The Me I Used to Be

by Jennifer Ryan

  “We’ve got stalls for all of them. We’ll get them settled.”

  “Appreciate it. I’m Jack, by the way. I don’t know what we would have done if Chris hadn’t called you for help.”

  “We’re neighbors. That’s what we do.”

  “Chris said you’d take care of us. He said that’s your thing.”

  Yeah, everyone depended on her to make the decisions, make things right, and make sure they got what they wanted and needed.

  It had become her thing.

  Jack smiled. “He’s a lucky guy, to have you taking care of him.”

  She appreciated the sentiment, but she hadn’t done anything to take care of Chris, herself, or move their relationship forward. Yet.

  She’d get to it. After she took care of this, the ranch business, the customers she still needed to get back to with website proposals, and getting a new phone.

  And . . . She checked her watch. “I’ll go help with the horses, then I’ve got this thing. But my brothers, Charlie and Joey, they’re here to help out. Just let them know what you need.”

  “We grabbed as much as we could before we had to leave. That fire was damn close. Not sure there will be anything left . . .” Jack’s voice deepened with the real possibility he’d lose his home and ranch.

  She touched his arm, giving what comfort she could. “Whatever happens, we’re here to help.”

  “Thank you. Better hurry if you want to make it to your thing.”

  She sprinted to the stables just as Joey led a big gray gelding into a stall. She went to the back of the trailer just as another man led out a beautiful mare. “I’ll take her.”

  It took an hour to settle the horses, make sure the guys had everything under control even if the ranch seemed to be in a state of chaos with all the activity, and make her way to the other side of the ranch, where she met Scott Cross.

  “I didn’t think you’d show.” Scott didn’t bother checking his watch to point out just how late she was for this meeting. He continued digging in the dirt taking soil samples. Lucky for her, and this potential deal with Cross Cellars, he didn’t seem upset or put out that she was late.

  “Sorry. One of the evacuated ranches needed to bring over their livestock. It took some time to get them settled.”

  “That fire has us all on edge. Several of the wineries in the path of that blaze are going to lose their vines.” Scott stood and dusted off his hands, shaking his head with dismay for his fellow winery owners and their employees. “You were right about this land. It’s exactly what I was looking for. Would you consider selling?”

  Evangeline shook her head before she spoke a word, even though selling off part of the land would mean a fortune in income. She couldn’t do it. “This land has been part of my family for more than thirty years. Charlie wants to build a house out here.” She pointed to the clearing out toward the right, set in the middle of a circle of huge oak trees older than the years they’d owned this place. Looking at those trees, big and bold, then looking out at the devastation just miles away, made her sad to think of the destruction, and how lucky she was to be alive and able to help others.

  “That’s a great spot.”

  Yes, it would be the ideal place for Charlie to build a house, plant a garden, and live a good life with his family.

  Evangeline spent the next hour and a half showing Scott where he could plant the vines, and how they might get water out here. They discussed terms, and she fought hard to get Charlie and the ranch what they needed. In the end, she and Scott came to a compromise they could both live with and accept.

  “If the soil samples come back favorable, we’ll move forward.” Scott dusted off his hand on his jeans.

  “When will you know?”

  “A couple of days.” Scott stood on the top of one of the hills with her and looked out at the billowing smoke and the growing black stain on the land where the fire had devoured everything. “I hope they get a handle on that soon.”

  “Me, too.” Because that fire was too close for comfort. And the devastation continued to spread. Those affected would need years to recover. If they ever did.

  Chapter Thirty

  Chris drove into the driveway, stared at the cars and trucks blocking the way to the house, and sighed, because one truck in particular was missing. He’d barely spoken to Evangeline in the last three days. After the hell he’d been through working to evacuate families and seeing the utter devastation from the fire, he needed to see her and feel something good. Even if she could only spare him a few minutes.

  He’d really like a whole night. Hell, he’d settle for a real date. Dinner. A movie. Holding her hand. Kissing her again.

  He really liked kissing her.

  What he’d like to do was turn into reality some of those dreams that woke him up hot and bothered and made him take an extra few minutes in the shower to find some relief.

  He was a cop and he couldn’t track down one woman. Granted, she’d been out helping, just like him. Or home helping. Or working on her own business late into the night.

  She might need a break about now more than he did.

  Charlie walked out of the stables, shoulders slumped, head down.

  Chris whistled, calling him over.

  Charlie took his sweet-ass time closing the distance. At just after sunset, and having been up at the crack of dawn himself, he didn’t blame Charlie for the lack of enthusiasm or speed.

  “She’s not here. She took off after delivering a breech calf and feeding the chickens.”

  “She delivered a calf?”

  “Well, the vet couldn’t get here and someone had to help or we might have lost both of them. She was out checking on the herd and found the mother in distress. She did what she had to do.” Charlie chuckled under his breath. “Though I think she’s a little pissed about ruining another shirt.”

  “Another?”

