Toxic

by A. C. Bextor

  “You’re not going to prom, at all. I don’t want to see your face or any of your buddies near her, you understand that too?”

  He nods.

  “Need words. Say you understand, and you’ll stay back and watch cartoons tonight.”

  “I understand. I’m staying home tonight.”

  Remembering what it was like to be bullied by an adult who takes over any control you have, I start to feel bad. Not bad enough to let this shit near Mace, but bad, because I’ve been where he’s at, and it takes a toll.

  Leaning towards him, I grab his neck from behind and shake him a bit, like a proud big brother would do. “I’m sure you don’t understand this now, but you’re going to meet someone someday, and you’ll want to take care of them, that’s all I’m doin’ alright?”

  “Yes, sir. I understand.”

  He doesn’t, but if he’s lucky to find what I’m talking about later in his life, he will.

  As I turn back to leave him standing there, I see the blonde has watched the whole scene take place. She is looking at me with eyes that tell me she’s imagining herself riding me while I give it to her roughly. I’m not sure of this of course, but I know that look of lust.

  I give her a nod and walk out into the air. I should rethink talking to her about going out sometime. How long has it been since I’ve been laid?

  ~~~~~

  The mall. The fuckin’ mall. How the fuck does shit like this happen to me? The girls I’m watching run around here are only sixteen. Sixteen year old young women who are trying on clothes. This is painful. Blue balls are less painful. A knee to my sac is less painful.

  “Mace, what about this one?”

  “Sadey, I’m not wearing that. Green is gross. Find me something I can wear that I won’t look like Kermit, and I’ll consider it.”

  “C’mon, you’re not even trying! You promised you would try. Mark told me he’s wearing a green tie, you could match.”

  I let out a soft grunt at the mention of pencil dick’s name, but remain seated and quiet in my chair, looking busy on my phone as they peruse the fashion world that is prom attire.

  “What about this one?”

  Mace has had enough of Sadey. She grabs the closest red dress, sums it up, and decides on it.

  That’s my girl.

  “No! You can’t wear that. What is wrong with you? Your hair isn’t the right color for that.”

  Mace whips her whole body around and gets into Sadey’s face. “Would you just stop talking? This is what I want and if Mark doesn’t like it, I don’t care.”

  “Well, at least try it on?” Sadey is trying her best to help Mace through this, but Mace doesn’t like shopping, clothes, shoes, or makeup - whereas Sadey is a girl all the way around.

  Mace huffs, dragging the dress behind her. I wink at her as she walks by me, and she offers me a small smile, knowing Sadey is close at her heels and plans to join her in the dressing room.

  I can hear them shuffling in there, and I glance to my phone to check the time. Lynda asked that I have the girls back by five thirty so she can help get them ready. Mace will have a broken heart soon if that prick knows what’s good for him, but I trust she’ll get over that.

  Sadey opens the dressing room door, her smile is wide and she’s looking at me as if I’m supposed to know what the fuck she’s playin’ at. She’s got me remembering them as five year olds in tutus.

  She swipes her arms to the side of the room, acting as if Mace is the star of her fashion show. “Here she is … the lovely … the beautiful … Mace Cash.”

  Mace timidly walks out of the dressing room, and I was not fuckin’ ready. Nothing could have prepared me for this. She’s beautiful. Her olive skin in contrast to her red dress is enough, but her body in that dress has my dick twitching.

  Holy fuckin’ shit. I’m thinking of oatmeal, grasshoppers, tire axels; whatever I need to stop my insides from feeling this in her presence.

  Mace’s body is that of an adult now. I could see her changing over the past year, but seeing her like this is a lot to take in. Her chest is fuller, her hips have shape, and her legs are toned and already tan from being outside this spring. She’s nothing of the little girl I used to know.

  Where did my sweet little ‘Annoying’ go? Because right now I miss the hell out of her, and I want her back.

  Fuckin’ girls. Son of a bitch. Never-will-happen-for-me. A quick thought passes through my head to get myself snipped to avoid the risk of it all together.

  “Sweetheart, you look nice.” Nice, yes nice. That’s fair, formal, and friendly.

  “Are you sure?” She spins quickly in front of me as I divert my eyes. She’s trying to get my honest opinion. If I were to give her that right now, she would freak the fuck out, and Hem would kill me. Doc would just shred my dick, rightly so.

  “Yeah, I’m sure.” I’m no longer looking at her, because she’s running her hands over the tight waist of the dress and checking her cleavage in the floor length mirror that I’m parked next to.

  Go back in the room Mace. Go back and get your baggie clothes on.

  “Sadey, pick a fuckin’ dress and let’s go.”

  Play date at the mall has concluded. I need a drink, or seven.

  I watch Sadey’s face drop in shock at my tone, but I’m not giving in. I can’t. She grabs the four dresses she had stashed to the side and moves to Mace’s changing room. I see this happen, and just as I’m about to let out the breath I’m holding, Mace turns her back to me and starts walking toward the room as well.

  I thought I had hit a twisting low before, but after she turns around and reveals her perfectly toned, athletic, and very grown up ass and all the flesh along her back, that’s when I’m done.

  “Take my card, sign my name, whatever you gotta do, just do it. I’m going to smoke. Meet me outside.”

  She turns and looks at me as if I’ve told her I’m pregnant. Well fuck, I’m just as confused as she is, but about an entirely different happening.

  “Okay,” is her only response - to my back - as I walk away and out the front of the department store.

  We were supposed to stop for shoes and jewelry, but my favor to Lynda and Hem both has been exhausted. They can clear their busy schedules and do this shit.

