The Chalupa Conundrum

by Lyle Christie

  “The world in which you’re dating Lars, and I’m still hung up on my ex?”

  “Yes, so what do you think?”

  Interesting, this moment was very similar to one in which I had shared a brief erotic encounter with the love of my life after having just rescued her from a Soft Taco Island prison cell, and now, like then, I was surprised, but I found myself more than willing to go along with her idea.

  “It seems a little crazy and a bit impulsive, but I’m totally on board.”

  “Yes, I can see that,” she said, as she glanced at my growing manhood.

  Lust was filling my thoughts, and my heart was starting to pound in my chest, but I still had to take one final moment to question this unlikely act.

  “So, are you absolutely sure about this?” I asked.

  “Does this answer your question?” she asked, as she placed my hands upon her lovely breasts.

  “Yes—yes it does, though I imagine we don’t have a lot of time.”

  “Exactly, so stop talking and start doing.”

  I returned to her lips, and we engaged our tongues, though I soon set off and kissed her neck on my way down to her breasts. There, I tickled her nipples, and it made Alessandra moan in sweet delight until I returned to her lips. Her kisses were hot and frantic, and only a moment passed before she pulled away and slid off my boxer briefs then knelt before my throbbing manhood.

  “I want to be sure you’re more than ready to fuck me,” she said, before taking my member into her mouth.

  Sweet unexpected felatio! I thought the drug induced sex that night in the camp was pretty epic, but now that I was fully aware, I realized that Professor Hot Sauce had an almost super human ability to deliver oral pleasure. In fact, I was so fully lost to her efforts, that I feared a seminal eruption was only seconds away.

  “You—um—might want to—um—be careful,” I uttered.

  She abruptly stopped and smiled up at me.

  “Sorry, but, as this is our final moment, I wanted to make sure it was memorable.”

  “Well, let me just say that it’s already etched deep into my mind, body, soul, cock, and balls, and if fate were truly on my side, you’d break up with that prick Lars and be my happily wedded wife.”

  “You never know,” she said, with a smile.

  Alessandra stood up and led me over to the nearby ledge then sat down in a spot that happened to be perfectly beneath the beam of light coming in through the ceiling. She lay back and spread her legs, and her beautiful naked body was glowing before my eyes as I stepped forward with my manhood throbbing and fully engorged. She reached for it longingly, but I cruelly kept it from her grasp by kneeling between her legs.

  “Sorry, but now I need to make sure you’re more than ready to fuck me,” I said.

  “Oh, I’m ready—believe me.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that,” I said, as I plunged my tongue into her essence.

  She was correct, for it was hot, wet, and fully deserving of my attention. To that end, I slid my tongue up to her clitoris and set upon it with a determined urgency, and her entire body instantly tensed, and she leaned back and pressed her breasts up towards the light, with the view alone practically enough to make me ejaculate. I continued to tease her clitoris with my tongue, but I also reached up and ran my fingertips over her nipples, and mere seconds passed before she threw back her head and started calling out.

  “Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuuuuuuuck!” she yelled, as she set forth unto a furious climax.

  I continued my tortuous tongue action until I had elicited every last ounce of orgasmic energy, at which point I stood up, and Alessandra guided my manhood into her depths. The abundance of lubrication easily countered the fact that she was still tense and sensitive, but it all worked together to intensify the pleasure. Of course, we were also taking advantage of the generally unknown orgasmic window of opportunity that existed after a woman climaxed. Women, who couldn’t always achieve orgasms very easily during intercourse, would be more likely to do so if they had already had one during foreplay. That meant we were already halfway to heaven, but, to make doubly sure we arrived in a timely manner, I also added some subtle grinding to my thrusting in the interest of making sure her clitoris felt invited to the party.

  Alessandra began moaning loudly then reached around and grabbed my buttocks and pulled my hips into hers. We were now in a complete flesh frenzy, and I too started calling out, and it sent our combined cries of ecstasy echoing off the walls. In the midst of the chaos of this carnal cacophony, I gazed into the eyes of the woman who had tormented me for the last week, and I suddenly felt the deep, uncontrollable desire to kiss her. I leaned forward, and, when we entwined lips and touched tongues, we both abruptly set into the throws of climax. It was a glorious conclusion to all the time we had spent together—both good and bad, and we reveled in this final moment of connection. At long last, we stopped and stared at each other in post coital reflection, and I could see in her eyes a lack of regret, and I was happy she was feeling equally content with our encounter. With our impulsive moment of lovemaking now at an end, I slid from her loins and we stepped down into the water and rinsed the sweat and sex from our bodies.

  “Well, Professor, I suppose the harsh reality of the outside world awaits us,” I said.

  “Yes, I’m afraid so.”

  We shared a smile, and she gave me a final kiss before we walked over and prepared to dive down and swim to freedom. At that moment, Estelle abruptly surfaced and looked at us curiously.

  “Well—are you two coming?” she asked.

  Alessandra and I had to laugh at Estelle’s unintended double entendre.

  “We already did,” I said.

  “Good, because the rest of us have been patiently waiting for you and—wait—what did you say?”

  “I said we’re coming.”

