Need You Now

by Ali Parker

  I rolled my eyes. “I think we’re way past that.”

  “Then here’s the rest of it. You do whatever the hell you want. If you end up in bed with him again, at least you’ll get a few orgasms out of the deal. Hopefully. But my point is to just not overthink it. Do what feels good and right in the moment. The rest will follow. Everyone has their secrets, Haven, and no one bares all on the first few dates.”

  I nodded, teeth sinking into the back of my lip as I thought. “You’re right. Colton is more than just the guy who wrote the article. There’s no reason for him to have told me about it at all if he’s not just using me for information. Maybe he even secretly hates his job.”

  She laughed. “I wouldn’t go so far as to hope for that, but if it ever comes up, ask him outright. Look him in the eyes and demand an explanation. Until then, if you like him so much, see how it goes. There’s no reason not to.”

  The puppies’ owner came to fetch them after that, and Kayla and I both got a bit misty eyed as we watched them leave. When I got back to my office, I asked Mae what she thought about Kayla’s plan.

  Her big brown eyes met mine, but she didn’t give me any kind of response. Not even a wag of her tail or one of her signature smiles. She simply nuzzled my hand before getting up and heading off in the direction of the garden.

  My mind raced as I sat down in my chair, and I did my best to sort through all my thoughts. It was the only way I was going to be able to come to a decision about this.

  Everything I’d seen from Colton so far had shown me glimpses of the man he was. Even the article.

  If it hadn’t been about my family, would I have been placing so much emphasis on it? Hell no. I probably wouldn’t have thought much about it at all, if I’d even read it to begin with.

  As it was, it had only caught my eye because it referenced a donor at a fundraiser I’d been a part of. What he wrote was terrible, and the ethics of the way he did it was a mess, but there were so many possible explanations for it.

  If I was being completely honest with myself, it was becoming more and more difficult to hold it against him. There had been no further mention of the whole fiasco, from him or the paper, and while I’d emailed about an apology again, it seemed to have died a quiet death.

  It hadn’t impacted the clinic at all in terms of clientele. All my customers still came and I’d even gained a few new ones.

  Maybe holding one article against him and ignoring the obvious connection between us just because of it was childish. It was sure starting to feel that way.

  Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I picked up my phone and opened our texts. In this last week since we’d started messaging one another regularly, he’d made me laugh, open up, gotten me all hot and bothered, and made me feel all warm inside.

  I woke up to him saying good morning and fell asleep to a good night. We just clicked.

  I couldn’t ignore that connection. It was impossible. I was pretty sure anyone who had experienced that true feeling of effortlessly clicking with someone in every way would agree with me.

  So fuck it. I was done with always doing what was logical and safe. It was time for me to do a little bit of living, and if I wanted to do it with a guy who I also intensely disliked on some level? Who cares? Not me. Not anymore.

  Just this once, I was going to put myself out there and hope it ended well. If it didn’t, I’d just have to lick my wounds and get over it, just like every other person who’d ever been disappointed by a lover. I was sure there were millions upon millions. If they could get through it, so could I.

  Before I could change my mind and fall back into my very comfortable comfort zone, I typed up a text and sent it off, then waited with shaky hands for his reply.

  Me: Hey, you. Want to meet up for a night hike later?

  Colton: I thought you’d never ask. I’m in.

  The smile that spread on my face at his reply was absolutely ridiculous, and yet I couldn’t wipe it off for the rest of the day.

  Chapter 18

  COLTON

  The blue truck was parked at the bottom of the path Haven had suggested when I got there. Since she was sitting on the tailgate scrolling through her phone, I concluded that it had to be hers.

  For some reason, even her choice in vehicle turned me on. She was such a petite woman—curvy as fuck but petite—that I could just imagine the look on the salesperson’s face when she told them what she wanted.

  The midnight-blue monstrosity suited her. It was bold and didn’t make any excuses for being what it was—just like her. And her dog, for that matter. She was a strong, confident woman and everything about her seemed to reflect that.

  It was something I really liked about her. She didn’t put on any airs or graces, she worked hard, and she was obviously up for a challenge.

  The trail she’d chosen to hike—at night, no less—was known to be one of the more strenuous ones. It was supposed to be a beautiful walk, and I could only imagine the views as the sun set, but it wasn’t for the fainthearted or unfit.

  Haven grinned when she saw me driving up, hopped off the back of the truck, slammed it shut, and grabbed a small backpack. I parked beside her, hoisted my own pack from the passenger seat, and got out.

  “I’m so glad you contacted me,” I said. “I was starting to wonder if we were going to become nothing more than pen pals.”

  Her brown eyes shone in the warm, late afternoon light. “I think I’d make an excellent pen pal.”

  “You would, but it’s nice to see you in person.” We had been sending messages almost every day, but we hadn’t quite progressed to sending pictures.

  In the few short days it had been since I last saw her, it was like she’d become even more beautiful. Dressed in black and hot-pink athletic shorts that clung to her like it had been molded to her body and a pink crop top with a black sports bra visible underneath, she looked like she should be on the cover of a lifestyle magazine aimed at men.

