Need You Now

by Ali Parker

  COLTON

  My car sped smoothly along the street of the older, suburban neighborhood. The lanes were wide there, lined with tall trees that formed a canopy above.

  Mottled sunlight shone through and lit the asphalt, but there was enough shade that I removed my sunglasses, despite it being another bright summer’s day. The houses in this part of town were large but old.

  I hadn’t been there in far too long. Guilt swam around inside me, latching onto every organ and drop of blood it found. It shouldn’t have taken my experience with that horse to make me come.

  My thoughts were interrupted when my phone rang. I considered ignoring it, but when I saw it was Ross, I tightened my grip on the steering wheel with one hand and hit the accept button on my console with the other.

  “When are you coming in?” he asked. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  “I’m taking the day off. I emailed HR about it.” I probably should’ve fired off a text to him, but in my haste this morning, I’d forgotten.

  “What?” I heard the frown in his voice. “Why? Are you sick?”

  “Nope. I just have to make a stop somewhere.” And I was nearly there. “What did you need to talk to me about? Can it wait?”

  “Sure,” he grumbled. “There may be a follow-up on that piece you did about the couple who disappeared, but you can check out the tip when you get back from wherever you are.”

  “Yeah, I’ll do that.” If he was referring to the tip I thought he was, I’d already checked it out.

  The psychic had been emailing nonstop. In his last message, he’d threatened to escalate the matter if I didn’t respond. I’d responded, though. Apparently, the guy just didn’t like being told to stop bothering someone. “Is it from a guy who calls him ‘Seer’ something?”

  “Yep. You talk to him already?”

  “I looked him up. He’s a psychic who loves getting his name in the paper whenever someone disappears. There have been over a dozen cases where he’s volunteered his help and given tips just like this one. None of them have resulted in anything.”

  “Should’ve known you were already one step ahead.” He chuckled. “I’ll let the others know we’ve got another attention seeker on our hands. Where are you going today?”

  “I’ve just got a few things to do. Nothing urgent is left on my desk. Don’t worry.”

  He chuckled again. “I wasn’t worried. You’re nothing if not diligent and on the fucking ball. Good luck with your errands. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow.” We ended the call just as I pulled up outside the nursing home.

  It looked more like an old-school-style estate with its sweeping lawns and the heavy, intricate metal gates. They opened silently after I rolled down my window to hit the buzzer. Driving in here always felt like the security was a bit much, but there was good reason for it.

  The gates and doors could hardly be standing open when the residents here could wander out, get lost, and never find their way back.

  A soft sigh escaped me as I drove up to the main building. More tall trees lined the drive, and benches sat underneath the heavy shade they provided. Since it was earlyish in the morning, people milled around on the grass, chatting as they sat on the benches. There was even a yoga class and an art class happening off to either side of me.

  The place cost a fortune, but every cent was worth it. I would spend every dollar I made for the rest of my life on this place as long as my mother was happy and comfortable, receiving the very best care I could afford.

  After I parked, I picked up the bouquet of daisies I’d bought on my way out of the city. I also left my sunglasses behind. Mom was at the beginning stages of dementia, and if she was having a bad day, having half my face covered would only confuse her more.

  Walking over to the sunny patio on the far side of the building, I found her in the spot I knew she liked to have her tea after breakfast. It looked out over a rose garden that was tended to by the residents who liked to garden.

  Everyone there had some form of disease that affected memory. It was a home with specialized nurses and doctors, and although it was subtle, there were safety measures everywhere. Unused plug points were covered up, there were no open bodies of water like ponds or pools, and there was nothing out that could accidentally hurt someone.

  People still had hobbies though, even sick people. Hence the beautiful gardens, art, yoga, and a whole host of other activities.

  Mom looked up when she noticed someone walking toward her, and a wide smile broke out across her face. “Colton, baby. It’s so good to see you.”

  Relief swept through me when she used my name, meaning that today she knew who I was again. “It’s good to see you too, Mom.”

  I bent over to brush a kiss to her papery, wrinkled cheek and breathed in the scent of jasmine. Mom had used the same body cream my entire life, and while everyone had something that would always remind them of home, I couldn’t imagine it being anything other than jasmine.

  “Have you been working too hard again?” she asked as I straightened up, her pale blue eyes all knowing when they met mine. “Don’t tell me. Of course, you have.”

  I laughed before taking the seat across from hers. “I haven’t been working that hard. I actually spent yesterday delivering a baby horse.”

  Confusion knitted her brow, and for a second, I thought she didn’t recognize me anymore, but then she shook her head. “Are you researching a story about ranches or something?”

  “No. I was actually just helping out a friend.”

  She ran her hands over the sides of her dark hair, now shot through with streaks of gray, like she was smoothing it even though it was already smooth. “A lady friend?”

  “Yes, but don’t get excited. She’s just a friend.” After yesterday, I wasn’t even sure she was that. We’d ended on a much better note than we’d started but I still felt like I was missing something. “She works at a veterinary clinic and she invited me to help out on a farm. It was quite something.”