  “Oh,” she said, though I suspected she’d actually heard me correctly the first time.

  Alessandra and I jumped in, and the three of us headed out together, though the swim was mildly challenging for me, as I was toting our massive improvised safety rope. We emerged in the main river, and I gazed at the sky to see the sunset was rapidly approaching, but there was still plenty of light as we all clambered up onto the nearby riverbank. I immediately set to work untying our clothes then passed them out so that our party of naked adventurers could get dressed and become properly clothed adventurers. Once everyone was finished with that task, we left the river to discover a dirt road that I instantly recognized. What a coincidence! We were on the road that led to Lars’s estate!

  As we stood there, I could hear some kind of vehicle approaching, and my first instinct was to hide. As far as I knew, the owner of this land was also the same asshole who locked us all away in an underground chamber, and, with that being the case, I absolutely did not want all of our work spent escaping to have gone to waste.

  “Quick! Hide!” I yelled.

  Everyone thankfully did as I suggested and moved off the road and back into the jungle to hide behind the thick wall of foliage. A moment later, a green Range Rover came around the corner, and a lone figure suddenly ran out into the middle of the road, and I was annoyed to realize it was Alessandra. Apparently, she decided not to heed my advice, and now she was frantically waving her arms in the air. The vehicle slid to a stop, and I heard a familiar voice call out from inside.

  “Alessandra! What in the hell are you doing out here all alone?”

  There in the driver’s seat was Lars, and beside him in the passenger seat was a middle aged, well-groomed man who had the look of someone with substantial means, which meant he kind of looked liked Lars. Instead of having Latin ancestry, however, his lack of tan made him look northern European, and I secretly wished the guy was Lars’s secret lover, and the two were out here to engage in some gentle woodland anal intercourse. That would have had no bearing on the current situation, but it would have put a real damper on his affair with Alessandra.

  “
¡Hola, Lars,” I said, in an exaggerated accent, as I stepped out of the bushes.

  Lars looked even more surprised to see me, so it would appear that people didn’t escape out of his Chalupan pyramid very often. I had hoped to slip out of the area a bit more clandestinely, but now that the cat was more or less out of the bag, I decided we pretty much had to go along with Alessandra’s impulsive move. Hopefully, with Lars out of his King Chalupa costume, he wouldn’t do anything too drastic—hopefully, anyway.

  “Hello, Finn. Now, what brings you two out here?” he asked.

  “Long story, and it isn’t just the two of us.”

  He looked confused, so I waved to the rest of the group to come forward, and they emerged from the surrounding bushes.

  “Lars, I believe you already know most if not all of the missing UCLA archaeology team,” I said.

  “I do, and might I say I am extremely curious to find out where you’ve all been.”

  “Well—as I already said, it’s a long story, though it’s also important that we contact the authorities.”

  “Of course, but there’s no cell coverage out here, so we’ll have to call from the landline when we get back to my estate.”

  Lovely—we were about to head back into the belly of the beast.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Escape to Asshole's Castle

  LARS GOT ON the radio in his car and called his estate to have more vehicles sent down, and, in the meantime, he and his friend exited the Range Rover and joined us so that everyone could be officially introduced. It turned out that Lars’s passenger was named Arthur Pembroke, and he was from England and spoke with a rather posh accent. We all went through the usual rigamarole of shaking hands and making introductions, then I turned my attention to Lars, as I was curious to watch how he interacted with his theoretical prisoners. Oddly, he seemed jovial, at ease, and, annoyingly, very charming—especially when he got to Alessandra. At that point, he seemed to forego all the secrecy surrounding their relationship, for he planted a very obvious, very public kiss right on her lips, though the only ones who appeared to notice were Estelle and I. After their little public display of affection, the two engaged in a moment of hushed conversation, then Lars made his way over to talk to Estelle and Thomas.

  “How are you two?” he asked, shaking Thomas’s hand before kissing Estelle—on the lips.

  Sweet Lord! He was as bad as Ernesto the fucking kissing bandito. What was it with these Latin men?

  “We’re actually good, Lars—considering all we’ve been through in the last week.”

  “Yes, and I’m looking forward to hearing your story, as your disappearance has been a complete mystery to us all.”

  Fucking Lars was a pretty good liar and managed to say the last statement with a great deal of conviction, which wasn’t going to do much to get the team to believe my theory about their billionaire benefactor.

  “It was actually a bit of a mystery to us, as well,” Estelle said.

  Lars looked intrigued.

  “You don’t know what happened to you?” he asked.

  “Not really—at least not until Finn arrived. Before that, none of us remembered more than fragments of the night we disappeared. Honestly, it all felt like a bad dream, and then we woke up to find ourselves in an underground chamber.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah, and according to Finn we were apparently drugged and dragged off by King Chalupa’s evil minions,” she said.

  Lars laughed.

  “You can’t be serious! King Chalupa and his minions are nothing more than a bedtime story to scare children,” he said.

  “Apparently, you’re correct, as it would appear our King Chalupa and his minions were nothing more than men in costumes,” I said, officially joining the conversation.

  “So, where is this underground chamber? It must be nearby if you emerged here.”