  Skimpy swimwear was sexy, but this was better precisely for what it didn’t overtly show. Since I knew what she was hiding under there, it was doubly hot.

  Her eyes dragged over my frame from head to toe and came back up at the same time mine did. The barest hint of a smirk played on her lips. “It’s nice to see you in person too. Your texts really don’t do you justice.”

  I laughed. “I was thinking the same thing. Next time we go a few days without seeing each other, I think we should definitely upgrade our relationship to the level where sending pictures is appropriate.”

  “Our relationship, huh?” Her voice was teasing, but there was a flash of something darker in her eyes before she tilted her head in the direction of the path. “Let’s see if you can keep up first. Then we can discuss upgrading relationship levels.”

  “I’ll keep up,” I said confidently. Looking around, I realized there weren’t many other cars left in the lot. “Doesn’t look like a lot of other people feel like they’ll be able to keep up.”

  She shrugged, lifting her hands to her ponytail and tugging at the strands to tighten it. “It’s not one of the more popular routes at night. If we can make it up to the top before sunset, the view is incredible, but most people think it’s too treacherous to come back down in the dark.”

  “Really?”

  She nodded. “Don’t worry, though. I know this trail like the back of my hand. You’ll be safe with me.”

  Another laugh came out of me. “I wasn’t worried, but thanks for the reassurance.”

  We started up the dirt path, and I quickly realized why people wouldn’t want to navigate it much at night. There were a lot of rocks, the towering trees would block out most moonlight, and low-hanging branches meant getting knocked out if we weren’t careful.

  A quick glance at Haven told me she really wasn’t worried about any of this. There was a serene smile on her lips as we started ascending, passing only two other couples who were on their way down.

  “I thought you said you’d only been
in town a couple of months. How is it that you know this trail so well? Do you and Mae come here often?”

  She shook her head, glancing over her shoulder at me from where she walked a few paces ahead. “I haven’t had the guts to bring her yet. Can you imagine trying to keep up with that beast over these rocks?”

  I narrowed my eyes at the uneven surface just as I had to climb over another boulder. “Now that you mention it, I think it might be dangerous to your health to bring her here.”

  “My thoughts exactly.” She smiled. “How’s Tiger doing? Have you two reached a truce yet?”

  “Sort of. It’s going much better, but we’re both stubborn.” I raked a hand through my hair to get the annoying piece of it that always fell forward off my forehead. “At least I’m no longer considering returning him.”

  “That’s good news.” The sound of her easy laughter was like music to my ears. “I’d never have let you return him for real, though.”

  “I never would’ve returned him for real,” I said, actually meaning it, “but the threats helped us bond. He’s become a much better listener.”

  “I’m happy for you two. I’m also happy to hear I’m not the only nutcase on this trail right now who talks to her dog and thinks a dog can be a good listener.”

  “It helps that they can’t interrupt, but not so much that they can and do walk away just when you’re really getting into it.”

  Another laugh. “Yeah, they have a knack for getting up at the worst times. One second, I’ll be spilling my deepest secrets, and the next, Mae will be rushing outside to do her business. It’s frustrating.”

  We lapsed into an amicable silence as we walked, side by side now. I climbed up another rock and held out my hand to help her over. She didn’t insist she could do it herself, even though we both knew she could.

  “Thanks,” she said, suddenly lifting her eyes to mine. Our faces were inches apart, and the proximity of her lips to mine wasn’t lost on me.

  A bird cawing in the distance broke the moment just when I was about to kiss her. We carried on with the trail as if nothing had happened. Her fingers brushed against the backs of mine more often now though, and eventually, I just took her hand.

  She let out a soft sigh, tightening her grip as we slowed our pace. “I used to walk here all the time when I was younger. I love everything about this path.”

  “It is gorgeous,” I agreed. “Were your parents hikers?”

  “Not out of choice.” She squeezed my hand. “All that stuff you said the last time we had dinner, was it true?”

  I frowned. “Yes, of course. Why?”

  “Do lots of people know about it?”

  “No.” I glanced at her, then pulled her to a stop as we crested a hill. We were by no means at the top of the trail, but the view was already pretty spectacular.

  A full moon was rising, a crisp, glowing light appearing above the towering treetops and between two mountain peaks on the other side of the valley. It was the kind of scene that would make it into a brochure for the city, and yet I barely noticed it.

  Standing in front of Haven with her slightly flushed face, parted lips, and wide eyes, I didn’t want to look away from her for long enough to take in the scenery around us.

  “There’s only one other person in this world I’ve been as honest with as I was with you that night, and not even he knows the full extent of it. Ross is my best friend, but he’ll never really understand how close I came to devoting myself completely and totally to Noelle. As young as we were and as much as I would’ve regretted it, I was ready to marry her before the fall semester of freshman year was over. You’re the only person who I’ve ever spelled it out to in so many words and who I think actually gets it.”