  “We’ve got two dozen extra horses on site. One of them tried to take a bite out of her while she was changing out their water. He wouldn’t let her go, so she slipped out of the shirt. One of the goats took off with it and ate a hole in it before she chased him down.” Charlie’s smile grew. “Laughed my ass off watching her run around in her bra after that critter.” The smile disappeared in an instant and Charlie’s eyes filled with regret. “Did you know that scar on her neck goes down over her shoulder and there’s another one across her chest?”

  “I’ve seen the prison photos.” They were burned into his brain.

  A flash of anger filled Charlie’s eyes. “Our father is responsible for that.”

  “I’m partly responsible for what happened.” He’d regret it to his dying day. “Darren sent me after her, and I didn’t help her.”

  “You did your job.”

  Though he appreciated the understanding, and Evangeline saying the same thing, he’d never let himself off the hook for not following his instincts and pushing her harder to tell him the truth. If he’d earned her trust, maybe he could have helped her and spared her that kind of hurt and pain.

  “Our father didn’t help her. He let her take the fall.”

  “Water under the bridge.” They all needed to let it go, so Evangeline could put it behind her, too. “Darren, his brother, Lyssa, they’re all locked up. Her record will be erased. She can live her life the way she wants to now.”

  “With you.”

  I hope so. “She’s been kind of hard to pin down the last few days.”

  “I’m headed out now. She probably won’t get back for another couple hours. Then she’ll work several hours on her laptop and sleep less than that before she’s up to help take care of the animals again.”

  “How many ranches sent animals over?”

  “Six. We’ve got several guys sleeping in truck beds and trailers until we can figure out what to do with everyone and all the animals.”

  “Let me guess: Evangeline is trying to figure that out.”

  “With as little sleep as she’s gotten, it’s a won
der she can think at all at this point. Lord knows when she ate last. She dropped off trays of barbecue for the crew and the guys working here, but took off again before she ate anything.”

  He didn’t like the sound of that. She needed to take care of herself if she was going to be any good for everyone and everything else depending on her. “Where can I find her?”

  “They’re having a movie night for the kids at the temporary shelter. The parents are attending an information session with the fire department about what areas might be opened up to allow them to see if their homes are still standing.”

  “Let’s hope some of them get good news. I’ve seen entire blocks burned to the ground.” He’d had the unpleasant job of recovering the bodies of an older couple who’d gotten trapped in their home when the fire overcame them and they were unable to get out in time because of the man’s disability. He’d found them lying next to each other. His heart ached for their passing, but warmed knowing they’d been together in the end.

  “Yeah, well, Evangeline volunteered to watch the little ones so their parents can attend the meeting and get a break for a little while. It can’t be easy to keep those kids occupied when they’ve lost everything and are in a strange place. I can’t imagine how the parents feel, knowing the home they wanted to raise their family in is gone.” Charlie shook his head. “I’m going home to hug my kids and kiss my wife.”

  “Sounds good.” It did. Because Chris went home every night to an empty residence that served as a place to sleep, eat, and watch TV. He wanted more.

  A home.

  A wife to kiss, kids to hug.

  Love.

  He wanted Evangeline.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Evangeline sat with her back to a hard wall, a four-year-old tucked under each arm, and three more toddlers asleep on mats by her legs. She closed the Aladdin book and hugged the two children close as they slept against her sides. Weary, she stared out over the older children across the room watching Iron Man on the flat-screen TV one of the volunteers had set up. The movie blurred as her eyes closed. She’d had a hell of a few days. Little rest. Lots to do. And still so much lay ahead for her.

  And yet all she wanted to do was find Chris and feel his lips against hers, his arms surrounding her, his strength and warmth seeping into her.

  The few short calls and texts they’d shared weren’t enough.

  She wanted him.

  In person.

  She wanted to feel the way he always made her feel when they were together.

  How far they’d come from the days when she thought he hated her. She knew better now. She felt how deeply he cared about her.

  And for the last several days—since she’d come home, really—she’d let other things stand in the way of them getting to know each other better and spending time together.

  Time they needed to solidify their feelings and build a foundation for a relationship she hoped turned into something lasting. Something like what Jill and Charlie had found with the people they fell in love with.

  Did she love Chris?

  A hand settled on her thigh, big, warm, and firm. “Evangeline.” His deep voice resonated through her like a dream come true, but oh, so real.

  She opened her weary eyes, so happy and relieved to see him. “Chris.” All her joy and relief at seeing him, that he came to see her, poured out in his name.

  “Come with me.”

  “That sounds really good.”

  His smile lit up her heart. “I’ve been thinking about you for days.” That melted her heart. So blunt and honest. No games. Just straight talk that didn’t require her to wonder what he really thought or felt.

  “I missed you, too.” She glanced up at the woman beside him.

  “I brought reinforcements. I saw your grandmother on the way in and told her I’m taking you with me. She already went home.”