  “That’s where it gets interesting, as it’s beneath the Chalupa pyramid.”

  “You can’t be serious! Archaeologists and historians have been trying to figure out a way into that place for years.”

  “It’s true, and, outside of our captors, Finn was the only person able to figure it out,” Alessandra said.

  I noticed Estelle was gazing at me, and, for once, it wasn’t because she thought I was a man-whore. This time I could see a real look of pride behind her beautiful eyes.

  “Intriguing! I can’t wait to see it for myself,” he said.

  “It’ll blow your mind,” I said, carefully watching for his reaction.

  “I imagine it will, though I am very sorry for what you’ve all been put through.”

  “It’s not your fault, Lars,” Alessandra said.

  “Well, I brought the team here, so I feel that I am responsible, and, speaking of which, do any of you have an idea why you were kidnapped?”

  “Well, Tag believes it has to do with what we discovered at the dig site,” Thomas said.

  “Which was?”

  “Well, we know the Chalupans lived in and built the city, but we also discovered a tablet that showed it was a major center for trade and was also occupied by the Guatuso people—which might create a temporary hiccup in the land acquisition deal. The Guatuso could try and make a claim to the land, so the only thing that makes sense is that we were kidnapped to delay or suppress our announcement.”

  “So, are you suggesting that Chalupans could be behind this?”

  “No idea,” Thomas said.

  “That doesn’t make any sense. How would kidnapping all of you serve any purpose other than delaying the inevitable?”

  “That’s the tricky part that doesn’t make sense yet,” I said.

  “I assure you that no Chalupan I have ever known would be a part of this,” he said.

  I notice he didn’t include himself in that statement.

  “For the moment, I’m afraid it’s still a mystery,” I said.

  “Well, let’s just be thankful that you’re all safe.”

  The sound of a car filled the quiet evening, and we saw headlights coming from lower down in the valley. The vehicle arrived, and I realized it was Ernesto’s black Range Rover, and he immediately jumped out and joined our little reunion.

  “I heard over the radio what’s going on and came to see if I could help in any way,” he said.

  “Thank you, Ernesto, but so far, everyone appears to be in good health,” Lars said.

  Ernesto, of course, turned his attention to Alessandra and planted a big old kiss right on her lips. Lars didn’t look all that pleased, and I was happy to see the Latin lover getting a taste of his own Latin medicine. The Kissing Bandito then turned to Estelle and kissed her on the lips as well, only this time, Thomas and I were the ones watching uncomfortably.

  “Ah, Professor Connor, so good to see you safe and sound,” he said.

  “Thank you, Ernesto, and you know I prefer you call me Estelle.”

  “Yes, indeed, and oh, I see Bachué is with you! How did she get here?” Ernesto asked.

  “Long story,” I said.

  “Well, then we must have drinks as soon as possible and you tell it to me,” he said.

  “As long as you bring the Cacique Guaro,” I responded.

  “Of course!”

  Lars’s gaze fell upon Bachué, and he looked oddly distracted. Interesting. Was he distracted because he hadn’t been able to finish his business with her in the pyramid, or was it just him being a typical man? Being distracted by a beautiful woman was an integral part of being a male of the species, and if you put a random guy in a crowd of women, he’d unconsciously start sizing them up by placing them in his personal mating order. While it seemed kind of piggish and superficial, it was a trait exhibited by both sexes, for, underneath our polished exteriors, we were still just animals and therefore subject to our deep seated biological programming.

  “Lars, have you already alerted the authorities?” Ernesto asked.

  “No, but I will when we get back to the esta
te.”

  “It’s OK, I already called it in from the lab’s landline. They said they’re going to send a team of police and medical personnel as well as alert the American Embassy.”

  “Excellent,” Lars said, a little uncomfortably.

  Lars, Ernesto, Estelle, Alessandra, and Thomas started talking, and I decided to use the opportunity to separate from the conversation and do a little investigating. Arthur, the most obvious outsider to all of this was standing quietly on the periphery, so I approached him and started up a conversation.

  “This must all be an unusual surprise,” I said.

  “Yes, as I’ve never been part of an unintentional rescue operation.”

  “Well, I can tell you—this entire affair has been a surprise to everyone involved.”

  “Yes, I imagine it has.”

  “So, what brings you all the way down here?”

  “I’m meeting with Lars to talk about expanding his drug distribution in the UK and Europe. Currently, Von Träger Pharmaceuticals only holds about thirty percent of the market, but I think we can increase that number at least two-fold in the coming year.”

  “So, more money for the billionaire.”

  “A lot more money.”

  “I knew I should have been a chemistry or business major.”

  Arthur laughed.

  “I took a first in chemistry before going on to a PhD in economics. So far, the combination has worked out pretty well.”

  “If you’re working with Lars, I imagine so.”

  “Yes—yes, indeed.”

  “So, where were you guys coming from tonight?” I asked.

  “A tour of the nearby lab. After spending the last day in meetings, it was nice to get out for a bit.”

  “So, you and Lars have been busy, but I imagine you at least get your evenings to yourself.”

  “Not really, as meetings can go well into the night, because Lars likes to get as much done as he can when I’m here.”