Shattered Stars

by Shari Ryan

  I step back into the room and wrap my arms around her neck, giving her a kiss on the head. “I promise you will be okay. I Love you, Lex. Always.”

  “Love you more, chica.”

  Twenty-Seven

  Twelve Years Ago

  I WAS 18 YEARS OLD

  When I told Mom about Layne’s music tour, she told me to go but suggested I leave Aly home since the road isn’t an ideal place to raise a baby. I even wrote out a list of everything Aly would need, and it was probably more than what could fit in a bus. Each day that I took to consider my options, reality set in more and more. There is no way I can bring Aly on a band tour, and there’s no way I can leave Aly for a few months. Therefore, I can’t go, and it’s another one of those reminders of what I could have had if my life turned out to be normal. I’m angry that I have to be a responsible adult at a young age. I’m even more mad that I can’t have the type of fun I deserve, but what’s worse is knowing how much I’m going to have to miss Layne for the next four months. That’s a half a year, and I know better than most what can happen in that time.

  We’ve spent endless amounts of time together recently, which as lovely as it was, isn’t helping the situation in the current moment. My heart hurts. What if this leads us to nothing, to become strangers, or worse? He told me not to think like that, but it’s going to be hard no matter how I think.

  The tour bus is on the side of the road at The Sun Shack Theatre. It’s euphoric for the guys, leaving from the place where they started.

  Lexi pulls up next to me, and I hate her at the moment. I won’t tell her this, but I’m jealous that she gets to go and live it up the way she deserves. The only benefit I get out of that is to know she’ll keep me updated on the happenings. Although Layne said he would be doing the same, it’ll be nice to have a girl’s point-of-view.

  This summer is bound to be the longest, most boring summer of my life.

  I hop out of the car, pulling my sunglasses down over my nose. Tears are inevitable, but I don’t want to look like “that” girl to everyone else.

  Layne spots me from in front of the bus and holds his finger up to Sal since they were in the middle of talking. He jets toward me with a smile from ear to ear. Why can’t I feel happy like that right now? I should be thrilled for him, but I’m upset I can’t watch this success.

  “Hey, baby,” he says, yanking me into him. He smells like leather, spice, and hair gel. The weather is perfect today, a calm seventy-five degrees with the slightest of breezes whipping around beneath the full sun.

  Lexi joins us and rests her elbow on my shoulder. “I’ll keep an eye on this one for you, Dani. He won’t be getting into trouble on my watch.”

  I’ve been doing my best not to consider the kind of trouble Layne could get himself into during the tour. I’m not naïve, thinking a group of guys in a rock band will be in bed by nine every night, but I hope he doesn’t forget about me at home, who will probably be in bed by nine every night.

  “Can we have a sec, Lex?” Layne asks her.

  Lexi kisses me on the cheek and wraps her arms and one leg around my body. “Dude, I’m going to miss you. I’m sending you a postcard from every state, okay?”

  “I’ll be waiting,” I tell her. “Don’t get into trouble.” Lexi will probably be the one looking for trouble.

  “Me? No way, man. I’m going to be on my best behavior.”

  Right.

  Lexi skips away, pulling her rolling bags behind her. “Johnny-boy!” she shouts.

  Rather than Johnny running toward her, Sal’s new girlfriend, Emi runs toward her as if they’re already best friends. I guess this is another relationship I'll have to consider losing too. I shouldn't be jealous my best friend found a new friend, but they'll be traveling across the country together, sharing secrets, creating memories. Yeah, I'm freaking jealous.

  Whatever.

  “Hey,” Layne says. “This sucks.”

  “No, you can’t say that. This tour is the best opportunity for you. We both know your mom had a part in this and we all want your dream to come true, Layne.”

  “How long did it take Aly to stop crying when I left last night? I didn’t think she’d understand what I was saying. I didn’t sleep last night, Dani.”

  “She fell asleep shortly after you left. She’s like a rubber band right now, which means she’s fine. She’ll be fine.”

