting about my snack, I take the seat next to her. “I dated her on and off, just saw her here and there. She dropped off the face of the earth one day and then in February, I find Bree on my front porch with a note from Vicky. I knew where she lived, so I drove over there, freaking out obviously. You can’t drop off a one-week-old baby at my house, tell me she’s mine, and that I’m now solely responsible for her without expecting me to ask questions.

  “When I get there,” I take a deep breath, remembering all the sights and sounds from the horrible part of that day, “she had been found dead of an apparent overdose. I didn’t know her that well, so I had no clue she had a drug problem. It seems she was able to stay clean long enough to have Bree and that was it.

  “My mom had to fly down here because we were about to leave on a road trip. I didn’t want to leave her, but at the same time, it was too fucking crazy to wrap my mind around, so I didn’t mind losing myself in my job for a little bit. Anyway, I probably should’ve told you sooner, but it’s not something I enjoy talking about.”

  Raelynn gives me a little smile. “That I completely understand.” She sighs. “I guess you should give me Henry’s number.”

  “I’ll text it to you. Have you figured out how you’ll do it?”

  She shakes her head. “I know I want to talk to him one-on-one first. But as far as introducing them? No idea. Jackson sounded freaked when he called me today and I just keep thinking Jackson isn’t going to know how to process this or he’ll want nothing to do with Henry or,” her eyes water, “he’ll like Henry more and then Henry will steal him from me.”

  Without thinking too much about it, I reach over and take her hand. “Raelynn, that won’t happen. You’ve been his entire world for all of his little life so far. He isn’t going to give you up for someone new. I mean, maybe he would for me because I took him skating today and he really loved it.”

  She laughs. “If you take Jackson, then I’ll just steal Bree from you,” she warns.

  “Okay, okay. Let’s keep our own kids.” Her smile has me smiling. She’s way too freaking pretty to live in my house all the time. I’m even attracted to her complex personality that I haven’t even begun to figure out yet. And for some reason, at this exact second, I hear Derek in my head, You have the hots for your nanny, don’t you, EJ? I shove that thought out of my head. “If you need help with anything, let me know.”

  “Thanks, Elias.” As if she suddenly realizes we’re holding hands, she pulls her hand out from under mine. “I should do some schoolwork. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Good night.” With a lingering gaze, I watch her walk away.

  Brayden returned, and then we left for two games. Now, it’s Sunday, we’re home, and there’s another game tonight. Raelynn, Bree, and Jackson are going. Jackson is beyond excited. Right now, though, I’m enjoying some time with Bree. We all sit on the floor. Jackson and Raelynn play with Legos while Bree and I play with blocks. We’ve been mostly quiet. As quiet as we can be with a nine-month-old and a five-year-old.

  “I have a meeting tomorrow,” Raelynn says out of the blue.

  I look up at her and she glances at Jackson. “Oh? Do you want me to go with you?”

  She shakes her head. “I was hoping Bree could stay here with you.”

  Oh. That makes more sense. She doesn’t need me or Bree there while she’s meeting with Henry. “Yeah, of course. Take the day if you want it.” We’re about to leave for another trip this week anyway. If she wants a day off, tomorrow will be a good day to take it.

  “Thanks. I might.”

  “Are you nervous?” I ask, though it’s a dumb question to ask. Of course she is.

  Raelynn nods. “I have a lot of questions for him. It’ll be good to get some answers. He’s using his lunch break to meet me, but I don’t know if an hour will be long enough.”

  “If you need me to watch Jackson for you, I will.”

  “Thanks. Is your family excited about coming for Christmas? Where exactly is home for them?”

  She stuns me for a moment, just by being curious about me and my family. I don’t miss that she changed the subject, but that’s okay. “They’re excited,” I answer. I called Mom earlier this week to finalize the plans. “I’m from Canada, Thunder Bay specifically.”

  “Wow. So, they’re flying all this way just for a few days? That’s awesome.”

  “Yeah.” I pause for a moment, wondering if I should ask the question I’ve been thinking about and then decide to go for it. She’ll either answer or she’ll deflect. “How do you two normally spend Christmas?”

  Raelynn doesn’t get the chance to answer before Jackson, who has been listening, decides to do it for her.

  “We decorate a little tree with lights and ornaments and tinsel. On Christmas Eve, we make cookies and build a special fort and sleep under it while we wait for Santa.” Jackson leans forward and whispers, “Sometimes, we eat some of the cookies for Santa. Momma says he doesn’t mind.” He leans back and speaks normally again as he continues, “In the morning, I open presents in our fort and we eat any leftover cookies for breakfast.”

  “What about your mom? Does she have presents to open?”

  Jackson shakes his head, slightly confused by my question. “I’m her Christmas present every year. Right, Momma?” He looks at Raelynn for confirmation.

