Shattered Stars

by Shari Ryan

  “Shhh,” she hushes me. “I can try.”

  I don’t know where she got her singing DNA from, but the girl has fears like I do. Thank goodness she has a dad who doesn’t believe in fears.

  “Anyway,” Layne continues, “your mom would not go near a roller coaster, but you know what … I made her get on a ride. I tricked her into it a little because, you see, I was shooting my music video for Shattered Stars, and I asked your mom if she would do the video with me.”

  “Seriously? That must have been so freaking cool,” Aly says.

  “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Layne rebuts. “But, your mom here, she said no because it involved a roller coaster, which I set up purposely since I knew she was scared of the rides.”

  “Why did you do that?” Aly asks.

  “To get her to break that silly fear of hers. Let me tell you something ... when she saw the other girl show up to do the video with me, your mom changed her mind. The thing your mom never knew was … that girl was just a friend of Aunt Lizzy. In any case, we both sort of won a battle that day. Your mom overcame her fear of heights, and I got the girl of my dreams.”

  “That’s mean and a little gross,” Aly says.

  “No one should have to live life in fear. I feel very strongly about that.”

  “Layne,” I scold him. “I can’t believe you did that!”

  “Do you regret that day?” he asks me with a raised brow.

  “No, but still …”

  “You love me. It’s fine,” he says, shooing me off with his hand.

  “You’re a dork, and we’ll talk about this later,” I say, squinting my eye at him.

  “Yeah, well, we have a lot to do later, obviously,” he says with a wink.

  “So then, why are we here?” Aly asks.

  “Ask your mom,” he responds.

  I toss my head back and sigh. “Oh my God, are you scared of broken-down theaters too?” Aly asks.

  “Do you know how many ghosts probably live in this place?” I tell her. In truth, I don’t know why we’re here. This was Layne’s old stomping ground. This is where I first fell in love with his music. We brought Aly here a few times when she was a little girl too. She’d wear massive headphones and sit in the front row when Dividing Oblivion would put on local shows. We called her the number one Divi-O, and she loved it.

  “Okay, so again, why are we here?” Aly asks.

  “Come on in,” Layne says, ignoring her question. “Did you know your uncles and I used to own this joint?”

  Aly kind of snarls, looking up at the rotting brick edifice. “It looks like it was burnt to a crisp. Did you own before or after that happened?”

  “After,” we both say at the same time.

  “Why?”

  “It has nostalgia,” Layne tells her.

  “Charred nostalgia?” she asks.

  We let ourselves in, and Layne leads us through the main part of the theatre and up to what we used to call the pit.

  “Right up there,” Layne points to the stage. “That’s where it all started.” Layne loops his arms around me, pressing his chest against my back. “The first time I met your mom, she was standing right here, staring up at me with those baby blues of hers. I was a goner right then and there, Aly-girl.”

  “Stop, please, stop,” she begs. “You two are so gross.”

  Layne does this to torture her. I’m fine with it. She’ll do it to her children someday, God willing.

  “This place holds a lot of memories for me, you know,” Layne tells her. “I’m sure you don’t remember when your mom and I brought you here when you were just three years old, do you?”

  Aly nods with confusion written into her eyes. “No.”

  NINE YEARS AGO - I WAS 21 YEARS OLD

  “I know you probably think I’m crazy for dragging you over here,” Layne told me.

  “I think you’re crazy for a lot right now, Layne Hensen. What is going on?”

  Layne hopped up on the stage and took a seat at the edge, reaching for Aly, who would rather run up and down the aisle screaming the words out to Mickey Mouse’s Clubhouse. In any case, I picked her up and handed her to Layne who placed her down on his lap. I jumped up on the stage next and sat down beside them.

  “I got something I want to show you,” he said.

  We had been married just less than six months at that point, and I couldn’t imagine what it was he wanted to show me. He had been doing many quirky things since he had gotten home from his International tour though, so nothing surprised me much those days.

  I hated the days he was gone but adored the time we were together because it felt new and fresh every time he came home. I keep telling myself that at least. I hated being away from him. I hated having to be a responsible adult and put everything in life first before my own wants, but Aly was depending on me, and I would do whatever it took to give her a good life.

  Layne was scheduled to record his next album in the following few weeks, which meant six months after that, we would start the tour process all over again. That was his dream though, and I would support it through thick and thin. It was a promise I gave to him without him asking me to do so. I wanted to give Layne everything he had given me so far, and that was the way.

  He pulled out a piece of paper from his back pocket and unfolded it. “Aly-girl, can you read what this says?” he asked her.

  “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse finds Toodles,” she said.

  “Close, baby-girl. Good job reading the letter,” Layne said, giving her a kiss on the head. He cupped his hand around his mouth and twisted his lips to the side. “It doesn’t really say that, but I don’t want her to think she read it wrong.”

  We both laughed, and for a moment I forget that I should have been questioning what was on that letter. He finally flipped the letter over for me to see. “I got it in the mail today, baby.”