  Evangeline gently set one of the girls tucked under her arms down on the mat and settled her back into sleep. Chris hooked his hands under the other’s shoulders and legs, pulled her away, and laid her down next to the other girl. Evangeline stood and moved out of the way. He handed the book off to the woman who came to watch over the children, then took Evangeline’s hand and walked with her out of the room.

  Outside, she breathed in the night air tinged with the smell of smoke that permeated the whole town. “Any progress on the fires?” She hadn’t seen a news report today. Everyone talked about the fires, the devastation, the cost of rebuilding, and whether they’d get government assistance and would it even help when housing prices were so high in this area.

  “Ten percent contained as of four o’clock this afternoon. They’re expecting rain overnight. That should help.”

  She glanced up at the clouds rolling in. “The whole state could use some rain.”

  “You need food and sleep. Come on. I’ve got food in the car and I’ll drive you home to your bed.” He took her hand to walk her to his car, but she tugged and stopped him. He turned to her, a question in his eyes.

  “Is that where you want to take me?”

  Everything about him went still. Smoldering eyes locked on her, and he gave her an emphatic “No.”

  She closed the distance between them, needing his lips on her, and so much more. She went up on tiptoe and kissed him softly, letting the moment stretch as he stared into her eyes. She pulled back just enough to say, “Then take me where you want me.”

  He held her close. “I want you right here, right now.”

  She smiled softly. “You might want a more private spot for what I have in mind.”

  He pulled her in for another long kiss, his tongue sweeping over hers in a prelude to what was to come. He broke the kiss, took her hand again, and practically dragged her to his car.

  She giggled and tried to keep up.

  He unlocked the door and held it open for her.

  She slipped inside and immediately picked up the bag of barbecue, opened it, checked out the contents, breathed in the spicy smell, and laughed when her stomach loudly grumbled. “You are the best.”

  He stared down at her. “If you’re not ready to find that out, say so now, and I’ll drive you home.”

  She appreciated that he gave her a chance to back out, but she knew exactly what she wanted. “Barbecue and a night with you sounds like heaven.”

  “All you have to do is say so and you can have as many nights as you want.”

  Yep, she loved that direct manner. “Let’s go. I’m starving.” He had to know she meant for the food and him.

  He slammed her door and rushed around the car to slide behind the wheel. He started the motor and drove out of the lot. “If I were you I’d eat now, or you might not get a chance.”

  Fair warning.

  She dug into the food, handing him one of the pulled pork sliders as she devoured another. By the time they reached his house, the clouds had thickened, darkening the sky, the food was nothing but a delicious memory, and she stepped out of the car in the driveway feeling better, more alert and energetic and excited for the night ahead.

  One hot look from Chris electrified her whole body.

  Chris took her at her word and immediately took her hand, walking her up the porch steps, right through the front door, and down the hall to his bedroom. On the way, she barely got a glimpse of a kitchen that looked out over a large living room and two other open bedroom doors.

  The second he had her alone in his room in the dark, he pulled her in for a kiss. She expected fast and greedy. She wouldn’t have minded. But Chris took his time, lingering over the task, telling her without words that they had all the time in the world if they wanted it.

  With him, she did.

  He cupped her face and kissed her once, twice, a half dozen times before he sank in and slipped his tongue inside to taste and tempt. Sweet and tangy barbecue sauce, salty fries, root beer, and him slid across her tongue.

  All familiar.

  Including him.

  His hands
slid down her neck and shoulders and continued down her arms before he hooked his fingers in the hem of her shirt and pulled it up and over her head. He kissed her again, trailing his fingers down her chest and over her breasts. He cupped them in his big hands and swept his thumbs over her hard nipples. The warmth that radiated through her whenever he touched her flared and made the tingling in her breasts and low in her belly burst like a firework that sparked all her nerves and made her desire come alive.

  Her bra disappeared with a sweep of his hand at her back and down her front. His mouth left hers to travel to her neck in hot, wet kisses that blazed a trail along her scars to her peaked breast.

  She brushed her fingers through his soft hair and held his head to her, letting all the things weighing on her mind fade away with the wash of pleasure that raced through her system.

  Light, floating, she found herself lying on her back on the bed, Chris trailing kisses from one breast to the other, his big hand replacing his mouth on the one he left behind. She slid her fingers down his back and raked them back up. Chris groaned and slid down her body, leaving a blaze of heat in his wake with every kiss he pressed down her chest and belly to the button on her jeans as she pulled his T-shirt over his head and tossed it away. With the curtains open and the gray light spilling in, she had no trouble making out every line, plane, and divot in his sculpted chest and abs. He stood at the end of the bed, leaned over, undid her jeans, hooked his fingers in the top, and slid them and her panties both down her legs, stopping only to pull off her boots and socks before he had her naked.

  If his kisses left her hot, his gaze made her smolder.

  “God, you’re beautiful.”

  She didn’t feel the need to hide her breasts or move her legs to cover her sex. Instead her hand went to the scars across her chest and shoulder. She hated them and the reminder of how she’d gotten them every time she saw the pink lines. They would fade with time, but in her mind they were as stark as the day she’d gotten them.