  She nods. “Yep,” she says, popping that p at the end again. “Best present ever.”

  He grins and focuses on whatever he’s building. Raelynn smiles while she watches him. Her Christmases since he’s been born have been just the two of them. They have their own traditions and ways to spend the holiday. While she probably doesn’t mind that no one has looked after her, or has been there to give her a present in that time, it makes me want to figure out what she’d like and buy it for her. I already have an idea of what I’d like to do for Jackson.

  “Maybe we could go shopping before or after your meeting tomorrow?” I suggest.

  Raelynn looks surprised, but she nods. “Yeah, that should be fun.”

  And maybe I’ll catch her eyeing something I can buy her for Christmas.

  Elias pulls int
o a parking space at the restaurant and I spot Henry standing by the door, waiting for me. Even in work clothes, he manages to have this arrogant, filthy rich, high class air surrounding him. Maybe it’s the way he stands, all tall and confident, at ease, and somehow looking as if he owns the place.

  “Are you ready for this?” Elias asks.

  “No.”

  He chuckles. “You’ll be fine. Make him buy your lunch and I’ll be back in an hour unless you text me sooner.”

  I nod and get out. Since we’re shopping afterward, he thought he should bring me and hang around the area until I’m done. I don’t know what he and Bree are doing while I’m here, but I have other things to worry about.

  “You came,” Henry says as I stand in front of him.

  “Of course I did. Let’s get this over with.”

  He opens the door for me and we walk inside. The silence between us is awkward amongst the noisy fast food restaurant. We came just in time for rush hour. The line is long, people’s voices clash with one another as they talk and order, and as we shuffle closer to the counter, Henry’s arm brushes against me here and there. I cringe each time.

  When we finally sit down at a small table in the back corner, I take a moment to watch Henry. To wonder how he ended up here. How will this go? I’m about to find out, I know, but am I ready?

  “What happened?” I ask, deciding not to wait.

  Henry’s shoulders drop ever so slightly. “Can we ease into this first?”

  “You only have an hour.”

  He nods. “I know. Why don’t you tell me how things have been for you before we get into my side of things?”

  I frown, glancing down at my food. “Why? So you can hear how much I’ve struggled? How until I started working for Elias, Jackson and I barely got by most of the time?” My eyes water and I shake my head. “You don’t get to hear that.” Maybe he should. Maybe he should know exactly how hard it’s been for me so he can feel terrible for not being there and helping me, but I can’t stand the thought of telling him any of it.

  Looking up at Henry, his eyes are full of shame and guilt, his face contorted in agony. “Tell me about Jackson then,” he says so softly, it sounds more like a question than a gently delivered command.

  “He’s a good kid. Smart. Shy. He has a good imagination, but we play pretend a lot, too.” There’s no need to add that’s partly because I can’t afford to buy him a bunch of toys. “He’s probably a little too attached to me, but I think he’s branching out a little since we’ve been living with Elias. I don’t know how he’ll react to you because new people and situations make him nervous and you might freak him out as much as I freaked out.”

  Henry props his forearms on the table and clasps his hands together, leaning forward a bit. “Rae,” I flinch and he corrects himself. “Raelynn, just so we’re clear, I have no plans to dictate or suggest how this should happen. You’re in charge. You decide how it happens. If you want to go through the courts to set up an official visitation schedule and child support payments, I have no problem with that. Whatever you want, I’ll do. I just want to get to know Jackson and be in his life.”

  “Where were you five years ago, Henry? Why are you here now?” I sit up straight as a terrifying thought occurs. “Do our parents know you’re here? Do they know where I am?” It’s not like they’ll come looking for me, but I suddenly realize how much I like them not knowing anything about my life anymore.

  “They don’t care, Rae,” he says softly with a built-in apology in his tone. “Before I left home, I went to see your parents. I asked them if they wanted to be in contact with you if I found you and they said no. So, no, they don’t know where I am or where you are. My parents?” He shakes his head in disappointment. “If they want to know, then they’ll find out, but I didn’t tell them.”

  “What happened?” I ask. What happened five years ago? What happened for him to change his mind about Jackson? What happened, period?

  His voice is thick and choked up as he mutters, “I’m sorry.” He clears his throat, staring with the most sincere look he’s ever given me. “I have to say that first. I’m sorry, Rae. I panicked when you told me, I know, but when I told my parents, they gave me an ultimatum. If I stayed with you, they were going to take my trust fund and my future position in Dad’s company.”

  Wow. I knew they didn’t like us together, but I didn’t think they’d ever go that far.

  “And you know how much I wanted to make my dad proud and follow in his footsteps.” Yeah. It would’ve killed Henry not to be a part of their company. “But I had a plan, Rae. I thought I could get around it. I would do what they wanted, still have the money, and at the very least, send you some of it to help. But then, you had the baby and left.”