  My gaze settled on the words, reading them out of order, trying to see what I should be looking at first, but then I saw the declaration of adoptive custody with Layne’s name beneath. “I’m officially Aly’s dad, as of today.”

  The shattered world I had been living in, formed together into a glued-up unity. I placed my hands on my chest, feeling the hard beats of my racing heart. “It’s real,” I said, reaching out and touching the paper to feel the texture, so I knew I was not dreaming. “We’re a family?”

  “Forever, baby. We’re a family.”

  “Thank you for saving us,” I told him, trying to keep my composure, but I could only hold it so long when Layne did the thing where he looks up toward the ceiling to push his tears away.

  “Thank you, Mom,” he whispered. “My dreams. They’re all here, right here in this shitty little theatre.”

  “They’re just starting out too.”

  He nodded his head. “You’re right,” he said. “You see this?” He shook the paper in his hand. “This little girl on my lap needs a dad, and I’m not going anywhere without her again. She needs a stable life, and I will be here to give her that.”

  “No,” I cried. “No, Layne. You’ve worked so hard for this life. I can’t let you give it up for us. I just can’t.”

  “Listen to me,” he said sternly. “You are my world. Aly is my world. That’s what I want. I had my five minutes of fame, baby. I got a freaking Grammy award this year for being a breakout artist. I will record stuff for a while, but the record label will drop us when we don’t tour. I will ride it out, but I’ll be home every night for dinner, and I’ll be having breakfast with you in the morning. I’m giving you the life you deserve, and you’ve already given me more than that.”

  “Layne, you have too much going for you,” I argued. I couldn’t be the reason he gave up everything. “What about the guys? You can’t do this to them either.”

  “Dani, we’re all on the same page. We’re all cool. I have too much to lose at home. I’ve made my decision, baby. I choose you two.”

  I placed my hand on his face, stroking my fingers along his
cheek. “I just don’t want you to have regret.”

  “How could I have regret, when I have it all … right here, with you?”

  “I think you’re crazy,” I told him, sniffling back my tears.

  “I am. I am crazy in love with you and this little girl.” Aly crawled off Layne’s lap and skipped around behind us on the stage. She stopped in the middle and placed her hands on her hips. “It is the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, everyone!” she screamed. “I am Alyson Mouse, and this is my Clubhouse!”

  “Oh dear God,” I uttered.

  “That’s my girl,” Layne said. “Sing it, baby-girl.”

  That day will always be the day we became a family, but also the day Layne gave us his dreams—his world to keep as our own. I knew I would never let him down in any way.

  CURRENT DAY - 30 YEARS OLD

  “You were three years old,” Layne says. “On April 1st, nine years ago, I officially became your dad, and it was the most exciting day of my life. I promised you the world that day, and I would do anything to give you the world, Aly. You are my daughter no matter what our blood looks like, and I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you and your mom. We became a family that day, and though I was scared, I got over my fear just like your mom got over hers. Together, we faced our fears, staring into the blurry crowd in front of us and imagined the world on the outside. All that matters is what’s right here in our little circle—our little family.”

  “You were scared to become my dad?”

  “No,” Layne corrects her. “I wanted nothing more than to be your dad. I was scared I wouldn’t be good enough.”

  “You’re the best dad I could have asked for,” she says, sincerely. “But, … did you give up Dividing Oblivion because of me?”

  For some reason I never expected Aly to fully understand the complexity of Layne’s decision, but I should have assumed she’d figure it out someday.

  “Yes, but it was because I didn’t want to be away from you or your mom. I wanted a family, and I wanted it with you.”

  “You could have gone so much further though,” she tells him.

  “I could have, but not without you. I take pride in making the right decisions. I had my time in the limelight, Aly. I did my thing. I did me. But all I wanted was to be a husband, a dad, and experience a family like the one I always wanted. You gave that to me,” he says, pulling her head in and kissing her forehead. “You know, you started calling me dad before I even considered being anyone’s dad, and I knew the second you called me ‘dada’ I was meant to be yours.”

  “That’s because I chose you,” she says, wrapping her arm around him.

  “So, you see how easy it was to get over our fears? We just dove right in and didn’t look back.” I see now that Layne has multiple destinations with his plans today. Reminiscing and proving that Aly can overcome her hurdles of stage fright. “I got a surprise for you, baby-girl.”

  Layne twists Aly around to face the stage, and the curtain crawls up slowly, revealing a drum kit, a mic stand, and a bass guitar. Of course, a band is nothing without the people, but that’s where Sal, Devon, and Johnny come into play. Aly’s beloved uncles who she is probably sure would never turn against her ... until they heard her sing.

  Layne pulls Aly up to the stage. “Ready?”

  “I want to be like you, Dad, but I can’t,” she says, pulling away from him.

  “Watch. You can.”

  The music plays just as Layne gets situated behind the mic stand, holding Aly’s arm, refusing to let her go. My sweet five-foot-nothing, a hundred pounds soaking wet, Goldilocks doll is ready to rock, and it’s the cutest thing in the world.

  “This one is for my little girl. I think she knows the words,” Layne says, winking at me from the stage, something I got used to over our younger years.