  “You always did love farms.” A fond smile touched her lips. “Do you remember that boy? The one who used to have the green kite?”

  “Ross.” I sighed softly. She’d never forgotten his name before. “Yeah, I remember him. We work together now.”

  “Do you?” she asked, clearly surprised. Then her eyes widened and she blinked. “I knew that. Didn’t I?”

  I still didn’t really know how to handle it when this happened. Maybe that was why I stopped coming out here at least three times a week. The doctors assured me that interacting with her when she knew she was forgetting things would become easier, but it hadn’t so far.

  In fact, it felt like it was just getting more and more difficult, especially because it felt like it was becoming more and more difficult for her.

  “Everything’s going to be okay, Mom,” I said eventually. “You did know that we work together, but it’s not a big deal. You remember his green kite, didn’t you?”

  “Yes.” She smiled again, but it was more forced this time. “How old were you when he had that kite?”

  “Around thirteen.” Which meant her memory had regressed more since I’d last seen her. Although I also knew it didn’t necessarily work that way. It fucking sucked that she was sick.

  I dropped my elbows on my knees and settled in for my visit, forcing a wide grin when I met her eyes. “Want to hear about the foal I helped to deliver? It was the most amazing thing I’ve experienced in a long time.”

  “I’d love to hear about it.” She sipped her tea, engrossed in my story even though I could tell she was still worried about having forgotten Ross’s name.

  Animatedly telling her about the delivery in the hopes of distracting her, I described the foal and how it had stood up so soon after being born. Mom asked questions here and there, but she was quieter now than she used to be.

  A couple of hours later, the nurse came to tell us it was time to go to the dining hall. She nodded pol
itely at me when I asked if we could have a minute to say goodbye. “I’ll walk her to lunch. We’ll be there in just a few minutes.”

  “We’re eating outside today,” she said before going to round up another patient.

  I helped Mom up and tucked her frail hand into the crook of my elbow, walking at her pace as we took a stroll through the garden in the direction of their outside dining area. She rested her head lightly against my arm.

  “Thank you for coming to see me, Colton. I know it’s not fun for you to come out here.”

  “Nonsense.” I dropped a kiss on top of her head. “Thank you for doing everything you’ve done for me, for taking care of me all by yourself, and for always encouraging me to pursue my dreams.”

  “Anytime, my darling.” She lifted her head when we stopped outside the open-sided building filled with large round tables and a buffet.

  Mostly only people in the beginning stages of their diseases ate out there. The facility catered to everyone, from those who had been recently diagnosed to those who had been unable to leave their beds for years.

  I was really fucking happy Mom was still among those who ate there. Wrapping her up in a hug, I held on to her for a few seconds longer before letting her go.

  “I’ll come back soon, okay?” I promised her.

  She nodded, then gave me a wave and headed for a table filled with a few people I knew she’d made friends with. For a minute, I stood there with my hands in my pockets and watched her laugh with them.

  My heart already ached over the thought of having to leave her, but as much as I wanted to take her home, I knew she was better off in the home. We’d tried having her live with me for a while, but it didn’t work.

  She needed the nurses and more care already than I could provide at home. While it made me sick to have to leave her, I knew I had to suck it up. I would do better this time, though. Visit her again sooner.

  I had to. For her sake as well as for my own, I needed to see her as much as I could while she still knew who I was. I’d keep coming to see her after that, of course, but I needed to make memories with her now. While we could both still hang onto them.

  Chapter 17

  HAVEN

  Kayla sat crossed-legged on the grass with a litter of little fluffballs using her as their jungle gym. I sat across from her, but since I’d just given them their vaccinations, they were steering clear of me for the moment.

  There was a blissful smile on her face as she cuddled one. “Aren’t you just the cutest? Oh, I’m going to miss you once you go to your new home.”

  “Let’s hope their new parents keep bringing them to us.” I held my hand out to one curious little one who was sniffing around me. “That’s right. You’ll tell them you want to keep coming to visit us, won’t you?”

  The puppy bounced and came to crawl into my lap. I grinned down at him, immediately indulging his request for a tummy scratch. “I’m taking that as a yes, little guy. No backsies allowed.”

  His tail wagged but that was the only answer I got from him. Kayla lay back with her hands below her head, closing her eyes under the warm morning sun.

  “Speaking of saying yes to things, did you end up going out with Colton the other night? He didn’t make it clear that no backsies were allowed, so I’ve been wondering if you bailed on him.”

  “I didn’t bail.” I still didn’t know why I hadn’t. “We went to get a burger. Nothing else happened. He took me home after we ate and told me we’d talk soon.”

  “And?” She propped herself up on her elbows to look at me while also lifting her chin to keep the puppy on her chest from licking her mouth. “Have you spoken to him since?”

  “We’ve texted.” Another puppy wandered over to me, and I adjusted his brother’s position in my lap to make space for him. Kayla kept her gaze on me and made a rolling motion with her finger to indicate she wanted me to elaborate. “What else do you want me to say? We went out again and we’ve been talking.”