  “Why me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

  I looked from one of her eyes to the other. “I don’t know. There’s just something about you that I feel connected to.”

  “I feel the same way, but that might just make both of us sound insane. This is only technically our third date, and there’s so much we don’t know about each other.”

  I lifted my chin, my hands running up and down her arms. “What do you want to know about me? Ask me and I’ll tell you.”

  “I have so many questions.” She said it so softly it was almost like she was speaking to herself. Then she blinked a faraway look out of her eyes and brought them back to mine. “You’ve opened up to me about a very real part of yourself that not many people know about. I’d like to do the same.”

  I wanted to say something, but I had no idea what. Haven bit into the corner of her lip, tipped her head back to look directly into my eyes, and then shocked the shit out of me.

  “My family was homeless for a while. This path was one of the places that sheltered us.” There was no shame in her expression, nor should there have been. Even so, I saw how hard it was for her to tell me.

  Whether or not she was ashamed of it, she clearly didn’t much like to talk about it.

  “That’s why you know this trail so well. You lived here.”

  She nodded and swept an arm out, motioning at a cluster of rocks set off to the side of the hill. “Welcome to our living room. While other families were watching TV together, this was where we would be.”

  I looked around us, taking it all in before giving her a much gentler smile than I’d given anyone in a very long time. “I’d love to see it.”

  “Sometimes, we’d just sit right up here, but those rocks almost form a sort of cave. They protected us from the elements more than once. We used to sit in there and talk, watching the moon and the stars instead of a television.”

  I was blown away, almost unable to believe what she was saying. But I heard the honesty of her words and saw it on her face. “As fucked up as it might sound, that actually sounds kind of nice right about now.”

  “Then let me show you around.” She chuckled softly. “I never thought I’d bring anyone up here with me.”

  Her statement made me pause. “At the risk of stealing your earlier question, why me?”

  Her warm brown eyes looked almost black in the low light, glittering when they met mine. “Can I steal your answer then? I honestly don’t know. I feel like we’ve clicked, and even though I’m not entirely sure who you are, I want to get to know you. You opened up to me. I open up to you. That’s how getting to know a person works, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, I guess it is.” I took her hand again, winding our fingers together and holding on tight.

  Haven led the way over to the rocks, then crawled between two of them into an opening in the middle.

  There was a flattish slab over half the top. Although it wouldn’t protect against a raging storm, it did provide some cover.

  My heart twisted when I thought about a young Haven cowering in there when it rained or, God forbid, snowed. There was a smile on her face when she turned to face the valley again, though. She seemed surprisingly at peace with this part of her history.

  I found myself wanting to know more, craving a glimpse of where she’d come from. She sat down on the ground with her arms looped around her knees, and I went to fit myself behind her.

  She leaned back into me.

  “Tell me what it was like living here,” I said quietly, focusing on the darker spots on the surface of the moon as it made its way up in front of us. “In a way, I think you were lucky. There aren’t many kids who get to fall asleep to a view like this.”

  Chapter 19

  HAVEN

  Hearing the same words I’d thought to myself so many times being spoken out loud by Colton of all people was slightly jarring. Somehow, though, it made me even more comfortable with him.

  When I’d first decided that I wanted to tell him about my history with this particular trail, I was scared that he might pity me. Judge me. I should’ve known he wouldn’t react that way, though.

  Instead, his reaction was everything I could’ve wanted and nothing I would’ve dared dream could happen. He a
ccepted it, accepted me, with ease.

  Without suddenly looking at me differently or immediately asking how my parents could’ve made us live up here, he’d simply accepted it. Then he’d asked to be invited in.

  I leaned with my head against his shoulder and, for the first time in a long time, really opened up to someone. In that moment, it didn’t matter that he’d written a stupid article spewing lies. I’d made my decision regarding that, and I wasn’t going back on it now.

  Jumping headfirst into some of my most precious yet painful memories seemed like a drastic way of proving to myself that I was really giving us a chance, and yet sharing with him felt good.

  “Do you miss her?” I asked after filling him in about the week we had lived in this very spot. “Your ex. You seemed pretty passionate when you were talking about her earlier.”

  He chuckled, the sound reverberating through my chest. That was how tightly we were pressed together. “I don’t miss her. I’m not sure I ever really did. I think I just missed the future I thought she represented at the time. If I sounded passionate, it wasn’t because of her. It was because of what I was saying.”

  He spoke with such conviction that there was no doubt left in my mind that, while his ex had hurt him, he wasn’t pining for her anymore. It was a silly thing to have had lingering in the back of my mind since our last dinner—especially considering the much bigger issue between us—but I’d wanted to be sure.

  There was no point trying to figure out who he was and all that if he was emotionally unavailable to anyone but some girl from his past. “Do you think she hurt you so badly that you’ll never be able to move on?”

  “Never.” His voice was low and rumbling when it came out again. “I might not know what the future holds for me anymore, but I obviously never did. Doesn’t mean I don’t have one.”

  “You really believe that?” I asked.