  * * *

  She gives me reason

  To believe

  Life began yesterday

  The stars around the moon

  The blue in the waves

  And the sun’s every ray

  * * *

  My little girl

  Will always be

  Forever and today

  * * *

  “Your turn, Aly-girl,” Layne says into the mic.

  * * *

  She closes her eyes and waits for the music before the words slip from her tongue. I’m shocked she’s going for it, but it’s just me sitting out here, watching.

  * * *

  He’s the hero I love

  The unsung song

  That I imagine from up above

  * * *

  He’s more than just a guy

  Not ordinary

  But extraordinary

  He’s anything but shy

  * * *

  “That’s my girl,” Layne shouts. “You got this. You got this.”

  He’s so excited, and though I still feel moments of sadness that Layne gave up this part of his life for us, I can see now, he’s still living it out, just differently. It’s not about performing. It’s about teaching and watching what he creates.

  Layne gently takes the mic back out of Aly’s hand and walks to the edge of the stage, reaching his hand out for me. “Today is our day, baby. So don’t you ever forget that these words are for you:”

  * * *

  A fragment in seas of debris

  Each of them with pain and scars

  They seek to flee the painful reality

  Before falling among shattered stars

  Falling among shattered stars

  * * *

  Just as the first moment those words melted into my soul like warm honey, I still feel the same way, but fulfilled with everything I never thought I needed. He may not have known me when he wrote my song, but it was meant to bring us together, and that it did.

  EPILOGUE

  Three Years Later

  “We’d like to announce the winner of this year’s Battling Bands of Boston.” Aly takes my hand, and Layne wraps his arm around her neck.

  “We got this,” he whispers.

  Aly squeezes my hand. “Mom, I’m nervous.”

  “It’s okay, sweetie,” I tell her, placing a kiss on her cheek.

  A drumroll ensues, causing stress and more pressure. “Found Oblivion is the winner of this year’s Battling Bands of Boston! This small group of girls are officially the youngest winners of this contest, but their voices are anything but young. These four girls have souls like some of the best out there. So let’s give it up for Found Oblivion, singing Shattered Stars, originally written and produced by the Grammy Winning group, Dividing Oblivion, also a former Battling Bands of Boston winner.”

  “Holy shit,” Layne screams. “Oh my God! You won! Aly-girl, you won! You won! Oh my God, Dani, she won. Our little girl won!” Layne is jumping in the air screaming his head off, and I’m melting into a puddle of mom mush.

  “Aly, you did it, sweetie. My girl, my baby, you did it!” I squeal.

  “Mom … I won. Oh my God, Mom. Mom!” She shouts, jumping in the air with a wild look in her eyes.

  She won. I shouldn’t feel shock after watching her amazing progress, but I am in shock. My little girl won it all. There was a time when I thought she would suffer, having me as a young Mom, but the pride on her face right now tells me that I’ve somehow succeeded in giving her what she needed to become this incredible person. I’m proud. I’m so damn proud, and Aly is frozen, staring at the stage we’re standing on. “Go, sweetie. Go!”

  Layne is holding her hand, waiting for her to release him and run out onto the stage, but she won’t let go. “You can do this, kiddo. I’m right here. You’ve come this far. Go claim what’s yours baby-girl.”

  “Not without you, Dad. This is ours. I wanted to be like you, and now I am. Please ...” she whispers. “I need you.”

  Layne looks at me and swallows hard, then pulls Aly out on the stage, handing her the mic. “I’m here. I’m not leaving your side,” he tells her.

  “This is m
y dad,” she says into the mic. “He’s the guy who created Shattered Stars. He’s the guy who gave me a dad, and he’s the guy who believed I could get here. My oblivion was found because of him,” she says, looking over at me with a smile full of pride, mouthing, “I love you,” to me.

  I blow her a kiss just as her bandmates run onto the stage behind her, one at the drums, and the other with the bass.

  Sal, Devin, Johnny, Lexi, Mom, and Marcy are standing with me now as we watch Aly tear up the stage, making her way through the lyrics of Shattered Stars. Layne slowly backs away just like he did the first time he was teaching Aly to ride a bike without training wheels. He takes my hand, brings it to his lips and softly kisses me. “Look at her, baby.”

  I’ve never seen pride like what I see on Layne’s face, and this moment is one I’ll never forget.

  “You did this,” Mom whispers into my ear. “I’m so proud of you, Dani. You took the worst situation possible, and you made it into something no one would have expected. Just look … look what you created. You should be as proud of yourself as I am of myself for raising an intelligent young woman who has looked the world head on and never stepped down from the life you were given.”

  “Mom,” I utter, unable to speak.

  “And you, Layne, my son, you are a gift to this family, and we thank God for you every day. I love you, sweetheart.”

  Layne can’t talk. He can only smile, beam, and glow.

  “We couldn’t have done it without you, Mom,” I tell her.

  “What about us?” Lexi shouts through a whisper.

  “Everyone needs a family like you guys. We’ve all had our rough times, but we made through together, and as Aly has told us, we chose you guys to be our family, and those are the best kinds of families.”