  “Yeah, after she forgets about me.”

  I place my hand on the stubble growing from his cheek. “How could we ever forget about you?”

  “We don’t always have a choice in the matter,” he says. I hear what he’s saying, but it doesn’t make much sense.

  “We aren’t going anywhere. We will be right here when you get home. I promise.” The question is ... are you going to want to come home? To the place where your memories sometimes act like a stake stabbing you in the heart.

  “I don’t know if I can do this,” he says.

  “You have to go. I won’t let you ruin this for yourself.”

  I thought I’d be the one crying, but Layne’s cheeks are red, and his eyes are glossy. He places his forehead down against mine. “Dani, I love you so much it hurts. You are my best friend, my girl, and the thought of not seeing you for months is making this so hard.”

  “We have phones,” I tell him.

  “Will you still write me a letter to read before each performance?”

  “I promise you I will.”

  “Don’t forget me, please,” he whispers.

  “Never. I could never.”

  “Hensen, we need to hit the road,” Sal yells.

  Layne twists around to hold up his finger, telling him to wait a minute.

  “I’ll be thinking of you every minute, and whatever you do, do not worry about what’s happening on the road. My heart is with you and will only be with you. I could never hurt you or us, ever.”

  “I trust you, Layne. Love is trust, and I love you a lot.

  He loops his arms around my neck and presses his lips against the top of my head. “Squeeze that little girl for me every night and sing her our song.”

  “I will.”

  THREE MONTHS LATER

  I believed all the words Layne said to me the day he left. Or, at least, I wanted to accept them. I had pictured how the summer would play out, but mostly it was an image of Aly and me sitting on the front porch, singing Shattered Stars every night.

  I promised Layne letters to ease his nerves before each show, and I’ve been writing like a mad woman, trying to come up with exciting content to give him motivation. I don’t think he genuinely needs motivation though.

  These last two weeks have been the hardest so far between the brief, infrequent calls and Lexi cutting back on communication too.

  I know they’ve had back-to-back shows, but they’ve been on the road and in my silly little mind that means there is time to call me and say, “Hi.” However, I’m trying not to overthink things. We’ve made it halfway, so now I have to see how the next three months will go. Thankfully, I start school in a few weeks, and that will be a good distraction to hurry up the time.

  “Dani, how much longer are you going to mope around the house?” Mom asks as she walks into the kitchen, finding me sitting on the counter with a cup of tea in my hands.

  “I’m not moping. I’m sipping tea,” I tell her.

  “You’ve been moping for two weeks. I spoke to Layne the other night, and he seems happy, so what’s going on?” Mom knows me better than I know myself some days, so the fact that she can sense my stress over Layne isn’t surprising.

  “I’m truly fine,” I tell her.

  “Okay, well, get dressed and stuff at some point today because the three of us girls have a date at Sage tonight after dinner, okay? I know cake fixes everything in my little girl’s life, so cake is the answer.

  “Cake is always the answer,” I confirm.

  I spent some time writing a couple of letters to send out to Layne for next week’s shows,
then cleaned out Aly’s eighteen-month clothes to make space for the twenty-four-month size items I had to buy today. She’s growing like a weed and talking a mile a minute. I can even sense the terrible twos coming soon.

  I took a shower and put on some clothes acceptable to be seen with in public. Plus, I don’t want Layne’s aunt, Marcy, to report back to Layne about how I’ve let myself go since he left.

  All I have on my mind right now is my beloved Bomba cake. I’d get dressed just for that, but Layne doesn’t need to know I hold him up to the same standards as a chocolate lava cake, not that he would be surprised after experiencing my cake obsession for months.

  Once we pull into the parking lot, Mom gets to Aly’s car-seat before I do since Aly sits behind the driver’s seat in this car. It’s fine because being the weirdo I am, I spot the Bomba cake from outside—the one Bomba cake. There’s only one person inside at the counter, and I’m sure the odds are in my favor since Marcy said not as many people order that cake as I might think. It’s filling, so maybe that’s why. Not everyone comes here having taken just a few bites of dinner, knowing what they’re in for later. Only expert cake eaters know the facts like I do.