  “Yeah, I got that part. The question is why you’re still texting with him. I’m assuming things went well on your date, but last I heard, you were planning on telling him you couldn’t see him again.”

  “That was the plan.” I paused to take a deep breath and release it through my nostrils. “But plans change.”

  She arched a perfectly plucked eyebrow at me. “They don’t change without a reason.”

  “No, they don’t,” I agreed before tipping my head back to get some sunshine on my own face. I wasn’t trying to be evasive with her. I just hadn’t quite figured out what to do about him. “There’s more to him than I originally thought, and now that I’ve seen that, I don’t know if I want to tell him I can’t see him again.”

  “Guys like that can say all the pretty words and not mean a single one of them,” she said, the edge of a warning in her tone. “That being said, I don’t really know him. I’m making the assumption that he’s a guy like that because of the article he wrote, but from what I’ve seen, he doesn’t come across that way.”

  “I know.” One of the puppies got off my lap and went sniffing around the grass again. Kayla and I watched them in silence while I ordered my thoughts. “That’s my problem too. I saw another side of him over dinner and even when he came to help us out. A deeper, much more compassionate side. What I don’t understand is how a person like that could write something as inflammatory and downright mean as he did.”

  “Have you tried asking him?” She held up a hand when I opened my mouth to reply. “Hear me out. Does he know that you know who he is? That he wrote that article?”

  “No.” I should’ve told him, but I just didn’t know how. I’m still so angry about what he’d written, and I desperately wanted answers, but a part of me was also afraid of getting them. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all.”

  “Have you told him you’re the owner of the clinic he badmouthed?” she asked. “You might not have to wrap your head around it. You could simply tell him, explain your donation like you did to me, and ask him to retract.”

  I chewed the inside of my cheek. Logically, I knew she was right. If the whole thing led to us blowing up at each other, it was better that it happened now instead of later.

  Emotionally, though, I just couldn’t get myself to do it. “What if I tell him and he publishes something awful about me again? What if he makes me out as some kind of floozie who slept with him to try to get him to retract? I’ve just moved to town. I don’t know if I could deal with something like that.”

  “Do you really think he’d do that?” Her eyes narrowed. “He showed up here and asked you out. It’s not like you went to seek him out or seduced him for ulterior motives.”

  “You and I know that, but that article he published was so outrageous that I honestly don’t know what to think about what he might do when he finds out. I don’t want to believe Colton would do it, but C Stark? I’m pretty sure he would.”

  “I guess I understand that.” She sighed and ran her fingers through her long locks, separating them into portions before braiding them together. “We also still don’t know why he showed up here. It couldn’t have been a coincidence. Not after what he wrote.”

  “I’ve been waiting for him to ask me about the clinic, but he still hasn’t said anything.” I blew out a breath. “It makes me wonder whether he’s biding his time or if he’s trying to win my trust first.”

  “You’ve really not told him anything about who you are or what you really do here?”

  “I haven’t needed to. He hasn’t asked me anything about the company or my role in it. I’d like to think I’d have been honest with him if he asked, but it’s really never come up.”

  Her green eyes met mine. “Should we be considering the possibility that he really did ask you out just to spend time with you? That nothing about his relationship with you is connected to that article at all?”

  “I don’t know. This is all just so much more complicated than I’m used to dealing with. I don’t k
now what to think or what to do.”

  “But you like him?” There was no judgment in her voice.

  I shrugged and eventually nodded. “The sides of himself that I’ve seen in person? Yes, I like those. I really like that guy, but the mind behind those lies? I hate that guy.”

  “We all have more than one side of ourselves. Our friends get one side, and our family might get the same or another. Then when it comes to work, it’s someone else again.”

  “Sure, I agree, but there has to be a golden thread, right? You can’t be the best and the worst person in the world all rolled into one.”

  “No, but you can be the best and the worst of yourself at different times. We’re all like that.” She smiled in an attempt to lighten the moment. “With me, for instance, you wouldn’t believe the screaming matches I’ve had with my mother. I’m not always this sweet.”

  Her confession made me laugh, but it didn’t last very long. “What would you do? If you liked and hated the same guy, would you have kept on seeing him?”

  She hesitated for a long time before she gave me her answer. “If I really liked him and I thought he had redeeming qualities to make up for that other guy who lives inside him, then yes. I’d at least have gotten to know him. You’ll never find out who he really is if you never see him again.”

  “I don’t know if I want to find out who he really is. What if he’s the mean, ruthless asshole who wrote that article?”

  “Then you kick him to the curb as soon as you know.” She lifted the shoulder with the braid hanging over it.

  “And in the meantime? What am I supposed to do?”

  A light flush spread across her cheeks and she gave me a coy smile. “Whatever the hell you want. Isn’t that what dating is all about? You never really know who the person is until you find out.”

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked when her smile didn’t drop and the flush deepened. “I get the feeling there was more to that sentence than that.”

  “There was, but you’re still my boss, and I’m worried about way overstepping the boundaries here.”