  ~~~~~

  Once we get back to Lynda’s, I’m carrying in the bags and the girls rush passed me to Mace’s room to begin preparations. I’m about to head to the fridge for a beer when I hear Warren and Lynda arguing about Hem, again. He doesn’t even live here and Warren still torments Lynda by bad mouthing him.

  Once I hit the kitchen, Warren freezes so he can look me up and down. I put my cut back on in the truck. He detests the club, which is exactly why I put it back on before coming in.

  I grab a beer and give Lynda a side hug. She holds me tight, for a second too long, which tells me she’s upset and doesn’t want me to leave. Apparently, I’m sexually frustrated and pent up, so I wait here with her in case he gives me a reason to release some of this like a grown man would, through angry words and a fist, if needed.

  He doesn’t stick around, just walks by me and pauses long enough to say. “Thanks for taking Mace shopping. Would have been nice of her mother to do it, but police frown on drunk driving, don’t they?”

  “Fuckin’ asshole,” is my only response, as I still hold Lynda to my side.

  He walks away, cursing at me under his breath. I hear him talking to Mace in her room, telling her to have fun and stay safe, also giving her cash in case she needs it.

  How the fuck does a man love his daughter the way he does, but have so much disregard for the mother of said child. No idea.

  Lynda breaks my angry thoughts that are directed at Warren. “Shame, we have a problem. Mark’s dad called, said he wasn’t feeling well, so he won’t be taking Mace to the prom tonight.”

  Feigning a look of complete shock and innocence, I gasp. “Seriously? What the fuck?” I’m not a liar, never have been, even in my shit childhood,
so I have to work at this.

  “I was wondering, if it’s not a bother of course, maybe you could take the girls? I know it’s a lot to ask, but Warren is going back to work and moms aren’t welcome at these, but you’re like a brother to her.”

  A brother? Now is that comical after the day I’ve had. The word ‘incest’ in big, bright, bold lettering is causing a sharp pain behind my eyes.

  “Alright.” I’m committed. I thought about taking her after I got rid of shit stain, until I saw her in that dress, anyway.

  Lynda looks so relieved. Glad I could help her, now if I can just find a sack big enough to put Mace in, so I don’t have to look at her until she’s inside the school and away from my eyes.

  Hem’s room hasn’t changed since he moved out. I need a clean shirt, doesn’t have to be much, because I’m wearing my cut and jeans, but it needs to be clean. I shower quickly, talking myself into the fact that I haven’t had sex in nine days and for me that’s a lifetime. After prom though, I’m picking out the next lay and taking my time with her. The shower is cold, and it's helping. I’m good.

  Knowing I’m ready before the girls, I make my way to the kitchen for another beer and find Hem. He looks pissed off and angry. Warren is gone, so I have to assume it’s something else weighing on his mind, and the second he looks my way, I have a bad feeling it’s me.