  As I’m opening the front door, holding it open for Mom who’s carrying Aly, I see the guy’s hand pointing to the Bomba cake on display. I almost shouted no at him, but then came to the realization I can’t do something like that, no matter how badly I need the cake right now.

  Who is this jackass anyway? He is stealing my cake. He’s wearing a backward Sox hat that I have the urge to take so I can hold it hostage in return for my cake.

  “That’ll be nine dollars, please,” Marcy tells him.

  “Hi, Dani,” Marcy coos. “Did you bring me my little Aly-pie?”

  I turn around, realizing Mom is tying Aly’s shoe, which is why Marcy doesn’t see either of them. “Yeah,” I chuckle. “Mom and Aly are right here.”

  “We just sold the last Bomba cake to this young gentleman here. I’m so sorry, Dani.”

  I sigh. “It’s okay. I’m sure he’ll enjoy it as much as I would have.”

  The guy shrugs. “Eh.”

  No way. You can’t insult my cake like that. “Seriously? That’s like the best cake in this state. Do you even know what you just ordered,” I ask him?

  “Dani,” Marcy says with a high-pitched squeak.

  I slap my hand over my mouth, realizing I let my words slip. “I’m sorry.”

  “Do you want to share it with me?” He turns around, holding the cake on a plate.

  My heart skips a beat, and I choke on the last breath I took.

  He’s here.

  “Layne?” Okay, this was probably a bad decision, but I’m so excited to see him that I jump into him, smashing the cake between us. “You’re home!”

  “Dani,” he says with laughter. “You just ruined our Bomba.”

  “I don’t care. You’re here. You’re really here. Why are you here, Layne?”

  “We have four days off, and I had to see you.” His hands are covered in chocolate, but that doesn’t stop him from smooshing it into my cheeks as he gives me a firm kiss. “Oh my God, I missed you, this face, you, ugh, Dani.”

  “I missed you more.” I realize we sound like a couple of love-sick nuts, but I’ve never missed someone so much in my life.

  After Layne gives me his undivided attention for at least three solid minutes, he releases his arms from around me and drops to his knees. “Where is my little miss Aly?”

  I wasn’t sure if Aly would remember him after being gone for so long, but she does. The smile on her face screams pure happiness as she does her little jog in place for two seconds like Fred Flintstone, then flies into Layne’s chocolate covered arms. That’s my girl, the one who will take chocolate in any way she can.

  “Dada,” she says.

  That one word takes my breath away. What the hell ... where did she learn that? Why did she think to call him Dada?

  “What did you just say?” Layne asks, laughing, but sounding unsure at the same time. I wish I could stop her, but he’s face to face with her and—

  “You my dada?”

  Layne glances up at me. “I didn’t—I never said this to her.” I’ll have to hold Barney the purple dinosaur responsible for teaching her what a freaking dada is.

  Layne takes Aly’s hand but stands up to face me. “What should I say?” he asks.

  “I don’t know,” I tell him. I don’t. What if things don’t work out with Layne and me? I could never do that to Aly. Of course, how do I explain any of this to Aly?

  “She loves you,” I tell him. “You can respond to her however you would want. We both know the meaning the word holds, and I’d be ready if you were ready, but that doesn’t mean anything, and I’d wait years for anything more than what we have.” We’re so young, but my life is that of a twenty-something-year-old, and to me, love is a little different after what I’ve been through in my life. I don’t want to close that road for Layne though. He still has his life ahead of him.

  Layne drops back down to his knees. “Aly, do you want me to be your dada?”

  Aly throws her little body into Layne’s chest and pops her thumb into her mouth, then nods her head. Her curled pigtails bounce at the same time.

  “I’ll be your dada, no matter what happens in life. No little girl should be without a dad.” I know she doesn’t understand most of what he’s saying, but I hear nothing except compassion and honesty behind his words.