  Henry pinches the bridge of his nose and squeezes his eyes closed. “I didn’t put in the effort to find you and still help,” he says, opening his eyes. “The guilt has eaten me alive, Rae. Not knowing what happened to you or Jackson, how you were doing, and knowing that I completely abandoned you after all.

  “Eventually, I gave it all up. I learned how to do my current job with the electric company, which I love, and I began to plan how I would find you and get into Jackson’s life. My parents are pissed and aren’t talking to me right now, but I still have my trust fund. So, if you need money—”

  I cut him off before he can dare finish that offer. “I don’t need any of their money.”

  He nods as if he expected as much.

  We’re quiet for a few minutes as I soak in what he said and we eat. He seems remorseful enough. Knowing he planned to help somewhat doesn’t change my opinion on his abandonment at all. He still did it and he obviously didn’t care for me that much back then because not once did he mention how he wanted to stay with me. Oddly enough, it doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it might.

  “What are you thinking?” Henry asks.

  “I’m thinking about how you chose money and a career that would’ve been handed to you over your son.” The words tumble out of my mouth before I realize it. I almost regret it seeing the emotion that crosses over Henry’s face because I’m right, but it’s the truth. The truth hurts and it can’t be changed. Henry decided money and a job was more important than being in his son’s life. He even said part of his plan was to send me money, not to come join me and help raise him. Rage bubbles and boils under my skin at how he could do such a thing to my baby.

  “I was young and stupid.”

  “So was I,” I argue, “and yet I’ve been raising him for the past five years. I guess it’s easier to walk away when you didn’t have to carry him in your body or give birth to him or walk out of a hospital with him.”

  “Rae,” he starts.

  “Stop calling me that. I’m not your girlfriend anymore.” He never called me Rae until we started dating. “If you want to be in Jackson’s life, then okay. I’ll allow it. But once you’re in, you’re in. If you hurt him, I will hunt you down and kill you. Understand? And you don’t mention anything about our lives to your parents or anyone else from back home.” They’ve stayed out of our lives so far, I don’t need them putting their noses where they don’t belong just because Henry is here.

  He nods. “What if my parents decide they want to meet him?”

  My muscles tense. “You think they might want to? How would they treat him if they still hate me enough that they aren’t talking to you?” I shake my head. “No. No. No.” My son will not be around mean people like that and if anyone is going to steal Jackson from me, it would be Henry’s parents. Just to be assholes and to get Henry back without having me. “I need to go.” I stand and gather my trash, but knock over my drink in my distress. Those mean old bastards can’t be in the same state as my son, much less within five feet of him. I won’t allow it. It can’t happen. Ever!

  “Rae, calm down.” He stands and touches my shoulder, but I jump back from him and bump into someone else.

  “Raelynn? Are you okay?”

&n
bsp; I whirl around at the sound of Elias’s voice and relax a little. Bree is in his arms and she reaches for me. “Can I?” I hold my hands up to take her and he lets me.

  “What’s going on?” Elias asks. There’s an edge in his voice as he takes in my slightly panicked state, the mess on the table that Henry cleans up, and how I’d much rather focus on Bree right now.

  “Nothing her employer needs to be concerned about,” Henry answers.

  Elias narrows his eyes at him, his lips flattening in an instant. He looks kinda hot when he’s irritated. Henry throws our trash away and looks between us before settling his gaze on Elias.

  “Can you give us a second?”

  “No.”

  Henry looks at me for help. “Rae,” he says with irritation.

  “Didn’t she tell you not to call her that?” Elias reminds him. He grabs my purse, hands it to me, and rests a hand on my lower back.

  Henry sighs heavily and decides to ignore him. “I was only asking in case they change their mind. There’s no reason to panic. If they ever did meet him, they would treat him like their grandson, and they would be nicer to you, too.” I snort, not believing that, and the sound makes Bree giggle and tug on my hair. “Just let me know when I can meet Jackson, okay?”

  I nod and he turns to leave. The moment he’s gone, my body relaxes and leans into Elias.

  “You’re okay, Raelynn.” His hand rubs my back for a moment. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.” When we’re in the car, he asks, “How did it go?”

  “Overall, okay.” I rehash most of the conversation with him, needing to tell someone about it. “I freaked out because he brought up his parents possibly wanting to meet Jackson in the future. Maybe it’s crazy and irrational for me to think someone will take him from me, but it’s always been the two of us and he’s all I have. I didn’t have to worry about anyone else interfering with our lives, you know? And now, Henry’s here. And if anyone is going to screw us over, it’ll be his parents. They’d do it just to get me out of Henry’s life again.”