  “So, Shame, brother, let’s talk.”

  Yep, called it. This outta be good.

  “I ran into Dave Wilson. Do you happen to know who he might be?”

  “Nope. Care to share?”

  “Dave Wilson. He’s friends with Warren. His son, Mark, goes to school with the girls. Does that name ring any bells?”

  Fuck.

  I need time to think about how to explain to Hem why I cancelled Mace’s date, without including the porn and condoms. Hem would go ape shit if he knew that kid was leaning towards making Mace his, in all ways.

  “Name may sound familiar.”

  Hem slams the cabinet door he was rummaging through seconds before and walks to me, stopping just short of my face. Putting his finger on my chest and pressing hard, I allow him to let out his anger.

  “You have to be fuckin’ stupid. You scared the kid until he pissed himself, Shame? Are you shitting me with this? Why? Why the fuck would you get involved with a sixteen year old pimple face like that? Fuck. You’re stirring more shit with Warren and his associates, and it's shit my mother certainly doesn’t need.”

  “Hem, there’s more to it.”

  He takes his finger away from my chest, walking back towards the cabinets while running his hand through his hair. “There’s nothing more to it than you tryin’ to throw down a power play to some teenage boy. Jesus, his father is livid.”

  “Is he going to the dance?”

  “Fuck no. He’s scared shitless.”

  “Then there’s no problem.”

  His eyes bug out of his head, he’s about to blow bits all over Lynda’s red and white kitchen. “What the fuck is your angle? Tell me, ‘cause I’m starting to wonder about your motives with my sister. My sixteen year old sister, Shame!”

  Alright, I’m pissed. Although my feelings for Mace are uncertain and most likely dirty as fuck, no way will I allow Hem to stand here with judgment laced in his tone.

  Now I’m the one walking to him with purpose and pointing at his chest. If he wants to throw down, fine. Let’s throw the fuck down. “His plan was to fuck her. Fuck her, Hem. Is that what you want to know? I heard about the plan; I stopped the plan before it happened. Case closed. I will say though, thanks for thinking so much of me. It doesn’t matter what the fuck I think of Mace ‘cause I did that shit for you as well.”

  He puts his hands up in surrender, so I drop mine to my sides, clenching them into fists.

  “You’re right. I should have asked before I jumped. I let Dave chew my ass for over an hour and accepted blame for no reason, apparently. I shouldn’t have jumped on you.”

  I’m still pissed. I’m pissed at myself for the day I’ve had with Mace, and I’m pissed at that little punk for wanting a piece of her. I’m a fuckin’ hypocrite.

  “Take her, Shame. Make her go and mingle, but watch her. I’ll be at Peril when you’re done. Come on over after, and we’ll have a drink.”

  I nod as I turn around and make my way down the hall to the girls. Time is ticking as fast as my raging pulse. It’s time to go and get this over with.

  Waiting by the door, I can hear Sadey scrambling. Fairly certain I just heard her drop the ‘F’ bomb. Sadey is ready. She thinks she’s not, but she looks beautiful.

  “Sadey, look at you.” I walk to her and lift her chin. She’s stressed over nothing. “You are a God damn sight, aren’t you?”

  She blushes, but doesn’t say anything.

  Mace is still in her closet. I hear her heavy sighs as she shifts through her dress. After my shower, I feel more certain I’m alright about these ‘feelings’ now. Thinking of an adult woman’s mouth, and not a sixteen year olds, around my cock helps too.

  She comes out, and she’s fuckin’ beautiful. Classic unadulterated beauty - all that is Mace. I don’t spend too much time on looking at her for fear my luck using innocent brotherly thoughts will run low.

  “Ready, ladies?” I hold out my elbows to them both, and they giggle. Mace doesn’t look upset at all about Mark cancelling. I’m thankful for this.

  On the way out, we pass Hem, who sits at the kitchen table with a glass of whiskey in hand. His face is set in disgust after his difficult afternoon with a teenage boy’s father. One day I hope he has a girl of his own; he will thank me for what I did for Mace.