  When I have a moment to take a breath, I glance around, noticing Mom and Marcy both tearing up, watching the scene from a front row view. “You two are the most incredible human beings I’ve ever met,” Marcy says. “Wow.”

  Layne lifts Aly, and she wraps her arms around his neck and rests her head on his shoulder. “Cake,” she says.

  Our life just became a piece of cake.

  Twenty-Eight

  Current Day

  “It’s Family Day,” Layne announces before my eyes are even open. “We’ve got plans!”

  “The plans,” I groan. “Do you ever sleep?”

  “Sometimes, when I’m not planning.”

  I roll over and pull the pillow over my head. “Just another half an hour,” I tell him.

  “No can do.”

  I hold the pillow tightly over my head, knowing what’s coming next. He’s like a child, tugging me from the comforts of my warm blankets. “It’s April.”

  “Yeah, and?”

  “Let’s go,” he says again.

  “I’m ready, guys,” Aly says from the doorway. What the hell? Is she in on this too?

  “Why didn’t you give me a warning that we had to be motivated to move this morning?”

  “You would have asked me four hundred questions,” he responds. Layne is right, I suppose. I do like to ask questions, but I also like to be in charge of the plans. Without full control these last two years, I’ve had the itch to oversee all occurrences in this family, but Layne is the same way, so we’re in a battle to take control, which lands us in over-scheduling predicaments more often than not.

  Aly is rummaging through my drawers and tosses a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and my favorite sweatshirt at my head. “Get dressed, Mom. Let’s go. Here’s your favorite shirt and torn jeans,” she shouts.

  “Why are you up so early on a Saturday?” I would have thought I’d at least have her on my side.

  “Dad said it’s Family Day. We’re a family, so let’s go.”

  “Yeah, that sounds about right coming from you,” I tell her. “Since when do you care about Family Day?”

  “Since I found out what we’re doing today.”

  “So, it turns out, I lied about what we were doing today,” Layne tells Aly. “I have a good reason though.”

  “You said we were going ice fishing,” she says.

  “It’s April, and none of us know how to ice fish.”

  Aly groans. “You are seriously annoying.”

  “Love you too, baby-girl.
”

  “Blah,” she shouts from the hallway.

  “What are you up to, Layne?” I ask him.

  I finally pry my eyes open, facing his goofy grin and bright eyes that have shimmering highlights from the rays of light beaming in through the windowpane. “It’s an important day for me,” he says.

  I close my eyes for another second and remember why it’s an important day for him, and as soon as I figure it all out, a lazy smile stretches across my face. “I still don’t know how I became so lucky to find you,” I tell him.

  “Get dressed,” he groans. “Now, or I’ll tear your pajamas off and dress you myself.”

  “Well, lock the door first, please.”

  “Dani, for God’s sake … later. Get up!”

  “Mm,” I mutter.

  It takes me less than a half an hour to rinse off in the shower, tie my hair up, and throw on the clothes Aly nicely tossed at my head. “Wear the boots I like,” he tells me, tossing my knee-high brown boots at my feet.

  “Why?” I ask him.

  “Dani.”

  “Fine,” I grumble.

  I slip on my boots, and we leave the house, piling into the Cherokee. I debated whether to ask twenty more questions, but I figure it will be a waste of my energy since he can keep a secret better than most. However, the secret is up the second we pull into The Sun Shack Theatre’s parking lot.

  “Are we even allowed to go into this place? I thought the town condemned the building last year.”

  “Don’t worry that pretty little face of yours,” Layne tells me. “So, Aly, once upon a time, your mom was scared of heights, or anything that went too fast. She couldn’t even get herself to go onto an amusement park ride.”

  “Mom, you’re a dork. Rides are so fun. How could you hate them?”

  “I’m a dork? You’re scared to sing in front of people, and you have an amazing talent.”

  “I’m not scared. I just don’t want anyone to hear me sing. There’s a difference.”

  “You’re lying. I’m your mother. You can’t lie to me.”