  Passing the table, Sadey doesn’t stop to look at Hem. She’s so unsure of herself in that dress she doesn’t want anyone’s eyes on her any longer than necessary, but Hem stops her mid-stride as she attempts to pass him in order to reach the front door.

  “Sugar … you’re… “

  Fuckin’ say it, Hem. Just give her this.

  She turns around to face him, keeping her head down, so she doesn’t have to chance that his reaction doesn’t go in her favor.

  He walks to her anyway though, and lifts her chin, making her look directly at him as he whispers. “Beautiful. Sadey girl, you’re growing up right before my eyes.”

  Immediately a deep blush runs up her neck and her face, giving more away than she would prefer. “Thank you, Hem,” is all she says as she holds her pose.

  Sadey is also classic in her own beauty.

  ~~~~~

  Once I pull the truck up to the school, I see the kids filtering in and let a low growl out. I hate knowing the girls are walking into a mass of teenage boys ready to strike with charm that mask their determination to get into a girl’s pants.

  “Are you coming in?” Mace looks nervous. She sees what I see, and she’s not comfortable with it either, for an entirely different reason.

  “I thought I was waiting in the truck, but if you need me I can go in and check it out.” I changed clothes, ready to be available, if this is what she and Sadey wanted.

  “Can you? I feel stupid without a date.” She reddens at her accidental insinuation that I could be considered her ‘date’.

  Not that this is in any way a good idea, but I want to go in. Let some punk so much as speak to her, I’m not against being more of an ass then I already am.

  I nod, get out, and walk around to get the girls out. Sadey doesn’t wait for us, she sees some of the other kids she knows and rushes to them, leaving a nervous Mace to walk with me.

  “You alright, darlin’?”

  “Yeah, guess so.” She stops and turns into me while looking extremely insecure. “Can we go home? I don’t want to go in.”

  I lean into her, face to face, so she keeps her focus on my words and not the idiots out running around throughout the parking lot. “Mace, you’re going in. You didn’t make me sit in that store for two hours and get dressed up for this just to quit, did you?”


  “No.”

  “Lead the way. If you’re not comfortable after one dance, we’ll go.”

  She gives me a halfhearted. “Alright.” in response.

  ~~~~~

  During the drive home, Mace doesn’t speak to me. Sadey’s dad was picking her up after the dance so he could take some of their friend’s home. The radio is playing, and I can’t think of anything to say, so I let the song play on. The track may not hold meaning, but this night does. She’s a kid; a kid that I’ve loved since the very first day I met her. Her heart is good, her love of others is strong, and mentally I know I’m contemplating taking advantage of that – not now, but I can see the future and she’s in it.

  I shouldn’t have cancelled her date with Menard ... Mason … whatever the fuck his name was.

  Finally, we’re home. I expect her to hop out of the truck, but she stills. She’s looking into her hands, and I’ve got no idea what’s going on in that head of hers. “Goodnight, sweetheart. Remember how much I love your face.”

  Briefly, she closes her eyes and re-opens them. Then she turns her face back to me before putting her hand on the door. She starts to say something, but thinks more of it and stops. Honestly, I don’t want to think about this day again. This whole damn day makes me feel like a perverted bastard.

  Without any further words spoken, she closes the door behind her, and she never looks back. I don’t look away, though. I may not want to think about this day again, but I don’t want to forget how beautiful my girl looked in that dress.

  ~~~~~

  It took me a fuck of a long time, about a year to be exact, to piece together how I felt about Mace at that time. Never admitting anything out loud, I had tried to bury it. She was changing so fast, and I couldn’t stop looking at her differently. I hated myself every damn day for wanting her the way I wanted her. She was carefree, beautiful, and she brought me a calming peace I had never known. I knew Mace loved me. She told me all the time. I never said those words to her, but she knew how I felt regardless.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “He desired her vaguely but without conviction. They walked together. He suddenly realized that she had always been very decent to him. She had accepted him as he was and had spared him a great deal of loneliness. He had been unfair: while his imagination and vanity had given her too much importance, his pride had given her too little. He discovered the cruel paradox by which we always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love -- first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage. Today he understood that she had been genuine with him -- that she had been what she was, and that he owed her a good deal.”